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In the six months I've been on Second Life, I noticed the amount of misconceptions people had about trans people - misconceptions that are beyond harmful. Between people not knowing the difference between trans women and trans men and people who are set on breaking me down and invalidating my identity, I couldn't stop thinking about the impact that would have on other trans people's well - on their psyche. It is, after all, hard not to internalize a lot of the hate and ignorance we are exposed to. 

It is exhausting, being constantly dehumanized and fetishized and harassed, most if not all of us deal with enough of that in real life. We need to do something about it, to combat this ignorance and support each other through the struggles we face in our real and second life. I have few ideas, none I could put into action right now or without your support, so if you are transgender (male or female or non-binary) or if you identify more with gender non-conforming labels, and you're interested leave a comment or - if you're stealth - IM in world. I will create a group and we'll start working towards making Second Life a better place for us.

Don't let anyone police your gender, don't let anyone invalidate your identity. You don't need to act or look a certain way to be the gender you are, you are already that gender. And remember, you're *****ing beautiful and you're valid.

Sincerely,

the Transgender Avenger. 

Edited by OfDragonFire
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5 minutes ago, OfDragonFire said:

In the six months I've been on Second Life, I noticed the amount of misconceptions people had about trans people - misconceptions that are beyond harmful. Between people not knowing the difference between trans women and trans men and people who are set on breaking me down and invalidating my identity, I couldn't stop thinking about the impact that would have on other trans people's well - on their psyche. It is, after all, hard not to internalize a lot of the hate and ignorance we are exposed to. 

It is exhausting, being constantly dehumanized and fetishized and harassed, most if not all of us deal with enough of that in real life. We need to do something about it, to combat this ignorance and support each other through the struggles we face in our real and second life. I have few ideas, none I could put into action right now or without your support, so if you are transgender (male or female or non-binary) or if you identify more with gender non-conforming labels, and you're interested leave a comment or - if you're stealth - IM in world. I will create a group and we'll start working towards making Second Life a better place for us.

Don't let anyone police your gender, don't let anyone invalidate your identity. You don't need to act or look a certain way to be the gender you are, you are already that gender. And remember, you're *****ing beautiful and you're valid.

Sincerely,

the Transgender Avenger. 

Hey, i'm not trans but it's not right you have to go through this. When they demand rl info, i'd just not say (and never do unless close), if it's coming from those who are close, that's disgusting but at least you know who to avoid. Some people are just so insecure rl they have to try to bring others down in here, see a lot of it!

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Not trying to start a fight or invalidate you, but isn't it the goal and/or desire of a trans person, to be the opposite gender? Dressing and passing in public, hormones, surgery, and I assume the ultimate goal is to match your physical gender to your identity, and be accepted by everyone as you wish to be accepted.

So my question is, why would anyone need to be trans in here?

Just pick the sex you wish you were and carry on with your life, no apologies, no explanations, no excuses.

i'm sure someone else would have phrased this post better or more delicately, but I'm not trying to start a fight, I'm just asking a question

 

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I'm not a transgender and I cannot imagine what trans people go through, but I support their choices, I think that everyone should be free to be the person they want to be. I'm one who will never understand the massive amount of genders there are out there and I have to admit I do think some of them are just pointless, but I'll never disrespect anyone regard their identities. What makes someone worthy or not is their character and the well they do to the world and others around. I like good people in general.

So if you ever need help with dealing with ignorance call me, I'm good dealing with a-holes.

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I’m a Trans Ally, have many Trans friends, and participate in a Trans ministry. Always participate in TDOR, coming up soon.

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40 minutes ago, OfDragonFire said:

. I have few ideas, none I could put into action right now or without your support, so if you are transgender (male or female or non-binary) or if you identify more with gender non-conforming labels, and you're interested leave a comment or - if you're stealth - IM in world. I will create a group and we'll start working towards making Second Life a better place for us.

