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Hollie Leavitt

RP.... I don't get it

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I've only recently been going on SL inworld, mainly to take pictures, sort my crazy inventory... nothing overly exciting. I happened to meet someone who instantly asks me to be his gf, so I play along.. why not? In the span of a week, the L word has been said, I have been introduced to his SL aunt or second mom or whatever, and I have now met his SL sister. I'm starting to feel a little baffled at this point... I mean, what is going on? And what are the rules here?

More specifically, I am trying to figure out:
- Are we all just playing characters here and is this all just a game? How serious is it?
- How engrossed is everyone in the characters they are playing, and to that effect, what is the appropriate level of separation to have between the RP and RL?
This question comes to mind because in the RP that I have accidentally found myself in, I have actually been asked questions about my RL, such as where I am from and how old I am... but then, all the rest that is happening seems to be so far from reality. No one seems to be explicitly spelling out the boundaries... so how does everyone get on the same page about how much of their real lives they bring into SL and how much they leave out? (or did I miss that meeting!?)
- This SL family spends a whole lot of time together at events... daily... it makes me wonder how they manage to maintain their RL relationships at all. Particularly the SL mom and SL dad - they're so involved in their SL marriage, while I'm trying to work out whether or not this is real for them.. and how they're able to love their RL wife/hubby and love their SL wife/hubby at the same time? Clearly there is something I am not quite understanding.

If I ever found myself in a confusing situation IRL, I'd just ask the people involved... but I don't want to accidentally disrupt their RP by bombarding them with questions about their RL and their RP characters.. so I defer to you all.

While I know you won't be able to answer for the SL family I have, please share your thoughts on your own experiences and how you approach your RP in SL, and what it means for you, what rules you follow, where you draw the line between RL and SL.. Do you talk about your RL at all? Is it real for you or are you constantly aware of the fact that you are just playing?

Sorry in advance for the super long post!... and thanks!

Edited by Hollie Leavitt
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13 minutes ago, Hollie Leavitt said:

I've only recently been going on SL inworld, mainly to take pictures, sort my crazy inventory... nothing overly exciting. I happened to meet someone who instantly asks me to be his gf, so I play along.. why not? In the span of a week, the L word has been said, I have been introduced to his SL aunt or second mom or whatever, and I have now met his SL sister. I'm starting to feel a little baffled at this point... I mean, what is going on? And what are the rules here?

More specifically, I am trying to figure out:
- Are we all just playing characters here and is this all just a game? How serious is it?
- How engrossed is everyone in the characters they are playing, and to that effect, what is the appropriate level of separation to have between the RP and RL?
This question comes to mind because in the RP that I have accidentally found myself in, I have actually been asked questions about my RL, such as where I am from and how old I am... but then, all the rest that is happening seems to be so far from reality. No one seems to be explicitly spelling out the boundaries... so how does everyone get on the same page about how much of their real lives they bring into SL and how much they leave out?
- This SL family spends a whole lot of time together at events... daily... it makes me wonder how they manage to maintain their RL relationships at all. Particularly the SL mom and SL dad - they're so involved in their SL marriage, while I'm trying to work out whether or not this is real for them.. and how they're able to love their RL wife/hubby and love their SL wife/hubby at the same time? Clearly there is something I am not quite understanding.

If I ever found myself in a confusing situation IRL, I'd just ask the people involved... but I don't want to accidentally disrupt their RP by bombarding them with questions about their RL and their RP characters.. so I defer to you all.

While I know you won't be able to answer for the SL family I have, please share your thoughts on your own experiences and how you approach your RP in SL, and what it means for you, what rules you follow, where you draw the line between RL and SL.. Do you talk about your RL at all? Is it real for you or are you constantly aware of the fact that you are just playing?

Sorry in advance for the super long post!... and thanks!

its a chat - game where you just chat but th e bonus is almost real cgi adult situations where you cn even get pregnant on purpose or  by accdnt i found that out cuz 1 of my gf/wives got preg by a werewolf an she dont even have a hud for it  oh an if you meet any sl vampires just ignore them and leave they seem to be insane with the whole vampire thing an nag you alot

Edited by Quinn Lysette
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My avatar is a vessel that my heart mind and soul inhabits while I am in SL. Having said that I personally don't rp. I simply exist in SL as I do in RL.

I also make it clear that I have a partner in RL and that any relationships I develop in here, and even any feelings that develop (yes even romantic love) will never be allowed to jeopardize what I have in RL.

Many people throw the love word very casually and if after knowing me for a day they tell me they love me I of course reply oh I love you too.

My SL partner on the other hand says all of SL is rp but as long as she keeps coming back to me I shouldn't worry about it.

We talk about our real lives all the time, good and bad, but neither of us has the slightest desire to be together in RL.

This probably won't help answer your question much, but I just thought I'd share.

