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GiaMarlow

Trying to explore

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I'm discovering that I have a lot more freedom in SL to explore my sexuality, but I'm not sure the best way to proceed. Many of the sims I've visited are empty, have woman being dragged around on their knees, or lack any kind of intellectual discussion about what it means to be a submissive. (A conversation I'm interested in because I don't know what that means for me.)

I'm submissive by nature, female and heterosexual, but not ready to be "collared" or have a "Master." Is there a place in SL that would allow me to have sort of a trial and error period? A place to learn and understand my own limits before actually committing to a relationship (if that's what I want)?

Maybe I'm just doing a poor job of using the search, but in a place as big as SL I have to believe that such a place exists.

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Hi, Gia.

I know a could of good femdom places but that's going to help much.  Velvet Thorn does have open discussions on Sunday mornings SLT (I'm not sure of the time) that are not strictly femdom.  You could also search events for discussions because there is usually something going on somewhere.  Once you find a place or two that have real, actual discussion groups you can ask questions and hopefully start getting to know some of the men.

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I'm interested a chat like that. If you think you have somthig to share drop me a line.Or I can find you if it's not a problem for you.

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I've had one or two close encounters with BDSM, simply by being too trusting in my early days. And I wasn't in Adult sims either. One kicked off in a shopping mall, so take care wherever you hang out. I've also been asked to be a dom several times. Once I was getting drawn in to something I have no real interest in and I had to back away.

SL is a complicated place and finding something specific to what you want nay take time. ?‍♀️

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5 hours ago, GiaMarlow said:

I'm discovering that I have a lot more freedom in SL to explore my sexuality, but I'm not sure the best way to proceed. Many of the sims I've visited are empty, have woman being dragged around on their knees, or lack any kind of intellectual discussion about what it means to be a submissive. (A conversation I'm interested in because I don't know what that means for me.)

I'm submissive by nature, female and heterosexual, but not ready to be "collared" or have a "Master." Is there a place in SL that would allow me to have sort of a trial and error period? A place to learn and understand my own limits before actually committing to a relationship (if that's what I want)?

Maybe I'm just doing a poor job of using the search, but in a place as big as SL I have to believe that such a place exists.

Imagine someone in a similar position to you; only having a vague idea of how all this works, very little actual experience or teaching but wants to explore and learn more. Now strip out every ounce of self-awareness, and replace it with complete arrogance and misplaced confidence. That's your average SL "master". A bunch of idiots that have watched too much 50 shades, and don't understand the difference between domination and abuse (hint: neither does anyone connected to that *****heap of a series). Be very wary who you "chain" yourself to, and always put your own happiness and health above the feelings of any master/mistress you meet online.

I'd check out Twisted Orchid. It might not be the place you're after and it might not have the answers you seek, but at the very least it's a lovely social venue for the BDSM-inclined. They used to do fairly regular munches, but those seem to have dried up recently. I went through a similar period of exploration, and came to the conclusion that I'm definitely on the vanilla side of things - and it's totally okay to realise that - but a few of the friends I made there were a crucial part of that journey for me.

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For me, the exploration of BDSM has happened as I just went about my SL. At first I did not get it and had no desire to have anything to do with it, but as I met guys who were into it, and also patient with enough to let me move forward at my own pace. 

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1 hour ago, AyelaNewLife said:

Imagine someone in a similar position to you; only having a vague idea of how all this works, very little actual experience or teaching but wants to explore and learn more. Now strip out every ounce of self-awareness, and replace it with complete arrogance and misplaced confidence. That's your average SL "master". A bunch of idiots that have watched too much 50 shades, and don't understand the difference between domination and abuse (hint: neither does anyone connected to that *****heap of a series). Be very wary who you "chain" yourself to, and always put your own happiness and health above the feelings of any master/mistress you meet online.

I'd check out Twisted Orchid. It might not be the place you're after and it might not have the answers you seek, but at the very least it's a lovely social venue for the BDSM-inclined. They used to do fairly regular munches, but those seem to have dried up recently. I went through a similar period of exploration, and came to the conclusion that I'm definitely on the vanilla side of things - and it's totally okay to realise that - but a few of the friends I made there were a crucial part of that journey for me.

The only thing I know about 50 Shades is a bit of the storyline and the fact that it exists. I decided awhile ago that anything that was almost entirely Twilight fanfiction was just not for me. Not that it's not for someone, just not me.

And thank you for the location recommendation. I will happily check it out soon.

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6 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Hi, Gia.

I know a could of good femdom places but that's going to help much.  Velvet Thorn does have open discussions on Sunday mornings SLT (I'm not sure of the time) that are not strictly femdom.  You could also search events for discussions because there is usually something going on somewhere.  Once you find a place or two that have real, actual discussion groups you can ask questions and hopefully start getting to know some of the men.

Looks like there are several discussions going on this week. Thank you! I didn't know that search option existed!

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On 8/15/2018 at 12:49 AM, Rhonda Huntress said:

I know a could of good femdom places but that's going to help much.

Was I sober when I typed that mess? ?

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6 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Was I sober when I typed that mess? ?

the words are spelled correctly at least =~.^=

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ONI Zen is a bdsm sim with a lifestyle & relationship focus and strong consent-aware rules. There are discussion and support groups (there's an events listing board at the landing point) as well as a teaching facility, although I haven't visited any of these to be able to say what they're like.

