Jump to content

Dealing With Jealousy


You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 1064 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Recommended Posts

I've been hanging out with my best SL friend for 10 months now. We do crazy stuff, we wander the Sims and we have a great time. Sometimes I feel like I've no time for anything else and just really want to go build something or shop. But I don't because he's been very loyal to me. 

4 months ago I met someone else and hit it off with them too. It took about five minutes of introducing my old and my new friends to discover they REALLY did not get on. Thankfully my new friend is rarely on SL at the same time as me so I've still spent time with the old one for the most part. But I make time for my new friend when they are online. I realised jealousy was coming from both sides and had words with my new friend to be really clear that they needed to respect my friendship with my best mate and if they couldn't then my loyalty had to be with the person I'd known the longest. 

My new mate was amazing and admitted they'd been feeling jealous, said they'd work on it and ever since we've managed to make that side work. 

But today my old mate went off on a rant after I spent 30 minutes with my new friend. I TP'd my old mate in to my house (which is in an area I share with my best mate!) so I could say my goodbyes to the new person and head off on adventures with the old one. 

Instead the old one went silent and TP'd away after a while. Then once my new friend logged off sent me angry IMs about how much they hate my new friend. 

I honestly don't know what to do. I HATE drama. I just want to get along. I totally know I can't neglect either person (to be honest, given my SL revolves totally around the both I have been neglecting a lot of other people but... anyway) and I respect they don't get along. 

Is life too short for this drama? Do I cut ties? Do I get rid of the new friend and stick with the old? Do I start a set schedule and keep them totally separated (I've got other parcels of land... I can have two houses in totally different regions!)? Writing it all down just sounds so much like drama and that makes me hate the situation even more. I just want to have fun... explore... screw around... dress in crazy avatars. Am I expecting too much? 

 

 

  • Confused 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually, if you should get rid of any friends here it would be the old one, NOT the new one. Why? You said it yourself, the new friend has been amazing when you adressed his jealousy. His admittance and promise to tone it down clearly was honest as I have not see you point out anything else in the rest of your post.

Your 'best mate' however sounds controlling, immature, demanding and very very selfish. No one deserves to be guilt tripped, so I agree with Pamela, life is too short. Be very clear with your old friend about how he makes you feel, give him the opportunity to change, if he continues, kick him to the curb.

Keep the new one, that one sounds like an actual winner who gives a crap about how you feel.

Edit: I am 99% sure they don't get along because your old friend doesn't give the new one a chance and sees him as an enemy from the get go. More immature behaviour. If he cared about you he would at least *attempt* to get along with your new friend to prevent drama and to make you happy.

Edited by Syn Anatine
  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thing friends should not get mad you have them years you do give them time but you know what its your life also if friend tells you I don't like your new friend I ask them why have a heart heart talk if they get nasty then best to walk away. I am here for my friends but I like to have my time also someone gets nasty I don't put up with it.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Jae Villa said:

Thanks for your opinions guys. I've decided to stay off Second Life today, let things cool down and look at things with a positive and fresh face tomorrow. :) 

I wish you best of luck with whatever you decide to do. Take it easy and don't let SL become a chore, do what you think is fun and enjoyable, don't let anyone else dictate that for you.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

I agree with Syn... and, yes, life is too short for this type of behavior. Your already existing friend sounds like he's threatened by the newcomer, and does not sound like he's willing to address it in a positive way. The newcomer sounds like he's at least positive in talking with you about it and addressing it.  You can tell your old friend how his behavior is impacting your friendship, and assure him that he is not going to be replaced. But, there is only one of you, and even creating an alt leaves you trying to manage your time. Your old friend might want to make some new friends himself so he can have someone to spend time with as well... it seems like his enjoyment of SL is geared around you being with him. Instead, he might want to take up a hobby, find others to talk to, etc. I hope you find a resolution to this.. good luck!  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jae I have had this happen a few times where a couple of my friends decide they don't like eachother. I had words with both of them and said there would be NO whing to me about the other. Also they were to be civil to eachother if we were in the same place or there would be butts being kicked. They were behaving like a couple of kids. One has since left SL (for the 3rd time) over some imagined threat from another friend, the other has disappeared to somewhere else on the grid as has been grumpy every time I have seen him. Life is too short, I carry on and hang out with other friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the answer here is “it depends”....

Overall I am against anyone tellling me who I can and cannot be friends with, even if they are passive-aggressive about it.

But I HAVE had new friends that others (who knew them) tried to wran me about and who did not get along with the New Friend at all. My learning was that (a) they were right; he was a manipulative a$$ and (b) that sometimes REAL friends will tell you the thing you don’t want to hear - not *enable* bad decisions in the name of not hurting your feelings.