There's no excuse for the kind of harassment you describe, but to be honest I've experienced almost the opposite here. In truth, that's why I love SL so much: the vast majority of the people I meet and get to know don''t really pay much attention to my gender. They know me because of who I am, not what I am. I realize there are many TG exploitive sex places, but I'm pretty sure there are many everything/everybody exploitive sex places. Seriously. There are My Little Pony exploitive sex places: I've seen mentions of them.

I hope you can avoid being totally creeped out by things/places like that. They are here, but so is much, much more. Try joining the Forum Cartel and come to Sunday breakfast once in a while: nobody will give you grief about your gender. I only use the Cartel because it's a handy example; a whole lot (in my experience the vast majority) of Second Life residents are not so much 'tolerant' as just plain accepting/unconcerned about differences. It's what's in our skulls that counts.

When I first started I looked for TG oriented places, because I expected not to be accepted by most, just like RL. As it happens I found a great one and it was sort of a base for me while I grew to be more...self-assured, I guess. It's gone now, but a direct descendant is still going strong. If you'd like I'll send you a PM here with directions. In any case, brush off naysayers and go your own way. If somebody truly does harass you, AR them.

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20 minutes ago, Dillon Levenque said:

... the vast majority of the people I meet and get to know don''t really pay much attention to my gender. They know me because of who I am, not what I am. I realize there are many TG exploitive sex places, but I'm pretty sure there are many everything/everybody exploitive sex places. Seriously. There are My Little Pony exploitive sex places: I've seen mentions of them.

First half of that: That's because, like I said, everyone on the internet is a dog.

 

Second half: Have you seriously not heard of the 34th law of our mother and protector The Internet?

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1 minute ago, Marth Coberts said:

Second half: Have you seriously not heard of the 34th law of our mother and protector The Internet?

Sadly, I am familiar with Rule 34 and while I've never seen a proof, I've seen FAR too many examples. As to your first position: I'll take that under advisement ;).

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1 hour ago, Phorumities said:

Not trying to start a fight or invalidate you, but isn't it the goal and/or desire of a trans person, to be the opposite gender? Dressing and passing in public, hormones, surgery, and I assume the ultimate goal is to match your physical gender to your identity, and be accepted by everyone as you wish to be accepted.

So my question is, why would anyone need to be trans in here?

Just pick the sex you wish you were and carry on with your life, no apologies, no explanations, no excuses.

i'm sure someone else would have phrased this post better or more delicately, but I'm not trying to start a fight, I'm just asking a question

 

No, the goal and desire of a trans person is not to be another gender, it is to be accepted as the gender they are. People transition to alleviate their dysphoria and for a lot of us, specially trans women of color, passing is more about survival than anything else. There is no one way to be transgender and there is no one way to transition. Not everyone chooses to go on hormones, not everyone chooses to have surgeries, and no one should feel forced to adhere to society's idea of what a man or woman should look like or behave as. 

I am not trans because I want to be a man, I am trans because I am a man. Always been one. Being trans isn't the easiest path, but it has given be perceptive I wouldn't otherwise have - it shaped me into the person I am. I love myself and I love my trans identity, and I wouldn't change that for anything. I have no interest in being cis or being perceived as cis. I have no interest in having my identity erased and trans is part of my identity. We have the right to be ourselves, to feel and be represented. 

 If you can't respect me or other trans people for who we are, regardless of what you believe we should look or act like, that speaks more about you than it does us. 

If you truly want to learn, I am happy to answer any questions and provide you with resources. Feel free to IM me. If you are just here to be rude and tell us we should try to live up to gender roles and cisnormative beliefs, then I politely ask you to keep it to yourself.

Edited by OfDragonFire
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1 hour ago, Phorumities said:

isn't it the goal and/or desire of a trans person, to be the opposite gender? ... So my question is, why would anyone need to be trans in here?

I am not trans, although I do see myself as an ally. It's going to be different for everyone, but I think this is an issue of validation and acceptance that crosses between the two worlds. That is, if one is experiencing this in real life, the ability to have a trans avatar and be validated in SL helps in real life too.

That's why the fetishisation by a small subset of people, like the futanari, is oft seen as undesirable. It invalidates gender dysphoria and turns it into a kink. True lesbians likely say the same of those men who make busty lesbian avatars just for sex.

