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How honest would you be?

Derekmate

By Derekmate,
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Derekmate

Derekmate

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So I'm thinking going out and dating again. 

What is great but I don't know how honest should I be in the beginning? Ok I know totally, is the best. But I don't want to start the whole thing that I go from Ha ha funny to loco in five sec. 

With out any sign what going to happen. 

 

Life with me is like a roller coaster. The hole world can go upside down any minute and  the screaming and shouting is guaranteed.

 

And i putted in the wrong place.

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it is in the wrong topic
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Sukubia Scarmon

Sukubia Scarmon

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I don't think 100% honesty is something that can be archived. I mean, I strive to be as honest as possible, but I rather not hurt anyones feelings over something with no importance. 

I think, honestly has a lot to do with diplomacy. Sometimes it's best to not say something at all, sometimes you should absolutely say something. Figuring out what action is best in a given situation, is the challenge.

Generally speaking - try to be honest about yourself, what you want, etc. Because people _will_ figure out lies after a while, especially in that regard. And in dating, you want someone compatible with who you are, not with who you pretend/would like to be. 

You also should not fall into the trap of explaining everything about you in an attempt to be honest. Some parts of a person should remain a mystery, some part's don't need to be understood, only accepted. 

Also, get the hell away from people who demand 100% honesty at all times and freak out by a single lie. Those are very likely to have issues.

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BelindaN

BelindaN

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Derekmate said:

So I'm thinking going out and dating again. 

What is great but I don't know how honest should I be in the beginning? Ok I know totally, is the best. But I don't want to start the whole thing that I go from Ha ha funny to loco in five sec. 

With out any sign what going to happen. 

 

Life with me is like a roller coaster. The hole world can go upside down any minute and  the screaming and shouting is guaranteed.

 

And i putted in the wrong place.

So is it over? Are we finished? But it was so good while it lasted.....*wipes a tear*........

Just kidding........haha!9_9

Edited by BelindaN
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Alyona Su

Alyona Su

Posted
Posted (edited)
22 hours ago, Derekmate said:

So I'm thinking going out and dating again. 

What is great but I don't know how honest should I be in the beginning? Ok I know totally, is the best. But I don't want to start the whole thing that I go from Ha ha funny to loco in five sec. 

With out any sign what going to happen. 

 

Life with me is like a roller coaster. The hole world can go upside down any minute and  the screaming and shouting is guaranteed.

 

And i putted in the wrong place.

Cute thread (after the OP that is) LOL Okay, well, I'll throw-in my response to the OP on-topic since I think it is an important question (OP: indulge me here LOL):

Honesty and truthfulness are two different things. The cartoon that @Nostall posted is a perfect example of honesty, truthfulness (to me) is far more important, to not be truthful is to intend deceit and I think that's where the real problem lays in SL relationships: too many can be deceitful. As to the question of how honest (truthful) you should be nearest the beginning of any relationship is really a moot point the way I see it.

Always be honest within reason (as in the cartoon, you can be frank about it or you can soften it politely). You should, however, always be truthful. The thing is that we are just so impatient and want that romantic thing NAO!

I've tried the AVmatch thing (a general waste of time) and I am propositioned often for whatever, "do you role-play?" as code for "Do you *copulate* at the drop of a hat?* LOL Hell, they can't even ask the question directly (truthful, but in a gray area of honesty, I think).

As for "romantics": I'm approaching it the RL way: Man-friends: show me you're worth it to me, friend me, spend time with me, take me dancing, take me boating or sim-hopping to do other G-rated activities before any kind of cuddling starts (an long before anything more happens, go ahead, say it aloud how you'd like to 'bed' me, just don't make any attempt to LOL). Let me decide when a cuddle happens, which I did with two of my friends recently - and it happens spontaneously; I said "sit here" and *I* picked the menu choices, then I asked him to take control. He earned my trust at that point. He told me he was very tempted to hit the buttons in the "Adult" menu, but "restrained" himself, to which I laughed, but also allowed my "trust-factor" to go up a notch. All we did prior was chat and he (both of them) never asked to come to me, I always (after a while) invited him to join me wherever I was; I was always to one to offer the TP.

