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Decency ? Modesty ?


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On 8/22/2017 at 2:44 AM, SpinAcces said:

 i'm a man. and Yes of course, that's not my point, like i CLEARLY said, i totally respect others choices of clothing. i just have a liking for decency is all. so i'm trying for hints to where i could find people that like it too.

So you define people by the way they dress? Really? 

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1 hour ago, colleen Criss said:

So you define people by the way they dress? Really? 

Sometimes it is appropriate to do so If you are on an RP sim that has a strict period dress code and even provided free outfits and has multiple warnings about the dress requirement, and you see some boob running around in ripped jeans and a Jethro Tull T-shirt It's safe to assume they are as thick as a brick :)

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I like Clothes that are very classy and you could call them modest or decent, i guess. I was using SL since the very beginning. Had a long breac 12 years ago and made a new avi for a frash start. With my first avi i feel that i was in a trap.

In SL, this is my opinion, you get ignored very much, if you wear something that is not showing some skin, or/and you dont use a AO with erotic movements and poses. So my solution was to be sexy and use it to get in contact with more people. I say it is a trap because it really just made horny guys IM me (about 95% i would guess) and well, it was pretty normal, i think.

The look is the first thing we can see on people. We dont see the good charakter, talents or mindsets. So we all define people by the way they dress. And thats ok.

Now that i m a real adulth i dont midn any more that many people wont talk to me, i just make the first step and i found a lot of very nice friends.

Another thing is, you see many people shop at the same stores. You got stores with very sexy clothes and they sell good. My favorit store of all time is Tetra and that store has modest but very stylish clothes.

In the end... i think if people would get positive feedback about clothes they would choose more differant styles. I would love compliments like. "Hey, i like your outfit!"

Many people on SL want to be seen. They want to be the colorful Dog in a room and turn heads. Sexy clothes do the trick most of the time. I know girls who would tell you they only ever had someone comment about their clothes if they wear something *****ty or even something straith offensive. Isnt it sad?

As a woman i look at guys most of the time and if i like an outfit or a style i ll commpliment them, because i know it feels good! Maybe we all shoudt, the next time we log in, make a promis ti ourself to commpliment someones outfit every time we log in and make someones day.

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6 hours ago, Kokoro Swansong said:

In the end... i think if people would get positive feedback about clothes they would choose more differant styles. I would love compliments like. "Hey, i like your outfit!"

Many people on SL want to be seen. They want to be the colorful Dog in a room and turn heads. Sexy clothes do the trick most of the time. I know girls who would tell you they only ever had someone comment about their clothes if they wear something *****ty or even something straith offensive. Isnt it sad?

You should wear what YOU like, based in your own taste, and not what other people like.
Also, I don't think sexy clothes alone do the trick - if you want to stand out, why would wearing sexy clothes in a room full with sexy  people work? If everyone is sexy, no one is. To stand out means to be different than anyone else.
In many cases, it's more about how well put together the whole avatar is. Everyone can go buy some skimpy clothes and slap them onto their avatar, but it takes some effort to make everything fit together nicely.

Also, I don't define people based on their clothing. My first impression is rarely about the type of clothing they wear, but more about HOW they wear it. Is it well put together? Does everything match? Does it match because it's a set, or because the person made it matching by tinting? Is it uniquely put together, or even modded to go together? Does the avatar look whole? Did they put in details?

The most important thing is, to not make assumptions based on clothing. Not everyone wearing skimpy silks is a *****, not everyone wearing modest clothes is a frigid prude. And not every black wearing metalhead is an agressive knucklehead.

 

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2 hours ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

You should wear what YOU like, based in your own taste, and not what other people like.
 

Of course, but we both know people want to be liked by others and if looks and clothes can help they will use both to get new contects. Clothes and looks do send messages. Lets not be naive about that.

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Yes, I'll be judging you when you show up at a moderate region shopping event with all your bits on display including those that leak.  I know it's 'only SL' but come on, no one I know wants to see that outside of an adult area.  Doing it for shock value is juvenile.

 

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For Second Life, dress how you like while remaining within the confines of the area Maturity Rating. If someone else likes the outfit you've picked out, lovely. If not, no skin off your nose.

I tend to gravitate to certain materials and styles/clothing types - partly because for some of them, even with what I am planning to do, I could never pull them off properly RL.

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2 hours ago, Kokoro Swansong said:

Of course, but we both know people want to be liked by others and if looks and clothes can help they will use both to get new contects. Clothes and looks do send messages. Lets not be naive about that.

There's the thing, what kind of person goes so far as to wear clothes for others sake? From my perspective, that looks like insecurity and a need for approval by others to me.
I mean, I dress how I want to, and if somebody doesn't like that - tough luck, I guess. Does that mean I don't want to be liked? I sure do, as everyone else. But on my own terms and for who I am.

