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Monogamy

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I will say I know someone in SL who had at least two relationships and couldn't deal with SL's redefinition of 'monogramy' (was cheated on both times). After that they've made a point to not get invovled with anyone in SL. It's sad, but you may either have to accept 'monogamy' in SL does involve some cheating, technically, hold out for your own hardcore definition (which could make it difficult for you), or follow the route this person I know did and say they won't get invovled with anyone else here.

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Very much so. Both in sl and rl, there is only one for me and he is one and the same in both worlds.

I think there are a lot more folks like us out there, you just don't uusally hear about them. It isn't nearly as interesting to hear stories of the "old married couple" (as we're commonly referred to) as it is to hear tales from/about someone who is in more than one relationship at once. They've got way more juicey stuff to talk about, that is, if you're into that sort of juicey stuff.

I'm not that sort of person. I don't care for tales of woe(or not, as the case may be) from someone qho *is like that. I'm not into meeting their squeeze of the week, month, day, or even hour. It's just not my up of tea. Since it's something I despise in rl, and I tend to bring my values with me in sl.. I despise it here too. That said, I don't involve myself ;) I figure whatever tickles your pickle, just don't ask me to care or involve myself :)

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I would no more want to emulate real life religious restrictions in SL than I would want to emulate my age, graying hair, or failing looks.  I come to SL to leave the real world and its baggage behind.  I make no pretensions that I'm anything but a free-wheeling and carefree creative type in SL.  If I wanted to be myself, I would have no use for SL itself to start with.

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I am glad to hear monogamy mentioned.  I hear so many people say it's not possible, but it's what I prefer.  I've been with my SL partner for over a year and have always been faithful.  Over the course of that time, we've spent about a month and a half in RL together and he's returning in 3 weeks.  I'm also faithful in RL.  If anything ends our relationship, it will be the Atlantic Ocean not another person in SL or RL.

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SL is sort of made up of 'Drama' (or even RP) of one type or another - or at least it's designed to be that way (so I've been told). As such monogamy is too realistic a concept to get much air time. Many people (and their avatars) on SL are in monogamous relationships - but as there is no drama involved in actually being content (not to say happy) it's really just not something people talk about much. It also can irritate those who really wish people wouldn't do all the boring RL stuff in SL because it spoils it for the 'real players'.

At least that's my take on it.

Personally I believe SL is for everyone and even the boringly content people have a place there :smileyhappy:

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Ishtara Rothschild wrote:

Monogamy is a bit like monotheism. If your one god or goddess ignores your pleas, who do you pray to then?

I learned at a very young age the answer to this question - myself!

 

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Mags Indigo wrote:

Personally I believe SL is for everyone and even the boringly content people have a place there :smileyhappy:

 

I was not and will judge SL people who do not practice monogamy.  Although in RL I have.  I have terminated friendships with married male friends who carouse and womanize.  I have terminated an employee for the same reasons.    

 

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I can't change my opinions about certain things, that's just not going to happen. My opinions on such things are the same whether it's rl or sl. But I won't go about judging folks here and there declaring them to be (insert whatever word you'd use to describe them-typically something negative). I may not agree with the idea of some things-and have no qualms saying I don't agree with it or wouldn't do it-but, eh, it is what it is. I don't lose sleep over others' decisions either.

As long as it doesn't affect me, and they don't involve me, it's all good. But ask me for my opinion, and you'll likely get it.

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Storm Clarence wrote:

 

Mags Indigo wrote:

Personally I believe SL is for everyone and even the boringly content people have a place there :smileyhappy:

 

I was not and will judge SL people who do not practice monogamy.  Although in RL I have.  I have terminated friendships with married male friends who carouse and womanize.  I have terminated an employee for the same reasons.    

 

Not sure what you're getting at... but ok I guess. :smileyindifferent:

 

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Mmmm. You think so Kylie? I get so confused. I could swear there are certain people who post in these forums would have me believe that my alt isn't really me at all!

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Mags Indigo wrote:

 

Storm Clarence wrote:

 

Mags Indigo wrote:

Personally I believe SL is for everyone and even the boringly content people have a place there :smileyhappy:

 

I was not and will judge SL people who do not practice monogamy.  Although in RL I have.  I have terminated friendships with married male friends who carouse and womanize.  I have terminated an employee for the same reasons.    

 

Not sure what you're getting at... but ok I guess. :smileyindifferent:

 

From afar, or reading this forum, I do not condemn people for expressing their sexuality and activities.  If I am intimate with someone, like a close male friend, and I discover (for lack of a better word) that they are having a ball womanizing, and at the expense of their wife, I tend to be very wary of that individual.  These are not the types of friendships I cultivate.  

 

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Ian Undercroft wrote:

Mmmm. You think so Kylie? I get so confused. I could swear there are certain people who post in these forums would have me believe that my alt isn't really me at all!

Ooops...sorry, was just being playful, please don't take offense.  I guess I missed something previously  :smileysad:

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Storm Clarence wrote:

Besides most people not knowing how to spell it, does anyone practice it?

I do.  

