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crissy Carolina

lying during RP

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I am trying to find out thoughts and feelings of others in the community about lying during RP. Is it okay? Normal? Expected? etc. As a general rule and a matter of conscience and character I believe in 100% honesty in my RL. But does SL count the same way? For example, if a character in SL tells me "i love you", do I say it back simply because I know thats what they want to hear, or do I only say it if I in fact love them? If immediately after SL sex, someone asks me, "did you ***** in RL", and I didn't,  do I say yes, because thats what they want to hear? I would just like some feedback on how others handle situations like this and possible ways to deal with them in the future.

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isn't the purpose of RP phantasie?... so as fact not real = ....yes a lie..... and you have to tell what fits in the RP .. rl questions don't belong there, you could have been knitting socks  in those two minutes, but if that was a good time, who cares.

About the other part... if you don't love somebody, why tell them the opposite? Just be honest, " nah i like you and had a great time, but don't love you", bye see you later (or not)

Edited by Ethan Paslong
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I don't want to sound rude...but this doesn't sound like you understand what roleplay is or have some things completely mixed up, which would suprise me, judgeing by the fact that your account must be kind of old since you have a lastname. Forgive me, but I'm really confused right now.

 

48 minutes ago, crissy Carolina said:

I believe in 100% honesty in my RL. But does SL count the same way?

First things first: Not everyone in Second Life is a roleplayer. Being in Second Life doesn't mean you are supposed to roleplay and it also doesn't mean that everyone around you plays. If you tell a lie, you tell a lie. There is no "but its SL" excuse to make it less of a lie.

48 minutes ago, crissy Carolina said:

For example, if a character in SL tells me "i love you", do I say it back simply because I know thats what they want to hear, or do I only say it if I in fact love them?

Roleplay is the act of playing a character. How the play goes is not driven by what you, the person behind the keyboard, would do in such a situation, but what your character would do. The answer to your question lies within the character you are playing. Is your character in love with that other character? Would they admit their feelings? And if not, would your character lie to avoid hurting someone or to avoid a conflict?

Usually many serious roleplayers are even against the idea of too much influence from the out-of-character perspective into the in-character one because it tends to create drama and other problems. So...I suspect you are new to roleplay?

48 minutes ago, crissy Carolina said:

If immediately after SL sex, someone asks me, "did you ***** in RL", and I didn't,  do I say yes, because thats what they want to hear?

Hold on a second. That question has nothing to do with traditional roleplay and does not get asked in proper roleplay settings, were everything that happens is because of the plot and not because someone wants to satisfy their real life needs. That SL sex was cyber sex, not roleplay. This person is asking you, not some character, because what happened was aimed at satisfying both parties behind the keyboard.

 

Edit for additional clarification:

Most of the time, when you are in SL, you are not encountering people who roleplay. Instead, SL is often more like a 3D interactive chatroom, were people socialize, fantasizes and fullfill all kinds of needs, wishes and fantasies. I would say most people act as themself, represented with an avatar that reflects what they like (be it a general liking or a part of their personality they want to express).

In conclusion those questions should be answered by a more general one: "How do you want to treat people in a virtual world?"

Edited by Syo Emerald
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Actually Syo, while my avi is a little older, you are correct in your assumptions about my RP xp. It is very limited. I also agree that the SL sex wasnt RP, to the other person, but it was to me. Im just unsure how to deal with it in the future

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1 hour ago, crissy Carolina said:

Actually Syo, while my avi is a little older, you are correct in your assumptions about my RP xp. It is very limited. I also agree that the SL sex wasnt RP, to the other person, but it was to me. Im just unsure how to deal with it in the future

You must first decide if SL is a game to you or not. If it is a game then everything is role-playing. If it is not then not everything is role-playing. The question is that of immersion and projection: do you see yourself in your avatar and project yourself into that avatar or are you just the puppeteer of a fancy digital Barbie doll?

Answer these questions and the answer to your Original Post will come all by itself.

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6 minutes ago, BlixaKarita said:

i see people put that rl and sl are separate but at the same time they discuss rl stuff.  it's confusing to me.

That's often added to profiles as a polite way of saying "no I will not voice sex you, nor will you get real life pics off me, stop asking for all this info you creep".