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2 minutes ago, Quinn Lysette said:

its a chat - game where you just chat but th e bonus is almost real cgi adult situations where you cn even get pregnant on purpose or  by accdnt i found that out cuz 1 of my gf/wives got preg by a werewolf an she dont even have a hud for it  oh an if you meet any sl vampires just ignore them and leave they seem to be insane with the whole vampire thing an nag you alot

She got pregnant!?!? By accident!? ?

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For me, I won't let SL interfere with RL. I will talk about my RL in SL, but it is limited, if I have a bad day at work, I have no problem tell someone here that fact. I mean if my stress level cause me to make some rude snappy comment at least they will know why, and hopefully not take it personal. I won't share details that might allow someone to figure out where I work, or where I live, or how to contact me in RL, If someone presses me I will either block them, or just lie to them, I figure anyone who won't take no for an answer doesn't deserve the truth. I went through a few boyfriends, each one made me fell a little uneasy, but then I found my current partner, who has a philosophy of SL much like mine, who is also in a RL relationship he cherishes, and the two of us hold each others RL lives as sacred as we hold our own. He is my SL husband but he doesn't threaten my RL relationship, but actually supports it.

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2 minutes ago, Phorumities said:

My avatar is a vessel that my heart mind and soul inhabits while I am in SL. Having said that I personally don't rp. I simply exist in SL as I do in RL.

I also make it clear that I have a partner in RL and that any relationships I develop in here, and even any feelings that develop (yes even romantic love) will never be allowed to jeopardize what I have in RL.

Many people throw the love word very casually and if after knowing me for a day they tell me they love me I of course reply oh I love you too.

My SL partner on the other hand says all of SL is rp but as long as she keeps coming back to me I shouldn't worry about it.

We talk about our real lives all the time, good and bad, but neither of us has the slightest desire to be together in RL.

This probably won't help answer your question much, but I just thought I'd share.

Any perspective is helpful, so thank you. My scenario would be a lot less confusing if the boundaries were set, similar to the way you do by making certain things clear from the start.

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I find family roleplay to be absolutly creepy and cringy. The people involved are usually in that grey area, were they sort of play and sort of work towards not playing anymore, but fooling themselves into thinking all of this is real.

I prefer to stick to clearly defined roleplay settings with deliberatly crafted characters, instead of this muddy mix of everything.

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1 minute ago, Syo Emerald said:

I find family roleplay to be absolutly creepy and cringy.

Like in the movie “The People Under the Stairs”, where the bad guys called each other “mommy and daddy” (creepy) but were actually brother and sister (more creepy). There are many levels of creepy.

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Oh the love word, I used to avoid it like it was poison, but then I started to realize that no one here actual knows me enough to really love me, so it is just a lie used to get what they want, so I just lie back to them to try to get what I want.

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1 minute ago, Talligurl said:

Oh the love word, I used to avoid it like it was poison, but then I started to realize that no one here actual knows me enough to really love me, so it is just a lie used to get what they want, so I just lie back to them to try to get what I want.

Haha.. I love it!

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2 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

Oh the love word, I used to avoid it like it was poison, but then I started to realize that no one here actual knows me enough to really love me, so it is just a lie used to get what they want, so I just lie back to them to try to get what I want.

Love this!

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42 minutes ago, Syo Emerald said:

I find family roleplay to be absolutly creepy and cringy. The people involved are usually in that grey area, were they sort of play and sort of work towards not playing anymore, but fooling themselves into thinking all of this is real.

I prefer to stick to clearly defined roleplay settings with deliberatly crafted characters, instead of this muddy mix of everything.

It wasn’t always a creepy kind of thing. My first couple of years on SL, I had a family and it was nothing sexual about it. I had a mom and dad, different brothers and sisters. I even had my own room and could Rez stuff. They would do little events, where we’d all just hang out. 

Eventually, the mother and father fell out in RL and the whole thing fell apart. I think they just liked having people around. Maybe I just got lucky.

The good thing about it, it was sort of like an anchor...a center point. Somewhere between that point and now things got a little more towards the creepy side. 

I still have a sister, but it’s not the same as back then. We’re more like “Two dope Queens” when we’re together. Maybe I’m looking at the past through rose colored lenses. It was more about belonging somewhere, but loose enough where you could do your own thing.

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2 hours ago, janetosilio said:

It wasn’t always a creepy kind of thing. My first couple of years on SL, I had a family and it was nothing sexual about it. I had a mom and dad, different brothers and sisters. I even had my own room and could Rez stuff. They would do little events, where we’d all just hang out. 

Eventually, the mother and father fell out in RL and the whole thing fell apart. I think they just liked having people around. Maybe I just got lucky.

The good thing about it, it was sort of like an anchor...a center point. Somewhere between that point and now things got a little more towards the creepy side. 

