Is no one else as lonely in SL as me? Looking for those that don't fit in anywhere

[Tess Falworth]

On 3/31/2018 at 3:41 PM, Tisori said:

I tend to feel alone alot in the game aswell ..it just seems to change the longer Im in it . I understand every thing you mentioned and honestly it is hard. When you are shy or afraid to talk to others, eitehr cause you dont feel like you fit in very well or some times the thought of, I wonder if they are only after one thing in SL ..so you tend to keep to your self . Im always exploring the sims, and 99% of the time im on my own . You are more then welcome to buddy me and we can explore together . Im not always on alot during the  day due to work but the weekend are usually when Im on ... even just to chat, feel free . 

 

 One thing that did help me, and honestly it was the 1st time i actually felt a part of something in SL, maybe consider being in a family . I honestly dont know how to go about doing this, but I know when I was a part of it for just  a short time, I didnt feel as lonely or empty in the game . 

Maybe everyone that responded to this post should form one family? hmmm...

Edited May 3, 2018 by Tess Falworth

[Effie Applewhyte]

Hi Nimue, keep us updated if you do happen to start that support group.  I've recently befriended someone who fits the traits you listed above.  She and I hang out almost everyday but conversing with her is extremely difficult and I think it has something to do with her cautious outlook.  Maybe if she were to be able to connect with other people she has more in common with, it might help her come out of her shell more.  It's hard making friends out there for sure so I think this is a great idea. 

[Drucilla Zeplin]

I actually think there are tons of us that feel lonely in SL, always trying to find people who we can connect with. Sometimes it seems like it will never happen.  I have tons of people on my list but I can't really say any of them are my friends. I not really sure why.

[Dillon Levenque]

On ‎3‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 12:59 PM, Nimue Galatea said:

Where do all the really lonely ones congregate? Those affected by racism in SL, the disabled, the depressed, the ultra shy? Where are you guys? I'm dying to be your friend.

The social climate in SL (and most other places I've played in) is standoffish, as well. I'm particularly sensitive to it and it makes it harder to make friends. I believe it has to do with the social climate of the world at large.

Thanks for reading.

Nimue, I can only assume your SL account has been mostly dormant—you joined eight years ago. Your post sounds like it's from someone who has just barely bumped the edges of SL, so my response is geared to that.

First things first: your RL gender, appearance, health, wealth, etc. mean nothing in SL. Obviously they mean plenty to you, but you needn't share any of that unless you want to. This is our virtual world here; we can be virtually whoever and whatever we want.

As for friends....I think actively seeking friends is a hopeless and self-defeating thing. I didn't seek friends, and the handful of people I consider my closest friends didn't either. Instead, we just spent our time exploring and learning how things work. One of my friends (not around much these days—RL keeps her busy) told me she spent almost a year wandering the world before she started really talking to people. After a while you find places you like and you visit them often. You might notice that you'll see some of the same people there frequently. It is quite likely one or more will say "Hello" to you, or you could even throw caution to the winds and speak to them first. If you're not careful the next thing you know you'll be having a conversation.

I 'met' some of my friends on the Forum, including the wanderer I mentioned earlier. We just got to liking each other from reading each other's words. I've made other friendships on the Forum, too. The woman I was just talking about and I are both close friends with another well-known Forumite (this one's really a hottie, if you get my drift ;-). The three of us spent a great deal of time together in SL.

You can take from that what you will. I hope it helps. Either way, I hope your Second Life improves.

[Sparetta]

Just take the chance to IM people more, compliment them, brighten a day, crack a joke. Life is too short, no need to make formal approaches when its comes to something as great as friendship. Just be friendly and you will find friends.

It's okay to talk to people.

I'm on quite a bit these days so I will message you some time after this post.

[Coffee Pancake]

The only thing harder than randomly messaging someone to engage in pointless small talk is an 8 minute phone call with a stranger. 

It's not going to happen without a gun to my head. Not by deliberate choice, more a fundamental part of being an introvert.

[Buttacwup Float]

I have only recently started really forcing myself out every day into clubs and such. I am not exactly shy, not exactly socially awkward, but really my own personal mix of a variety of issues that have mostly kept me to IMs and hiding alone on my platform. I dont always hang around out and about much but i try to do it often enough to start to break me out of my shell.  I am always happy to have company along on some of my club excursions. Just give me a shout in world. :  )

[Momo Littlepaws]

I'm also someone that often feels very alone in SL.

 

I think people can find me quite hard to deal with. I'm quite socially awkward due to autism and other cognitive disabilties, I can switch from adult to kid mindset pretty quickly and don't have an  awful amount of control over it (part of my disabilities, this isn't just an SL thing) I also have trouble with how I connect to people. I can either get very attatched very quickly (not like a stalker, but just really like a person and want to be with them a lot) or take forever to connect emotionally.

 

I'd love to find a 'pack' on here (I tend to change species a lot between human, furries and feral) but have no idea where to start.