RL/SL separation isn't a binary thing. There are some people that treat SL are pure fantasy, who create an avatar as an entirely separate character from their real life self, with a totally different personality, and then act that out. There are also those that treat SL like 3D facebook, who see no difference between their avatar and themselves. Most people are somewhere between the two extremes.

For me,  I'm quite happy to talk/moan about how my day has been with anyone; but getting interrogated about where I live and how old I am and where I was born and what I do for a living within a couple of minutes of starting a conversation - that's not okay. "Back in a bit, just making dinner" is something I have no problem saying, but demanding that I describe my real life masturbation habits to you is not acceptable. That's just where I draw my boundaries. And everyone's boundaries will be different; the important thing is to respect those boundaries rather than trying to force your own upon everyone around you.

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24 minutes ago, BlixaKarita said:

i see people put that rl and sl are separate but at the same time they discuss rl stuff.  it's confusing to me.

What most people mean by this is, that they don't want to treat Second Life like an inseperatable part of their real life, but rather like an escape. This doesn't mean that they are roleplaying a character, but that they like to keep as anonym as they want to. This can range from refusing to answer questions about their age, gender or location and refusing to use voice, aswell as not sharing any way of contact option outside of SL. Usually people with this statement also put it out to make clear that they do not seek relationships, that get carried behond the virutal realm. Its pretty much a blanket statement for all sorts of things.

It gets easier to understand, if you encounter the direct opposite. The people who want as much RL connection as possible. They ask personal questions from the start, ask for voice, ask for social media accounts, pictures and often demand verification of some sort and want to be serious with their dating and are open to carry arising relationships to RL. Often (not always) this type of people have a demanding nature, which made the "rl and sl are seperate" statements probably so popular. Its a hope to get spared from drama.

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2 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

Actually Syo, while my avi is a little older, you are correct in your assumptions about my RP xp. It is very limited. I also agree that the SL sex wasnt RP, to the other person, but it was to me. Im just unsure how to deal with it in the future

Ah, I see.

You'll probably run into that situation more than once. Not only because your view differs from others, but also because some people really get turned on by the idea of how they satisfied that other person. Personally, I find questions like this awfully mood breaking and vulgar...but to each their own I guess.

The best way would be to clear up any misunderstanding before you get into each others pants. Of course, thats the ideal way and not always going to work. How you answer should depend on what makes you more comfortable and how your mid-term status with that person is going to be. A random stranger that vanishes into the night is probably well dealt with a little lie or avoidance of a direct answer. No stress, no hurt ego and expectations. But someone who is going to stay around probably should get the truth, so this situation isn't bount to happen again, because they think you are both on the same page.

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3 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

I am trying to find out thoughts and feelings of others in the community about lying during RP.

RP... as the others mention it's a bit of a nebulous definition. Some people see SL as a game and RP as something where anything can be said without ramifications. They see it as anything goes. Others are very invested in their avatars and see those as extensions of themselves.

This can cause huge problems if one person considers an intimate relationship as only roleplay and the other feels it is real.

It's a solid well proven fact that people can *and do* feel real emotions in SecondLife. People can have their hearts broken just as they would be in SecondLife if someone lies or cheats.

And it's the measure of a Roleplayers goodness to understand this, and make it well known before things go too far that this is just a casual hookup.

Doubly so if people are playing in an avatar of a different gender.

3 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

As a general rule and a matter of conscience and character I believe in 100% honesty in my RL. But does SL count the same way? For example, if a character in SL tells me "i love you", do I say it back simply because I know thats what they want to hear, or do I only say it if I in fact love them?

Unless you have verified ((this is just a roleplay, huh?)) then yes, you would only say it if you meant it. Around the Love word... don't muck around.

3 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

If immediately after SL sex, someone asks me, "did you ***** in RL", and I didn't,  do I say yes, because thats what they want to hear?

For that, I would let them live the fantasy.

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Lying in RP is okay. It's required. You are playing a role. Playing = pretending = lying. You were both RPing when you were together. When they asked about what you did in real life they just broke the RP. That was not okay and that is their fault. 

Edited by Bree Giffen
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4 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

I am trying to find out thoughts and feelings of others in the community about lying during RP.