It's also a very beautiful sim (I visit mostly for the scenery and pictures!) and while general nudity is permitted, sexual activity is restricted to designated areas only, so it's pretty safe and welcoming for anyone just wanting a look around.

Some more general thoughts: bdsm comes in a wide range of flavours and interpretations, from the obvious and sexual to exploring vulnerability and placing yourself under the authority of a trusted partner. It can be gentle, brutal, wickedly kinky, silly, mundane, exciting, fulfilling, disappointing...and it pays to take your time, ask questions of other submissives (avoid social isolation!), and build up an idea of your likes, dislikes and limits, and never let anyone coerce you into anything you're not comfortable with. Your consent should matter. Always.

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There's also the Blade's Edge community - among other things, the sim has a strong emphasis on consent, a resource library and hosts support groups (including ones for submissives and Switches). It's already been described in more detail on the SL forums, so I'll just link you to that.

And LexxiXhan's right: your consent matters. You are worth taking the time to meet other submissives, to ask questions and get answers in a no-pressure setting, and to build up a circle of friends here on SL.

Best wishes!

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On 8/23/2018 at 7:41 AM, VioletScrivener said:

There's also the Blade's Edge community - among other things, the sim has a strong emphasis on consent, a resource library and hosts support groups (including ones for submissives and Switches). It's already been described in more detail on the SL forums, so I'll just link you to that.

This is very helpful. I headed out there yesterday and pull a TON of material from the library. Thank you! 

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When I first joined SL it was to explore my submissive side, but found most 'doms' were really not to my liking.  There were some interesting conversations with guys I met at the Open Collar sim, but nothing ever went much beyond conversations.  I may have been too honest about my RL ;)  I learned the most from another sub who had experience in SL and RL, or so she claimed.

Best to chat a lot and stay away from anyone who wants to put a collar on you right away,  or pressures you to voice or cam.

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On 8/14/2018 at 9:39 PM, GiaMarlow said:

I'm submissive by nature, female and heterosexual, but not ready to be "collared" or have a "Master." Is there a place in SL that would allow me to have sort of a trial and error period? A place to learn and understand my own limits before actually committing to a relationship (if that's what I want)?

I have never run across an actual dominant who cared very much about what they were called or had any interest whatsoever in insta-collars.  So either of those two behaviors is a pretty safe signal that you're talking to a roleplayer not a dominant.  Nor does dominance and submission require an intimate romantic relationship or any sort of sexual activity. It needn't test any boundaries or make you uncomfortable.  I'd suggest going to discussion groups and looking to see if anyone there seems both well-balanced and tickles your sub feelers.  Then make friends with them.  Contrary to popular myth, it is actually possible for a dominant person to desire and form friendships, even *gasp* dominant males.

Again, no matter who you are talking to and how much experience or knowledge they claim, you have to audit everything which is said for both reasonableness and whether it fits you or not.  Never forget that you are living in a cartoon world and in some significant ways cartoon rules apply.  Another word to the wise, almost everyone lies about their real life experience.  You should entirely discount that along with all other claims to authority and just listen to what people say.  It either makes sense to you or it does not.  Whether they have any experience is beside the point if they cannot present a coherent idea to you.

As a general tip, anyone who pretends to offer the one true way of being a master, slave, dom, sub, or any other BDSM term is simply displaying their ignorance for you.  There is no "way".  There are no standards.  There is no rules body.  There's no "true slave" or "'true master".  There is just you and the person or people you are interacting with.

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Best advice I ever got given was never accept anything with supposedly RLV off anyone you don't know and its advice that is very much valid now as it was when I first got given the advice.  

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On 8/14/2018 at 11:39 PM, GiaMarlow said:

I'm discovering that I have a lot more freedom in SL to explore my sexuality, but I'm not sure the best way to proceed. Many of the sims I've visited are empty, have woman being dragged around on their knees, or lack any kind of intellectual discussion about what it means to be a submissive. (A conversation I'm interested in because I don't know what that means for me.)

I'm submissive by nature, female and heterosexual, but not ready to be "collared" or have a "Master." Is there a place in SL that would allow me to have sort of a trial and error period? A place to learn and understand my own limits before actually committing to a relationship (if that's what I want)?

Maybe I'm just doing a poor job of using the search, but in a place as big as SL I have to believe that such a place exists.

I've been where you are.  I wandered around, wanting to explore that side of me, but didn't know where to go or how to proceed.  I had a friend tell me the dos and don'ts on SL.  I had another sit down and give me the " BDSM for Dummies" talk and was quiet patient with any questions I had.  The others have given some excellent resources.  If you just want to talk,  hit me up in game or here.

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You are always welcome to shoot me an im. Personally, i have found 75% (i give leeway since I haven't been to all the BDSM places lol) of places to be "SL BDSM." There is a huge difference between what a submissive is inside of SL and outside it seems. I live the lifestyle in rl myself, and it does transfer to sl. My first advice is if someone you're chatting with says add me to your collar/rlv/whatever your wearing and we will talk about it, walk away. They are the ones to watch out for. My second is there are a few ground rules to BDSM but at the same time, it is not the same for everyone! Learn the basics, then explore it, learn what is the right way for you. 

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