In simple terms: a long-lasting romantic relationship is when you start out slowly and just let things build up. I state in my picks outright: "I'm not a trollop, but my friends have benefits" - and all my man-friends know outright that I see others, I am not monogamous, but they also know I don't do cuddling at the drop of a hat, either, much less anything more intimate.

Now I can see who respects me (and couple of them are definitely trying hard to win me over) - does that mean I'm "playing hard to get" - maybe, but whoever wins out in the end, it will be because we click, understand each other well, and know each other's limits with regard to everything, including and especially the level of separation between SL and RL information, etc.

To summarize: Too many are in too much of a hurry to 'hook-up' with someone ( a stranger, really) romantically and all we have in the beginning are written words or voice. That leaves a lot of blind areas. So instead of making cuddling or anything more intimate such a high priority, just make friends. The cuddles, snuggles, and more will come later (or not) but it starts with respect and friendship. That's the glue that holds it all together. And respect starts with truthfulness. I never lie to anyone myself. If asked a question I will always answer it. If it's something I'm not ready to answer directly, yet, then I'll say so ("I'm not ready to answer that just yet").

Edited by Alyona Su
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BelindaN

BelindaN

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

Cute thread (after the OP that is) LOL Okay, well, I'll throw-in my response to the OP on-topic since I think it is an important question (OP: indulge me here LOL):

Honesty and truthfulness are two different things. The cartoon that @Nostall posted is a perfect example of honesty, truthfulness (to me) is far more important, to not be truthful is to intend deceit and I think that's where the real problem lays in SL relationships: too many can be deceitful. MAs to the question of how honest (truthful) you should be nearest the beginning of any relationship is really a moot point the way I see it.

Always be honest within reason (as in the cartoon, you can be frank about it or you can soften it politely). You should, however, always be truthful. The thing is that we are just so impatient and want that romantic thing NAO!

I've tried the AVmatch thing (a general waste of time) and I am propositioned often for whatever, "do you role-play?" as code for "Do you *copulate* at the drop of a hat?* LOL Hell, they can't even ask the question directly (truthful, but in a gray area of honesty, I think).

As for "romantics": I'm approaching it the RL way: Man-friends: show me you're worth it to me, friend me, spend time with me, take me dancing, take me boating or sim-hopping to do other G-rated activities before any kind of cuddling starts (an long before anything more happens, go ahead, say it aloud how you'd like to 'bed' me, just don't make any attempt to LOL). Let me decide when a cuddle happens, which I did with two of my friends recently - and it happens spontaneously; I said "sit here" and *I* picked the menu choices, then I asked him to take control. He earned my trust at that point. He told me he was very tempted to hit the buttons in the "Adult" menu, but "restrained" himself, to which I laughed, but also allowed my "trust-factor" to go up a notch. All we did prior was chat and he (both of them) never asked to come to me, I always (after a while) invited him to join me wherever I was; I was always to one to offer the TP.

In simple terms: a long-lasting romantic relationship is when you start out slowly and just let things build up. I state in my picks outright: "I'm not a trollop, but my friends have benefits" - and all my man-friends know outright that I see others, I am not monogamous, but they also know I don't do cuddling at the drop of a hat, either, much less anything more intimate.

Now I can see who respects me (and couple of them are definitely trying hard to win me over) - does that mean I'm "playing hard to get" - maybe, but whoever wins out in the end, it will be because we click, understand each other well, and know each other's limits with regard to everything, including and especially the level of separation between SL and RL information, etc.

To summarize: Too many are in too much of a hurry to 'hook-up' with someone ( a stranger, really) romantically and all we have in the beginning are written words or voice. That leaves a lot of blind areas. So instead of making cuddling or anything more intimate such a high priority, just make friends. The cuddles, snuggles, and more will come later (or not) but it starts with respect and friendship. That's the glue that holds it all together. And respect starts with truthfulness. I never lie to anyone myself. If asked a question I will always answer it. If it's something I'm not ready to answer directly, yet, then I'll say so ("I'm not ready to answer that just yet").

This ^^^^^^^ is really good advice about building trust and respect. I've rushed into this a couple of times and then regretted it. But there's advice here which I will take on board. Speaking of which I would like to try sailing and I've now come up with a plan.......... "Engage "  :D

Unless I get a better offer of course....*flutters eyelashes*......

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