[Ashlyn Voir]

Second life is a massive online world that is either completely empty or filled with avatars, yet still empty. Finding friends on the game is highly unlikely because even when one initiates conversation it seldom gets far as the other party either becomes silent or stops logging on (probably on an alt) or is always ‘AFK’. Often you’re left wandering around an empty virtual space in the hopes you’ll get the full Second Life experience.

You can join a group you feel fits you and still come up empty handed. I suggest don’t even bother looking for friendships. Believe me, I’ve tried the same thing and you seldom get anywhere. 

[Garnet Psaltery]

That's very sad, Ashlyn.  I've seen a lot of friends come and go but a few have stayed constant, mostly because we have something in common and have shared experiences.  It isn't impossible to find friends, just not always easy.

[Nostoll]

[Talligurl]

On 5/23/2018 at 3:15 PM, Sparetta said:

Just take the chance to IM people more, compliment them, brighten a day, crack a joke. Life is too short, no need to make formal approaches when its comes to something as great as friendship. Just be friendly and you will find friends.

It's okay to talk to people.

I'm on quite a bit these days so I will message you some time after this post.

This, I do this all the time, to  be honest part of my motivation is the hope of finding new customers for my art. Just say "Hi How are you.", remember if the judge you by the way you look,  what they see is the avi you created and have total control over,unlike RL where you  might not look exactly the way you wish you did. 

[Sphinganae]

Not to necro this post or anything, but if you happen to struggle with finding people like yourself, then look no further. As someone with mild aspergers and anxiety, it's no secret that conversation is pretty daunting at times. If you fancy a chat then feel free to add me!

[BelindaN]

SL can suddenly be a lonely place, even when normally it might not be.

Yesterday towards the end of my session in world, there were no friends in world. So when that happens I go dancing, which you can do alone and join into local chat if I feel like it......

Otherwise I hit the shops.......

[Akasha Sternberg]

anybody that´s lonely in SL look up "The Forum Cartel" group inworld...

[SAULGOODiE]

I feel like every year I get worse and worse at making new friends. At least my cats don't seem to care...

[Robin Kiyori]

I'm on  the lonely boat as well,  Depression/anxiety couple with  gender dysphoria is a ***** when you're trying to connect with people. :c

 

[Misty Selentiak]

I totally get the people that are lonely on here, been on sl a long time, but i get times where i have loads of people to hang out with then it all goes poof, i spend a good chunk of my time alone, don't get me wrong, i like my own space sometimes, but when you log on and then log off cos you don't feel like you fit in anywhere it is hard.

[SirParadox]

Due to past interactions, I'm scared of coming off as a creep for reaching out and wanting to talk to someone. I always have to explain myself I feel like, just to ensure the person I am not IMing them for dubious reasons.. which is uncomfortable AF. I also don't want to give people who are looking for said dubious things, the wrong idea.. and think I want to hook up with them. It's a weird double edged sword, and I'm too much of a pansy to chance either being called a creep, or being creeped because I reached out to make a potential new friend. ? Therefor, it does get pretty damn lonely. I have a house with 3 cats.. and a little side job as a host (where interaction is expected).... that's about it. Oh well. I guess that's what RL is for.

Edited November 13, 2018 by SirParadox

[IIX0X0]

So glad to find this post. I feel the same way about Secondlife, making friends is hard. I am always looking to make some new friends so you can always add me.

Edited November 14, 2018 by IIX0X0

[Selene Gregoire]

I'm the misfit that doesn't fit in, even with the rest of the misfits. 

[Morgania Skytower]

Well I guess  we're  the same Selene  I am too

[MoiraKathleen]

The energy spent and results received trying to be someone I'm not really,  in order to "fit-in" with some specific crowd (which may not even be healthy for me), I found to not really be worthwhile.  My mother-in-law once said that after you're 50, you can be as weird as you want, because people will just think you're eccentric   I have tried to embrace some of that this decade of being in my 50's, and while I don't think I'm really eccentric either (that's a whole different crowd), I have valued trying to follow my true inner self and not worry about where that situates me.  I am who I am, and I am where I am in life, whether that's in spite of or because of my actions and personality.  So I may be somewhere in the back, but often that's by choice, and most often is not something I spend energy worrying about any more.

[Selene Gregoire]

9 hours ago, Morgania Skytower said:

Well I guess  we're  the same Selene  I am too

I get where you are coming from but I can't say I agree. Mainly because you don't know me or what I went through growing up.

My own story is much like these:

Lost Birds: Displaced, Adopted Native Americans Look to Find Their Way Home

 

[Walelu Summerwind]

9 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I'm the misfit that doesn't fit in, even with the rest of the misfits. 

Selene, I'm a misfit among misfits too.. and I'd be very happy to be your friend.. (((♥)))) Same goes for you too, Nimue (Lady of the Lake) I'm on for a while in the morning and then again around 7 pm Central time in America. Look me up if you want.. I have plenty of unused hugs ?