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CoffeeDujour

How do introverts make friends in SL ?

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5 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

RL can be so hard, they might not like something about me, my weight, or my hair, or my ears, or whatever, and what if the whole thing gets awkward, how do I escape, and maybe I will sound stupid, you can't really expect me to talk to them. What if I embarrass myself and then see this person again.

SL is to me at least so much easier, I have control over how I look, and I can check my words for stupidity before I hit send, and if it does get awkward, oh I need to TP to a friend who needs me, or if really bad, I have an emergency in RL I gotta log.

But they still might now like me.  You know, just the possibility of rejection is so difficult to get past sometimes. ?

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7 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

SL is to me at least so much easier, I have control over how I look, and I can check my words for stupidity before I hit send, and if it does get awkward, oh I need to TP to a friend who needs me, or if really bad, I have an emergency in RL I gotta log.

 

Ditto. I'm Asian-American and to each, I'm always the other. ? (Crazy Rich Asians movie is fun, but speaks a helluvalot more truth than people realize!)

In SL we can be *anything* and I love that. (But it can still be a challenge to break out of my shell most times).

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1 hour ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

But they still might now like me.  You know, just the possibility of rejection is so difficult to get past sometimes. ?

Yeah I know the truth is about 50 percent of the time I can be in a sim full of people afraid to IM anyone.

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I'm a loner that will talk your ears off. I score a natural xNxP on Myer's Briggs (where x = on the border), but can put myself in any of the sixteen boxes when it's advantageous to do so. I have less trouble making friends than wanting them. After one episode of finding someone special, I've given up that pursuit. I come from the "leave me the hell alone" branch of the "no visible displays of affection" family tree. Extroversion drains me, but I understand the value so I put in the effort. It's easier in SL. None of you talk over me while chewing food, look not-quite-into my eyes (yes, that is probably paint in my hair), fill dead air with "like I said", "and whatnot" or "and things of that nature". And none of you will ever know if I do any of those things myself, because I'm not telling.

Anyone's first days in SL, a place within it, the forums, or anything else new, can be daunting. Many of us have fond memories of oldbies who reached out a welcoming hand to help us along. Imagine what this place would be like without them. And that's why I consciously try to be one of them. I perv profiles and I find one that's interesting, I might IM. Judging by the number of introductory IMs I've gotten from people who like Dr. Richard Feynman, or throwing things out of windows (defenestration is one of my profile tags), I'm not the only one.

 This is a wonderful place, full of wonderful people. If you believe that, keep it in mind, and can tolerate being wrong once in a great while, you'll have less trouble making friends.

9 hours ago, CoffeeDujour said:

In 12 years .. the people I know have all been by accident. Mostly acquaintances of acquaintances who wandered off (as extroverts seem prone to do) and left us standing about feeling awkward.

Feeling awkward is not something other people do to you, it's something you do to yourself. Once you realize that the only people who never ever feel awkward are those you wouldn't want anywhere near you, it becomes easier to manage it or even celebrate it.

...dances off with toilet paper dangling from her jeans.

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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I don't about ya'll introverts. I need social interaction to feel energized and alive. Too much alone time makes me feel miserable. I can small talk for days, and have. You can find me where the party's at ;)

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2 minutes ago, Alexianna GossipGirl said:

I don't about ya'll introverts. I need social interaction to feel energized and alive. Too much alone time makes me feel miserable. I can small talk for days, and have. You can find me where the party's at ;)

Well, bully for you.  We'll be over here.

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21 hours ago, CoffeeDujour said:

Seeing as the discussion of friend finding technique is literally the purpose of this forum now .. I have to ask, how do people manage it, because seriously, I've got nothing.

In 12 years .. the people I know have all been by accident. Mostly acquaintances of acquaintances who wandered off (as extroverts seem prone to do) and left us standing about feeling awkward.

With much difficulty... 

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I have a few. I mean mostly my family members. Though the ones I talk to are not online a lot. Which at the moment is not a problem because I'm not either. Well, people usually just IM me and I respond to them politely, most of the time, sometimes ends in friendship, sometimes not.

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I don’t–if anything, I put the brakes on anyone trying to hasten to process. By and large, all my friends are those who pushed the least for it.

As for the odd silence at public hangouts, not only I’m not the least bothered by it, I actually find it encouraging. And if the typical one arrives, sees it, after a few minutes says “is everyone dead?”, and no one takes the bait–not because they can’t, but because they won’t–, then I’m downright impressed.

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12 minutes ago, Akasha Sternberg said:

it depresses me tbh... I mean if I manage to leave my home and dare to go out... I want activity... And preferably not always have to be the entertainer :/

Just don't be this person, because I want to shoot it.

 

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1 hour ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Just don't be this person, because I want to shoot it.

   ... That is creepy.

1 hour ago, Akasha Sternberg said:

oh my if you EVER catch me like this PLEASE shoot me... brrrr XD

   You needn't ask for it. It will be done. =P

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I've found that family role play communities are a great way to meet new people. There are holiday events, and other activities going on regularly and it's pretty much the only way I ever interact with other people in SL, being an extreme introvert myself. There's no actual roleplay required on family oriented sims either - you can just be yourself. 

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I don't see many (any?) introverts in this forum????? Wouldn't an introvert just watch and read???   And be too timid to contribute?

Would an introvert be funny? Because some of you are hilarious, whether you mean to be or not. ?

This is like group chat in-world without the visuals. All my friends, (and I don't have that many), are from chance encounters, where immediate chemistry provided the catalyst to continue.

