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I will start off by saying, holy crap, I didn't realize there were this many users on Second Life still. Anyways, what am I talking about here?

Off and on I'm seeking friends and family, and regardless of how much a person "falls in love" with me, they always somehow flake out on me, and I continue treading on through Second Life by myself in abandoned sims, occasionally messaging people in my "friends" list something along the lines of a joke or "Hi how are you" since they won't bother letting me go any further than that.

It may sound sad being by myself in empty sims all of the time, but I don't mind it for the most part, I enjoy exploring and seeing what people have built over the years.

But it is, growing tiring and greater in scale and numbers of me getting flaked. I will respond to someone's post of looking for a friend and or family, tell me a life story about how they're sad and all this crap and how it would be perfect for us to do this and that. Annoyingly, they will avoid a meet-up 99% of the time, and keep me waiting for days because "something came up" and never say what.

Then after days of me waiting, and starting the chat over and over again, they will eventually say: "Oh I just did this and that, or my girlfriend is having a baby, I'm going to delete my post, sorry"

 

Just, what the heck man. You pour out your life story to me and tell me you like me as a friend or whatever and then you don't have the time to even bother looking at me? Oh please.

 

This has partially to do with the anonymous factor of the internet, and they can cower away from any hint of dedication and keep being afraid of it or whatever.

 

This is just something that's bothering me, even replying to my posts in-world IM and then flaking out is just ridiculous.

 

And finally, another "problem" people seem to have is they get their jimmies rustled over me being a PS1-era looking person. I understand they want 2000000% immersion in a software with already arguably dated graphics mixed in with low res textures and models that aren't well designed from creators and some UHD characters that do look nice, but CRIPPLE computers because they have subdivision maxed.

Anyways, I'm not always low res but I prefer it, it's not even that bad really, I have fingers and a fairly nice appearance graphically. In a way people being so incredibly against stylized low res mesh avatars is slight discrimination. That is an insanely strong word for what I'm trying to say but it's all I can think of at the moment. And it in a way destroys the whole idea of what a family is. You can't pick and choose your family in reality, and I know you technically are in Second Life. But family is about loving the person for who they are, not by their looks or quirks. Family is about balance and caring for each other regardless of faults. But, this being Second Life, 99% of users could care less.

 

One lady told me that I "look noob" because of my low resolution nature. I could tell she's not even SL savvy, but I knew what she was trying to say, I look low res compared to most avatars.

 

Anyways, just annoying garbage I'm dealing with and decided to share, feel free to share your thoughts on getting stood up etc. I hope I can get a family together one day in SL, my previous one shoved me out because they had new friends and just quite frankly didn't give a damn anymore.

 

Image added for something to look at + more interesting topic

inthesno.jpg

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You're not alone in this. It's been a topic of discussion for some time among me and my friends, how most people who write on the forums that they are looking for friends and family are happy to add you to their friend list when you contact them - but then have no wish to communicate with you.

One person was on my friend list for ten days after I contacted her through the forums upon seeing her looking for friends thread, and during those ten days I attempted to establish communication three times - each going pretty much the same, like clockwork; I'd say 'Hello, how are you today', they'd say 'meh', I'd ask 'what's up?', they'd say 'nothing', I'd ask if 'they felt like doing anything', they'd say 'not really'. So upon the third occasion, I got fed up and asked out plainly what the problem was - whether she felt too shy to communicate, if something was bothering her, or if she simply weren't interested in making friends. 

Her response at least gave us something to laugh at - "Of course I'm not interested in meeting you, when all you ever do is beg for sex."

Now, I know some people think very highly of themselves, but how one can turn any of 'Hello there.' (occasionally exchanged for a 'Peekaboo'), 'How are you today?' or 'What are you up to today?' into 'me man, you woman, me wanna bang bang.' - I simply have no idea.

 

That's the most extreme case I've had recently, but many others simply appear happy to chat when initial contact is made, but then wants to put no effort into communicating or making friends.

I saw your thread earlier, and at the moment my family is pretty much in tatters, so I had little to offer, nor did you mention any time zone or online time-habits, so there were a few too many unknowns and uncertainties on my end to make a reply. But, you're very welcome to contact me in world if you just want to have a chat or hang out sometime, my friends and I try to get together at least a few times every week to hang out and have fun - and we're very much going by 'the more, the merrier'. 

