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Have you ever been ghosted by someone?

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10 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

I mean this in all sincerity and seriousness. Why won't you respond to anyone with a clear response instead of... whatever that is that you're doing?

' cause you don' t wanna know what I need .... to forget. ;)

' cause it doesn' t remind me of anything.

/me vanishes.

Edited by TDD123
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This is a multiple use video today! In one post it was self directed. Here? Hm. Maybe not so much.

 

Edited by Seicher Rae
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This is something I struggle with a bit in SL. I love making and adding new friends. However this tends to mean that some days when I log on I get several IM chats pinging at once.

I'd feel rude not to answer, so I reply to everyone, but it means the conversations can get frustrating for some of the people I'm speaking with, as I'm trying hard to keep up with all my chats at once, so my responses can be short, or there are long pauses before I say something.

Added to this, some days I just want to work on my avi, do some shopping or hunting, clear out my inventory, or simply have SL music on in the background, so while I have people trying to engage with me, I'm halfheartedly replying while secretly craving some quality alone time.

I appreciate that this is my fault, and that I should simply be more direct with people when I don't want to talk, and anyone who can't handle the fact I'm not always available to them in-world is obviously too impatient or needy a person for me to probably have as a long term friend anyway.

But I continue to struggle, as I just hate letting people down, or neglecting my friendships, so I'm sort of my own worst enemy.

I'm curious if others have had this problem too, and what you do to avoid or overcome it??? All solutions and suggestions are welcome!  :) 

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53 minutes ago, MayaSmit said:

I'm curious if others have had this problem too, and what you do to avoid or overcome it??? All solutions and suggestions are welcome! 

The only people on my friend list are actual friends. I've learned over the years to politely turn down friend requests from random people I've just had a five minute conversation with. They can have my calling card. I don't need to know when they log in and out. They don't need to know when I log in and out. 

I'm an introvert. My real friends know this. I put an auto-response on that says I'm introverting and they understand and leave me be. 

I used to use the "hide" button but I kept having guys get mad and accuse me of hiding from them. "No, sunshine, I'm hiding from everyone. You aren't that special." So I quit using that. The auto-response works great. 

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1 hour ago, MayaSmit said:

This is something I struggle with a bit in SL. I love making and adding new friends. However this tends to mean that some days when I log on I get several IM chats pinging at once.

I'd feel rude not to answer, so I reply to everyone, but it means the conversations can get frustrating for some of the people I'm speaking with, as I'm trying hard to keep up with all my chats at once, so my responses can be short, or there are long pauses before I say something.

Added to this, some days I just want to work on my avi, do some shopping or hunting, clear out my inventory, or simply have SL music on in the background, so while I have people trying to engage with me, I'm halfheartedly replying while secretly craving some quality alone time.

I appreciate that this is my fault, and that I should simply be more direct with people when I don't want to talk, and anyone who can't handle the fact I'm not always available to them in-world is obviously too impatient or needy a person for me to probably have as a long term friend anyway.

But I continue to struggle, as I just hate letting people down, or neglecting my friendships, so I'm sort of my own worst enemy.

I'm curious if others have had this problem too, and what you do to avoid or overcome it??? All solutions and suggestions are welcome!  :) 

I have not met one avatar (although I'm sure there are some out there) who hasn't really wished people would leave them alone inworld at least some of the time. If they are truly your friends, then they will understand, "I'd love to talk with you but I'm in the middle of something right now." or "Can we talk later?" Or something quick and honest. As Beth said, it may also be time to reevaluate who is on your friends list.

I also truly stink at carrying on more than one (fast paced) conversation at once. I just flat out tell people I'm talking to someone else and can't multi-task.

From a true friend's point of view, I'd hate to be secretly bothering someone I like. I'd rather the person just tell me "later ♥" than make them secretly annoyed at me! So look at it from that perspective.

PS. I'd rather unsecretly bother someone I don't like. :D

 

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   Meh, ghosting has gotten so common that it happens to most everyone these days. The more interesting question would be .. Have you ever been haunted by anyone?

   I'm largely unbothered by it though. If a person does that, then I don't consider it any particularly great loss; I don't ask for much from those who wish to be on my friend list, but the common decency to address a perceived issue rather than sneaking off in the night should just be considered fundamental manners. I do purge my contact list every now and then, as having a bunch of people I no longer speak to, who don't come online anymore, or whose shared interests are no longer applicable, just doesn't give me anything. Same with people who repeatedly, over a long period of time, refuse to engage in conversation - throwing in conversational dead-ends and expecting me to keep trying, it's just not going to happen. At that point I don't see it as ghosting to remove them though, and if they miss me, they know where to find me.

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6 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   Meh, ghosting has gotten so common that it happens to most everyone these days. The more interesting question would be .. Have you ever been haunted by anyone?

