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Morgana Hilra

Question about Second Life Couples.

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1 - For you couples in SL, do you get together with the intention of meeting in RL or, is it strictly SL for you?

2 - Also, what are your thoughts about people with RL partners (bf/gf/wife/husband) who have partners in SL? This includes RL partners that do, or do not know about the SL relationships? 

My answer - Personally, I think as long as the real-life partner knows about the SL relationship and is OK with it, then no one has any rights to judge. Actually honestly, I don't think anyone has any "right" to judge anyone else unless it directly affects that person. Does that make sense?

I don't see how a rl partner would NOT know about an online partnership, friendship, or whatever the relationship is in SL.

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   1 - there are always ideals of utopia, where one may hope that whatever happens in SL may translate seamlessly into RL one day. It happens, although I don't think it's ever entirely seamless, but it isn't the norm in SL. 

   2 - both past and present partners of mine had and have real life partners - of course, it serves to immediately disillusionize the first point, unless they are in an unhappy relationship and wish to elope with you, which certainly makes it less seamless. It may not be ideal, but whether to engage in a relationship with someone or not is not a binary question, and their RL relationship status is just one of many factors which may sway one's decision in one way or the other.

   How emotions translate between virtual and actual, I think, is very individual. You've got people who obviously couldn't care less about the people in front of the screen on the other end, and you'll find them in every club trying to make way into the pixel panties of others - and you've got people whose relationships in SL have lasted for years, and quite a few where they've translated as far into RL as to form marriages with children. 

   There are, likewise, many relationships in SL that are indeed kept hidden from RL partners. As well as SL relationships kept hidden from other SL partners - and RL relationships hidden from SL partners. It's called infidelity - cheating - and unfortunately, it appears quite rampant in many levels of both virtual and actual society. 

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Both me and my SL partner have RL partners. We are both perfectly happy in both worlds and wouldn't want to change a thing.

Ironically,  I can't talk politics with either of them ?

 

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On 10/6/2018 at 2:48 PM, Morgana Hilra said:

1 - For you couples in SL, do you get together with the intention of meeting in RL or, is it strictly SL for you?

2 - Also, what are your thoughts about people with RL partners (bf/gf/wife/husband) who have partners in SL? This includes RL partners that do, or do not know about the SL relationships?

1 - SL is to make up for the time we cannot be together RL.

2 - My thoughts ... I have two.  First is that it is none of my business. The second thought doesn't really matter because it is none of my business.

On a more personal note, Clover and I have RL spouses that not only know about our relationship, they even encourage it.  I understand not everyone is able to be open like that so I do feel we are both very lucky to have these men in our lives.

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1. I had this before and my ex and I used the things that happened in SL as inspiration. With the man now being at my side... there´s no room in ANY life, universe or dimention for anybody else cos I´ve been addicted to him for 4 years now, being together for 1 - finally....I don´t even find anybody else REALLY attractive. I can aknowledge beauty or attractiveness but I don´t feel drawn to anybody else so poor Kasha is on celibacy. Though luck love, you´ve had enough sex for several lifes :P 

2. that´s none of my business and ever so often a source of drama which I stay away from if there´s even the slightest chance to. I HATE HATE HAAAAAATE Drama.... brrrrr

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That's the other thing. I do NOT have sex in SL. I have taken questionable photos in the past, either with my partner (in the past) or my male/female alts, or maybe a good friend that I trust not to make it more than it is but, I do NOT have sex in sl. I am (for myself) against having sex/that form of connection with someone when I have a rl partner. I don't think it would be fair to them (though he has told me time and time again that he does not care, and would not be threatened by me having an "intimate" relationship online with someone), and also I have other reasons, that my partner is made aware of if and when we became "involved".. Again, it's a personal thing. And I do NOT judge those that DO have sex with online partners, I just have my own feelings on the subject.

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1)i had relationships 2 times in SL,fist was bad, second relationships  was too short and dramatic.I don t wanted to meet these people after i knew them closer,lol.

