Coming Out as a New Woman

[RisingGrace]

3 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

Show us where you said that.

scroll back to the 4th page when I told Callum nothing fell off the head it was the first time I tried telling people that did not say it to that detail but guess I needed to say it in better detail to get it through

[Skell Dagger]

Once again: Do you want me to contact Catwa on your behalf and ask her for help specific to your problem?

You state that your new head is also a Bento head, which suggests the one you've had problems with is a Bento head. If there is a genuine issue or glitch with a Catwa head, then Catwa needs to be made aware of it so she can fix it, otherwise there will be hundreds (if not thousands) of people who could experience the same problem. If you tell me which head it is, I can ask her to check it for you.

[Love Zhaoying]

36 minutes ago, RisingGrace said:

can everyone drop the topic

Sure hon, you have the last word so far as I’m concerned.

[Skell Dagger]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

Sure hon, you have the last word so far as I’m concerned.

It's your thread, Love. Apologies for hijacking it.

[RisingGrace]

1 minute ago, Skell Dagger said:

Once again: Do you want me to contact Catwa on your behalf and ask her for help specific to your problem?

You state that your new head is also a Bento head, which suggests the one you've had problems with is a Bento head. If there is a genuine issue or glitch with a Catwa head, then Catwa needs to be made aware of it so she can fix it, otherwise there will be hundreds (if not thousands) of people who could experience the same problem. If you tell me which head it is, I can ask her to check it for you.

I would be glad to help may I IM you

[RisingGrace]

yeah sorry Love oh Love your alt is hot by the way forgot to say that I think the shine reminds me of oil idk why lolol

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Skell Dagger said:

It's your thread, Love. Apologies for hijacking it.

No trouble at all, it wasn’t you - and from me to you, you can do no wrong!

[Love Zhaoying]

Sort of on-same-topic: This morning when taking the above pic, I unsat from one chair and my body was gone! I immediately reset all the body alpha cuts - which worked (Belleza). Any ideas what could cause that? Prior to that issue, I had not touched any alpha cuts on the new Freya body at all.

@Skell Dagger maybe have advice?

Edited March 25, 2018 by Love Zhaoying

[Love Zhaoying]

16 minutes ago, RisingGrace said:

yeah sorry Love oh Love your alt is hot by the way forgot to say that I think the shine reminds me of oil idk why lolol

I’ve known people of color who had naturally shiny skin (of different shades). So, I don’t think of it that way!

Edited March 25, 2018 by Love Zhaoying

[RisingGrace]

that happened to me with clothes when I first tried maitreya I learned very quickly there are things that cause ghosting I actually went to the maitreya store and the person taught me about ghosting and how it effects the alpha though I am not sure if the same applies to objects you sit in I guess I should have asked and considering its belleza I should also have asked if ghosting applies to all mesh and not just maitreya hmmm now I am wondering myself

[Laika Ravikumar]

Have never had a problem with my Catwa head and although have been on SL a long time would never dismiss help from anyone thinking I know better. Skell always tries to help and is so knowledgeable I would be so glad if he offered assistance. Can’t understand some of the attitudes you get for trying to help. 

 

[Liaa Nova]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Sort of on-same-topic: This morning when taking the above pic, I unsat from one chair and my body was gone! I immediately reset all the body alpha cuts - which worked (Belleza). Any ideas what could cause that? Prior to that issue, I had not touched any alpha cuts on the new Freya body at all.

@Skell Dagger maybe have advice?

I'm not sure *but* I use Belleza's Isis and today (only today), the HUD keeps turning alpha slots back on when I turned them off!

[Love Zhaoying]

11 minutes ago, Liana Wildmist said:

I'm not sure *but* I use Belleza's Isis and today (only today), the HUD keeps turning alpha slots back on when I turned them off!

If it’s “a thing”, we’ll probably see other people post about it!

[Coby Foden]

19 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Sort of on-same-topic: This morning when taking the above pic, I unsat from one chair and my body was gone! I immediately reset all the body alpha cuts - which worked (Belleza). Any ideas what could cause that? Prior to that issue, I had not touched any alpha cuts on the new Freya body at all.

@Skell Dagger maybe have advice?

