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Derekmate

Those mixed signals

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3 hours ago, Derekmate said:

I feel that I need to give you an update. Turned out she is having an affair with one of the most senior manager.Nice

So you and the girl were co-workers?

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On 6/5/2018 at 3:06 PM, Madelaine McMasters said:

Would it help for you to know that I'm not really good with gals, either? And it's not like my trouble ends if I attract one. That's when it begins. To be fair, I don't think the sending of mixed signals is a particularly female thing, even though sowing the seeds of confusion is a favorite pastime of mine. And I'm not sure she's actually sending mixed signals. You started out with a bit of a tease and she's returning the favor.. with different comedic timing.

As Mark Twain so wisely said - To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Hang in there Derek. It wouldn't be right for the world to be deprived of your company because you need clarity from it.

^^^^^^I like this because I have shedloads of ignorance and confidence. Perhaps I should meet up with Mark Twain.

I've missed Derek on the forum lately so welcome back. Madelaine is quite right, there's a lot of humour in world, and even more here.  Try to tune into it and don't take chat too literally. It's usually about having fun.

Ah now I've re-read the whole thing this one is RL. Oh well, its all very similar, RL, SL, is there much difference really?

Edited by BelindaN
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19 hours ago, Derekmate said:

yes we was 

..she was probably “dating” more than just the manager. You dodged a bullet by not getting your heart bruised any worse!

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On 9/25/2018 at 10:07 AM, Derekmate said:

I feel that I need to give you an update. Turned out she is having an affair with one of the most senior manager.Nice

Probably that senior manager got her the red wine?

I didn't get what were the mixed signals here?

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On 6/5/2018 at 5:59 AM, Derekmate said:

As surprising as it is I'm not really good with gals. And when I don't get clear signs I just stop. 

Like today chating to this girl how I fancy as f.... (and she know this) 

...

Me: By the way this is not a plan to get you. I have another plan for that. 

She: Good luck with that. 

Then five minute latter. 

She: Red wine should do the trick. 

?????? And what now????

Just generally stop this. 

Okay... Let me, as some who started life female and made the transition to male, express my two cents worth.....

The first problem I see with this post is that there is an expectation you should be good at attracting people in a romantic matter. How would you say that's quantified? The second is that most female identified people I know don't like being referred to as 'Gals', 'Girls', 'Chicks' or 'Babes'. They are Women. Addressing men as men, and women as anything less than grown adults is part of the whole 'lesser than' thing that exists, but I won't go into the more deeply ingrained points of misogyny. So I'm guessing many more beyond those that I know dislike it as well.

The other issue that so many of the replies seem to miss is this--- what's so wrong with just asking? Like, seriously. "Ya know, I really fancy you, but I can't tell by your replies to my advances if you fancy me too. Do you?" This is the foundation, right here, of communication. Straight out the door.

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED ---- just ask. Save yourself the guess work, save yourself and her the assumptions, and just ask.

Another issue is part of the misogyny I won't go too deeply into but women ABSOLUTELY must test men. Our culture has shown repeatedly that its vital to survival... At the end of the day, a women getting rejected by a man will only end in hurt feelings... but a man getting rejected by a women has a HUGE possibility of the women getting her character completely smeared, being physically assaulted (sexually or non-sexually) or murdered. Let that soak in. A LARGE majority of women around the world live in fear of what happens if they step out of line in the eyes of men. I'm now 100% visually passing, and accepted as male in the social world (when they don't know I'm trans) but I still very validly fear men. It's a sad fact of life for the majority of those who've been raised female, or actively live as female.

So, to copy someone else's reply: Don't be that guy.

Ask. Accept the boundaries given you when they are spoken. Learn what 'No' looks like in body language when words say one thing (because of fear of being harmed for saying no or anything close to no). Be a responsible male.

Also... Why was it important that we know what she's doing, and your opinion on it? That's her business, not any of ours. Your update could have just been "She wasn't into me." But you went and smeared her image, whether or not it was clean to begin with. That is, in my opinion, a clear indication of your upset with her for not being how you wanted her to be.

End of my two-cents

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13 hours ago, GarouGrey said:

The other issue that so many of the replies seem to miss is this--- what's so wrong with just asking? Like, seriously. "Ya know, I really fancy you, but I can't tell by your replies to my advances if you fancy me too. Do you?" This is the foundation, right here, of communication. Straight out the door.

I approve of this statement. Pulitzer Prize material. ~thunmbs-up~

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The way I see it, the only way to really get a girl is first be friends? Like to get to know her, realize that your interests and views in life kinda allgn and you find each other really interesting on the level besides physical?

And of course not to stress out! Like a sand in your hand, if you try keeping it by squeezing it it'll escape, just like relationship (existing or building one) - the more effort and potential contol is put in the less success it will have...

Be chill and self confident and let life take it's course :))

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On 10/8/2018 at 6:37 AM, simplebilly said:

The way I see it, the only way to really get a girl is first be friends? Like to get to know her, realize that your interests and views in life kinda allgn and you find each other really interesting on the level besides physical?

And of course not to stress out! Like a sand in your hand, if you try keeping it by squeezing it it'll escape, just like relationship (existing or building one) - the more effort and potential contol is put in the less success it will have...

Be chill and self confident and let life take it's course :))

I think you're on to something here!!

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On 6/5/2018 at 8:59 AM, Derekmate said:

As surprising as it is I'm not really good with gals. And when I don't get clear signs I just stop. 

Like today chating to this girl how I fancy as f.... (and she know this) 

...

Me: By the way this is not a plan to get you. I have another plan for that. 

She: Good luck with that. 

Then five minute latter. 

She: Red wine should do the trick. 

?????? And what now????

Just generally stop this. 

Wondering How To Seduce Him Through Text? Here's How...

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