Maybe I need help

[Alyona Su]

1 hour ago, MrsSeren said:

Sounds like he was one with attitude problem, not worth your time or worrying over. As I say in my first life, "my attitude is based on how you treat me"  - I can be lovely and polite when treated with politeness and respect, now if your rude and nasty to me then I will not hesitate to use my claws and being sarcastic madam back to ya!

This. Though my phrase is pithier: "I am your mirror."

[Quinn Lysette]

On 11/10/2018 at 3:53 AM, Laika Ravikumar said:

It has been pointed out to me that my ‘Attitude’ is not good. Am wondering if it’s a culture thing or idk what. I am half Scottish and half US maybe it’s just me. I am fiercely independent the men I have recently been European and just can’t handle me. My dad who was American told me to stand up for myself so sometimes I can be confrontational I guess when I think I am being played with. 

 

 

 

 

hey you can be a sugar mum 

[Paul Hexem]

On the other hand, there's a fine line between honest and rude, just as there's one between "sassy and independent" and being obnoxious. It can be tricky to find the balance. 

Issues with one dude, or even just a few, is probably the dude. Issues with many dudes, it's probably you.

[Bausha]

lets see if i understand this, he told you to go away and then made it your fault when you took exception to it? i feel this has been a real downfall ti sl, people refusing to act with regard or empathy towards others. i think a simple ," hey hun i am a little busy at the moment doing (enter whatever endevour here) , if you wanna do something just give me ( approx. time) to finish up, and we can chat or do something together. pretty simple statement that shows that you care for the other person in the relationship and respect them... you did the right thing to call him on it... real men respect all their relationships not just the romantic ones... as for the other story of the control freak, as long as both agree to the extent of the relationship, then he is just being a little boy who thinks you are his toy and doesn't want anyone else to play with you. a real man has confidense not controls...jus sayin.

[Misty Selentiak]

Laika i have seen you post on here, and you seem lovely, i am English and US men can't handle me lol, but yeah they don't get UK humour a lot of the time too. Men in general don't like women that stand up for themselves. I also stand up for myself too. Don't blame yourself, just be you, they should like you for the person you are, and not try to change you. If they don't like that, then they don't deserve your friendship hugs x

[Caroline Takeda]

On 11/10/2018 at 10:53 AM, Laika Ravikumar said:

It has been pointed out to me that my ‘Attitude’ is not good. Am wondering if it’s a culture thing or idk what. I am half Scottish and half US maybe it’s just me. I am fiercely independent the men I have recently been European and just can’t handle me. My dad who was American told me to stand up for myself so sometimes I can be confrontational I guess when I think I am being played with. 

 

 

 

 

Leika

Don't take European Kindness as weakness. :-)

There are strong, self confident and outspoken women all over Europe. In addition Europe is a huge pond of cultures and mentalities. There is a difference between a tempered Italian, a rather reserved German or a excessively polite Brit (example).

However being self confident and being hostile in the way you communicate is a totally different kettle of fish. It does happen to everybody at times that how we communicate things to others is perceived differently than it was actually intended. Sometimes we might overreact to what somebody else said because we might have perceived it wrong.

When I am not sure about whether or not I perceived the other person's intention, I simply clarify before I answer: "Sorry, I am not sure if I understood you correctly, what do you mean exactly?" Good question to ask, not only in sales :-)

With regards to the guys you described: THEY are the problem, not you.

 

[Laika Ravikumar]

Gadget,

I would have used your quote but am not that familiar with how to do it I will look it up.

I agree that if it was many men I have had a problem with it more than likely it would be me being unreasonable or rude.

I have been described as feisty at times, however I have also had several male friends for years without problems.  

To me if you are friends with someone you make time for them, I always try to say hello no matter who I am with or what I am doing.

My problem is when someone who has made a point of spending a lot of time with you is dismissive just hours after saying how much they like you.

I need to develop a harder skin. 

 

[ildiko Evergarden]

Mostly it's the " language barrier" I've seen a lot with foreign people in second life especially when they are speaking English.  Sometimes some people tend to mistake being " blunt " for being " rude" or having an attitude problem.

Some countries people are very blunt and straightforward. Other countries people are more reserved and careful what they say to people they meet who don't know them on a personal level.

Edited November 13, 2018 by Minx Kurosawa

[pandorabellatrix]

On 11/13/2018 at 3:53 PM, Minx Kurosawa said:

Mostly it's the " language barrier" I've seen a lot with foreign people in second life especially when they are speaking English.  Sometimes some people tend to mistake being " blunt " for being " rude" or having an attitude problem.