   I'm largely unbothered by it though. If a person does that, then I don't consider it any particularly great loss; I don't ask for much from those who wish to be on my friend list, but the common decency to address a perceived issue rather than sneaking off in the night should just be considered fundamental manners. I do purge my contact list every now and then, as having a bunch of people I no longer speak to, who don't come online anymore, or whose shared interests are no longer applicable, just doesn't give me anything. Same with people who repeatedly, over a long period of time, refuse to engage in conversation - throwing in conversational dead-ends and expecting me to keep trying, it's just not going to happen. At that point I don't see it as ghosting to remove them though, and if they miss me, they know where to find me.

Ha! I love the comment about haunting. I just got through listening to the excellent podcast series Ghosts in the Burbs.

Then again, if by haunting you mean a low-level stalking of say like old boyfriends or girlfriends or what have you, then it isn't that funny.

As to ghosting in SL, I think real ghosting is being really in someone's life and then just, without any warning, poof-gone. If you have casual, every so often, conversations with people who then end up leaving SL, it doesn't feel as much like a ghosting. If people are thinking about ghosting rather than just saying, "Yeah, no... this isn't working" or whatever then they are just rude little cowards. Is it fun to say "Yeah, no...?" No. (I may have to do that soon to someone I recently met, as there's just no chemistry... like the dude has zero sense of humor and with me that just isn't going to work. But I digress.)

There is method to my madness of having only about five people on my friends list, on purpose. I just wish I had a better way of declining friendship offers. It always feels awkward, even the out of the blue, who the heck are you? ones from random strangers.

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9 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Then again, if by haunting you mean a low-level stalking of say like old boyfriends or girlfriends or what have you, then it isn't that funny.

   The idea did come to mind when I wrote it, but I decided not to let that idea ruin my fun - being haunted by a proper ghost is what I meant!

11 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

There is method to my madness of having only about five people on my friends list, on purpose. I just wish I had a better way of declining friendship offers. It always feels awkward, even the out of the blue, who the heck are you? ones from random strangers.

   Good, good .. If ever I feel the need to cause some awkwardness in the world ... 😈

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:::eh hem::: please excuse me for one moment while I have a mini-meltdown

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY I KNOW WHY PEOPLE GHOST OTHER PEOPLE!!! I'M SOON GOING TO JOIN THEIR RANKS.

:::smooths down front of dress and clears her throat, takes a glass of water:::

I mentioned earlier in a comment to Orwar:

7 hours ago, Seicher Rae said:

If people are thinking about ghosting rather than just saying, "Yeah, no... this isn't working" or whatever then they are just rude little cowards. Is it fun to say "Yeah, no...?" No. (I may have to do that soon to someone I recently met, as there's just no chemistry... like the dude has zero sense of humor and with me that just isn't going to work. But I digress.)

Well, the dude did come online, did IM me and it was weird. I went offline, came back online about 40 minutes later and he was still there. With a big sigh, I put on my big girl panties and wrote him a very nice, very polite "nothing wrong, our personalities just aren't compatible" and it was a pleasure to meet him, and hope he has a nice life and a good SL and D/s and... in all it was probably a very short, very nice four sentences.

OMFG. He pushed. Rather than taking the very nice out I gave him on a silver platter, he pushed. What mistakes, etc. I wrote back, stating no mistakes, just our personalities didn't mesh.

He pushed back AGAIN. Stupidly again I replied nicely (slightly less nicely). No mistakes were made, etc.

I ignored him. He persisted. I waited. Hey guy, my silence is a CLUE we are DONE here. Move along. Nothing to see.

Yeah, well. Finally, and he said he wanted truthful and blunt; he got it in spades: he had no sense of humor, is not terribly bright... etc. :::sigh::: I really really really tried to be nice, ya know?

I was expecting a response about how with my "attitude" I would make a terrible sub. He actually did start typing again and I just told him to stop and that I was blocking him.

:::hitting head on desk::: Ya TRY to do the right thing. The mature thing. Heck, even the KIND thing, and it is lost on some people.

There's a reason I'm a misanthrope and introvert.

Edited by Seicher Rae
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13 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

There's a reason I'm a misanthrope and introvert.

   We should start a club. We'll just sit in opposite corners of the room, and gaze scornfully through the window, and occasionally point and laugh at people.

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Just now, Orwar said:

   We should start a club. We'll just sit in opposite corners of the room, and gaze scornfully through the window, and occasionally point and laugh at people.

Ah, but you see, it has been a long running joke on my blog and elsewhere, for at least ten years, that I am the founding member of Misanthropes Anonymous (used to be R Us, but we classied it up a bit). The joke is also that we'd hold meetings but none of the members can stand each other. :) Although pointing and laughing in a smug way is always fun.

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