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Asreal Ahn

What topics should be discussed nore in BDSM discussions.

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So we have all been to BDSM discussions were the same topics are rehashed over and over. While this is needed for newcomers I feel that you the community must have a wealth of ideas for discussion topics that are underrepresented. I would love to hear your suggests.

Serious, funny or otherwise, remember any suggestion is better than none.  What is more, you may just get to have the thing you wish to be discussed covered and I get to not wrack my brains quite so much.

So let's hear it for participant-driven discussions.

Over to you all..... :P

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Something like

Why do you think being horny is being submissive?

Why shouldn't I pull my submissive after me on a leash when i visit a ballroom place?

What do you mean with being dressed .. i am a SL-Sub!?

Emoting? Isn't emoting just roleplaying and nothing real?

*tongueincheek*

 

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Question: Should the 90% of the bdsm scene who just get on with their kink and avoid the damned munches, meets, advisory committees and discussion groups like they plague they are, form a vigilante posse to hunt down the middle class, middle aged, middle income, middle management, suburbanite 10% who appoint themselves as chair persons, committee members and governance organisations to tell the rest of us how to officially do official bdsm officially in order to tell us we are not 'real bdsm people' like them, and exile them from the bdsm community that they largely ignore and annoy?

Discuss...
 

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@ Connal Decuir

We can definitely use, 

1. Why is being submissive perceived as being horny, 

2. Appropriateness of venue: Where would you not wear your fetish wear or be pulled on a leash in Secondlife. 

We just did the rp/emoting one though so good call for a tongue in cheek. Who wants to be serious all the time. 

@Klytyna 

I can totally respect your opinion about all discussion groups, no matter how broad. 

We do not encourage and will actively move against anyone who is running discussions that claim to be the 'one true way'. Our mission is support, education and inclusion. 

I have though been to too many discussions that seem to be some what as you describe. 

So what would you like them to look like? 

 

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Just some ideas for potential BDSM discussions:

  • Why are subs who are into D/s, but not into pain play, perceived as no "Real subs™"?
  • the difference between Dom/sub and Master/slave relationships
    • related:
      • Does being a slave (in BDSM/TPE context) automatically mean being a "doormat"?
      • Does TPE in SL even make sense? (and no, I don't mean TeamViewer abuse, "XtremeRLV", and other TOS violations - which would be a topic by themselves)
  • do we even need SSC or RACK here in SL, where our avatars can't get hurt, and a tp or a click on the "X" button could get us out of situations easily?
    • related:
      • RLV traps: RACK or Abuse?
  • Why do some people (in BDSM places!) think that if you're wearing a collar you have to obey everyone?
  • Being Switch: best of both worlds, or not belonging anywhere?

...

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1 hour ago, Asreal Ahn said:

I have though been to too many discussions that seem to be some what as you describe.

So what would you like them to look like? 

 


 

Completely Invisible would be good, seriously.

I've heard dominants 15 years younger than me ranting on about official costumes to wear when punishing subs, as per the regulations in the Masters & Mistresses Association Handbook, who didn't know that the MMA was a marketing gimick made up by a fetish clothing store, and that the $200 ring binder handbook's official costumes like the 'heavy tote rubber whipping coat' were all products of that store, and that the updates to the handbook came out with new official costumes when the store released new outfits.

I've heard 2 lesbians on a self appointed committee of 9 people, complain that there were 2 straight people on the committee because "bdsm is only for lgbt's", this committee met in a lgbt pub in north london where i used to drink, they organised the 'countdown on spanner' protest in trafalgar square after a series of anti bdsm police raids (code named 'operation spanner').

I've sat in a friends living room while some 'semi pro domme' whose hubby was a retired executive, broadly  announced that only 'real bdsm people' should be allows in clubs and parties, and then define that as married, over 30, own their own house, with a custom built dungeon with walk in wardrobe, wetroom, powered dental chair and $30,000 of fetishwear, and that single under 30's with only a few items and no bespoke dungeon wern't 'real bdsm scene'.

In SL, my first encounter with these damn self important meeters, was when i logged into what was becoming my regular hangout to find all the regulars had run for cover because it was the monthly munch. I followed suit, but not fastenough to miss the topic "Why do Switches make alts". An hour later i returned and they were still at it, the chairsnob asked if there was anyone who wanted to make a final comment on the unresolved question, and the staff domme who'd ignored them all the way through said yes.