2)i don t care about SL partner RL life, don t need all details.

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On 10/6/2018 at 3:48 PM, Morgana Hilra said:

1 - For you couples in SL, do you get together with the intention of meeting in RL or, is it strictly SL for you?

2 - Also, what are your thoughts about people with RL partners (bf/gf/wife/husband) who have partners in SL? This includes RL partners that do, or do not know about the SL relationships? 

My answer - Personally, I think as long as the real-life partner knows about the SL relationship and is OK with it, then no one has any rights to judge. Actually honestly, I don't think anyone has any "right" to judge anyone else unless it directly affects that person. Does that make sense?

I don't see how a rl partner would NOT know about an online partnership, friendship, or whatever the relationship is in SL.

1930203381_braceyourselves.jpg.e2cdebd42c0eb9d52d7ec9f18e841ad2.jpg

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On 10/6/2018 at 8:48 PM, Morgana Hilra said:

My answer - Personally, I think as long as the real-life partner knows about the SL relationship and is OK with it, then no one has any rights to judge. Actually honestly, I don't think anyone has any "right" to judge anyone else unless it directly affects that person.

I've seen several friends complicate difficult RL relationships with complicated SL ones and generally lie to themselves about the situation, so I'm a bit skeptical when people insist it's all good. But then, when it comes to relationships, SL does lend itself to getting caught up in a fantasy about what's going on anyway.

For me personally, there are limits as to how low a priority I'll let myself be. Taking care of myself is why I won't get involved with anyone who has a RL or SL partner. It's just not worth it.

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My SL partner and I are both married  to other people in RL, neither of which has any interest in SL, a big part of what make  the SL relationship work is  that we each hold the other's RL  marriage as sacred as we hold our own.

 

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On 10/6/2018 at 2:48 PM, Morgana Hilra said:

1 - For you couples in SL, do you get together with the intention of meeting in RL or, is it strictly SL for you?

2 - Also, what are your thoughts about people with RL partners (bf/gf/wife/husband) who have partners in SL? This includes RL partners that do, or do not know about the SL relationships? 

 

1.  I don't think anyone goes into a virtual relationship with the intention of meeting in RL.  Not saying it can't happen, just that no one really expects that going into a new relationship. I feel like you have to become friends and let it build or not build from there.  Later, if both parties are available and want to meet RL,  that's totally up to them.  If they just want to continue in SL, they can decide that.  

2. It' s  not for me to say what happens in a RL relationship if one of them has an SL relationship.  It depends on how strong their relationship is, how secure the partners are with each other, etc.  If an RL relationship is over due to a SL one, there were far bigger problems than a virtual game. 

 

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On 10/9/2018 at 7:47 AM, Talligurl said:

a big part of what make  the SL relationship work is  that we each hold the other's RL  marriage as sacred as we hold our own

I love this answer the best. All the answers have been great but, this is my favorite!

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I don't really date in SL anymore because lack of time and interest but I have a rule that is "never go over 2", which means absolutely no poly. If a person is in a relationship in RL it's also a deal breaker, even if I don't plan on taking things RL (which I usually don't, I don't think SL is the place to find RL love) I prefer the other person to not be committed so we won't have any issue.

I do know that a lot of people found their RL mates in SL, but due to location, language and my lovely antisocial self I don't personally believe on it working, at least for me.

Edited by Sylvannas Zulaman
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One thing I will say, and you can call it judgment if you wish but, when I am partnered to someone on SL, if they LIE to me about being with someone in RL, then all bets are off.

I cannot stand liars. It's one thing to say that they have someone in RL and would rather keep the two separate, because then at least there is a reason that I would end the relationship.

I have a complicated RL but, I share it because, no matter what people say, RL affects your SL and vice versa. It's important to have someone that you can confide in.

If I am with someone, their RL partners have to be OK with our relationship. It's a personal preference. 

That is a HARD limit for me. People NEED to be honest with me. It's the only way for it to work.

Does this make me seem... mean? Idk, maybe that is the wrong wording.