I still have a sister, but it’s not the same as back then. We’re more like “Two dope Queens” when we’re together. Maybe I’m looking at the past through rose colored lenses. It was more about belonging somewhere, but loose enough where you could do your own thing.

Thanks for sharing. I think if the family I fell into was anything similar to the one you described, perhaps I wouldn't feel so disoriented!

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3 hours ago, Hollie Leavitt said:

While I know you won't be able to answer for the SL family I have, please share your thoughts on your own experiences and how you approach your RP in SL, and what it means for you, what rules you follow, where you draw the line between RL and SL.. Do you talk about your RL at all? Is it real for you or are you constantly aware of the fact that you are just playing?

Heh.. been there too. I went into such situations thinking it's purely roleplay and got a surprise when I found out how much it crossed over to RL for some people. However, I figured I'd just be true to what I want, and be upfront if it's just roleplay for me. Bow out of the interpersonal drama as much as I can. I found it also helped to set some boundaries like, I am only in RP mode when on a RP sim, and when I am off shopping, exploring or whatever, that is my own time, out of character. As for RL talk, I generally only did that with people who became out of character friends, often people I had known for some time (like a year or more). Some people didn't like that approach but, eh.. I am here for my own fun not theirs. ?

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The "SL family" thing has always been so vast in definition to me, but I think, from my observation of SL residents, I've narrowed this subject down to these two things (with room to say both can be blended together to make even more categoties):

-Some people want "family" similar to how they have them in RL, and for the most part, in SL, it just becomes some prestigious title and everyone just kind of sits around SL "hanging out", or "rping", however they have decided to do this, just talking away with no care in the world and are totally happy. This at times has it's own weird lines that are defined, or not defined, but crossed either way in all sorts of topics, RL included--and that itself varies from family to family I think.

-Some people want actual, full on RP mode where "family life" is the theme. What boundaries there are, I assume, are generally defined per person in regards to what they will RP similar to how other RP subjects/plots have "rules to the RP story". And for the most part, I think those that fall in this category only really share RL to those close to them in a friendship sort of way--OOCly and as if that person was never even involved in the RP and just another close SL friend.

And neither of these two categories is right or wrong but purely preference, as all things in SL are. 

So, i would suggest to anyone in your situation, OP, to maybe decide what your personal boundaries are and express them as best you can to the family you're in. I would also even suggest asking, at least, your main connection to the family, which is the SL lover, what the family's preferences and limits are--if you would rather not try and ask the family members themselves. 

Once you know all of that or most of that, decide for yourself where you may compromise if you feel the need to do so and if not, then just don't feel pressured to do what you don't want to do.

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8 hours ago, Hollie Leavitt said:

I've only recently been going on SL inworld, mainly to take pictures, sort my crazy inventory... nothing overly exciting. I happened to meet someone who instantly asks me to be his gf, so I play along.. why not? In the span of a week, the L word has been said, I have been introduced to his SL aunt or second mom or whatever, and I have now met his SL sister. I'm starting to feel a little baffled at this point... I mean, what is going on? And what are the rules here?

More specifically, I am trying to figure out:
- Are we all just playing characters here and is this all just a game? How serious is it?
- How engrossed is everyone in the characters they are playing, and to that effect, what is the appropriate level of separation to have between the RP and RL?
This question comes to mind because in the RP that I have accidentally found myself in, I have actually been asked questions about my RL, such as where I am from and how old I am... but then, all the rest that is happening seems to be so far from reality. No one seems to be explicitly spelling out the boundaries... so how does everyone get on the same page about how much of their real lives they bring into SL and how much they leave out? (or did I miss that meeting!?)
- This SL family spends a whole lot of time together at events... daily... it makes me wonder how they manage to maintain their RL relationships at all. Particularly the SL mom and SL dad - they're so involved in their SL marriage, while I'm trying to work out whether or not this is real for them.. and how they're able to love their RL wife/hubby and love their SL wife/hubby at the same time? Clearly there is something I am not quite understanding.

If I ever found myself in a confusing situation IRL, I'd just ask the people involved... but I don't want to accidentally disrupt their RP by bombarding them with questions about their RL and their RP characters.. so I defer to you all.

While I know you won't be able to answer for the SL family I have, please share your thoughts on your own experiences and how you approach your RP in SL, and what it means for you, what rules you follow, where you draw the line between RL and SL.. Do you talk about your RL at all? Is it real for you or are you constantly aware of the fact that you are just playing?

Sorry in advance for the super long post!... and thanks!

You might want to discuss this with him... He may very well think you are the love of his life. Stranger things have happened in SL.. This is why its best to work out details before you start any "RP", i'm not sure this is one though. It sounds very much like the standard SL relationship. RP would have been discussed before you started anything. 