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A good analogy EjeFief to what you are experiencing in Second Life,  would be high school.   In high school if you found a few really good friends that you could confide in and share stuff with you were lucky.  Most of the rest of the students were acquaintances that you knew little more about than their name (larger high schools).   Clothes and style were a really big deal in high school just like in Second Life.  If you had money in high school (lindens in SL) you were usually one of the stylish (cool) kids, and yes that applies to SL as well where there definitely is a style conscious attitude among many.  Blame mesh for that since if you are still only using a classic avatar you are Waaaay out of style, as one person recently told me.

Remember dating in high school?  It was a minefield of feelings and emotions.  If you were lucky to find one person to date during high school(long-term) relationship, you were really exceptional since the temptation to date more than one person usually meant multiple dating partners during high school.  Second life is the same way.  When I meet someone who has been with their partner for more than a year I shake their hand.  When I meet someone who has been with their partner more than three years I high five them and go "wow"!  And, if I meet someone who has been with their partner more than five years in SL, I ask them if I can take their temperature (just kidding).  The only sage advice is for you to watch "Fast Times at Ridgemount High" or "Breakfast Club".  Granted, they are movies about 1980's teenager problems in high school, but it could help you understand the crazy world of SL as well

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SL is definitely an interesting place and it’s so many things at once, it’s really confusing. There are people that are here for really selfish reasons. There are also people that are here for altruistic reasons. But mostly people are here for a combination of the two, but more on that later.

First thing is the “it’s not real” factor of SL. As a result people tend to be a little bit on the selfish side, because they view other avatars as NPCs, not as real people. So you tend to have people that dump all their stuff on you because they have to dump it somewhere. Why not dump it on someone who’s “not real?” The problem there is you are real and you have real feelings. This will always be a problem in a virtual world; the separation of “you” and “virtual you” often varies. This is a key concept though this “not real” thing.

The next thing is people are flakey! People change, people grow, real life happens....people go away, people come back. Some people say things they don’t mean, some people say they want things they don’t really want. People lie....go through amazing lengths to lie. I’m going to stop because I could do this all day. But you get the idea.

I too look for friends, people I can talk to, hang out with, share with. Y’know things real friends do. I also realize that isn’t what a real friend is to other people. For some people, giving them money is what a real friend would do. For some people, listening to their emotional garbage is what a friend would do. For some people giving up some prim, whenever they want is what a real friend would do. In short, some people really believe they are being a friend. It’s up to you to have that conversation though.

As far as finding a friend on the friend forum. Lol....no, just no. I did that one time a few years ago, I’ll never do that again. I saw a girl post and I thought we sounded similar so I went for it. We met, we hung out. I got the impression she wanted an ugly “friend” or a noob she could turn into a clone of her. When she saw the tables were turned....well friendship over. Never saw or spoke to her again. Oh well....

As far as appearance, SL is superficial. Always was always will be. Having a nice looking avatar has its own set of problems. Jealousy, stupidity, pettiness are at the top of the list. Ever had someone tell you, “You must be a man, because a real woman can’t make an avatar look that good”? I have....twice. That was one of the most ridiculous, yet unflattering things someone has ever said to me on here. 

Some of the best looking people I’ve met on here are the douchiest. I’ve met guys that ask how they look every two minutes. I’ve met girls who’s crosshairs are locked on you until they find a flaw somewhere. “I just need to point out that there’s a little piece of skin poking through your shirt beneath your hair on your back. Tee hee!” Seriously?

Some of the coolest people I’ve ever met have been, furries, futanari, anime people, you name it I can say I have a friend in that category.

I’ll talk to anyone. Have a conversation with anybody. The thing with a real friendship on SL is it has those extra hurdles to overcome. Just remember they’re just as rare as RL friendships.

I probably wrote a lot, so I’ll stop. But this was my way of commiserating and sharing my thoughts.

 

 

 

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I've mixed feelings on this topic.

While I did met this kind of friends, people who added me to their contact list but never talk to me, never call me, never invite me, always busy to do something else with someone else. There are still things I disagree personally on the way to perceive and accept this kind of attitude.

