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GuyJee

Have you ever been ghosted by someone?

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I think it is ridiculous to block someone because they went invisi.

1/ they may have done it completely by accident.  When I first began, I blocked my own-partner-.

2/ maybe they have had a ***** day, and don't really want to talk to anyone, and just do not have the emotional-energy- to tell everyone who pings them that they are tired/underslept/done with life, and simply want to try on a few demos while their nyquil kicks in.

 

Edited by zimowyfox
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I wish people weren't criticised for simply participating, it's hardly conducive to continued participation. People are not obliged to join the forum, nor to participate in it. So, for those that do they should be able to have their voice too. A higher post count is not a sign of subject knowledge, rather a sign of someone spending too much time on a forum.

Old-timers on the forum boasting thousands of posts seem to take some form of ownership and take it upon themselves to act as self-appointed defenders of the forum with their own set of arbitrary rules which lesser posters are apparently supposed to magically abide by, unless they want to be ridiculed.

If such a post genuinely broke forum rules then report it and let the moderators deal with it. Perhaps message the administration and suggest that the rules be adjusted so threads become auto-locked after some arbitrary period of time, which is acceptable to you, of course.

Personally, I enjoy revisiting some past threads months later, especially ones in which I participated. In this case, barely negligible effort was required to do any catching-up with only one full page. 

People shake their heads at many things in life which have zero impact or effect on others. If that's the case, try learning to keep your negative opinion to yourself. Otherwise, you may start coming across as miserable and jaded.

Edited by Candice LittleBoots
dumbed down.
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4 hours ago, Candice LittleBoots said:

A higher post count is not a sign of subject knowledge, rather a sign of someone spending too much time on a forum.

And others apparently are just as judgemental

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On 10/26/2018 at 8:57 PM, GuyJee said:

You got along well with someone, suddenly he/she stops replying, ignores you, or blocks you from everywhere.

How was your reaction? What do you think about that?

I have had it done to me before several times by those I thought I could trust or believe was a friend or maybe even could have been more. It hurt when it was done and just taught me not to trust that person as much or a deeply as I had before. It made me wonder if I had done something wrong and if so why didn't they come to talk to me about it. I learned to not give my trust as free or as easily to other people.

At the end of the day, people in SL are no different than people in RL. They can be just a cruel or hurtful or uncaring or manipulative and deceitful. All you can try to do is learn to move on and not let what they did affect you deeply enough that it makes you jaded like many here have become over time including me to some level.

One bit of information you might want is that even if they defriend you or you them you still have their calling card in your inventory. You might want to consider deleting it so you don't come across it again and dredge up old memories and pains. And maybe considering deleting any old logs or notecards from them. Going back and reading them can be very toxic and unhealthy for some to do. You might think you need to keep them as some sort of proof. You really don't. Your heart will remember what they did well enough on its own to warn you if they ever come crawling back to be wary of them.

If you give them another chance, don't put too much into it, make them prove they are worth it before trusting them again. that way they can't get to close and hurt you again if they do the same things again. But don't make it unrealistically impossible either. try to understand and even maybe forgive, but also remember to forgive yourself too.

Really it just means they didn't really care about you as a friend, that they were only using you for what they could get from you at that time. Emotional or mental support or maybe even as a source of L$ and once they no longer needed you or couldn't get what they wanted from you; you were of no further value to them.

17 hours ago, zimowyfox said:

I think it is ridiculous to block someone because they went invisi.

1/ they may have done it completely by accident.  When I first began, I blocked my own-partner-.

2/ maybe they have had a ***** day, and don't really want to talk to anyone, and just do not have the emotional-energy- to tell everyone who pings them that they are tired/underslept/done with life, and simply want to try on a few demos while their nyquil kicks in.

 

2

Yes, it can be immature to just block on the first time they do it, but if they do it every day or very often without ever explaining why it can be hurtful to some. Just a simple heads up, 'hey my day went like hell I need some me time.' would be enough. Use the auto-response feature in firestorm. you can even have it give them a notecard with a simple or complex explanation. so you don't have to tell each person individually.

I have mine set and have my autoaway set if idle for too long with a note care telling them to not take it personal I am not responding; that I am probably just busy at the moment and afk for real life issues/problems that I am not just ignoring them.

if people would use the busy/afk responses and then actually customize what they say, so not the default it probably would cut down on drama at times and hurt emotions or feelings of being ignored. a little common decency can go a long way.

but really it is up to each to decide what their limit or standards of what friendship is or means to them and then hold to them and not change because someone else wants them to or says they should. No one view or opinion is the best in anything in life. There will always be differences which will cause people to get hurt, unfortunately, when someone acts how they do not approve.

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I've been ghosted and I have ghosted others.

(It's primarily because I'm an incredibly mentally unstable person who shifts rapidly from being communicative to wanting to be isolated because hey, let's give a 12 year old amphetamines because he fiddled with a pencil in class, that definitely won't come back to ruin their life 10 years in the future) 

A friend of mine in a discord server is in a similar way, one day they just deleted the discord, deleted their account, and then abandoned every other method I had to contact them. I got one last message off and it said they read it, and I'm glad they did read that at least. But god damn I spent months trying to track them down from knowing the county and state they lived in and that they worked at a Checkers. Never got a lead, it's been a couple years now, I still think about them fairly often, id like to know how they're doing, but I've got nothing on them besides a game profile they abandoned.

In the same sense I've a few months ago deleted my Facebook, nobody in my family besides my parents have my phone number or address, pretty much all my social media was abandoned ages ago, I never keep game accounts for long (this SL account is like #4 or 5, first starting in 2006, and it's the longest I've had an account out of those). I guess after years and years of the internet, having made friends online that I talked with for even up to a decade, only for something to eventually drive us apart, I just stopped valuing online friendships. 