Today I TPed to the Easter Egg hunt place. Upon arrival, I noticed... poof... my Maitreya body was detached (nothing else was attached to that attachment point).
Sometimes it happens also that some attachments are detached when crossing region borders fast.
It can happen also when when un-sitting from objects, just like you experienced.

It's just how SL acts occasionally. There are various reasons why might happen. Anyway, those things don't happen very often to me though.

Things which help to keep things attached (most of the time) is to make sure that:
1. Nothing else is attached to the attachment point where your body is attached.
2 . And nothing else is attached to the attachment point where your head is attached.
(Even after these steps are taken care of, things might get detached occasionally.)

[Love Zhaoying]

29 minutes ago, Coby Foden said:

Today I TPed to the Easter Egg hunt place. Upon arrival, I noticed... poof... my Maitreya body was detached (nothing else was attached to that attachment point).
Sometimes it happens also that some attachments are detached when crossing region borders fast.
It can happen also when when un-sitting from objects, just like you experienced.

It's just how SL acts occasionally. There are various reasons why might happen. Anyway, those things don't happen very often to me though.

Things which help to keep things attached (most of the time) is to make sure that:
1. Nothing else is attached to the attachment point where your body is attached.
2 . And nothing else is attached to the attachment point where your head is attached.
(Even after these steps are taken care of, things might get detached occasionally.)

Thanks, but I haven’t had that problem yet (just everything went alpha/clear).

To clarify: nothing became detached. Resetting alpha fixed it.

Edited March 26, 2018 by Love Zhaoying

[Destiny Marques]

On 3/25/2018 at 6:30 AM, Love Zhaoying said:

In case you missed it..my first picture!

*Edit* Think I’ll transition to only posting LoveX’s pictures under Love’s account so that I’m not posting under two accounts. Plus, I want her “likes”!

Just between you and I,

I don't know if it's my deteriorating vision or what, but I can't really see her. Dark skin is good, but why go for the blackest most stereotypical afrocentric look possible? Is that how you really perceive black women? Just curious?

I can give you some helpful pointers to make a more authentic looking black avi if you want, so I'm putting that offer out there. But as my mom used to say, if you like it I love it. Protip - we black girls always wear hairbases, and/or baby hair with our avis. Because that's what we do in RL - gotta make sure the edges are snatched, smoothed down, and on fleek. Always.

Edited March 27, 2018 by Kristen Beornssen

[Love Zhaoying]

48 minutes ago, Kristen Beornssen said:

I don't know if it's my deteriorating vision or what, but I can't really see her.

The environment is dark. This plus her dark skin makes her hard to see in this picture.

49 minutes ago, Kristen Beornssen said:

Dark skin is good, but why go for the blackest most stereotypical afrocentric look possible? Is that how you really perceive black women? Just curious?

In RL, I have dated many black men. Only a few were this dark, but were very memorable. In popular culture, the darker skin is more rare - I can only think of a few television characters this dark. I’m sorry if you see it as “the most stereotypical Afrocentric look”. I like it. I’m sure you are aware of a cultural bias against the darker skin in some societies. I am embracing it, because I like it. 

Any more questions? I’m trying not to find your statements and questions offensive, but it is difficult.

[Destiny Marques]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

The environment is dark. This plus her dark skin makes her hard to see in this picture.

In RL, I have dated many black men. Only a few were this dark, but were very memorable. In popular culture, the darker skin is more rare - I can only think of a few television characters this dark. I’m sorry if you see it as “the most stereotypical Afrocentric look”. I like it. I’m sure you are aware of a cultural bias against the darker skin in some societies. I am embracing it, because I like it. 

Any more questions? I’m trying not to find your statements and questions offensive, but it is difficult.

Of course, I'm totally aware of the biases against darker skin. I mean who wouldn't find this beautiful?

 

Also, there is no need to be offended by my questions.  As a woman of color, I was curious about your choices and I'll explain why:

When black people make our avies, we just tend to try and reflect what we see in the mirror and what we see around us daily. However, I have noticed that when non-black people portray "us" in SL, it's usually in the most stereotypical sense. Like that whole discussion about nose sizes, and what is typically "black".