 

8 hours ago, EjeFief said:

But it is, growing tiring and greater in scale and numbers of me getting flaked. I will respond to someone's post of looking for a friend and or family, tell me a life story about how they're sad and all this crap and how it would be perfect for us to do this and that. Annoyingly, they will avoid a meet-up 99% of the time, and keep me waiting for days because "something came up" and never say what.

First point I've to disagree with. People talk, people write and often move on. I'm not sure to cage them in their post they did once one day on one forum is truely the way to perceive them correctly. They don't have to justify to you how and what "came up" either.

 

8 hours ago, EjeFief said:

Just, what the heck man. You pour out your life story to me and tell me you like me as a friend or whatever and then you don't have the time to even bother looking at me? Oh please.

Second point, I've to disagree with. I don't believe anyone forced you to listen to their sad stories and yet you did. I would rather believe you accepted it and that it's more your personal choice than their fault.

This is also how I lost one of my close SL friend recently. She started to use my IMbox as her psychanalyst sofa and tell me how her life was miserable, repeatedly. I protested vocally and she didn't liked it, of course. But I chose. In the end, I only lost headaches and spare me a lot of aspirins to hear her dramas and I can keep a smile on my face, nothing to complain about her or someone either.

 

8 hours ago, EjeFief said:

And finally, another "problem" people seem to have is they get their jimmies rustled over me being a PS1-era looking person. I understand they want 2000000% immersion in a software with already arguably dated graphics mixed in with low res textures and models that aren't well designed from creators and some UHD characters that do look nice, but CRIPPLE computers because they have subdivision maxed.

Anyways, I'm not always low res but I prefer it, it's not even that bad really, I have fingers and a fairly nice appearance graphically. In a way people being so incredibly against stylized low res mesh avatars is slight discrimination. That is an insanely strong word for what I'm trying to say but it's all I can think of at the moment. And it in a way destroys the whole idea of what a family is. You can't pick and choose your family in reality, and I know you technically are in Second Life. But family is about loving the person for who they are, not by their looks or quirks. Family is about balance and caring for each other regardless of faults. But, this being Second Life, 99% of users could care less.

 

One lady told me that I "look noob" because of my low resolution nature. I could tell she's not even SL savvy, but I knew what she was trying to say, I look low res compared to most avatars.

What a lack of tolerance from someone's who's asking for tolerance.

 

8 hours ago, EjeFief said:

Anyways, just annoying garbage I'm dealing with

What a harsh judgement from someone who doesn't want to be judged.

 

8 hours ago, EjeFief said:

feel free to share your thoughts on getting stood up etc.

Thank you. As I introduced in my post, I've mixed feelings about this topic. Been there but didn't really done that.

But now, imagine that someone would read your post and apply your way on you and close your words as definitive statements and that you can not be more than that... just like you do to others along your post. How would you feel?

Yes, there can be garbage along our life but don't we all learn where it should go and to keep moving on with a smile?

Edited by Morgan Rosenstar
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13 hours ago, Orwar said:

One person was on my friend list for ten days after I contacted her through the forums upon seeing her looking for friends thread, and during those ten days I attempted to establish communication three times - each going pretty much the same, like clockwork; I'd say 'Hello, how are you today', they'd say 'meh', I'd ask 'what's up?', they'd say 'nothing', I'd ask if 'they felt like doing anything', they'd say 'not really'. So upon the third occasion, I got fed up and asked out plainly what the problem was - whether she felt too shy to communicate, if something was bothering her, or if she simply weren't interested in making friends. 

Yeap, this is exactly what I experience, if not with a little life stories exchange in the first session.

 

9 hours ago, Jameson2001 said:

A good analogy EjeFief to what you are experiencing in Second Life,  would be high school.

 

Spot on, I was treated like a moldy ham sandwhich in highschool, and the hints of people acting like that here are probably giving me "Vietnam flashbacks"

7 hours ago, janetosilio said:

Some of the best looking people I’ve met on here are the douchiest.

 

Me too, I just ran into one last night.

7 hours ago, janetosilio said:

For some people, giving them money is what a real friend would do. For some people, listening to their emotional garbage is what a friend would do. For some people giving up some prim

Yeah, very true. Personally I see friendships as people you stick around with because they make you feel nice, they improve the quality of life on a level money can't offer.

