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2 hours ago, Elijah Pyrithea said:

Why do you want to do that? If a person chooses to behave like an idiot in SL and is a loving and kind family dad in RL That's up to them. Why do you want to use energy to figure out who this person is in RL? You have to deal with him/her in SL nevertheless and the person in question would expect you to react to an idiot as that is the way he emotes and expresses himself towards you in SL  And like Again. Feelings and emotions even if you act them out.. they are real if not to yourself it is to another person and if you repeat that cycle long enough you can become affected by these emotions and feelings yourself.

Well for 1...

I wasn't speaking for myself, I was speaking in general.
Not everyone is going to run the other way whenever they encounter someone who is playing a mentally deranged character in-world. Many people are curious by nature and may attempt to determine if this person is indeed insane before totally writing them off. You have trolls (psycho and otherwise) everywhere online, including in SL - and sometimes people choose to engage them rather than ignoring them. Why do they do it? You'll have to ask them.

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@Fionalein also stated, the fear of a person becoming his/her character is not something to think lightly about. A dive in psychological and cognitive science from recent years shows that this can happen in reality and in fact, it has become a reality in some cases.

No one ever implied that it was something to take lightly - on the contrary, I gave examples of people who get lost in a character, to such a degree that you can't determine if they are acting or not. Whether they are fully aware of it, who knows? I'm not sure how much you know about the gaming community outside of SL, but there are entire communities out here in cyberspace that are dedicated to this sort of thing, where by the player totally emerges him/herself into a fantasy world of his choosing and becomes the character he/she is playing.

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Feelings and emotions even if you act them out.. they are real if not to yourself it is to another person and if you repeat that cycle long enough you can become affected by these emotions and feelings yourself.

You still seem unwilling to accept that this doesn't apply to everyone.

Edited by Kristen Beornssen
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On 4/14/2018 at 11:20 AM, Talligurl said:

SL is many things to many people, not everyone here is acting out something they wish they had in RL. There is a creative aspect to SL that can be very appealing to creative people. I see no reason why a person who is married in RL, cannot create a married character here. Of course that needs to be made clear to the SL partner, that this isn't about RL and never can be about RL. Inn fact two married people can form a partnership based on mutual respect for each other's RL relationships, that helps to guard against the temptations that come with this place.

I see you mention that you must be honest with the SL person that you are married. Do you also mean you should be honest the the RL partner that you are seeing someone in SL?

On 4/12/2018 at 6:00 PM, Vin Soulstar said:

Easy, I wouldn't date someone that is married in RL. 

IMO if you are happy in you're RL relationship you shouldn't need to date in SL, unless of course you have an open RL relationship. 

To me it's a form of cheating, maybe I am just old fashioned. 

One more old fashioned person here.

I have a husband and we aren’t in an open relationship, so any relationship I might have in Second Life would be considered cheating in my book. 

What if my husband asked me to stop SL? I’d consider why he was asking me. We’ve been together for half our lives now and our entire adult lives. We know each other pretty well. So if he’s asking me to stop, I’m going to at least hear him out. I’m not throwing 16 years away over a video game (oh yeah I totally said the V word). 

It’s all about communication between everyone involved. Be honest and be kind. 

Edited by Nalytha
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7 hours ago, Nalytha said:

I see you mention that you must be honest with the SL person that you are married. Do you also mean you should be honest the the RL partner that you are seeing someone in SL?

Yes. My wife and I are both in SL and lead separate SL lives. We are friends in SL but have our own friends and relationships. We do have an open relationship in RL but have rarely used it in 20 years. What happens in SL stays there, there is no RL contact with people in SL. And that works for us, not saying it will work for all. 

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I don't keep RL and SL separate...same person behind the computer and in SL. Only thing, my SL self is prettier, has more clothes and can afford most things.

Lucky for me though, my SL relationship DID become a RL one...and yes, we were both utterly monogamous to each other before we even met up in RL. How do I know? We spent every waking hour together, other than the hours we had to sleep and work. We've known each other 13 years now, and have been together 11 of those 13, almost 4 IRL.

I would never cheat on an SL or RL relationship...if I'm emotionally and mentally invested in someone, be it virtual or real, they're both still REAL to me.

