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Never have I thought it would be this difficult to find love on sl. Thought I had it good till I found out that my sl partner on here has a rl bf ...... Sad part is she never told me. And now I feel so so low. Thinking I should give up on sl.

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Well it's not a dating site but I am sorry it didn't work out for you.  Don't give up on SL but don't go looking for love.  There is so much else to do here and you never know "The One"  might just sn

"I use [offensive slur] all the time, because it's common in my country, and I don't care how many other people in other countries regard it as an offensive slur." https://www.glaad.org/reference

and yet your 1st life tab says: My RL is just That, My Rl ..... I will not mix it with Sl except for the very very very basics which are limited.  

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4 hours ago, WiseGuy74 said:

Never have I thought it would be this difficult to find love on sl. Thought I had it good till I found out that my sl partner on here has a rl bf ...... Sad part is she never told me. And now I feel so so low. Thinking I should give up on sl.

Well it's not a dating site but I am sorry it didn't work out for you.  Don't give up on SL but don't go looking for love.  There is so much else to do here and you never know "The One"  might just sneak up when you least expect it

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5 hours ago, WiseGuy74 said:

Never have I thought it would be this difficult to find love on sl. Thought I had it good till I found out that my sl partner on here has a rl bf ...... Sad part is she never told me. And now I feel so so low. Thinking I should give up on sl.

Ahhh .. good ole monogamy, miserable isn't it :P

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7 hours ago, WiseGuy74 said:

Never have I thought it would be this difficult to find love on sl. Thought I had it good till I found out that my sl partner on here has a rl bf ...... Sad part is she never told me. And now I feel so so low. Thinking I should give up on sl.

Unless you were planning to buy a plane ticket to bring her to you then you are correct: you should give up on SL.

Why do people try to use SL as a RL dating service?

Edited by Alyona Su
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30 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

Unless you were planning to buy a plane ticket to bring her to you then you are correct: you should give up on SL.

Why do people try to use SL as a RL dating service?

I saw old SL video about couple who was in relationships in SL and later met in RL,breakup was funny,lol

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11 minutes ago, Panteleeva said:

I saw old SL video about couple who was in relationships in SL and later met in RL,breakup was funny,lol

and yet I know quite a few where they have met and married, have kids and still together.  Its  just like rl 

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Anyplace where people meet can lead to lasting relationships, but that does not mean all places are equally suited for finding them. Just because there are stories about lasting relationships happening here does not make this a good place to look for them. People win the lottery, that doesn't mean the odds are in your favor.

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A huge percentage of folks on SL catfish. All the time. Not to mention, many have real life relationships and aren’t honest. To be fair, SL is a game and many separate their gaming lives from their real ones. Unfortunately you allowed yourself to be duped by not looking into it further. Online dating in general is silly and I don’t understand why so many engage in it. It’s like you’re setting yourself up to be hurt. Just RP. 

Edited by Ashlyn Voir
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3 hours ago, Ashlyn Voir said:

A huge percentage of folks on SL catfish. All the time. Not to mention, many have real life relationships and aren’t honest. To be fair, SL is a game and many separate their gaming lives from their real ones. Unfortunately you allowed yourself to be duped by not looking into it further. Online dating in general is silly and I don’t understand why so many engage in it. It’s like you’re setting yourself up to be hurt. Just RP. 

anyone looking for a RL relationship should state that in their profile.

He went out of his way in his profile to make it clear that SL and RL life were separate.

Obviously he ignored his own boundaries by falling in love and then being unable to accept it when his girlfriend claimed to have a RL boyfriend.

To be honest, considering his name and his SL "about" I'm inclined to suspect that this whole thread is just a wiseguy having a little fun in the forums.

Edited by Phorumities
fixed a word
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29 minutes ago, Ashlyn Voir said:

...Online dating in general is silly and I don’t understand why so many engage in it...

It's evidently not something you need, and it's outside your experience, but there are many reasons why people do it, for instance if they are housebound with little or no opportunity to socialise.  Understanding that might help you be less judgemental.

Edited by Garnet Psaltery
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45 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

It's evidently not something you need, and it's outside your experience, but there are many reasons why people do it, for instance if they are housebound with little or no opportunity to socialise.  Understanding that might help you be less judgemental.

I concur with this completely. Though I think coming into SL and expecting to find a RL relationship is foolhardy at best. Even with the 0.01% of residents who have found wuv in RL - it surely happened over time through a period of friendship - not by expectation with such as the end-goal of a hunt.

There are a lot of *innocent* reasons people keep their RL separate, but those wanting a RL connection often seem to think those reasons are a matter of deceit, and so they feel "duped" - which is code for "I WAS LIED TO!" ~facepalms~

As someone previously stated in this thread: if your goal is to find a RL connection then SAY SO in your profile. But that seems to be the presumption by way too many people these days, so it's safer to simply state "Not looking for a RL connection!" in one's profile, and that still won't work; threads like this will still be created. ~sighs~

Edited by Alyona Su
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2 hours ago, Ashlyn Voir said:

Online dating in general is silly and I don’t understand why so many engage in it. It’s like you’re setting yourself up to be hurt. Just RP. 