Going back to the quote about using matches to light a campfire (wherever that was!!)............I work on the basis that if I strike enough matches........i.e. kick off an IM chat, occasionally the fire will catch.  OK, sometimes the match goes out. Big deal. Very occasionally the flames blow back and singe my eyebrows.........   Is it worth it? Damn right it is........?

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1 hour ago, BelindaN said:

I don't see many (any?) introverts in this forum????? Wouldn't an introvert just watch and read???   And be too timid to contribute?

Being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean being timid, though that can be a part of it, and sometimes it just depends on the situation.

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As an Introvert, I find it hard to break into seemingly established social circles. I see the same names frequently on a lot of threads and while no one has said anything that is unwelcoming, it is still nerve-wracking to want to say "the right thing" and not be rejected.

Also, I've also been told by quite a few people in my RL that I'm funny. So yes, introverts are capable of humour. ?

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1 hour ago, AvivaKovaleva said:

As an Introvert, I find it hard to break into seemingly established social circles. I see the same names frequently on a lot of threads and while no one has said anything that is unwelcoming, it is still nerve-wracking to want to say "the right thing" and not be rejected.

Also, I've also been told by quite a few people in my RL that I'm funny. So yes, introverts are capable of humour. ?

I understand that completely Aviva! I found the forums towards the end of May this year when I'd been on SL for less than three weeks.

I needed help so just came in asking questions. I was made so welcome that I stayed. It may appear to be a strong social circle and maybe in some ways it is, but we're all individuals just trying to make the best of SL and having fun.

You are very welcome here and don't be afraid of contributing or asking questions!!! 

If you want to chat I'll IM you when I'm in world next. I'm SL+8...  ?

Edited by BelindaN
Added final comment.
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Aviva, I'll add my agreement to what Belinda said: "It may appear to be a strong social circle and maybe in some ways it is, but we're all individuals just trying to make the best of SL and having fun."

I first came here in 2009, after being in SL for about a year. I'm pretty sure my first post was a question, too. Yes, we are in a way a 'social circle'. But it's an open circle. Welcome.

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Thanks Belinda and Dillon! I'm going to try being more active on the forums. :)

I've been trying to expand my social circle but I haven't the foggiest idea how. In RL, I met all of my friends through school or work, but I don't do either in SL, hahah.

If anyone wants to shop in-world, go to a live event, or hit up some clubs and dance, I'm your girl! I'm SLT+1.

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15 hours ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Just don't be this person, because I want to shoot it.

I think this thread is ruined, someone should start a new one and not post anything it in.

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7 hours ago, BelindaN said:

I don't see many (any?) introverts in this forum????? Wouldn't an introvert just watch and read???   And be too timid to contribute?

Would an introvert be funny? Because some of you are hilarious, whether you mean to be or not. ?

This is like group chat in-world without the visuals. All my friends, (and I don't have that many), are from chance encounters, where immediate chemistry provided the catalyst to continue.

Going back to the quote about using matches to light a campfire (wherever that was!!)............I work on the basis that if I strike enough matches........i.e. kick off an IM chat, occasionally the fire will catch.  OK, sometimes the match goes out. Big deal. Very occasionally the flames blow back and singe my eyebrows.........   Is it worth it? Damn right it is........?

I think SL is chock full of introverts. The extroverts are bar hopping in RL ;-).

SL and the forums allow us much greater control over our interactions. The pace is more measured (particularly in the forum) and the sensory bandwidth is much lower (unless you use voice, which introverts are more likely to shun than extroverts). Even the most introverted people understand the value of personal connection, and will seek it out with varying degrees of success and frustration. Though group chat at a busy venue can exhaust me, the rest of my interactions in SL are well within my energy (and RSI typing) budget.

As for being funny, judging from radio interviews I've heard over the years (thank you Terri Gross), many comedians are introverts. They reach out through their comedy, as it's uncomfortable for them do so directly. I don't know if you find me funny, but I have a protective self deprecating sense of humor. If I take a shot at myself, it's my aim and I potentially demotivate those whose aim is more dangerous. I also take shots at myself to put other people at ease, because I know they worry they're making, or will make, mistakes. We all make them and I'm willing to own mine. I'll even admit to (plausible) mistakes I have not made if I think it'll reduce someone else's anxiety. I put in the effort to make other introverts feel welcome so that I can bend their ears at a later date.

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   I am an introvert. My introversion doesn't narrowly define me as someone who is shy or timid. It doesn't mean I don't need people or friends. Like most other people, I need social interaction. I know its value and I seek it out. But it's an effort for me. I expend energy, mental and emotional energy. I do it for me, but I also do it for others, mindful of their needs. I am so happy to have friends here. I value them and the time they give to me here. All you introverts out there and in here, who expend their energy to interact with me, thank you.

   I like @Madelaine McMasters point about our interactions here being more measured and under our control. I also can have difficulty in a large social settings. In places where there is a lot of chat going on between many interesting and intelligent people, I want to follow all of it, but I'm not always successful, sometimes tripping on the rug. Often enough I also become involved in one or two simultaneous IM conversations. At the end of such an event, I'm often exhausted and ready to be alone and engage in some solo creativity, or just to take a nap. Why do I do it? Because at the end of it, I feel good in other ways. I feel rewarded, exhausted and rewarded. It's not so very much different from another, popular human activity.

Edited by Ivanova Shostakovich
Because I left out a fun word, and wrong kind of dot.
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