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On 10/6/2018 at 3:48 PM, Morgana Hilra said:

1 - For you couples in SL, do you get together with the intention of meeting in RL or, is it strictly SL for you?

2 - Also, what are your thoughts about people with RL partners (bf/gf/wife/husband) who have partners in SL? This includes RL partners that do, or do not know about the SL relationships? 

1 - Before, I had never intended to meet anyone in RL. For me - and for a lot of others, I am sure - it's just a desire for companionship. It can certainly get lonely in SL seeing other people with their partners and what have you. Heck, when I met my current partner I had no intentions to ever meet him. But now, we are getting close to our two year anniversary and have become both SL and RL, and I have a plane ticket to go meet him for our two years together. :) That said, I've been in 'long term' SL relationships in the past, and never met them, and it worked out just fine.

 

2 - My thoughts about people with RL partners is that it's fine... IF the RL partner knows. Then again, it is not my place to judge and to each their own. But in my eyes, it's about the morality of it all and it just feels a little wrong. Like emotional cheating. Just my two cents. :)

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1 - For myself and Madison, it's strictly SL. If we lived close enough that we could meet in RL, we almost certainly would do so regularly but even then, we wouldn't be moving in together or anything like that. We established long ago that if we lived together we'd drive each other nuts and probably end up hating each other.

2 - I think it's ok if the RL partners know about the SL relationship and are happy with it. It's also ok if the RL partners are like "Do what you want, I don't care". But when you are hiding your SL relationship from your RL partner because your RL partner would not approve, then it's crossed the line into cheating and is not ok. I also think it's not ok to tell your SL partner that you're single in RL when you're not.

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For myself, my rl partner is my sl partner as well. And we have other partnerships in sl aswell. But then we are not monogamous in sl. With that in mind, about half of the girls we have both dated has/had rl spouses and we personally like to know. It doesn't change our opinions if they are or are not involved with someone in rl, but we also like to know that the spouse is made aware. We both have a big issue with infidelity. Infact one of the girls we both are in a relationship with, we are pretty good friends with her rl husband, even though he does not do sl. 

 

 

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1) We got together only with the intention of getting together; whatever comes, comes, but needn’t be planned. I should think if that was anyone’s intention from the very first “hi”, one ought to consider dedicated dating sites–not just because they make that a foregone conclusion, but because they’re much easier to use.

2) First & second-hand experience tells me it rarely works quite as well as defenders say, even when the RL partner knows; and also that I should’ve totally begun this line with the compulsory “none of my business, I respect everyone’s thoughts & choices”–or perhaps even leave it at that. Downside of “stream-of-consciousness” style ?

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On 10/6/2018 at 12:48 PM, Morgana Hilra said:

1 - For you couples in SL, do you get together with the intention of meeting in RL or, is it strictly SL for you?

2 - Also, what are your thoughts about people with RL partners (bf/gf/wife/husband) who have partners in SL? This includes RL partners that do, or do not know about the SL relationships? 

Sabrina and I are firstly a couple irl and SecondLife is a fun way to take that online. However I know a lot of people with an SL relationship that want it to be strictly online and don't want to meet eachother irl or make it more serious than SL.

As for having a relationship in SL not related to an irl relationship while having one, I think it's a bit shady. Wether casual or not, i would still see it as cheating.

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some my friends are married in RL and they even had lots of lovers and partners in SL and they don t see that as a cheating,they just don t love their RL partners,awkward and sad

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On 10/6/2018 at 3:48 PM, Morgana Hilra said:

1 - For you couples in SL, do you get together with the intention of meeting in RL or, is it strictly SL for you?

2 - Also, what are your thoughts about people with RL partners (bf/gf/wife/husband) who have partners in SL? This includes RL partners that do, or do not know about the SL relationships? 

My answer - Personally, I think as long as the real-life partner knows about the SL relationship and is OK with it, then no one has any rights to judge. Actually honestly, I don't think anyone has any "right" to judge anyone else unless it directly affects that person. Does that make sense?

