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Bree Giffen

When is catfishing really catfishing?

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Catfishing defined:
Quote
USinformal
lure (someone) into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona. "he was being catfished by a cruel prankster"

 

In SL, there is the idea of having a purely online relationship where the real life details of those involved are completely ignored. There are people who like giving and getting real life information and there are people who would rather have their online avatar and what they do online to be the only thing visible to others.
 
The question I pose to you all: Do you think a person is a catfish if they want a SL relationship without real life info and have no intention to be cruel or to troll their partner? 
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10 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:
Catfishing defined:

 

In SL, there is the idea of having a purely online relationship where the real life details of those involved are completely ignored. There are people who like giving and getting real life information and there are people who would rather have their online avatar and what they do online to be the only thing visible to others.
 
The question I pose to you all: Do you think a person is a catfish if they want a SL relationship without real life info and have no intention to be cruel or to troll their partner? 

No. Only if they lie about SL or RL. (I like the “why do you care about my RL” approach.)

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I think the catfish aspect can only come into play there is a pretence of RL involved --  i.e. person A "pretends" they want to take things into RL and cultivates a relationship based on that when it is in fact false.

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image.png.668f83b6aacc3c708880212b8960f320.png 

 

Establish trust in any online relationship needs to be a long-term process.  Both people need to be up front and honest what they want in an online relationship.  The crazy thing is many SL relationships have gone into RL and the results are varied as to their success.  Be careful out there because there definitely are cat fisher people out there trolling!

 

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2 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:
Catfishing defined:

 

In SL, there is the idea of having a purely online relationship where the real life details of those involved are completely ignored. There are people who like giving and getting real life information and there are people who would rather have their online avatar and what they do online to be the only thing visible to others.
 
The question I pose to you all: Do you think a person is a catfish if they want a SL relationship without real life info and have no intention to be cruel or to troll their partner? 

No, I don't think they would be, in that case. I don't even think, that it really "hits" the definition of catfishing.

The word comes from online dating, where the goal is to take it to real life. There is never even the question of keeping it purely virtual and both parties (if honest, of course) do not make up virtual personas and instead share real life information from the start. The catfish person knows this, but choses to lie from the start. Thats why catfishing hurts, because its lying and because people fall in love with a person, that does not really exist, but without knowing that.

In SL people are usually very open about a seperation between SL and RL and say from the beginning, that they do not intent to take the relationship behond the virtual world.

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What if a partner, after a long exclusively online relationship, decided they wanted to move into real life and their partner refused? Would the person who wants to stay out of RL be guilty of catfishing?

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7 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:

What if a partner, after a long exclusively online relationship, decided they wanted to move into real life and their partner refused? Would the person who wants to stay out of RL be guilty of catfishing?

No, only if one partner led the other on then changed their mind (perhaps disappeared / ghosted). If no “promises” are broken, or lies are made, its not necessarily catfishing.

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40 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:

What if a partner, after a long exclusively online relationship, decided they wanted to move into real life and their partner refused? Would the person who wants to stay out of RL be guilty of catfishing?

Truly if would only be catfishing if the person never intended to take it RL but claimed otherwise.  If the person initially thought it might go RL but later decided that they didn't want that with this particular person, then it is just a relationship that did not go the same direction for the two people.  Granted, in an online world, it is very difficult to tell the difference in those two situations.

Edited by LittleMe Jewell
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42 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

What if a partner, after a long exclusively online relationship, decided they wanted to move into real life and their partner refused? Would the person who wants to stay out of RL be guilty of catfishing?

And the person who wants to keep the relationship only in the SL world should not feel pressured, or guilty of cat fishing, because they do not want to move it into RL.  If the person who wants it both in SL and RL cannot accept this it may be time to move on from the relationship.

image.png.ec2e40fa7da65633ace0cb51927eac84.png

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Not quite sure how, but you managed to quote someone else, yet the quote shows it was me that said it:

image.thumb.png.2e29a2c1bce6978bb73717ec8acd3f6f.png

True quote:

image.thumb.png.f5a19fa03ff10941c8b538c4604b9ded.png

Edited by LittleMe Jewell

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Oh yes my apologies I must have copied the Bree's Quote from your post and it attributed the quote to you?