She then pointed out that in rl you can go to torture Garden naked in collar and cuffs one month with short blonde hair, and in a leather catsuit and a black maitress wig holding a crop the next, and nobody will know you play both roles, but in sl, theres always that name tag with the login id... Then she asked if iq's had dropped while shed been afk, and the munchers buggered off muttering unhappily at their pointless 1 hour meeting being solved in 30 seconds by somebody who wasn't a stuck up protocol whore faux dom/me.

The last sl discussion group i was at, the faux dom running it announced that in his opinion based on his 'extensive experience of bdsm, both rl and sl, that as soon as a sub agrees to play in his dungeon, they give up all rights whatso wever and he can do whatever he likes to them, with no limits or safewords.

I said thatg in MY extensive experience, subs drive the scene, and his moronic attitude would in RL quickly lead to charges of kidnapping illegal imprisonment, common assault, sexual assault, actual bodily harm, and rape. I was told that I was only a subgirl and what could i possibly know compared to a Master (and a 10%er Master at that officially official and everything).

Life in the BDSM community (thats a laughable term) would be a lot better if the 10%ers DID bdsm instead of talking about how the other 90% are doing it wrong.

 

Edited by Klytyna
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@eightdwarf 

Love them! .  :D

1. The difference between D/s with and without a S&M element is something that comes up most days in various discussions as we have a lot of couples and singles on the softer side of the lifestyle. Excellent point though. 

2. I am not sure that anyone has discussed the differences in D/s, M/s as you laid out. I like the rlv trap negating consent aspect and if TPE is feasible inworld. I think that will spark some discussion. O.o

I think that the switch topic may make a good sub topic (no pun intended) and give the switches in the group a chance to take centre stage and I know it is not the best understood area. 

I know that there was a discussion on submissives and the way it is assumed or instructed they show respect to any Dominant. In fact it was my sub, bless her, that led the charge on how that was a ludicrous assumption. ;)

 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Asreal Ahn said:

I know that there was a discussion on submissives and the way it is assumed or instructed they show respect to any Dominant. In fact it was my sub, bless her, that led the charge on how that was a ludicrous assumption. ;)
 

The assumption that any female in a collar must kneel and say Sir to anything in trousers, is all too common in SL, most of the asshats claiming this is 'the rules of D/s' tend to be"Masters in RL and naturally Dominant" who speak at discussion groups. They are also the ones who insist that subs must mispell the word 'all' as 'A/all' whenever they say helo or goodbye to a group. We 90%ers call these people "protocol whores"...
 

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@Klytyna

I will be happy to be younger than you or indeed anyone these days.  ? 

Having read that it all reads rather too true. I am sorry you met such a deluded and dangerous bunch of people on your travels. 

I have been luckier in that a 10%er would not stop to - - - - on me if I were on fire. I can certainly see why you feel the way you do and what is more with those examples I feel the same way. 

Except for one thing. When these discussions occur they are not me standing up front telling ever one how it is because I hate that. 

Where I am I am only a facilitator, I just supply a topic and talking points and then sit back and call on people in order to speak. It means everyone gets a say without being interrupted. 

I understand why after that it may not be for you. I totally respect that...

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43 minutes ago, Asreal Ahn said:

@eightdwarf 

Love them! .  :D

1. The difference between D/s with and without a S&M element is something that comes up most days in various discussions as we have a lot of couples and singles on the softer side of the lifestyle. Excellent point though.

Thanks :)

Quote

2. I am not sure that anyone has discussed the differences in D/s, M/s as you laid out. I like the rlv trap negating consent aspect and if TPE is feasible inworld. I think that will spark some discussion. 

O.o

Eight years ago, I even wrote down "a few thoughts about being a slave" B| Back then, I had been in a M/s relationship for more than a year already. Although that relationship doesn't exist anymore (it did hold almost 5 years though, then RL made  us part ways), maybe that blog post could help as food for thoughts somehow. :ph34r:

And because you mentioned roleplay above, maybe this one might be food for thoughts too: Roleplay! - or, Musings about IC and OOC

I know, both blog posts are pretty much tl'dr - but, as as I finished that post myself: "what do you expect of a writer? =) "

 

Edited by eighthdwarf Checchinato
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31 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

For all the people who are visual learners, have you ever considered doing an example scene?