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3 minutes ago, Callum Meriman said:

I am not trans, although I do see myself as an ally. It's going to be different for everyone, but I think this is an issue of validation and acceptance that crosses between the two worlds. That is, if one is experiencing this in real life, the ability to have a trans avatar and be validated in SL helps in real life too.

That's why the fetishisation by a small subset of people, like the futanari, is oft seen as undesirable. It invalidates gender dysphoria and turns it into a kink. True lesbians likely say the same of those men who make busty lesbian avatars just for sex.

It is also dehumanizing, to be reduced to nothing but an object of sexual fascination. Trans people are a marginalized minority, trans women's life expectancy is lower than 35. Representation is important, it not only helps me personally with dysphoria, but it also helps with a lot of the shame we grow up internalizing. 

But you're absolutely correct about everything else. I am so thankful people like you exist.

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1 hour ago, Liana Wildmist said:

Hey, i'm not trans but it's not right you have to go through this. When they demand rl info, i'd just not say (and never do unless close), if it's coming from those who are close, that's disgusting but at least you know who to avoid. Some people are just so insecure rl they have to try to bring others down in here, see a lot of it!

It is disheartening. I've grew up on the internet, I saw the shift in people's understanding around 2013-2014. People on twitter, on tumblr, and almost everywhere else became a lot more educated and a lot more tolerant. But here, not so much. But there are always diamonds in rocks.

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1 hour ago, Sylvannas Zulaman said:

I'm not a transgender and I cannot imagine what trans people go through, but I support their choices, I think that everyone should be free to be the person they want to be. I'm one who will never understand the massive amount of genders there are out there and I have to admit I do think some of them are just pointless, but I'll never disrespect anyone regard their identities. What makes someone worthy or not is their character and the well they do to the world and others around. I like good people in general.

So if you ever need help with dealing with ignorance call me, I'm good dealing with a-holes.

I wouldn't call them pointless. Gender is a spectrum, you could identify anywhere in it. And the thing about labels, they don't define them but we define them. Even if you don't understand something, it's not hard to show human decency, you know? If you need help understanding anything in regards to gender, please don't hesitate to contact me. It's a topic I am passionate about, both as a scientist and as a trans person. 

 

IM me in world? I'd love to talk to you. I'll definitely put you in the transgender protection squad.

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nonbinary trans person here and yeah I understand,  the midgendering, the transphobia. Not to mention the extereme feitishzation that goes around.  Hard to find things that fit my chosen mesh body that -Isn't-creepily marketed or fueling the "fetish" stereotype of trans people.

and the amount of sims and content that use the "S" word slur  is too fluffing high.

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Having read your profile, I wonder if the harassment you've experienced here is entirely because you are trans. Sexual role-play figures prominently there, blunting your complaints over dehumanization and fetishization. Your "writing requirements" are off-putting and the spelling error within them pegs my irony meter. Declaring yourself "The Transgender Avenger" suggests you are itching for a fight.

I have trans friends in SL and RL. Their gender/sexuality are of little concern to me. They, like all the others, became my friends because, from the start, they were warm and welcoming. Consider whether a change in your profile, and the attitude it reflects, might improve the reception you receive from others.

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3 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Having read your profile, I wonder if the harassment you've experienced here is entirely because you are trans. Sexual role-play figures prominently there, blunting your complaints over dehumanization and fetishization. Your "writing requirements" are off-putting and the spelling error within them pegs my irony meter. Declaring yourself "The Transgender Avenger" suggests you are itching for a fight.

I have trans friends in SL and RL. Their gender/sexuality are of little concern to me. They, like all the others, became my friends because, from the start, they were warm and welcoming. Consider whether a change in your profile, and the attitude it reflects, might improve the reception you receive from others.

Just read Dragon's profile myself and I'm not seeing anything there that would warrant transphobic or harassing behavior.  In fact it's pretty tame compared to some of the ridiculously pompous and self-entitled profiles I've read in my time on Sl.