 

Morgan Rosenstar

, thanks for your completely different point of view on things, I do like to see if I'm being completely stupid or if I do have a point regardless of the situation. We shall continue;

 

 

14 hours ago, EjeFief said:

Anyways, just annoying garbage I'm dealing with

"What a harsh judgement from someone who doesn't want to be judged."

I'm not calling people garbage, I'm just saying the end-result is garbage. Also, I never said I wanted to be judged or not, I did however say basing friend decisions entirely on looks is something I disagree with.

 

 

6 hours ago, Morgan Rosenstar said:

What a lack of tolerance from someone's who's asking for tolerance.

I do need to ask where I seem intolerant, I'm just not seeing it. For the most part I tolerate a lot of things that negatively effect me, but I'm just sharing how I feel about this stuff happening over and over again. I'm aware that nobody is out to attack me or deliberately trying to push me away, but it's the unintentional end-result.

I shouldn't even be expecting people to work with me on things, it is stupid I think that way, but for the most part I can't help it.

 

 

6 hours ago, Morgan Rosenstar said:

Second point, I've to disagree with. I don't believe anyone forced you to listen to their sad stories and yet you did. I would rather believe you accepted it and that it's more your personal choice than their fault.

Another dumb thing about me: I put in the time and effort to help people and (usually) expect friendship in return, depending on how much time I invested. That and even I found the person nice and wanted them to stick around.

 

6 hours ago, Morgan Rosenstar said:

But now, imagine that someone would read your post and apply your way on you and close your words as definitive statements and that you can not be more than that... just like you do to others along your post. How would you feel?

 

I can, apply my "opinion thing" on my post but against me. and so here's my attempt;

"Ejefief, you can't expect everyone to like you regardless of how much you think you helped them or how nice you were to them.

 

Thank you all, very much for your responses.

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The whole anti low rez thing can get extreme. I was having a very nice conversation with this guy. I started to talk about my art, in the course of the conversation I mentioned that I had done a picture of another guy who was in the sim. the first guy then gets all upset and says he no longer wants to have anything to do with me because i would stoop so low as to befriends with someone with a system avi. Now two things, one my art is a business and i don't care what kind of avi a person has if they buy paintings from me, and two i care more about the personality behind the avi that whether it is mesh or not or how nice the textures might be.

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4 hours ago, EjeFief said:

thanks for your completely different point of view on things, I do like to see if I'm being completely stupid or if I do have a point regardless of the situation.

I can't tell if you're stupid or if you have a point but I certainly have a different point of view on things and glad to hear that you didn't felt offended by this difference.

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I definitely acknowledge that the OP has a very valid point and also that there is likely some truth to the largely negative reasons people have offered to explain it. But I think there are less negative reasons as well - at least it seems so to me based on my more than a few experiences making connections for either friends or romance in avmatch. In my experience, there are lots of people who sound great on paper and with whom you can seem to have a lot in common. And hope being what it is, it is not uncommon for both sides to overshare in the beginning - and definitely the anonymity of the Internet makes oversharing quickly easier.  But then, no matter how great or pure your intent, you find that this new friend or potential lover and you... just don't click. Yes, it always surprises me how much of one's personality and vibe seeps through the computer and oozes out of one's av, but it definitely does. I have been with people and you'll have to take it on faith - but both sides were nice and wanted it to work, but it just wasn't happening and became a chore for both. And then, just like in RL, we'd politely make plans never carried through and then just generally drift apart. So I don't know. SL is very different from RL, but then in the end maybe not so different.

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I also have mixed feelings about this topic. On one hand ive seen so many people who have been on SL for years and havent made an effort to upgrade their avatars. Nowdays theres so many gifts and even free mesh bodies its super easy to look up date. It tells me they just log in to shag someone then log out. They don't even care about your personality and have only one goal in mind. They are also known for having blank profiles.

On the other hand i have met plenty of intelligent and creative people who just prefer using system avatars, because they are old dinosaurs. But their interesting personalities really make up for it and you simply stop judging their avatar, instead listen to them with your mouth open. 

It's harder to make friends these days than it was 10 years ago, because generations change. People want everything instant now, only to learn it doesnt work this way. True friendships take time to develop. It's not a one way street.