Addicted? I've been here since early 2005, absolutely, aren't you?

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14 hours ago, Nalytha said:

I see you mention that you must be honest with the SL person that you are married. Do you also mean you should be honest the the RL partner that you are seeing someone in SL?

I think it depends, if a co-worker hits on you, it is important to let the co-worker know you arn't available. Whether you should tell your spouse is going to depend on several factors.

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1 hour ago, Talligurl said:

I think it depends, if a co-worker hits on you, it is important to let the co-worker know you arn't available. Whether you should tell your spouse is going to depend on several factors.

Ah, yeah. If it's a casual flirt that happens and is done -- sure. I guess I was thinking more in terms of romantic relationships in general in Second Life. It seems like some people don't think a RL lover needs to know about a SL relationship. I know I'm 'old fashioned' and probably prude or something, but even erotic roleplay online would feel like cheating to me if my husband didn't know about it. The line between cheating and not, to me, is when I would be secretive about something/someone. I'd have to ask myself why I was being secretive. Is it because I feel that not everything needs to be shared, or because I know he wouldn't be comfortable with the situation. If I'm hiding something because I know he wouldn't be comfortable with it, I know I have a problem. 

 

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For myself, I solve the problem by not having romantic or intimate relationships in SL. I am in a monogamous relationship in RL and to me it feels like cheating if I got intimately involved with someone in SL.  My partner says he doesn't mind but (a) I think he secretly does mind and he's just being nice to me and (b) I do mind.

If he told me to quit SL altogether? I'd question his apparent lack of trust in me. That degree of mistrust would suggest that there are deeper things wrong with the relationship, and simply quitting SL wouldn't necessarily resolve them.

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One thing for certain on this topic is there are many different relationships in SL, and many different attitudes about taking an SL relationship into RL, or having a relationship in both SL and RL.  After ten years in SL I can honestly say it depends on the person and the relationship between two people regarding whether or not an SL relationship should go to RL?  Needless to say, both parties need to be very comfortable and safe in making that decision, and it is important for us not to judge people one way or the other if they do or don't want to mix the two worlds.

It might also be surprising how many significant others in RL do not know about their partner/spouse being online in SL.  I have kept my SL world private from everyone in my RL because I am not sure how my RL loved ones would react to my SL world?  Not that it is that salacious or crazy, just that I have always kept those two worlds separate.   It would indeed be a quandary for me if my RL spouse found out about SL and asked me to quit.

Is SL addictive?  Well, I was on for 6 years, left SL for a year, and have now been back on for 4 years.  I can categorically state that SL is indeed addictive, however, like any other addicting activity:  drinking, gambling, etc. there is the ability for people to control the addiction and set parameters.  I left SL because I did not feel i could control how much time I was in world.  Needless to say, I missed it greatly during the year I was gone.  So when I came back on I set a guideline/rule for how long I could be in world each day (2 hours).   Being in world a bit in the morning and some in the evening has seemed to work for me to control my addiction.  I set the mental timer each day and do my best to keep to that schedule.  Ten to 14 hours on each week seems to work just fine in keeping my addiction in check.

 

 

 

 

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On 12/24/2017 at 11:31 AM, BlixaKarita said:

How do you keep your SL & RL relationships separate and balanced? Would you quit playing SL if your RL partner was upset about the SL relationship? Does SL become addictive? 

i keep waiting for the OP to come back with "Thank you for your replies and helping with my Spring Thesis."

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If your real partner is upset you need to talk to them and work it  partner in real just come first because if it best more worse it could lead to marriage separation and divorce papers  papers. Why you need to have heart to heart talk and be upfront or Just give up the habits.

Edited by Dreamerra
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It might be a faulty premise to think that RL loves are more important to -everyone- than their SL romances.

Informed Consent is always best if a person has both RL and SL connections, but not everyone I know puts the priority on RL romance when they have an SL love that actually -fulfills- their emotional needs.

Some even decline to pursue “committed” RL relations because their SL romance is (to them) the important one (and uncommitted physical sex is fairly available in RL these days). Lovers = SL, Friends-W-Benefits/Tindr = RL for these people.

They rarely speak up because the forum used to make mock of the entire notion or call them “pathetic, lonely people” - but they exist :-)

giphy.gif

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