 I also have to raise a eyebrow at that the implication that one has to display no sexuality at all in order to talk against unwanted fetishzation and dehumanzation. There's a huge difference between what consenting adults do behind closed doors or in this case, sim with strict rules in place, and the kind of fetishzation and dehumanzing that Trans folk like ourselves face. Or why someone who engages in sexual-roleplay is somehow exempt from the "don't be a jerk" rules.

 

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19 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Having read your profile, I wonder if the harassment you've experienced here is entirely because you are trans. Sexual role-play figures prominently there, blunting your complaints over dehumanization and fetishization. Your "writing requirements" are off-putting and the spelling error within them pegs my irony meter. Declaring yourself "The Transgender Avenger" suggests you are itching for a fight.

I have trans friends in SL and RL. Their gender/sexuality are of little concern to me. They, like all the others, became my friends because, from the start, they were warm and welcoming. Consider whether a change in your profile, and the attitude it reflects, might improve the reception you receive from others.

Under no circumstances is harassment all right and under no circumstances it is the victim's fault. I did not receive harassment for my writing requirements, I received harassment for being trans before and after I put that in my profile. I did not attack anyone, did not put anyone down for their writing - I just included my preference, so people would know how to approach me. 

I've been nothing but polite and will continue to be regardless of how you choose to act - your words and actions are a reflection of who you are as a person, not of who I am, and I will not allow anyone to make me turn into something I am not. I call(ed) myself the transgender avenger because Marvel is one of my favorite franchises, not because I am itching for a fight - you, however, were quick to leave an unpleasant response to a post aiming to help transgender people find a safer place within this platform.

 

P.S. Liking sex and sexual things does not mean you deserve to be dehumanized and fetishized.

Edited by OfDragonFire
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I did not say harassment was all right. But in an environment where it's so easy to harass people, primarily because of the anonymity, it's worth considering what might trigger people to do it. When I get an unwelcome or unexpected reaction from someone in RL, the first thing that comes to mind is that something in particular about me was the cause. I'm usually able to stop the analysis right there, because the guess was correct. Sometimes I do encounter unwelcome behavior because I'm female (as just happened at a wedding), but that's not terribly common. I'm white and live in a nearly completely white neighborhood and so I presume I'm oblivious to the privilege that confers.

My personal SL experience is that I encountered disproportionately annoying behavior from people (presenting as males) in "meet markets", where sexual energy was high. I've also encountered such behavior at the info-hubs (do those still exist?) where asshats love to harass vulnerable newbies. Such behavior is both inexcusable and predictable.

49 minutes ago, OfDragonFire said:

I've been nothing but polite

This is a claim I would never make for myself, as I'm in no position to judge the truth of it. Whether I'm polite or not is for other people to decide, and you would not be the first one to decide I'm not. I don't want anyone to suffer harassment here, but it's very easy to harbor misconceptions in a world where you know nothing for sure. I have SL trans friends who have been here for years and years and have found this place to be welcoming and liberating. I wish you'd found it so yourself and simply wonder why you haven't.

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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Regardless of your rationale, I had the same reaction as Maddy to your profile and your chosen title.  So that's two data points for you.

I'll also point out that there are several active and long-standing trans support groups in world.  You might be better served to check them out before deciding to start your own crusade from scratch.

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2 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Regardless of your rationale, I had the same reaction as Maddy to your profile and your chosen title.  So that's two data points for you.

I'll also point out that there are several active and long-standing trans support groups in world.  You might be better served to check them out before deciding to start your own crusade from scratch.

Hey, it is hard to read people's voices from behind the screen - transgender avenger is a clever reference to the avengers, and it makes me as well as a lot of fellow marvel nerds feel giddy, so why would you want to turn it into an attack? 

There are millions of groups for different things - why is it such an issue that I want to provide another one? I personally haven't found one I felt comfortable in, so...

6 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I don't want anyone to suffer harassment here, but it's very easy to harbor misconceptions in a world where you know nothing for sure. I have SL trans friends who have been here for years and years and have found this place to be welcoming and liberating. I wish you'd found it so yourself and simply wonder why you haven't.