 

 

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7 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:
Catfishing defined:

 

In SL, there is the idea of having a purely online relationship where the real life details of those involved are completely ignored. There are people who like giving and getting real life information and there are people who would rather have their online avatar and what they do online to be the only thing visible to others.
 
The question I pose to you all: Do you think a person is a catfish if they want a SL relationship without real life info and have no intention to be cruel or to troll their partner? 

when it comes to catfishing, what matters is the INTENT. if the person has no intention of moving it to a RL relationship and has no intention of being curel or trolling, then it's simply a SL relationship and not catfishing.  catfishing means someone has an intent to do harm or to try to get information out of another person.

 

so in this case, it would not be catfishing.   just a normal relationship in which the person is being up front and saying what they need.

having said that, it COULD turn into catfishing later if the person changes their mind and starts to try to get RL info or do harm.  so always best to use caution.

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2 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:

What if a partner, after a long exclusively online relationship, decided they wanted to move into real life and their partner refused? Would the person who wants to stay out of RL be guilty of catfishing?

no, none of that would be catfishing.  it simply means that one person wanted more out of the relationship than the other was willing to provide.  there are no guilty parties and no harm, it's simply that they are at different places in the relationship and one wants more than the other.  this happens often.  it's not malicious at all.  one person falls deeply for the other.  the other may have RL circumstances that do not allow the relationship to go further.  very normal and not catfishing.

 

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It's nice when I read through all the responses to a post and agree with every single one of them. Like all of you, my answer to Bree's question: "The question I pose to you all: Do you think a person is a catfish if they want a SL relationship without real life info and have no intention to be cruel or to troll their partner?" is NO, especially when you take the part I bolded into consideration. "Catfishing", in the meaning used in the OP, is fraud from the get-go, originally devised as a way to fraudulently obtain money from the love-dazzled victim. SL relationships in which RL is never part of the equation don't meet that definition.

As a side note, if you're ever in California the best catfishing is in the Sacramento River-San Juaquin River Delta.

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Not catfish. Taking what someone say they are on SL are simply too gullible.  I would not on to assume those werewolves or anime girls look like their avatar irl, although I do know one that bears striking resemblance IRL that's more of an exception.

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I've never really used SL for roleplay or anything like that and I've absolutely never had an SL boyfriend/girlfriend (I'm partnered to my best friend haha!)
but if I were to guess, I think most SL-only relationships are fun games more so than made with malicious intent or with the intention on lying to someone.
I imagine it a lot like playing a sims game, but someone else is controlling the other sim. They're just characters and they're adding depth to those character's lives.

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If the limit (only SL) is clearly definied.  No catfishing. 

BUT

as soon as even the smallest hopes are awakened, it maybe changes to a catfish-game. 

 

And thats the point.   It needs a maximum discipline to hold a clear limit in relationship between humans, if you don`t want to change yourself into a small catfish.

And now ?  A relationship with such a high discipline-level ?   Really ?   lol .  Thats no relationship, thats hard work.

I think between two people in a relationship it is almost impossible to flirt with each other without using words that could possibly raise hopes.  

 

real catfishing is to play a game with two faces from the beginning.  To awake hopes and stuff like this to reach the own targets ...

but its also catfishing if you don t stop or slow down the relationship consequent when you feel there is something more at the other side...  if you don`t do this, you do nothing else than a catfish-game.


 

 

 

Edited by SteveBlockhead
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I define catfishing by the motive. Are they attempting to gain by deception or not?

I found this thread because I know of someone on SL who is catfishing. He claims to be a she and even uses his ex gf's photos, she was not aware of this. They have even been apart for years.
I have substantial proof that he is not who he claims he, I can prove that is his ex is and that the photos do not belong to him and are used without permission.