One thing to ponder...does your original friend view your friendship the same way you do? Or are you thinking “friendship” and their feelings are more something “else” that can breed possessiveness ?

I had a co-worker once whose friendship with me was something entirely different in -her- perceptions. Mentally and emotionally she was trying to work past a somewhat traditional upbringing, so “friends” was all she would admit to..... while being extremely jealous anytime I was spotted keeping company with others.... We finally clarified the situation and she was so disturbed by her own behavior that she began avoiding  me. 

At least we resolved it....

Good luck. The only simple answer is that this stuff is never, ever simple.

giphy.gif

Edited by AmandaKeen
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

At first, I did not like my guy's "twin" as he calls her, (they're both Sagittarius) because she gave me a super-negative vibe; it turns out she hated my guts or something because I was with him and she wasn't. Last time we (the twin and I) were in the same location she was super hateful and cold - and that was the last time too. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 minutes ago, Laoise Rumsford said:

At first, I did not like my guy's "twin" as he calls her, (they're both Sagittarius) because she gave me a super-negative vibe; it turns out she hated my guts or something because I was with him and she wasn't. Last time we (the twin and I) were in the same location she was super hateful and cold - and that was the last time too. :)

Are you still with you guy? And dopes he know she wants him? Because at some point that might evolve into cheating, specially in SL.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Sylvannas Zulaman said:

Are you still with you guy? And dopes he know she wants him? Because at some point that might evolve into cheating, specially in SL.

I am, yes. And we're both aware that she wants him- we share IMs with each other. I'm not concerned about him cheating 'cause were Open; we encourage each other to have fun with other people if we want; if I am right they have had sex before. So, yeah. :) Thank you for your concern.

 

Sorry OP, I also meant to say... Cause I had to step away from my PC after I commented... That your old friend, you really should tell them to calm the hell down, and encourage them that if you do not have friends other than them then their behavior will damage the bond you two have; if your old friend values what you two have (s)he will chill and hopefully learn how to deal with their insecurities.

 

EDIT to correct grammar. Everything else is the same. :)

Edited by Laoise Rumsford
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
On 4/21/2018 at 11:23 AM, Jae Villa said:

I've been hanging out with my best SL friend for 10 months now. We do crazy stuff, we wander the Sims and we have a great time. Sometimes I feel like I've no time for anything else and just really want to go build something or shop. But I don't because he's been very loyal to me. 

4 months ago I met someone else and hit it off with them too. It took about five minutes of introducing my old and my new friends to discover they REALLY did not get on. Thankfully my new friend is rarely on SL at the same time as me so I've still spent time with the old one for the most part. But I make time for my new friend when they are online. I realised jealousy was coming from both sides and had words with my new friend to be really clear that they needed to respect my friendship with my best mate and if they couldn't then my loyalty had to be with the person I'd known the longest. 

My new mate was amazing and admitted they'd been feeling jealous, said they'd work on it and ever since we've managed to make that side work. 

But today my old mate went off on a rant after I spent 30 minutes with my new friend. I TP'd my old mate in to my house (which is in an area I share with my best mate!) so I could say my goodbyes to the new person and head off on adventures with the old one. 

Instead the old one went silent and TP'd away after a while. Then once my new friend logged off sent me angry IMs about how much they hate my new friend. 

I honestly don't know what to do. I HATE drama. I just want to get along. I totally know I can't neglect either person (to be honest, given my SL revolves totally around the both I have been neglecting a lot of other people but... anyway) and I respect they don't get along. 

Is life too short for this drama? Do I cut ties? Do I get rid of the new friend and stick with the old? Do I start a set schedule and keep them totally separated (I've got other parcels of land... I can have two houses in totally different regions!)? Writing it all down just sounds so much like drama and that makes me hate the situation even more. I just want to have fun... explore... screw around... dress in crazy avatars. Am I expecting too much? 

 

 

Then you need to just be honest and tell your friend they aren't really your friend because all you are interested in is having fun and you obviously don't care about their feelings or the time they have invested in you.  You are coming off as if everything is all about you and if that is how you want it you need to be upfront about it.  Drama is a part of everything, RL or SL, there is no escaping it unless you want to be a hermit living on your build pad with no friends crying because you're lonely, even though you caused it.  So, what do you want an actual friend or just to f*ck around and pretend all day?  Don't let people think you actually care if you don't & don't call people your friends if they really aren't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

Jae I hope you managed to get this sorted out. I have seen one of my friends that didn't like the other one, he's been a bit cool and not hugging me or using our little "pet names" we had for eachother.

 

I think Hailee read friends as something more than friends. Your original post didn't say you were a couple but seems she has interpreted it that way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 1064 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...