I have no misconceptions about this platform, I know my experience and the experience of those I spoke to. Whether it is here or in real life, we are disproportionately subject to attacks - sometimes verbal, sometimes worse. All I want is to create a place for us to just be... Now, why is that such an issue? Why is me wanting to create a place where trans people can receive support and validation such a bad thing? Why does it make me deserving of harassment and invalidation? 

I am not the only one who is struggling - there are little to no groups dedicated to supporting trans men specifically for instance and almost every sim I've seen for trans women uses transphobic language, and as someone who suffered great violence, who came too close to death because of my trans-ness, I would rather have a more positive place to be.  

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28 minutes ago, OfDragonFire said:

Hey, it is hard to read people's voices from behind the screen - transgender avenger is a clever reference to the avengers, and it makes me as well as a lot of fellow marvel nerds feel giddy, so why would you want to turn it into an attack? 

There are millions of groups for different things - why is it such an issue that I want to provide another one? I personally haven't found one I felt comfortable in, so...

I have no misconceptions about this platform, I know my experience and the experience of those I spoke to. Whether it is here or in real life, we are disproportionately subject to attacks - sometimes verbal, sometimes worse. All I want is to create a place for us to just be... Now, why is that such an issue? Why is me wanting to create a place where trans people can receive support and validation such a bad thing? Why does it make me deserving of harassment and invalidation? 

I am not the only one who is struggling - there are little to no groups dedicated to supporting trans men specifically for instance and almost every sim I've seen for trans women uses transphobic language, and as someone who suffered great violence, who came too close to death because of my trans-ness, I would rather have a more positive place to be.  

Where did I, or anyone here, say that wanting to create a safe space is bad? Where did anyone say that you were deserving of harassment? Don't build a misconception here.

It is hard to read people's voices from behind the screen. I think you'll find the people of the forum to be generally kind, understanding and helpful. Some of us wear a little bit of jade, some a little more, and some of us wear snark, but I think we all value SL and want to keep it a vibrant and happy place.

I'm not a superhero genre fan, but suspect that vengeance works better as fantasy than in reality. If you are truly seeking to "fight" harassment against trans people here, education through interaction will probably work better. I know that will be hard work, and may resurrect dark memories, but fighting fire with fire, even metaphorically, just burns everything to the ground. Now, if your Avenger is a klutz, like Wile E. Coyote, I'm entirely in your camp.

There are trans friendly groups in SL as Lindal has now pointed out. Why not just ask here for pointers to trans male specific support groups? I hope someone here is able to provide one/some.

I wish I didn't appear rude, but I see things that make me wonder if there's more at work here than your being trans. If so, there might be changes you can make that are easier than denying your sexual identity to avoid harassment. Give us the benefit of the doubt.

Good luck, OfDragonFire.

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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I can see the struggles of trans people in real life. I have trans friends and yes they get discriminated against. My personal opinion (and it is my personal opinion) is that you don't have to declare your rl gender here. You can already be the gender you choose to be or feel you are and experience the life you want to lead. An rl 120 kilogram bricklayer can be the most gracious ballerina in here without being harassed about their gender. I see that you feel the need to defend the rights of trans people in RL and it is a worthy cause but you will never convert everyone to your beliefs. I don't see SL as the platform to fight this battle but more of a means to experience a life you want to have. Bring a battle to people and there will always be people who will pick up the glove and fight back.

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Just now, Madelaine McMasters said:

Where did I, or anyone here, say that wanting to create a safe space is bad? Where did anyone say that you were deserving of harassment? Don't build a misconception here.

It is hard to read people's voices from behind the screen. I think you'll find the people of the forum to be generally kind, understanding and helpful. Some of us wear a little bit of jade, some a little more, and some of us wear snark, but I think we all value SL and want to keep it a vibrant and happy place.

I'm not a superhero genre fan, but suspect that vengeance works better as fantasy than in reality. If you are truly seeking to "fight" harassment against trans people here, education through interaction will probably work better. I know that will be hard work, and may resurrect dark memories, but fighting fire with fire just burns everything to the ground.