Also, I can assure you I am not naive about it.
I think it's a bit more complex, because it's not just "sending some messages". Communication, nonverbal or verbal, isn't always easy. There is at least 3 messages - the one intended, the one accidentaly/actually conveyed, and the one interpreted. 
How we interpret the message is what counts most for us as a receiver. I just hink that how we do it is very much biased by our own experiences, prejudices and tastes.

Also, the example Rowan offered, I'd judge as well, and not kindly. But the thing is, I do not attribute that judgement to their clothing, but to their behaviour.

But if people where to apply "Wears skimpy, is sl00t" to me, they'd be in for a surprise, heh.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Second Life crosses so many international, idealogical, political and cultural boundaries - IMO its impossible to make a blanket statement about modesty.

Plus, my life experience is that every time someone starts off on this topic. It’s a pretext to “women need to cover up”.

I know what my personal level of modesty is and that reasons for it. That’s the beginning and end of how much I think about the topic.

 

image.gif

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If women need to cover up then men should stop waving their quacks around or have them resized like a 3rd leg :D

It's fashion, sure a bit oversexualized at times but it's fashion nonetheless. There are times when I wear outfits that came out of the cover of fetish magazine and there are times when I put on pair of jeans and hoodie, looking like a bookworm.

To be frank, it's not exactly girls' fault that we live have these stereotypes where everything is oversexualized at times. Boobs sell!

 

FemaleArmorLogic.JPG

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I'm probably not gonna be the first one to say it but...  It's SL.

As long as you are dressed appropriately to the maturity level, covenant and particular rules of the land you're visiting, what you wear has absolutely no incidence on anybody else but yourself.  Who is it hurting, really?
 

I tend to dress like a total whore, and it's fine. as much as sometimes I'd rather be in a pair of jeans and a hoodie, which is also fine.  Why?  Because it's my avatar and I do darn well as I please!  I've, personally, got enough restrictions in my RL so if my SL can grant me that little bit of freedom then why not?

Again, as long as you respect the maturity levels of the places you are visiting, you're fine!

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This post is recently bumped from its original posting in Aug 2017, and yet I will answer regardless. I feel for this (OP) guy. He seems sincere and while he did step into his own sh*t by starting out with not wanting to judge and then immediately judging, followed by a narrow internally-defined discriminator “decency” with a broad culturally interpretative meaning, I still think it is an interesting question. Are there places in SL for people who primarily dress covering neck to knee, who are interested in platonic friendships only, and enjoy congregating with like minded people? I think I remember a few G-rated sims with religious underpinnings, that had their own dance clubs and discussion groups (like for porn addiction). I’m not sure if they still exist, but I will check and edit this post with what I find. 

In the past, back when I actually referred RL friends to experience SL, (why I don’t anymore is a different discussion, for a different thread.) I described it like living in Vegas. In Vegas there are some very conservative areas with people who have nothing to do with the strip, living their own enchanted version of life on the surface of the sun. I would continue by saying that Vegas has another side that can contain bacchanal revelry that would make a debauched demon blush. SL is like this. It becomes what/where you point your teleport compass to be. 

Edited by Alma Palmira
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1 hour ago, Alma Palmira said:

Are there places in SL for people who primarily dress covering neck to knee, who are interested in platonic friendships only, and enjoy congregating with like minded people?

In the RP regions for Victorian age stuff, all of the women will be covered neck to toe, unless they are not staying in character for the region.  Many of those women only want platonic friendships.

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On 8/16/2021 at 3:30 AM, Alma Palmira said:

Are there places in SL for people who primarily dress covering neck to knee, who are interested in platonic friendships only, and enjoy congregating with like minded people?

plenty. I hang around Japanese themed places in kimono, which covers everything but hands and face. It's not roleplay per se, more dress code. And a lot of gardens and other scenic areas tend to have people wearing mostly casual clothes, jeans, skirts, dresses and the like. I rarely dress up in clubwear anymore, even at clubs. Years ago I used to get comments like "why don't you wear something sexier" but now it's mainly "oo where did you buy that". I can't draw any broader conclusions from this (apart from way more selection for clothes these days),  it's just my experience 😄

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43 minutes ago, Doris Johnsky said:

Is this what you prefer?

   That shawl needs to be tighter around the neck as to not risk any bare skin beneath the chin being seen .. Actually it might be best if it was supplemented with a veil for the face so that the nose and lips don't show at all. Also red is obviously sinful so we can't have that. And that much forehead on display is really on the edge .. I would pair it with a Valsgarde style helmet just to ensure complete anonymity. 

V8-complete-11.jpg

   .. I wonder if they come with fully opaque sunglass lenses.

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