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vanilla relationship

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Are there any true vanilla dom/sub relationships in SL. Where there is tenderness, caring, not all control and being dominated?

I would love to know if this exists . Plus, no crude bondage items . Suppose it may be unreal to even think this exist.

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D/s relationships can of course be full of love, care and tenderness, just like any other relationship. BDSM does not exclude any of that. This is not some disgusting, abusive 50-shadey of grey stuff. But that doesn't make the relationship "vanilla" in any way, so that term might hinder you finding the right partner. I suggest going a bit more into detail on what you expect from such a relationship and how you would see the dom/sub aspect incorporated into it.

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1 hour ago, Respectful1lady said:

Are there any true vanilla dom/sub relationships in SL. Where there is tenderness, caring, not all control and being dominated?

I would love to know if this exists . Plus, no crude bondage items . Suppose it may be unreal to even think this exist.

I'm sorry but a vanilla relationship has nothing to do with bdsm. There is nothing interesting in vanilla that  why is called vanilla. 

Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.
Vanilla, a bit like this definition.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vanilla

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4 minutes ago, Zzevir said:

I'm sorry but a vanilla relationship has nothing to do with bdsm. There is nothing interesting in vanilla that  why is called vanilla. 

Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.
Vanilla, a bit like this definition.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vanilla

No need to insult.

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Quoting urban dictionary won't really work and as Syo said, pretty rude.  Sure I questioned where vanilla would fit in a D/s relationship then thought there are many facets to it so who am I to judge someone else's  way.

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   To be fair, I don't think anyone could really be expected to keep up with the 'proper terminology' of all BDSM lifestyles. But, the term 'vanilla' does tend to mean 'without D/s', which may cause some confusion on what it is you are looking for. As with everyone else who post a 'looking for x' in this board - please, expand a little bit on what you are looking for, as well as who you are. I'm not asking for 'my' sake, but for your own - it'll be a lot easier for anyone who reads the thread to know whether they'd be interested and suitable if you just include a few details.

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hello to all regardless of what you may have written, I take all replies in a good way not ( I hope not ) to be cruel.

 

ok what I am looking for is a Dom/sub relationship that I call vanilla meaning ,,,,,,,,,, the Dom cares for his submissive, treats her with respect and shows tenderness

I am all for wearing a collar with such a man, and being his sub, if treated with love.  Never made to wear those horrible latex garments I have seen on some subs

Being I think the man should be in charge, I think of myself more submissive than dominate . Please allow me to express myself without mocking me. Thank you

 

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1 hour ago, Zzevir said:

I'm sorry but a vanilla relationship has nothing to do with bdsm. There is nothing interesting in vanilla that  why is called vanilla. 

Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.
Vanilla, a bit like this definition.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vanilla

Vanilla  is an orchid, and while not the flashiest, no orchid is boring

195013-049-7C04BC3E.jpg

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2 hours ago, Respectful1lady said:

Where there is tenderness, caring, not all control and being dominated?

I met a guy who wanted just this, my issue with him was he wanted our relationship to be sexual mixed with tenderness all  the time. Sometimes I want to just go dancing and talk about something  other than sex.

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I kinda don't really get why it's called vanilla and why it's somehow inferior to other flavours. 

As for the question whether or not something like op wants exists: It certainly does, I'm sure. Whatever someone can imagine, it'll exists. I think your terminology may just a bit off. :) 
It sounds like you're looking for an oldschool relationship with a a few sprinkles of kink! I'd suggest you just jump into the dating pool and when a potential partner comes along, just talk to them about it. Tell 'em you like certain aspects of BDSM, like the leashes for example, but you're not into the whole package - no big deal! :D

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I will put it this way for you. Yes there is a time and place for it you can still have vanilla side and D/s time. I live a 1950s lifestyle taken in hand with D's in real you have to also live your life as well as there time for D/s and vanilla. When your looking for long term or looking for a mentor yes you start vanilla like as dating and build in to it but you will all way's as your normal like and D/s. Really it whatever you make it. BDSM is built with trust and bond like marriage where you are open you find your wants needs desire. •Dominance is not about control over a submissive. Dominance is about leading and the submissive following. These words have been said thousands of times by thousands of people. I have been in the lifestyle 17 years I did go real with my Dom in the path lasted 3 years on my main we meet in sl then meet in real I travel back and forth. Love has to build that two people are on the same page. BDSM is really not all about sex its more then that. Physical attraction are common. But a genuine mental connection is rare. Intimacy is about trust making an emotional connection many confuse it with nudity don't. Sensual Dom's and Sensual Sub's are soft romantic kind that is some what vanilla with D/s. But the thing is you have to be really open have mind set to D/s  this means being upfront both ways people don't have to tell everyone but when you find the one when they earn your trust and heart both ways. Someone will want to get to know you take you on dates get in your mind not your pants. Even being human in D/s ether someone is sub,Master , slave people have to be treated equally and treated with respect. BDSM is not about pain its about trust. If you do not feel conferrable about something speak up having a mind is good and someone that can understand you learn you protect and guide not abuse. He looks at her as though she's the only women in the room. He protects her as if she's the world most valued treasures. He respects her because to hurt her would hurt him that much. Don't train your submissive, teach and empower them! It's not just about sex. Don't get me wrong Sex is  great. But when you have connection with someone. When you feel so strong for someone. Just a kiss is a enough to make your knees weak. You just can't beat that.

Sex is truly not everything romance and passion but intestacy not all sex Hold hands. Not mindlessly, but really hold your partner’s hand. Be forever grateful to be able to intertwine your fingers with theirs, skin against skin… feeling the heat that your hands create together… feeling the powerful intimacy created from one simple gesture..