There are trans friendly groups in SL as Lindal has now pointed out. Why not just ask here for pointers to trans male specific support groups? I hope someone here is able to provide one/some.

I wish I didn't appear rude, but I see things that make me wonder if there's more at work here than your being trans. If so, there might be changes you can make that are easier than denying your sexual identity to avoid harassment. Give us the benefit of the doubt.

Good luck, OfDragonFire.

You might have not intended it but that is how it came across. If you were hoping to affect positive change, why not message me privately? Why not refer other trans people to this post? 

While I wholeheartedly believe it is not the jobs of minorities to educate, if you have come to me and asked me about some of the ideas I am hoping to bring to fruition, you would see most of them are to raise awareness and educate people in LGBTQ issues in general and transgender issues in particular.

You have jumped to assumptions, attacked me for having my writing preference in my profile, been nothing short of crass and I still kept a level-head. Because that's what we are supposed to do, no? Take all the insults and harassment and accusations with a smile on our faces. I wish I could say you're the only one who thinks that way, you're not. It's something trans people deal with on daily basis, something I assume a lot of people from marginalized communities deal with.

You're asking me to give you the benefit of the doubt and I have, I still am, but you are acting as if me saying something needs to change is an attack on your person. Something does need to change, a lot needs to change. Not just in Second Life, in the whole world. We are literally being stripped of rights in the USA as we speak, we are being  brutalized and murdered every day, most of us will never make it past 35 but here you are, angry that I want to create a space for us to be safe. To have the support we want and deserve.

Why is the fact that I want to create something for us such a bad thing? I don't understand.

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2 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

 Sexual role-play figures prominently there, blunting your complaints over dehumanization and fetishization.

Not sure I would personally agree that setting oneself up for auction as a slave is dehumanising.

But then, I am involved in that scene so I have no illusions that I view those things quite differently to the majority of people in SL. I strongly believe Trans people can actively be submissive, and I believe they should be proud of it as well. I don't think it invalidates one's other desires at all. These are two very different points.

But yeah, it takes time for society to adjust and stop thinking of "if you want to be trans, then conform and don't cause waves!", to that I see a lot of similarities to how gay people also felt they needed to be "loud and proud" from Stonewall and onwards.

 

ofDragonFire, if I can make a gentle suggestion to move your RP rules/style to your picks. From long time experience in SL, people do react better if the profile page is "you, yourself" and pretty much anything to do with roleplay is filed away under the picks. Include a statement "More in Picks" if you must.

The POD statement, as a dominant I understand it. It serves it's purpose and I think it's ok on the first page.

And just as a general, consider writing everything in your profile in a positive voice, one does catch more flies with honey then vinegar.

 

Edited by Callum Meriman
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4 minutes ago, Jules Catlyn said:

I can see the struggles of trans people in real life. I have trans friends and yes they get discriminated against. My personal opinion (and it is my personal opinion) is that you don't have to declare your rl gender here. You can already be the gender you choose to be or feel you are and experience the life you want to lead. An rl 120 kilogram bricklayer can be the most gracious ballerina in here without being harassed about their gender. I see that you feel the need to defend the rights of trans people in RL and it is a worthy cause but you will never convert everyone to your beliefs. I don't see SL as the platform to fight this battle but more of a means to experience a life you want to have. Bring a battle to people and there will always be people who will pick up the glove and fight back.

This 'battle' is my life. My gender is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing I should be afraid to express. I will fight tooth and nail for trans people, because we deserve it. We deserve to feel represented, to feel okay with who we are. 

I didn't call for a fight, I called for TRANS PEOPLE to make themselves known so we can support each other. We shouldn't have to fight to be who were are, we shouldn't have to fight to feel safe here or anywhere else. The mere thought of us existing seems to upset you so much. I love being trans, I love my identity, and I won't hide it. I will fight tooth and nail for trans people if I have to, since basic human decency seems to be too much to ask for.

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