Edited by Jeny Howlett
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Considering that all system layers except eyes get baked to 512x512, there are no technical winnings in using lower resolution than that.

However, of course it can be a style, but then i'd try to take it a bit further and make it more obvious. Maybe emulate a sprite with a particle, with changing textures so it looks animated?

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This will be uber long...bare with me....or not..as you see fit :) 

Anyone that says they *never* judge someone, at all, based on appearances, is flat out lying. We all do it, it's pretty ingrained in us, whether we verbally express it or not, we do think these things. We'd all like to think we only base our judgments of people on who, or what, they present themselves to us behind that appearance...but the truth is, we don't. Though, most people are open to changing their impressions as time goes on, positive, or negative. So someone having a reaction to your appearance, regardless of who you are, or how awesome you think you are, isn't really all that odd, or even negative, really.  Some folks won't ever verbally express their initial judgments, and I'm sure some of those think they're doing folks a favor by not doing so. Others will verbally express them, but attempt to do so in the kindest(to them) manner they can muster, usually in an attempt to not offend you(with varying levels of success at such). Still others will express it, and they won't sugarcoat it. Many will think those folks are just being mean, and some of them may be, but that doesn't mean all are. Passing judgment on their judgments is still judgment, any way ya dice it. Good, bad, or indifferent, we all make judgments, and a huge lot of them begin with an initial visual presentation(rl, sl, they are no different here)

 I doubt, seriously, that it's your appearance alone that is the deterrent here, even if it does cause an initial negative judgment/response, though it might be the reason for *some, I'm inclined to believe that number is lower than we often usually think. It might be what some people tell you OP, that your style is offputting, but have you considered that perhaps they're saying that because the true matter at hand can't be expressed without being, or rather seeming to be, quite mean? It's easier to find something one can pinpoint, and blame, than it is to go into a long tirade of why you're bugging them, why they don't really want to be your friend anymore(or become one, etc..) *because it will come off as mean(er) than just judging your appearance. Just a guess, and it's just as likely that I'm way off. Maybe they think you're too demanding of their time. maybe they decided there was something about you they didn't like. Maybe they found something better to do. Maybe their desire for a new friend was only temporary, and it has nothing to do with you at all. Really, the reasons could be numerous. Feeling bad about all of them won't get ya anywhere, except put you in a position to get flustered about the entire ordeal(which, from your post, I can see it seems you are).

It serves no purpose to *always ask "why don't they like me", or even make up reasons why they don't like you. If it happens THAT frequently, it's possible that not all of them are so far off base, and there's just something about you that rubs people the wrong way. If it happens infrequently, than, yeah..it's just a "different strokes, different folks" kinda thing. Ya take the good with the bad (and then the theme song of Facts of Life pops into your head-speaking of, I just re-watched that series not long ago..but I digress...). As someone that gets judged in rl(and have my entire life) for a very specific physical trait, (my left eye is nonfunctional, I was born with cataracts, have developed a lot more since and I have zero control over how-where-when-or if, it moves, but it's creepy AF, just trust me on that lol, I wear sunglasses everywhre for good reason), I can tell you that it's not usually(rarely ever) worth worrying over, because it'll get ya nowhere, at a snail's pace through frozen molasses. It'll also likely make you pretty sad, and mad, perhaps depressed even. I can't actually change that one physical trait-so I'm pretty much stuck with the judgments. I've learned to let them roll off my back...or threaten to burn their retinas with my laser if they don't stop staring ;) 

I am sorry that you're having a difficult time making and keeping friends, because I do know that feeling, and it kinda sucks sometimes. Sometimes it's something in our own selves that we can change, and sometimes it's not. It's never a lost cause to look for a reason, but if you don't find one right off the bat, odds are pretty good it's the other person's issue and trying to figure it out will likely be as efficient as nailing prepared jello to a tree. Actually, you'll accomplish more with the jello. It might be something that you either can't change, or don't want to change too, in which case, just let it roll on, and keep moving forward.  Maybe try finding folks that have a liked interest, a strong liked interest, beyond simply "wanting to be friends"(and no I don't mean an intimate relationship, unless that's your thing of course) wherein any initial judgments will be of the nature of "possibly changing" type...if that makes any sense. Any initial judgments may be changed, when there is more to a friendship/relationship of any sort, when there's more to talk about. If you're just chatting in IM, that can be tricky, but not impossible. 