 

I practice monogamy, in RL and in SL.  I do admit that it can sometimes be hard, (no pun intended) but then I think of the ramifications, and the consequences that could become of my actions.  My Ladysue is a classy, and "top shelf" lady.  I would never do anything, to damage that relationship!  Woot!

 

Peace!

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I, too, am monogamous.  One of my closest friends used to play around a bit with a number of men until she met one who eventually she married in RL and moved countries to be with him.  She never hurt anyone of which I was aware because she was never 'attached' to anyone until she met 'the guy'.

I accept that all sorts of drama goes on in SL.  I choose to 'be' as I am most comfortable being.

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What I have found in SL is that with all the 'rules' lifted by our society or education or religious instruction, that you end up having your own rules. You know what lines you will not cross, and it's interesting when you realize just how inflexible those rules are for yourself. You set your own limits.

 

In SL, I don't view monogamy as a religious or theistic or social construct. In SL for me it comes to how do you want to treat others and how do you want others to treat you. If you're okay with redefining monogamy and relaxing what that means and you can live with it, enjoy yourself. If you want to say someone doesn't have the right to treat you that way, you have the right to expect your partner to not treat you that way. It's not morals, it's your own personal code.

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Storm Clarence wrote:

 

Ishtara Rothschild wrote:

Monogamy is a bit like monotheism. If your one god or goddess ignores your pleas, who do you pray to then?

I learned at a very young age the answer to this question - myself!

 

That makes a lot of sense when it comes to religion. But as far as sexual relationships go, it can get boring and one-sided after a while :) Poly > mono > solo.

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SL is sold (mainly by a lot of it's residents) as a place where RL ethics/morals/considerations have no place. In my experience if one tries to discuss/explore this, it is immediately assumed that one (I) is saying that people are wrong for being something in SL that they are not in RL.  Actually I think (and have always said so) that SL is awesome mainly because it does allow people to be whatever they want to be, and live their SL life (or lives) as they want with none of the constraints they might have in RL... That includes gender, race, age, species and marital status among many.

I do however question if, while using SL like that, one still has a 'human' obligation to consider other people and how ones own actions might affect others. To me when I talk of morals, ethics or anything like that I am NOT claiming that everyone should go by a moral code of my choosing. But each of us has 'something' that tells us when we're stepping over a line. My voice may be different than yours - but I believe we all have one (apart from people who have psychological/psychiatric issues). Call it a conscience if you want but I do believe that people 'know' when they are being deceitful beyond what the 'game' allows.

And in this I never mean just gender. If someone tries to convince another person that the fantasy they have created for themselves in SL is also true for their RL (I don't care what that fantasy is) when it is not - they are lying. And I'm not talking about people assuming that the character as presented is real - I am talking about deliberate attempts to deceive - rl photos that are faked, life stories made up and passed off as RL truths. I take issue with people who pretend that their SL: is actually their RL to other people, and where many will argue that anyone who believe anything on SL: is purely looking to be 'butthurt' I personally think that is selling people far too short. It's very easy to set ground rules for SL, make sure people you get close to know what they are and keep to them without stepping into deliberate lying about one's RL.

So if someone on SL is married or in a relationship in RL and tell someone in SL they are single just because they think or know the other person wouldn't 'have an affair' with them if they told the truth - well I think they are cheating on their RL spouse/partner - but also cheating on the SL person they lie to.

Now before anyone goes off on one (again) I personally have never been lied or cheated on in SL to my knowledge. The one 'real' relationship I did have (and yes there were a few 'flings at the beginning too) was not monogamous in either world - though I quickly found I didn't want or need anyone else in SL. There was no RL info shared - though we spoke about our RL constantly - just not names, addresses, photos or indeed voice. When they left for RL I was (and still am) genuinely pleased for them. I was also shocked at how much I missed them (and still do) that has nothing to do with being lied to in any way I always knew that RL would eventually mean one of us would leave. But it did teach me more than anything else could just how deep feelings can go in SL, sometimes without even realising it at the time.

I love SL, I love the freedoms it gives and I love that everyday I learn something new about myself and about others. I have no desire to impose my beliefs on anyone but I still reserve the right to discuss things like 'impacting on others'. And now I have written far too much.

 

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Melian Catronis wrote:

What I have found in SL is that with all the 'rules' lifted by our society or education or religious instruction, that you end up having your own rules. You know what lines you will not cross, and it's interesting when you realize just how inflexible those rules are for yourself. You set your own limits.

 In SL, I don't view monogamy as a religious or theistic or social construct. In SL for me it comes to how do you want to treat others and how do you want others to treat you. If you're okay with redefining monogamy and relaxing what that means and you can live with it, enjoy yourself. If you want to say someone doesn't have the right to treat you that way, you have the right to expect your partner to not treat you that way. It's not morals, it's your own personal code.

Thank you for saying it far more clearly than I seem to be able to.

 

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Monogamous? In real-life relationships - absolutely. In SL, absolutely not.

In the three years since I've been in SL I've never been in a relationship which possessed, what to me, are the minimum requirements to be considered “real” - therefore I feel there's nothing to be monogamous to. Should my experience ever change, and I too am sucked into a love-story which is “just like real-life”, then I would imagine my attitude would change, too.

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