Gotta have connection with communication and romance even in relationship. If its all sex its a two way street you have to date someone like you first meet them and spice it up.

Their so many words to say it. 

The leaders Job isn't to have all the idea's it's to make sure all the idea's are heard and that the best one wins. -Chris Hawker
She doesn't crave vanilla love she craves to be touched with Intent Intensity,Ingenuity, And Indecency.( meaning time and place for everything.)

Protect,Her Guide Her, Respect her, Grow her, take care of her, treasure her, lead her, be the man she needs she will be the women you want.

Edited by Dreamerra
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Dating places inworld : {Kindred} ::Connections of the Heart::
Drawn To You Dating Agency
Actually Love Dating Agency
Mate Perfect Matchmaking & Dating Agency
Gemini Dating AgencyMingle - Dating Agency
Second life Connection
Daddy’s Babygirl Adoption House and Hangout
Edited by Dreamerra
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17 hours ago, Zzevir said:

I'm sorry but a vanilla relationship has nothing to do with bdsm. There is nothing interesting in vanilla that  why is called vanilla. 

Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.
Vanilla, a bit like this definition.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vanilla

You do realize that vanilla is the most complex flavor profile in the world, right? Personally i think Vanilla being used this way is dumb. Has there been a relationship that was 100% non BD/SM? No spankings ever? Every relationship has a bit of it in there at some point. 

@Respectful1lady It sounds very much to me like you are looking for a Daddy dom type relationship. Caring, loving and protecting without the "harshness" of a standard D/s relationship.

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53 minutes ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

You do realize that vanilla is the most complex flavor profile in the world, right? Personally i think Vanilla being used this way is dumb. Has there been a relationship that was 100% non BD/SM? No spankings ever? Every relationship has a bit of it in there at some point. 

I think originally (or at least thats how I understand it) the term wasn't necessary meant to be deprecative. More like a meaning of "standart", like how common it is to find vanilla ice cream. I've seen the original, classic WoW game being refered to as vanilla WoW some time...

But of course people like to look down on others and lift their own way of life up by that.

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2 hours ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

 Has there been a relationship that was 100% non BD/SM? No spankings ever? Every relationship has a bit of it in there at some point. 

Mine never did and never will have, and I'm not missing it :)

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2 hours ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

Has there been a relationship that was 100% non BD/SM? No spankings ever? Every relationship has a bit of it in there at some point.

Nope, none of my relationships have ever had that, in SL or RL.  I've just never had any interest in such.  There are plenty of other ways to keep a relationship and sex life interesting though.

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   I don't consider 'vanilla' derogatory, but it depends on context. Sure, in most BDSM communities it may be perceived as 'plain' and 'boring' like vanilla ice cream. But as Syo mentioned, 'Vanilla World of Warcraft' has been praised by the 'old school' community pretty much 'always', that everything past it (or past a certain point, usually 'Wrath of the Lich King') as the time when World of Warcraft was still a 'true' MMORPG with challenges and adventure - and that in its present form it's a boring grindfest from start to finish, where everything has been said and done by someone else and the scope of progress only extends to stand in the shadow of someone else; usually some no-life nerd who can afford to spend 18 hours a day sitting in their dirty underwear pushing on, fueled by Jolt Cola and snacks.

   A 'vanilla relationship', without added external context (obviously biased by my own applied context), to me is just an old-fashioned value sort of relationship between two people where those involved are like Yin & Yang - perhaps not truly 'equal' by progressive social convention standards of today, but equally important nonetheless. Personally I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with such a relationship, as long as both parties are happy with it. Heck, I don't think it's 'wrong' to have poly-amorous or open relationships either, as long as the parties involved are in on it - but that's not what I want for me.

   Personally I think BDSM always should be a secondary part of a relationship - a tool to bring strength and pleasure between two people. Again, projecting onto myself, and if people want to live the 'BDSM lifestyle' where bondage, pleasure and pain are more important than who you experience it with, fair do's. Just again, not for me.

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7 hours ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

You do realize that vanilla is the most complex flavor profile in the world, right? Personally i think Vanilla being used this way is dumb. Has there been a relationship that was 100% non BD/SM? No spankings ever? Every relationship has a bit of it in there at some point. 

@Respectful1lady It sounds very much to me like you are looking for a Daddy dom type relationship. Caring, loving and protecting without the "harshness" of a standard D/s relationship.

Drake, I Think you just gave me the very description of what I seek, thank you

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Seems a kind forums member has just let me know what I am really seeking ,,, a Daddy Dom relationship  

I had not thought of that , so I thank you Drake1Nightfire

 

yes, I do want a caring, loving, and protecting relationship without the harshness in normal d/s relationships

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4 hours ago, Respectful1lady said:

Seems a kind forums member has just let me know what I am really seeking ,,, a Daddy Dom relationship  

yes, I do want a caring, loving, and protecting relationship without the harshness in normal d/s relationships

   Not to get up in your business but, if it's a new term to you, perhaps some further reading may be advised before you jump into it. There are of course variations to the Daddy Dom/Babygirl model, but I think a lot of people will expect immature, bratty behavior from your part if that's the parameter you seek by. At least in my experience of Babygirls/Little Girls is that they tend to be obnoxiously attention-seeking both towards their partner and to whomever is around them. Whilst this doesn't include 'all' of them, it's often the norm. Business (clothiers) catering to babygirls also often tend to offer juvenile fashion 'with a twist', a lot of pink, a lot of unicorns and sparkles. Whilst I don't know you, it seems pretty far off from the 'lady seeking a gentleman' in your earlier thread. 

   But that's just my experience, it's not a lifestyle I'm personally interested in or have spent a lot of time researching. When people describe themselves as a brat on their profile, I just avoid them - too much drama.

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