One could say engageing in love at all is setting yourself up to be hurt, lol.

Why people engage in it? Because its convenient. Dateing sites fit a lot better in many peoples life, than waiting for the right one to just stumble into your life or forcing yourself to seek out situations where you MIGHT find someone. You can also cut out many factors that would waste time and give people the feeling of having more controll in finding love. Relationships formed that way aren't siginificantly more unstable than those created elsewhere.

Of course SL is not a dating website. But like everywhere, people can fall in love with each other and once feelings are there, the mind is hardly able to push them aside again. Just like you may say you want to keep work and private life seperate, but then get a crush on a colleague.

In the case of the OP it might still be true to say he set himself up for a heartbreak, because of what seems to be sending mixed signals.

 

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59 minutes ago, WiseGuy74 said:

If that's how you think but trust me I screwed up trusting her on sl. But I'm not given up sl so don't run me off.

 

28 minutes ago, WiseGuy74 said:

Too many people think I'm a liar. Which isn't true. So I know I'm nice and have a good heart. I will not tolerate any rudeness. Ty

I'm not trying to run you off. Though I also hate "political correctness" and prefer to speak plainly and simply as I can. And it was your own words I was responding to with regard to "give up on SL", right?

I'm not sure how you came to the decision that others think you a liar (I have NOT read the entire thread, so forgive me if someone did make that claim and if so, shame on them, they are no better than anyone else on the planet).

Here is what I got from your original post:

*Had a great SL relationship, it was fun and we enjoyed each other. I have discovered she has a RL boyfriend that she never told me about, so now I feel duped*

Which leads me to read between those lines to infer that there was RL meetup talk happening and she deceived you by proclaiming solitary status or something. See how that happens? Good communications mean attention to detail in the description of the idea or feeling you are trying to communicate.

Therefore, if my understanding from your original post is inaccurate it is your fault, not mine. And neither anyone else in the thread. And even if you reply to others to clarify things, you cannot expect them to read beyond the original first post.

//Damage is done.

Edited by Alyona Su
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49 minutes ago, WiseGuy74 said:

Too many people think I'm a liar. Which isn't true. So I know I'm nice and have a good heart. I will not tolerate any rudeness. Ty

i see nobody say you'r a liar, nor being seriously rude.

But i think you forget something important: you post your statement at a forum. Read the subtitle of this section : Discussion on lifestyles and relationships in Second Life.
And thats what i see happening, people talking/discussing about the info they read, and see at your profile.

These threads mostly go really nasty as soon one starts yelling rude at another.

 

 

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2 hours ago, WiseGuy74 said:

Too many people think I'm a liar. Which isn't true. So I know I'm nice and have a good heart. I will not tolerate any rudeness. Ty

It is impossible to judge yourself a nice guy, that would be like trying to look inside your own eye without a mirror. 

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It's not the anyone's calling you a liar, per se. Rather, that your post here doesn't quite match up with your profile. Perhaps, because your profile explicitly states that you don't want to involve RL in your SL, your "partner" assumed you didn't want or need to know about her own RL entanglements? To be honest, it seems like a fair assumption, if that was indeed the case. 

Communication is important, and part of that is making your intentions and desires clear. If you don't want to mix RL and SL, in my opinion you don't need to know your partner's RL information, up to and including RL relationship status. If you do want that information, perhaps you should be upfront about that in the future. 

As for leaving SL...That seems like an extreme reaction to a single failed relationship when you supposedly don't even want to mix worlds. Perhaps take a break from romance and find other things to enjoy in SL? There's plenty!

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Grow up and get over it. Don't worry, you will find someone else, you're a nice guy, right? Give time to time. Meanwhile try to meet new girls in places that you often go...  Carefull with shemales and girls who just want your money. :ph34r: 

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17 hours ago, CoffeeDujour said:

Yeah, watch out for anyone intentionally presenting a none binary gender identity .. it gets so ugly when transphobes show up.

I would say watch OVER non-binary persons; protect them, nurture them, support them.

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18 hours ago, CoffeeDujour said:

Yeah, watch out for anyone intentionally presenting a none binary gender identity .. it gets so ugly when transphobes show up.

I don't think that statement was meant in a transphobic way, considering what type of avatar is _usually_ talked about in SL, when the keyword shemale is mentioned. Those avatars are very, very rarely realistic representations of real life none binary gender identity. They aren't designed with that in mind. They aren't characters with backstories of transitioning to allign their physical apperance with their gender identity and they aren't usually meant as a representation of the person behind the avatar. (Of course there are exclusions from that rule, but I feel like they would use different words and present themself differently in general). I think most of the avatars that come to my mind when I hear that word are closer to what in hentai is often refered to as "futanari". Its more a fetish thing + an artistic way to "cut out" the man in a sexual scene, but keeping the penetration part going, without falling back on the use of toys. (Someone on reddit once explained the theory behind that much more in detail...but I can't find it again).

To cut a long story short: This advice to be cautious is probably meant to be about a certain group of fetish driven avatars (maybe because they are playing out a fantasy, which wouldn't suit what the OP is looking for) and not an advice to stay away from transgender and non-binary people in general.

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