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On 12/23/2017 at 11:03 PM, Tari Landar said:

This will be uber long...bare with me....or not..as you see fit :) 

Anyone that says they *never* judge someone, at all, based on appearances *unless they're completely blind*, is flat out lying. We all do it, it's pretty ingrained in us, whether we verbally express it or not, we do think these things. We'd all like to think we only base our judgments of people on who, or what, they present themselves to us behind that appearance...but the truth is, we don't. Though, most people are open to changing their impressions as time goes on, positive, or negative. So someone having a reaction to your appearance, regardless of who you are, or how awesome you think you are, isn't really all that odd, or even negative, really.  Some folks won't ever verbally express their initial judgments, and I'm sure some of those think they're doing folks a favor by not doing so. Others will verbally express them, but attempt to do so in the kindest(to them) manner they can muster, usually in an attempt to not offend you(with varying levels of success at such). Still others will express it, and they won't sugarcoat it. Many will think those folks are just being mean, and some of them may be, but that doesn't mean all are. Passing judgment on their judgments is still judgment, any way ya dice it. Good, bad, or indifferent, we all make judgments, and a huge lot of them begin with an initial visual presentation(rl, sl, they are no different here)

 I doubt, seriously, that it's your appearance alone that is the deterrent here, even if it does cause an initial negative judgment/response, though it might be the reason for *some, I'm inclined to believe that number is lower than we often usually think. It might be what some people tell you OP, that your style is offputting, but have you considered that perhaps they're saying that because the true matter at hand can't be expressed without being, or rather seeming to be, quite mean? It's easier to find something one can pinpoint, and blame, than it is to go into a long tirade of why you're bugging them, why they don't really want to be your friend anymore(or become one, etc..) *because it will come off as mean(er) than just judging your appearance. Just a guess, and it's just as likely that I'm way off. Maybe they think you're too demanding of their time. maybe they decided there was something about you they didn't like. Maybe they found something better to do. Maybe their desire for a new friend was only temporary, and it has nothing to do with you at all. Really, the reasons could be numerous. Feeling bad about all of them won't get ya anywhere, except put you in a position to get flustered about the entire ordeal(which, from your post, I can see it seems you are).

It serves no purpose to *always ask "why don't they like me", or even make up reasons why they don't like you. If it happens THAT frequently, it's possible that not all of them are so far off base, and there's just something about you that rubs people the wrong way. If it happens infrequently, than, yeah..it's just a "different strokes, different folks" kinda thing. Ya take the good with the bad (and then the theme song of Facts of Life pops into your head-speaking of, I just re-watched that series not long ago..but I digress...). As someone that gets judged in rl(and have my entire life) for a very specific physical trait, (my left eye is nonfunctional, I was born with cataracts, have developed a lot more since and I have zero control over how-where-when-or if, it moves, but it's creepy AF, just trust me on that lol, I wear sunglasses everywhre for good reason), I can tell you that it's not usually(rarely ever) worth worrying over, because it'll get ya nowhere, at a snail's pace through frozen molasses. It'll also likely make you pretty sad, and mad, perhaps depressed even. I can't actually change that one physical trait-so I'm pretty much stuck with the judgments. I've learned to let them roll off my back...or threaten to burn their retinas with my laser if they don't stop staring ;) 

I am sorry that you're having a difficult time making and keeping friends, because I do know that feeling, and it kinda sucks sometimes. Sometimes it's something in our own selves that we can change, and sometimes it's not. It's never a lost cause to look for a reason, but if you don't find one right off the bat, odds are pretty good it's the other person's issue and trying to figure it out will likely be as efficient as nailing prepared jello to a tree. Actually, you'll accomplish more with the jello. It might be something that you either can't change, or don't want to change too, in which case, just let it roll on, and keep moving forward.  Maybe try finding folks that have a liked interest, a strong liked interest, beyond simply "wanting to be friends"(and no I don't mean an intimate relationship, unless that's your thing of course) wherein any initial judgments will be of the nature of "possibly changing" type...if that makes any sense. Any initial judgments may be changed, when there is more to a friendship/relationship of any sort, when there's more to talk about. If you're just chatting in IM, that can be tricky, but not impossible. 