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9 hours ago, Hollie Leavitt said:

She got pregnant!?!? By accident!? ?

ya cuz she wasnt using a hud for it an she dint know it could happen without a hud but the werewolf did it she didnt even kno she was but i saw her heavin an doin that wierd stuff an i looked inside her avatar an saw the werewolf egg

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26 minutes ago, Quinn Lysette said:

ya cuz she wasnt using a hud for it an she dint know it could happen without a hud but the werewolf did it she didnt even kno she was but i saw her heavin an doin that wierd stuff an i looked inside her avatar an saw the werewolf egg

Iconic

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To get back to the OP's question...

Hollie,

I understand your confusion!  The problem is, some people do engage in roleplay here.  Sometimes, it's easy to determine; you could go to a formal roleplay region and engage in Star Trek or Star Wars roleplay, or inhabit a town in the Wild West.  Such regions will have a big book of Rules and Backstory, and everyone knows that they are roleplaying.  On the other end of the spectrum, you find people like me and Phorumities, who don't do roleplay.  People of this sort are NOT roleplaying.  If they say, "I love you", they really mean it.  Or at least as much as they would mean it if they were talking to you in Real Life.  Then there is a wide range of people in between, who are engaging in what I would call "informal roleplay".  They aren't a character in a manufactured story world, but they ARE creating their own story or fantasy.  If they say "I love you", they mean it only until they log off...and they may not mean it at all.  Just as many people will lie to you, and often to themselves, in the real world.

The only way to resolve the question is to ask.

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1 hour ago, Lindal Kidd said:

To get back to the OP's question...

Hollie,

I understand your confusion!  The problem is, some people do engage in roleplay here.  Sometimes, it's easy to determine; you could go to a formal roleplay region and engage in Star Trek or Star Wars roleplay, or inhabit a town in the Wild West.  Such regions will have a big book of Rules and Backstory, and everyone knows that they are roleplaying.  On the other end of the spectrum, you find people like me and Phorumities, who don't do roleplay.  People of this sort are NOT roleplaying.  If they say, "I love you", they really mean it.  Or at least as much as they would mean it if they were talking to you in Real Life.  Then there is a wide range of people in between, who are engaging in what I would call "informal roleplay".  They aren't a character in a manufactured story world, but they ARE creating their own story or fantasy.  If they say "I love you", they mean it only until they log off...and they may not mean it at all.  Just as many people will lie to you, and often to themselves, in the real world.

The only way to resolve the question is to ask.

Yes.

Useful info: everyone has a profile, and reading it before roleplaying is expected. This creates the amusing social convention that when you meet face to face, there's a stall while you read each other's profiles.

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17 hours ago, momomoonusagi said:

The "SL family" thing has always been so vast in definition to me, but I think, from my observation of SL residents, I've narrowed this subject down to these two things (with room to say both can be blended together to make even more categoties):

-Some people want "family" similar to how they have them in RL, and for the most part, in SL, it just becomes some prestigious title and everyone just kind of sits around SL "hanging out", or "rping", however they have decided to do this, just talking away with no care in the world and are totally happy. This at times has it's own weird lines that are defined, or not defined, but crossed either way in all sorts of topics, RL included--and that itself varies from family to family I think.

-Some people want actual, full on RP mode where "family life" is the theme. What boundaries there are, I assume, are generally defined per person in regards to what they will RP similar to how other RP subjects/plots have "rules to the RP story". And for the most part, I think those that fall in this category only really share RL to those close to them in a friendship sort of way--OOCly and as if that person was never even involved in the RP and just another close SL friend.

And neither of these two categories is right or wrong but purely preference, as all things in SL are. 

So, i would suggest to anyone in your situation, OP, to maybe decide what your personal boundaries are and express them as best you can to the family you're in. I would also even suggest asking, at least, your main connection to the family, which is the SL lover, what the family's preferences and limits are--if you would rather not try and ask the family members themselves. 

Once you know all of that or most of that, decide for yourself where you may compromise if you feel the need to do so and if not, then just don't feel pressured to do what you don't want to do.

Thanks for the awesome breakdown of the two categories.. I definitely think I am in the first one.

I lean towards @Akane Nacht's approach of being "here for my own fun not theirs".. I do wonder and worry a bit though.. if anyone ever gets offended when someone decides they don't want to be part of the family.. Would they see it as some sort of rejection or something? I'm treading so carefully here!

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11 hours ago, Quinn Lysette said:

ya cuz she wasnt using a hud for it an she dint know it could happen without a hud but the werewolf did it she didnt even kno she was but i saw her heavin an doin that wierd stuff an i looked inside her avatar an saw the werewolf egg

Impossible, you can't attach something to an avatar without the avatar's consent. Even with RLV, you first have to turn on RLV. So she DID know. You were lied to.

Edited by lavalois
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