If I meet someone and talk to them a bit, even if we get along great, at some point I just won't be able to anymore, so I don't feel any reason not to just delete them from the friends list out of the blue because I don't see any reason to talk with them.

 

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If the friendship is obviously a very personal one, i.e. you've been invested in each other for a long time, then I believe ghosting is abuse. Whether it's someone doing it to you, or whether you're doing it to them, cutting someone off completely and refusing contact is awful. Although I'd understand if the two people didn't know eachother very well, or if someone legitimately did not feel safe.

So... even if you really don't like somebody, don't be cruel. Allow them to express themselves to you. You don't have to say much back, you don't even have to agree with them. Too much damage can be done to a person if you ghost them, especially if they are emotionally unstable or fragile. They will come to realize that it's futile and they'll move on.

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1 hour ago, CamelliaRose9 said:

If the friendship is obviously a very personal one, i.e. you've been invested in each other for a long time, then I believe ghosting is abuse. Whether it's someone doing it to you, or whether you're doing it to them, cutting someone off completely and refusing contact is awful.

In June 2017, my partner told me he'd talk to me tomorrow. and I never heard from him again.  I gave up and departnered him after six months, deleted him after a year.

Another man I was in a fledgling relationship with told me he needed some time away from SL and I was fine with that as we also communicated through email.  August 1st he told me he was coming back "soon".  I have never heard from him again.  So for months I've been sitting here imagining the worst, imagining he might have left due to ill health and that the worst happened - that he may have passed away.  Recently I saw he is active again in the forum where we met.  I'm glad he is alive and seems well, but the silence and lack of closure really does hurt. 

Even though I have moved on and am extremely happy in my new relationship, I constantly wonder why I didn't even seem to deserve an explanation or a goodbye.  

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On 2/5/2019 at 1:37 PM, Jordan Whitt said:

So for months I've been sitting here imagining the worst, imagining he might have left due to ill health and that the worst happened - that he may have passed away.  Recently I saw he is active again in the forum where we met.  I'm glad he is alive and seems well, but the silence and lack of closure really does hurt.

This is exactly why I never ghost someone. If I don't like to be with or talk anymore with someone for whatever reason, ill let you know. Had someone very close suddenly drop out of SL out of the blue many years ago, thinking the worst has happened. But not knowing for sure still bothers me today, and hearing "our song" still makes me teary, and that was 7 years ago...

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And, wouldn't you know it someone who i was close to in world for a couple of years, who just completely dropped of the grid, has reappeared in SL after a two year absence.  It was a bit confusing because they were using a different avatar so I had no idea who it was until she got her old avatar back up and running (forgot her original avatar password and waited for help ticket to be completed to get her previous avatar back).

Oddly enough, her explanation was pretty lame why she just disappeared  (life got too busy) but since she has been back we our picking up where we left off on our friendship.  Even stranger, she is living on the same island sim that she did before leaving, and we are visiting a lot of the places we use to go to a couple of years ago.  Who knows if she will stick around this time?  I guess there are no guarantees one way or the other so I will just enjoy our friendship while i can.

 

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I think of this from both sides of the picture. SL means different things for different people, so the reasons they disappear can vary. I personally am an introvert who can be highly social, so it can be very confusing to people when I am online and we talk.. alot.. then suddenly I don't log on. And, frankly, my reasons for not coming on are varied: 1. I dont' feel like it 2. I am busy with my life, kids, home, husband, family, work.. take your pick. 3. I need a recharge, and I do that by being alone. I do not necessarily tell anyone these reasons, as I don't feel it is necessary. I never ask anyone why they haven't been on, I just assume they have a good reason and leave it at that.  For my long time friends, they have picked up on my patterns, and some limited friends can contact me outside of SL, such as my RL FB or email.

I always let people do as they wish, and don't ever expect anything from anyone, even those who are in contact with me on a daily basis, therefore, if someone disappears for a bit or stops talking to me, it doesn't really bother me.  Sadly, alot of people get in over their heads with a relationship, and then dont' know how to put the brakes on, so to speak, so the easiest way to do it for them is to simply not log on or ignore you. Basic communication skills and just being honest as to what they are experiencing would go a long way, but it is hard for some. 

 

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On 2/6/2019 at 8:31 PM, rasterscan said:

Second life. Where the women are men and the men are women. No ?

And kids are FBI Agents 🤫

Edited by MiakisTheUsagi
typo
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Recently happened to me too. Its always sad when u meet a fake Person. But Life goes on. There are enough kind and honest other People out there. 😎

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Haha, this happens to me more than I want to admit. Usually, it’s someone I’m dating and it’s a pretty lame feeling... figured they got bored of my terrible emoting and left :’) 

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32 minutes ago, chinesetakeout said:

Haha, this happens to me more than I want to admit. Usually, it’s someone I’m dating and it’s a pretty lame feeling... figured they got bored of my terrible emoting and left :’) 

With a name like yours, I'd expect people to spend some time with you and, a few hours later, be hungry for more.

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I’d say I’m experiencing that right now 🙂 Is “Reverse ghosting” a thing?

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3 hours ago, Pheonixphyre Mesmeriser said:

possibly why they got ghosted lol

I am certain of it, just used to opportunity to place a funny line to a freshly risen from the graves topic.

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Hi! I have a question, sorry if it's not the right forum to ask but I thought I could ask here. When you block an avatar I know they can't send you messages but how do they see you? I mean, if you're in the same room with them, do they still see you or they can't or maybe you're just a cloud? Thanks.

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