What can I do to stop him? (Within the TOS)
I have filed a report stating some of the facts (Not enough room in the report box) and have also included that he is violating copyright by using the photos, nothing has happened. Decency wise he is an unsightly blight on the SL community and should not be allowed to persist with this behaviour.

Is there anything I can do to get him off SL, because I know he is sucking in more people, I even know who they are, but of course I cannot tell them without jeopardizing my own account.

Edited by Aimi Sugarplum

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On 3/2/2018 at 10:14 AM, Bree Giffen said:
Catfishing defined:

 

In SL, there is the idea of having a purely online relationship where the real life details of those involved are completely ignored. There are people who like giving and getting real life information and there are people who would rather have their online avatar and what they do online to be the only thing visible to others.
 
The question I pose to you all: Do you think a person is a catfish if they want a SL relationship without real life info and have no intention to be cruel or to troll their partner? 

My partner and I have been “completely online” for over a decade. Her crazy matches my crazy - so it works.

The best relationship is the one that addresses your (legal) emotional needs;  not the one that other people consider “normal”......

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9 hours ago, Aimi Sugarplum said:

Is there anything I can do to get him off SL, because I know he is sucking in more people, I even know who they are, but of course I cannot tell them without jeopardizing my own account.

Other than filing a report I don't know of any way to remove him. Maybe send the ex an anonymous message that their image is being used in SL?

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2 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:

Other than filing a report I don't know of any way to remove him. Maybe send the ex an anonymous message that their image is being used in SL?

She knows. As everyone who uses someone else's photo probably fears, if their target and their victim meet, things quickly fall apart. It was just a matter of time.
It's possible the police will be involved as some of the photos he has distributed are of her when she was under 18. She's only 18 now..

Does being a scumbag and catfishing with the intention of hurting people and gaining financially by said deception (fraud) actually go against the ToS? We all know it's a vile thing to do which goes against common held standards of behaviour.. but does it break the rules?

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25 minutes ago, Aimi Sugarplum said:

. but does it break the rules?

Sorry, but no it doesn't.  The TOS doesn't really care how much you lie to people about yourself.  If someone is truly gaining financially from lying, then the RL police might care.

Edited by LittleMe Jewell
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This is a virtual  beautiful world this why we have nicknames  for are profile names not are real names because it takes a lot of trust maybe some people can know someone but not everyone needs to know.

 

You kind have to do your own homework on the  redflags.

They tell you everything they want you to hear they want to relocate they want  rush  and to come to you  to you they want you to send money for the ticket  that they will slip say they are not where they are  many have they will say there partner died or had a illness. That want someone kind they want to be kind you. Thing is to good to be true its a scam.

Yes you have to be careful those that  catfishing    but it was dating site years ago but it can happen any where but really there different kinds of cat fishing.

They will read you see things you like try to be good to be true they are the kind want to hurry up in to love they say they have been single and there partner has passed they will try to get you to send them money for fake ticket or try to scam you with something else. Never give anyone one your info use your intuition.  They will say whatever to get in your mind so use your intuition it tells the truth.

If they are to good to be true. They are people that say god fearing  they use words ( am ) in the all there sentences  and there ( i ) are lowercase.

They use seeking  and seek they don't use '

Also there English is not well. 

They use cropped photo's and white at the bottom also photo's that they took from someone else.

They use number that does not match up.

Thing is they want sound the same or the language  if they went on cam they will be still not talk they are not being truthful.

 

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Trust is earned not given I learned years ago in energy healing school you can't give someone everything people can say what ever that want not what  you say its what you do. This is a virtual world this why we have nicknames not are are real names its a beatitude place

 

I was in a three year relationship with my ex in sl that went real in the past I meet him in second life at  datemyavi in world we took the time to get to know each other and voiced and then via cam Once trust was both earned then was time to meet I did the traveling myself and traveled 3 times 2 hour flights. We live and learn and grow. 

 

 

 

Edited by Dreamerra
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