Some countries people are very blunt and straightforward. Other countries people are more reserved and careful what they say to people they meet who don't know them on a personal level.

I'll agree with that. I had the same problem as well. Happens that beyond language difference, you find cultural difference (not about "manners" or education, but about traditions and ways of socializing), ways of thinking, etc.

[animats]

Try a sim where attitude is expected, like Brooklyn or Crack  Den.

[Donna Underall]

On 11/12/2018 at 1:04 AM, Gadget Portal said:

On the other hand, there's a fine line between honest and rude, just as there's one between "sassy and independent" and being obnoxious. It can be tricky to find the balance. 

Issues with one dude, or even just a few, is probably the dude. Issues with many dudes, it's probably you.

I dated a guy for a very short time that actually wanted me to be "sassy and independent" with him, even as much as being rude and mean to him.  We weren't together long.

[Dillon Levenque]

1 minute ago, Donna Underall said:

I dated a guy for a very short time that actually wanted me to be "sassy and independent" with him, even as much as being rude and mean to him.  We weren't together long.

Gah. Makes you wonder if he does the same kind of thing in RL. You 'date' people because of who they are; you don't start asking someone to construct a new personality to please you.

[Madelaine McMasters]

2 hours ago, Dillon Levenque said:

you don't start asking someone to construct a new personality to please you.

I would be more than happy to construct a new personality to annoy someone, but have yet to be asked. And the first thing I'd do to annoy them is leave.

There's your sassy and independent.

Edited November 30, 2018 by Madelaine McMasters

[Donna Underall]

Just now, Madelaine McMasters said:

I would be more than happy to construct a new personality to annoy someone, but have yet to be asked.

I think I am supposed to ask you how to set someone on fire?

[Madelaine McMasters]

Just now, Donna Underall said:

I think I am supposed to ask you how to set someone on fire?

...sets you on fire.

Those who can't do, teach.

I can do.

[Donna Underall]

Then I guess I'll watch... 

[Selene Gregoire]

Starting at an early age has its advantages.

[Donna Underall]

1 minute ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Starting at an early age has its advantages.

Weird Uncle George. 

[Selene Gregoire]

6 minutes ago, Donna Underall said:

Weird Uncle George. 

It's Stephen King and Drew Barrymore. 

Firestarter

 

[JJack Montreal]

On 11/10/2018 at 4:53 AM, Laika Ravikumar said:

It has been pointed out to me that my ‘Attitude’ is not good. Am wondering if it’s a culture thing or idk what. I am half Scottish and half US maybe it’s just me. I am fiercely independent the men I have recently been European and just can’t handle me. My dad who was American told me to stand up for myself so sometimes I can be confrontational I guess when I think I am being played with. 

 

 

 

 

Yep its your attitude and also its cultural. That the new women empowerment culture and you prolly swallowed every words of the mantra. But no worries, that where  cats will save you ! You will  never be alone !

[MoiraKathleen]

On ‎11‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 1:53 AM, Laika Ravikumar said:

It has been pointed out to me that my ‘Attitude’ is not good. Am wondering if it’s a culture thing or idk what. I am half Scottish and half US maybe it’s just me. I am fiercely independent the men I have recently been European and just can’t handle me. My dad who was American told me to stand up for myself so sometimes I can be confrontational I guess when I think I am being played with. 

 

 

 

 

It sounds like your dad raised you well!  There is nothing wrong with being empowered and able to stand up for yourself and hold your ground when necessary in order to take care of yourself.   Although they may be harder to find, there are good men out there who are secure enough to value and cherish an independent woman.   

[Talligurl]

On November 10, 2018 at 8:33 AM, Donna Underall said:

  I can't really believe that women outside the US are so different than me.

It is worth noting that, that guy isn't going out in RL treating the local girls that way.

[Donna Underall]

14 hours ago, Talligurl said:

It is worth noting that, that guy isn't going out in RL treating the local girls that way.

I've noticed for a long long time that guys in SL treat me differently than guys in RL ever wood.  A lot of that must be that a few too many SL guys just never talk to real women and imagine how a real man would act, and usually messing it up royally!  

[Talligurl]

4 hours ago, Donna Underall said:

I've noticed for a long long time that guys in SL treat me differently than guys in RL ever wood.  A lot of that must be that a few too many SL guys just never talk to real women and imagine how a real man would act, and usually messing it up royally!  

I figure they tried their methods in real and got shot down, and then instead of looking for better methods they just bring them to SL hoping for better results

[Bausha]

i am willing to bet that there is more than a few that haven't got the courage to try it in rl at all... just bring their insecurities directly to sl, combine that with the anonymous nature of it, got a recipe for at least a few (keeping it nice) bad method users....