I don't see how a rl partner would NOT know about an online partnership, friendship, or whatever the relationship is in SL.

1) I am always clear about this.  I do not have any desire to meet or have an SL boyfriend turn into a RL one.

2) I am married in RL and anyone I am seeing in SL has to understand that my RL husband comes first.  Always.  

3)  To an unasked question, I rarely want to talk about my marriage in depth with a guy I am seeing in SL.  That's what my sister and girl friends are for.  

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On 10/6/2018 at 3:48 PM, Morgana Hilra said:

1 - For you couples in SL, do you get together with the intention of meeting in RL or, is it strictly SL for you?

2 - Also, what are your thoughts about people with RL partners (bf/gf/wife/husband) who have partners in SL? This includes RL partners that do, or do not know about the SL relationships? 

 

1. Hubby and I met long before sl, elsewhere online (a game, lol), an amazing friendship grew from our very first meeting. Neither had any intention of a romantic relationship, we allowed it to develop and grow organically, and that was ages and ages ago now ;)  Our relationship has only grown, monumentally, over the years, and continues to do so. 

2. I'd like to say "none of my business", like most other people, but I know that's a total lie. I do judge people, though I don't always tell people I'm judging, but if asked, I'll answer truthfully, lol. ALL humans judge other humans, btw. (it's those who say they don't, one ought not to trust...but I digress..).

I have a rather unpopular opinion on this matter....

I have extremely strong feelings about infidelity, and the many forms in which it comes. While I understand that many people say " my SO is perfectly fine with it/doesn't care", save for very very few cases (ie, all parties know each other very well)..you can't possibly actually KNOW that as the outsider coming in. And it would hurt me deeply to know I hurt another on the emotional level that I know infidelity often slams down, the damage that can cause to another human being can be insurmountable for some. I would not ever want to be the other woman, so to speak, so obviously being in two(or more) relationships like that at the same time is not something I would ever do. I can honestly say I do feel bad for a LOT of people, the world over, whose SOs have chosen to take on another relationship with, or without their knowledge, who ultimately get hurt. There are very few cases, imo, where someone does not get hurt. I can't imagine being a person who is OK with someone hurting their SO just for some pixel bumping fun, or worse an "emotional affair" because "it's sl only/we're having fun/it's not serious"...blah. I would feel horrible, personally.  Even if it would be the person with an SO that is actually doing something wrong(cheating) *I* would feel as if *I* am contributing, and *I* would not be ok with that. No matter how many times someone said their SO is ok with that, I could never be 100% certain, so I could never be ok with it.  Been on the other side of that fence myself, and it's not a pleasant place to be, when you feel as though you're not good enough and your SO has had to seek someone/something else out. It would make me sick to my stomach to inflict that on another.

That all said..it should be obvious that I am a fiercely loyal life partner, and will defend loyalty over infidelity regardless of the reason chosen. Infidelity is infidelity in my eyes, even if the other party knows about it. I knew about it too...

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I have never had a Second Life relationship to become a real life one. I am married in real life, they have a partner in real life too, and we always say real life comes first...no exceptions. If i was single and with someone single then that is different, but usually people are different in real life, to what they are on sl.

My husband knows about second life, in fact he was the one said when i first went on sl, that if i wanted a boyfriend/hubby on it he didn't have a problem with it, as he worked away a lot. But i find it is people i meet on sl that can get a bit funny with me because i have a relationship on sl.

I think it is up to the individual, everyone has their own rl/sl some keep all seperate, some don't. I just hate people judging.

Also i hang out dancing or explore sl it isn't based on sex.......

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1) I never expect things to go beyond SL. I know it happens though. 

2) For me personally, the other person should be single in RL. If they want to date someone in RL, then they are more than welcome to break up with me and keep in touch as friends if they'd like. Since I don't expect things to go beyond SL and all.

For other people I know that as long as the RL partner knows, it's perfectly fine.

Just know that my own personal preference does not make me judge anyone else's choice, as it's not my place at all to do so. 
 

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