I'm sure you probably meant no offense by that, but some black SLers might read that thread and give it the side-eye. That's why I explained that there is no cookie-cutter "look" for us, because our genetic make up is so diverse and varied, that trying to put us in a "one size fits all" box, wouldn't make much sense, if you get what I'm trying to say.

As for black men - they are an entirely different topic when compared to how black women have been historically portrayed and perceived in our society. I can only speak personally when I say, when I see an avie such as yours, I can generally tell that it's not a black woman behind it. With that said - I have a friend who plays a black girl in SL, who is a white male who enjoys expressing his "feminine side". As not to offend (and I wasn't), he would often ask my opinion about what looks right and what doesn't; is this or that pushing the boundaries and so on. I appreciated his openness and willingness to listen to constructive advice.

So when I saw your thread I thought, he's making a black female avie, perhaps I can offer a tip or two. Who better to ask than a black woman right? I mean, Hello?! LOL

Anyway, that's it in a nutshell. Now if you are still offended, there is nothing I can do about that, but now you know the reason why I asked you those questions.

Edited March 27, 2018 by Kristen Beornssen

[Love Zhaoying]

I’ve gotten a lot of advice, and chose based on that advice. I won’t be choosing a lighter skin based on your advice.

Please give more advice, let’s see what you’ve got!

@Pussycat Catnap This is weird, everyone was so nice until now.

[LexxiXhan]

11 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Please give more advice, let’s see what you’ve got!

I bet Kristen could add tonnes of insights based on lived experience that could help flesh out your avatar's backstory and identity as well as appearance. It needn't be about choosing a lighter skin...

[Destiny Marques]

5 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I’ve gotten a lot of advice, and chose based on that advice. I won’t be choosing a lighter skin based on your advice.

Please give more advice, let’s see what you’ve got!

@Pussycat Catnap This is weird, everyone was so nice until now.

Love...

Re-read what I said. I didn't say anything about you getting a "lighter" skin, or even suggested it. In case you haven't noticed, my avie is dark skinned, but you are making the choice to get defensive, when there isn't any reason to be.

"@Pussycat Catnap This is weird, everyone was so nice until now."

I haven't been mean to you. Blunt and direct with my questioning sure, but I've never been one to beat around the bush. Come on Love, are you honestly going to sit here and get offended over a black woman asking you about your avatar that's meant to represent a black female?! Um...  When pussycat said that she didn't like Jane's look in your thread, did you see her get all bent out of shape? No, she didn't.

I've had people critique my avie, I take what they've said into consideration and move on. I don't complain about them not being "nice" to me. Do you just want people to be "nice" to you (whether fake or genuine), and agree with everything you say or do just to make you happy,  or do you want people's honest opinions?

If something as simple as me asking you a question about your avatar gets you worked up, I can only imagine what will happen when you inevitably run into some racist weirdo inworld, who has decided to tell you what he hates about black women and blacks in general.

I find your reaction rather strange and over-the-top, tbh.

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, LexxiXhan said:

I bet Kristen could add tonnes of insights based on lived experience that could help flesh out your avatar's backstory and identity as well as appearance. It needn't be about choosing a lighter skin...

I just felt her initial comments and question regarding my choice was both very confrontational, and judgmental.

[Destiny Marques]

Just now, LexxiXhan said:

I bet Kristen could add tonnes of insights based on lived experience that could help flesh out your avatar's backstory and identity as well as appearance. It needn't be about choosing a lighter skin...

Thanks Lexxi!

Choosing a lighter skin tone was actually the furthest thing from my mind. I just wanted to know why he went with the darkest one, and I was satisfied with his response, because then I understood where he was coming from. Now for whatever reason, he has his hackles up and has chosen to be defensive. 

[Destiny Marques]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

I just felt her initial comments and question regarding my choice was both very confrontational, and judgmental.

That was a misperception, based on whatever preconceived notion you thought was behind my line of questioning.

[LexxiXhan]

10 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I just felt her initial comments and question regarding my choice was both very confrontational, and judgmental.

Well, maybe just put it down to a combination of directness and natural defensiveness - any regular forum users know you're a sweetie and that you not only experience and understand marginalisation but also support those of us who experience it in different forms. There are lots of 'other peoples' experiences' that I might know a bit about and be able to offer some support or empathy for, but I will always defer to the knowledge and insights of someone who actually lives that experience.