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JoeDex

Is this snotty or condescending?

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I have come to respect the opinions in the forum and I know they can be brutally honest. I also know that I am a poor wordsmith and sometimes to not fully convey what I want to say.

I have the following in my profile and I would like your thoughts on it - I am prepared for brutal honesty so tell me what you think.

"I am coming of a fun relationship that ended. Oil and Water can mix for a while but it requires a lot of shaking. So I am open to an SL relationship again. If you are looking for a knight in slightly rusted battered old armor  that will be there for you a few nights a week then say Hello."

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Personally, all intimate or casual relationship info tend to stay out of my profile (unless I'm partnered ofc) just because its personal and ill share to those I that I think are important to me. Also, allows for a conversation that you might not get if you share it in your bio, but if you don't really care of that then, then go for it! 

Oil and water that requires shaking... Are you saying how it requires a lot of shaking, but that you're willing to be shaken. Or are you saying the relationship was like oil and water? Not sure the point you're trying to make. 

Edited by OnlyMon
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Quite frankly? It makes you look like a guy with baggage who can't let go off the past. Otherwise you wouldn't be putting it on your freaking profile for the world to see. Do you like being reminded of it? Do you want people, including a possible future girlfriend to think about your ex before she's even spoken to you?

It also makes me think you're looking for pity with your woe is me attitude.

 

Blunt, no sugarcoating, but truthful. Just my 2 cents.

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@Syn Anatine  Well not my intent but I like the honesty.. Maybe I just put I am open to an SL relationship. IS that better?

Edited by JoeDex

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30 minutes ago, JoeDex said:

@Syn Anatine  Well not my intent but I like the honesty.. Maybe I just put I am open to an SL relationship. IS that better?

That sounds needy. While the part about your alt sounds...narcisstic. Why mention an alt at all? Makes me wonder how many more you have.

Why not simply use your profile to give a few tidbits about yourself that someone might find interesting enough to message you? It makes it easier for someone to connect with you, to find a topic you may both enjoy talking about. Things will develop naturally.

Though I suppose if you are sort of desperate for a relationship being up front about it might work too in finding a woman equally desperate.

I'd like to imagine SL women have more class but...eh, who am I kidding.

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I find that a profile text dictates the sort of people you gather. If one has an angry profile full of swearing and threats, then that becomes your crowd. If one has a happy, light profile, happy and light people gather around you. When you dwell on a broken heart - as you clearly are here - then you will gather similar "reflective" people around you.

A friend of mine has this koan in his picks, I think it describes what I am saying:

Quote

 

A traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment.

"What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.

"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."

"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.

Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.

Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.

"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."

"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

 

Work out what you want, write your profile to emulate that, start to live and adhere those thoughts in your every day.

Of all your profile, I'd scrap it pretty much completely. It cries broken heart, rebound, wistful sadness - and suggests you will be an emo friend.

I'm actually hesitating to do this, but despite my trepidation I'll say some words in the style that suits me... it's super bad to put words into your mouth, people would soon work out they are not yours, and walk away from you dissapointed, so don't plagiarise! It's an example:

I really enjoy ..., ..., ... and am always seeking close and dear friends to share those interests. I love to talk to nice people on IM. For that one special person, maybe I will become your knight in shining armour, the one to share a wonderful secondlife with. To cuddle as we watch the sunset together, and make dreams for the future.

Create your own, like this: Sit down and dream for a moment, what do you want to happen in your second life, if everything was perfect? Now with that dream in you rmind, close your eyes and try to see it, flesh it out. Then smile your biggest smile and while you smile, write your profile. Edit and revise, make it positive, and not too cheesy.

Those words, and the tone behind it, will then attract that exact person.

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I like assertive, confident people. If I was looking for a mate, I am not looking to tend a wounded bird. 

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You can still tell that all when something actually develops "Look I went through this thing recently, please take it slowly"  will appear so much better than the "frying pan IN YOUR FACE!" profile approach.

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1 minute ago, Nalytha said:

I like assertive, confident people. If I was looking for a mate, I am not looking to tend a wounded bird. 

Meow. Those birds are to put inside human's shoes.

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There isn't really a universal convention for SL profiles, I think that's part of why it's so fun to skim through them. But I also judge people quite harshly by what they put on their personal advertisement board. If I were skimming through profiles and came across your original text in one, I would think the person a pathetic cad whose sole purpose in SL appears to get pity-laid.

To be blunt, I think your profile is the last place you should write laments of your exes and that you're a would-be 'knight in shining armour' if you hadn't wept so much. It makes you look weak, needy, traumatized by one relationship but unable to find happiness without another. Even in your quest, it's not love you're looking for, but support and affirmation of that you aren't as pathetic as you seem to think yourself.

Would it work, though? Of course it would. 

There are all sorts in SL, and finding someone who will sympathize with you wouldn't take long. Perhaps you'd find someone who would be interested because they too need affirmation to feel good about themselves, and who may well want a relationship with you - and perhaps you'll both be happy, but I would suspect that you'd have to go through a few more breakups as the 'damaged goods' types who are unable to put the past behind them don't really make interesting partners.

Whether it's your profile text that need be addressed, or if you ought to take a step back and reflect on your (second) life philosophy, I don't know - and frankly, don't really care.

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Joe, I think it will be received differently depending on the RL age-cohort of the reader.

I’m kind of “up there” in years, and most people I know in my age-group are more comfortable with the fact that all of us are damaged at times. That comes of “dating after 40” when all of us have plenty of battle-scars :-)

Unfortunately, we’re all 20/30-something in SL appearance, so its hard to know how people will react.