...and welcome to the 1st Buttburg Bondage Club Offially Officlal BDSM Visual Learning Class,  Thank you all for coming out tonight, and let's get to it, tonights lesson is... Blindfolds! My assistant will pass them out, now just slip the blindfold over your face, and we'll add the handcuffs...
 

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1 hour ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

For all the people who are visual learners, have you ever considered doing an example scene?

We are not really that sort of venue. That and I think most of us would bust out laughing. :$

Your suggestion though is appreciated, thank you.

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1 hour ago, eighthdwarf Checchinato said:

Thanks :)

Eight years ago, I even wrote down "a few thoughts about being a slave" B| Back then, I had been in a M/s relationship for more than a year already. Although that relationship doesn't exist anymore (it did hold almost 5 years though, then RL made  us part ways), maybe that blog post could help as food for thoughts somehow. :ph34r:

And because you mentioned roleplay above, maybe this one might be food for thoughts too: Roleplay! - or, Musings about IC and OOC

I know, both blog posts are pretty much tl'dr - but, as as I finished that post myself: "what do you expect of a writer? =) "

 

6

 I have given them a glance and I will definitely go over those links in more detail. B|

Off topic I am about to restart para fantasy RP so the RP blog will be a good refresher for that as well, (I  cannot find the Fae emoticon.)

Awesome ...Thanks

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1 hour ago, Asreal Ahn said:

We are not really that sort of venue. That and I think most of us would bust out laughing. :$

Your suggestion though is appreciated, thank you.

It does not have to be a sex scene, you know.  Everyone knows how to have sex.  Not everyone knows how to worship or accept being worship.

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33 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Everyone knows how to have sex.

I do?

33 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Not everyone knows how to worship or accept being worship.

You're right about that. I had a hard time resisting satirization of the odd form of worship I received as High Priestess here some years ago. Surely there's a better kind I could receive, deserving of a better kind of satire?

;-).

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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4 hours ago, Klytyna said:

Life in the BDSM community (thats a laughable term) would be a lot better if the 10%ers DID bdsm instead of talking about how the other 90% are doing it wrong.

I probably haven't nearly the experience you do, but what experience I've had with the BDSM community is completely different than you describe. I found them to be intelligent, curious and amusing. I even spent an afternoon with a para-RP Gor group who near exhausted me with their style of emoting, but were enjoyable nonetheless, particularly in OOC IMs.

Yes, I've encountered a few duds, but they're  so terribly easy to avoid I wonder why your view of the world is so different from mine.

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9 minutes ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

It does not have to be a sex scene, you know.  Everyone knows how to have sex.  Not everyone knows how to worship or accept being worship.

I think the whole worship/ accepting worship thing is worthy of deeper discussion as well. Thank you. :)

If for no other reason than I could do with learning to accept it better, not that I think I will be worshipped anytime soon. o.O

It is an area I believe is coupled with assumptions by non-participants and it would be interesting to get an inside view.

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22 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I do?

You're right about that. I had a hard time resisting satirization of the odd form of worship I received as High Priestess here some years ago. Surely there's a better kind I could receive, deserving of a better kind of satire?

;-).

I am glad it is not just me that gets all giggly and smirky. :D

Which is not the best look on a Dom or a Lord High Bunnykins :/

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3 minutes ago, Asreal Ahn said:

If for no other reason than I could do with learning to accept it better, not that I think I will be worshipped anytime soon. o.O

Oh, the things we have do for our submissives .... :D

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3 hours ago, Asreal Ahn said:

I am glad it is not just me that gets all giggly and smirky. :D

Which is not the best look on a Dom or a Lord High Bunnykins :/

I don't accept compliments well. I've been working on that for a lifetime, but I've hopefully got a long long long way to go. ;-).

Appreciation of a compliment is a gift. That's hard for me to remember. It's easier for me to remember Groucho, who said (paraphrasing) "I would never join a club that would accept me as a member."

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