RP = roleplay
Roleplay = playing a role
Playing a role = acting
Acting = performing a fictional part
Fiction = imaginary events and people

One might say that all fiction - by its very nature of being completely made up by a creative imagination - is a lie.

Roleplay in Second Life, however, has morphed into multiple meanings. No longer is it just a word used to describe those who dress up and stroll around Caledon as a Victorian gentleman adventurer, or 1920s Berlin as a music hall performer, or a Star Trek ship as Chief Medical Officer: the people who are acting out completely fictional roles in a relatively realistic (but often historical or fantastical or futuristic) environment. Now it's also the province of the family roleplayers who try to live idyllic and perfect 'real' Second Lives, of the emergency services roleplayers, and - increasingly common these days - of those who see all of Second Life as a game in which everyone must surely be playing a role if they're not completely open when asked the ubiquitious A/S/L question.

4 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

If immediately after SL sex, someone asks me, "did you ***** in RL", and I didn't,  do I say yes, because thats what they want to hear?

In the situation above you are both playing a role - actors on the stage enjoying the exhilaration of a well-played out back-and-forth (if you'll excuse the pun) scene - but if at the end of it the other person breaks the fourth wall and brings the audience (real life) into the act, would that make you feel uncomfortable and kill the enjoyment of that roleplay for you?

In real life you would be very unlikely to go into a potential encounter like that without first establishing some boundaries or ideas of what both of you would expect, so in future why not do the same in Second Life?

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1 minute ago, Skell Dagger said:

In the situation above you are both playing a role - actors on the stage enjoying the exhilaration of a well-played out back-and-forth (if you'll excuse the pun) scene - but if at the end of it the other person breaks the fourth wall and brings the audience (real life) into the act, would that make you feel uncomfortable and kill the enjoyment of that roleplay for you?

In real life you would be very unlikely to go into a potential encounter like that without first establishing some boundaries or ideas of what both of you would expect, so in future why not do the same in Second Life?

For some people however, they don't see it as playing a role. Some people see the SL horizontal tango as no different to phone or cam sex, an act of mutual masturbation using misaligned animations (and a text commentary) as the medium rather than voice or video. For them there is no fourth wall to break; the "roleplay" is just a conversation with the aim of mutual pleasure, so them asking for a "status check" is not only considered appropriate, but even enhances their own pleasure.

I'm not one of those people. It's awkward and jarring, and not something I validate with an answer. I used to do what some of the other posters suggested and spin a little lie to keep them happy; but I found that feeding that line of questioning only encourages more. I even had one guy insist that he had to see me again because of our deep sexual connection, because I lied a little too well (#humblebragging, I know, sorry). So yeah, I no longer respond to that kind of thing, and will simply walk away if they push for an answer.

And while you're right that this is the kind of thing that should be resolved with discussion, I've found that most people with this mindset are utterly convinced that their personal lack of RL/SL separation must apply to everyone else around them too. There is no point in discussing boundaries with them because they believe that your boundaries are invalid, that they are a self-delusion, and that they know better. Unless you resist too strongly, of course; then you're actually a man masquerading as a woman. Or something.

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27 minutes ago, Skell Dagger said:

In real life you would be very unlikely to go into a potential encounter like that without first establishing some boundaries or ideas of what both of you would expect, so in future why not do the same in Second Life?

^^^This!!!

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5 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

I am trying to find out thoughts and feelings of others in the community about lying during RP. Is it okay? Normal? Expected? etc. As a general rule and a matter of conscience and character I believe in 100% honesty in my RL. But does SL count the same way? For example, if a character in SL tells me "i love you", do I say it back simply because I know thats what they want to hear, or do I only say it if I in fact love them? If immediately after SL sex, someone asks me, "did you ***** in RL", and I didn't,  do I say yes, because thats what they want to hear? I would just like some feedback on how others handle situations like this and possible ways to deal with them in the future.

My computer is located in the living room,  a public area, and I'm rarely if ever home alone.

But if I'm ever asked what I'm doing while I play with someone  I always say that I'm... ***deleted to avoid violating the forum guidelines*** and that i'm so ***deleted to avoid violating the forum guidelines***.

When we are done I tell them I really did ***deleted to avoid violating the forum guidelines*** and it was wonderful.

Then I light up a smoke.