The other thing is that the idea that women are attracted to an emotionally-accessible male does not always work in SL for whatever reason. “Never let them see you bleed” seems to be better advice here, but the General SL idea of male beauty is also kinda skewed with many.

The important thing is that you’re back out there :-) Be yourself personality-wise; that optimizes the chance of meeting someone (within SL) appreciates you as you are here.

Good luck!

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I think the ideal text to put in your profile is this:

“I am coming of a fun relationship that ended. Oil and Water can mix for a while but it requires a lot of shaking. So I am open to an SL relationship again. If you are looking for a knight in slightly rusted battered old armor  that will be there for you a few nights a week then say Hello.”

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Keep in mind some people are so picky that they find it off putting when someone can’t spell “off” correctly.

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2 hours ago, Pamela Galli said:

Keep in mind some people are so picky that they find it off putting when someone can’t spell “off” correctly.

i was just going to say that... 

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I would remove all the parts of the previous relationship. The knight part seems okay but would make for a very short profile. I'd expand on more qualities about yourself and perhaps what sort of lady you are looking for. In the end, you can always change it, and it should be something you personally are happy with because making a profile by committee or consensus is probably not the best idea.

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1 hour ago, Bree Giffen said:

I would remove all the parts of the previous relationship. The knight part seems okay but would make for a very short profile. I'd expand on more qualities about yourself and perhaps what sort of lady you are looking for. In the end, you can always change it, and it should be something you personally are happy with because making a profile by committee or consensus is probably not the best idea.

I suppose it remains an issue of personal preferences, but, I would read anyone claiming to be a knight in armour of any condition as a vain attempt to give off a sheen of chivalry, and presume them to be a pompous, immature brat.

Besides, one's profile is there to be read by just about anyone - using it as a dating profile is pretty pathetic to begin with. If you want to advertise yourself as a potential partner, put that stuff in a notecard and stick it in a board at a dating agency or slave market. Or, you know, just go out there and meet people, make friends, enemies, lovers and rivals like everyone else. 

Edited by Orwar
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Snotty and Condescending? Never, ever, EVER read my profile. It's downright BITCHY! LOL

Just put in there what you want people to know about you, you don't need any of us to tell you what to put in your profile.

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  I  like what one person mentioned--the energy you put out is the energy you attract. That is something I found to be true in general. Also, like they said, profiles that have a lot of angry words attract the same.. etc.  I do read profiles and honestly, I forgive errors in grammar and spelling, as we all make them sometimes. I find that I prefer profiles that are neutral, non-judgemental, and do not have the "I love this person blah blah to the end of time blah blah" only to see that tab removed in a week. So much for the love, right? I think the "keep it light and simple" is great. Why not pick a couple of tabs for favorite quotes or poems? Use a cool pic for them. Then use a few other tabs to show a cool place you really like, and maybe replace what is there with something you like about that place? That often gives away a lot more. Also, it shows people your interests. As for what you should say and how.. I'd leave out anything mentioning past relationships altogether.  Say something like..
"Always open to meeting new friends" and let that be real. If someone IMs, then be open to chatting with them.  Let your sense of humor shine through..and try to use good photos in it too! It doesn't have be high art, but just a good quality, well framed shot will go a long way.  You sound like have good intentions and are a good guy, so I think letting that come through will be easier if you really leave out anything about any relationship whatsoever. Good luck!

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2 minutes ago, Kristen Beornssen said:

Snotty and Condescending? Never, ever, EVER read my profile. It's downright BITCHY! LOL

Just put in there what you want people to know about you, you don't need any of us to tell you what to put in your profile.

lol you are such a sweetheart tho!

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6 minutes ago, Tess Falworth said:

lol you are such a sweetheart tho!

Gah!

Everyone keeps telling me that. I guess I'm not as mean as I try to appear, but I can get a bit testy sometimes! :D 

 

Quote

I find that I prefer profiles that are neutral, non-judgemental, and do not have the "I love this person blah blah to the end of time blah blah" only to see that tab removed in a week.

I usually just shake my head whenever I see this in a profile.

Edited by Kristen Beornssen
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You can put whatever you like in your profile. It is, after all, about you. What you write might not put you in the best light at all times, but is self-advertisement always the point? Something that has to be honed to perfection, while sweeping the rest under the rug?

 

You be you.

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14 hours ago, Orwar said:

Would it work, though? Of course it would. 

There are all sorts in SL, and finding someone who will sympathize with you wouldn't take long. Perhaps you'd find someone who would be interested because they too need affirmation to feel good about themselves, and who may well want a relationship with you

Yes! The type of person who is looking to mend your broken heart might not be the emotional healthiest of people. 

 

3 hours ago, Orwar said:

Besides, one's profile is there to be read by just about anyone - using it as a dating profile is pretty pathetic to begin with. If you want to advertise yourself as a potential partner, put that stuff in a notecard and stick it in a board at a dating agency or slave market. Or, you know, just go out there and meet people, make friends, enemies, lovers and rivals like everyone else. 

I like this approach. I try to keep info in my profile that applies to everyone. When I meet people, I can customize our interactions and what information I want to share with them specifically based on our relationship. I think profiles are a way to inject some of your personality -- something to catch the attention of someone enough that they might want to learn a little more. 

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Angry profiles are the ones that scare me. Like they are already mad at me and I've not met them yet. Studies have shown that tinder profiles get like 80% more hits if food is mentioned in your profile. So oil and vinegar is good. I personally like drama type profiles as I am bored and then look forward to great stories of ones past.

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