Since I can't edit it...I'm amending it (bolded) :P 

The rest still stands ;) 

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People are asses  in general. As is the nature of the internet. It's not only SL as a platform, in which people abuse social norms because they simply can without consequence. I cannot tell you how many times I get an IM that goes "Hi, how are you" I reply the in the usual manner with, hi I am well, how are you, they state they are good and then the approaching silence if they have no direct desire or want at the moment, so I proceed to ask if they would like to join me..... (this ofcourse takes them 2 - 5 whole minutes for them to disseminate ) they then respond with , "no I can't right now" and I ofcourse ask why to which I ALWAYS get the response of "oh I'm out at a club with someone (they won't say who , and ofcourse I don't care lol). So the  I ask them if I could get a TP to join them (it can go two ways here) they either don't respond or they immediately try to change the subject. They either get a lecture from me on what an ass they are, or they get the unfriend axe! (screw the hammer, and fixing that mess).

Does this sound like normal and acceptable social behavior? Is this how we treat eachother in real life, calling eachother on the phone only to put the other off in some sort of game? I'd say SL is quite packed with dysfunction, to the gills.

I am not just generalizing here , I am stating this is the 'Majority' of people I have encountered on my friends list.

The other cases are always a matter of them only wanting to do what THEY want to do even when I am busy and explain to them that I am busy, like running around in a fantasy AV for fun but ohhh, said friend needs me to change just for them in order for them to be able to interact with me?

SL is not even suitable most times for a lot of normal friendships and how people can expect each other to sustain a even a business relationship with one another is beyond me, when they can't even grasp the fundamental nuances of making a friend and being a friend.

Edited by Hunter Stern
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I have to question people who say they run into these kinds of people *all the time, or more frequently than not, especially if these are the kinds of people one has on their friends/contacts list. Why on earth are you people "friends"(and I use that term quite loosely) with those sorts of people? Do you ever wonder if perhaps *you* (general) have something to do with the kind of attention, or not, you get? If you don't...maybe you should. If you do, maybe it's time to find a better caliber of folks, lol.

I'm not doubting it happens, I'm certain it does, sometimes, but probably not as frequently as some say. I have doubts that people have no hand in it too, though. I can't say I'd stay friends with people that act the way some folks here have said their friends/contacts/whatever act. I don't think it's actually the norm at all, even though the anonymity of the internet actually makes it quite easy. I think the reason it seems so norm, or typical, is because people keep their own selves in those kinds of situations, so of course it would seem the norm or typical...for them. Why put up with it? Especially somewhere like sl, where it's pretty damn easy to avoid, or ignore.

Those I consider friends, even when we rarely speak...we don't treat each other this way. We don't often run into these kinds of people, either, but if/when we do...it's pretty easy to just move on and not let it bug us. Letting it fester to the point you think it's happening all the time, or frequently, tells me you're not doing much at all the avoid it, and probably contributing it it yourself.  Making friends can be hard, in any situation, online environments are no different. But it's SUPER easy to avoid the kinds of people you don't *want to be friends with, even more so in an online environment. You can't really be a "victim"(I'm not sure that's the right word to be honest, but I'm using it anyway) to this kind of treatment, without allowing it to continually happen.

Don't like it, brush it off...and find better folks to have conversations with....there are literally thousands upon thousands upon thousands. If all you find are jerks...maybe you're looking at a mirror, and not a window. 

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@Tari Landar I absolutely agree, hence why I bolded the said action I take upon running into such persons. I personally like to try to give people the benefit of the doubt, you know the old saying , do unto others as you would have done unto you. I don't go watching with a magnifying glass nor white glove for test when it comes to building on a friendship, but some protocols must adhere. 

If I were to completely clean my friends list as of today, I would have 1 , yes 1, friend , she is the only one who understands my point of view on the whole interaction affair , and I understand hers , to a tee, I have even grown to know and enjoy her rl family which watches her on SL from over her shoulder as she and I interact , not just chatting but hanging out, and have grown accustomed to my presence, even though we are continents away.

It is quite amazing I must say, that before the internet, we had to make a physical and well thought out plan when making and keeping friends , whereas , now the convenience of the internet has brought that all to a simply matter of a click.

Edited by Hunter Stern
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