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I try to keep RL and SL seperate. Not always easy!

I apply the same moral compass to both.

I would never say I loved someone in either if I didn't. 

SL is complex. It's a game I play to relax. It's also way more than a game.  It's an extension of who I am. I wouldn't keep coming back if I didn't enjoy what it gives.

And...I have a small number of special friends from around the world, who I value.

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9 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

I am trying to find out thoughts and feelings of others in the community about lying during RP. Is it okay? Normal? Expected? etc. As a general rule and a matter of conscience and character I believe in 100% honesty in my RL. But does SL count the same way? For example, if a character in SL tells me "i love you", do I say it back simply because I know thats what they want to hear, or do I only say it if I in fact love them? If immediately after SL sex, someone asks me, "did you ***** in RL", and I didn't,  do I say yes, because thats what they want to hear? I would just like some feedback on how others handle situations like this and possible ways to deal with them in the future.

As a veteran agent of MISL* I naturally lie frequently. It goes with the job, really.

Fortunately Syo, aided by everyone else, has given you a very good explanation of RP and Second Life attitudes in general, so my completely unrelated post hasn't done any damage.

*I could tell you what that stands for but then I'd have to orbit you.

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55 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

I try to keep RL and SL seperate. Not always easy!

I apply the same moral compass to both.

I would never say I loved someone in either if I didn't. 

SL is complex. It's a game I play to relax. It's also way more than a game.  It's an extension of who I am. I wouldn't keep coming back if I didn't enjoy what it gives.

And...I have a small number of special friends from around the world, who I value.

When I first started SL  I was surprised when people  I barely knew would tell me that they loved me.  After a while i decided it really just means "I like you and want to hang out with you". 

So now when people tell me they love me, I say oh, I love you too.

I have people in sl that express their passionate undying love for me, and I'm thinking, who are you again?

 

Edited by Phorumities
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Thank you all very much for your replies. I try in my RL to life to live it with honesty and integrity and have struggled with these issues in SL. I just couldnt bring myself to lie, because RP or not some things I find too sacred to "pretend" (saying I love you, for one). It appears that being dishonest about important topics isnt required a in SL so I'll just continue to be honest and not indulge inappropriate, out of character,  RL questions. Thanks again to all that replied :)

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3 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

It appears that being dishonest about important topics isnt required a in SL so I'll just continue to be honest and not indulge inappropriate, out of character,  RL questions.

That is your interpretation of what we have all told you, and with the bolded words you have just labelled as 'dishonest' (aka: liars) everyone in this thread who has not actively agreed with your '100% honesty' policy.

Based on your words about not indulging in "inappropriate, out of character RL questions" you clearly regard all of Second Life as roleplay ('out of character' being a roleplay term).

Be assured that many of us in SL are not "dishonest about important topics" in Second Life. I sure as hell would not respond with "I love you too" to anyone who said "I love you" to me, no matter what the situation those words were spoken in. (And I wouldn't get involved in any kind of situation - other than a general friendship one - where they might concievably be said, either.) Those words, for me, are reserved only for my partner of 11 years.

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I used to struggle with this as well, especially the whole "I love you so much babe" nonsense. Number one you do not know me well enough to love me. I finally came to the realization that they are just saying that because they hope it will increase thier chances of getting me to let them use my avi to fulfill their sexual fantasies. What they are saying to me is a lie, so it makes it easier for me to use the same technique right back at hi, and say "I love you" when I really mean "I would love it if you bought me new shoes". Tha downside of doing this is it tends to make the guy even more clingy and annoying than he was before. As for the questions about RL. I don't consider my RL any of his business. I am going to say what they want to hear, to me SL is a form of entertainment and I will do whatever entertains my audience at the time. 

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8 hours ago, crissy Carolina said:

o I'll just continue to be honest and not indulge inappropriate, out of character,  RL questions. Thanks again to all that replied :)

 

This is the best solution in all lives and one that all people - in RL and SL - should pursue, I believe.

Okay, for some bizarre reason the strikeout style is applied - try to ignore it It seems SL is an adventure, both in-world and out! LOL

Edited by Alyona Su
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I know it's hopeless, but I wish more people were honest and upfront about what significance they give sexual and romantic activity in SL, both with themselves and with prospective partners.

 

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