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lucinda2823

What is the Double Standard for dating on SL?

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What is the Double Standard for dating on SL?

What happen to standards? There is a conspiracy that states that when people do online dating they tend to lower their standards. That may be true since you don't really know who is on the other side of the screen. Although, If there were what would they be for men and women?

For me the standards are the following:

Communication:

How can we be in any kind of relationship if we can't talk. How am I supposed to get to know you better or relate to you otherwise. Plus "in communication it's not just speaking it's also listening we have two ears and one mouth." - Lexi Darcel 

Priorities:

We all have them and we have to make sure we spend time focusing on them. When I'm in a relationship I like to make time for them and for them vice versa.

Stating your boundaries:

Maybe there are things you don't like doing or talking about. Don't push it (although this depends on how much you know they trust you).

Accountability:

If he/she can't take the blame for things they did and you always have to take it odds are it just wasn't meant to be.

Uniqueness:

What makes you stand out past other people. You aren't perfect but you do what you can. (Good job!)

Treatment:

Do they treat you with respect? They may not treat themselves with respect so I wouldn't say treat people like how you want to be treated. To that person that cares for you in the slightest wouldn't call you a b*** or ect. unless your acting like one. Plus if they are giving you derogatory around the clock that's a big sign that they aren't interested in you.

Effort:

You putting in time and energy into someone takes a lot of effort. (You are amazing for doing this) It's basically all of the above and more like taking them somewhere nice and exploring SL with them. YAY!

Congrats for making it to the end of this forum! Please commit below (man/woman) and state your double standards. I hope this was helpful and if it wasn't comment something that might would have made this better. Thank you. 

 

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   Doubles standards are the application of differing principles or rules to situations, people, or groups of people based on their differences or perceived differences. I do my best to hold myself to the same standards I expect from anyone else, in any kind of relationship, online or real world, regardless of these differences. I certainly hope I don't treat others differently from one another based on differences I might believe exist. But I probably sometimes fail without even realizing it.

   As for standards, respect and honesty are not unreasonable expectations.

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I occasionally cry out that 'communication is everything', I think that's true whether it's with friends or a partner. Especially in SL, the ability to communicate in a manner which is clear is important; keeping in mind that communication between two people in the same room is extremely different from two people sitting by a computer with half a world between them.

You do not get the gestures, you don't get the tone of voice, you do not get the eye contact - although some or, to a degree, most of this can be solved in a long-distance relationship through video chatting.

This does make it easier to misunderstand, and both parties have a responsibility to themselves that if you aren't certain of how something is meant, or if you take offense, you have to iron that out rather than letting it get to you.

That aside, I don't think I have any spectacularly weird expectations in a partner. Honesty, fidelity, compassion, a reasonable measure of attention - and obviously not so much so that I'm suffocated.

Edited by Orwar
Sent before I was even started typing, oi!
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14 hours ago, lucinda2823 said:

What is the Double Standard for dating on SL?

Male avatars can show their nipples on G rated sims but women cannot.

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6 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Male avatars can show their nipples on G rated sims but women cannot.

Well that is only fair, after all they have to buy an extra attachment to have sex, while we are good to go right from the start.

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13 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

Well that is only fair, after all they have to buy an extra attachment to have sex, while we are good to go right from the start.

That's debatable. =P

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21 hours ago, lucinda2823 said:

There is a conspiracy that states that when people do online dating they tend to lower their standards. 

I don't think people lower their standards,  I think a lot of people turn to trying to find someone online, because finding them in RL didn't work, and I it didn't work because of the same bad standards they bring online. I also think coming to SL to try to find RL love is a bit risky. I know we have all heard the stories about happy endings, but I do not believe this is the norm. I mean you can hear stories about people who found great food in dumpsters, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to do your shopping there. SL is designed to allow people to come here and be something they cannot be in RL, so why are so many people shocked when they discover that someone they met here isn't what they thought they were?

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5 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

I don't think people lower their standards,  I think a lot of people turn to trying to find someone online, because finding them in RL didn't work, and I it didn't work because of the same bad standards they bring online.

What kind of bad standards? Can you elaborate for me?

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25 minutes ago, lucinda2823 said:

What kind of bad standards? Can you elaborate for me?

It will not be the same for every person obviously, my point is just that people look for someone in RL, and their RL relationships all fail because of something they do wrong, eventually the string of failures causes them to give up on finding someone in RL, and they turn to trying to find someone online, but they bring the same flaws to the online pursuit. The thing is those flaws are often harder to see at first, so they find someone who thinks they are perfect, and then eventually they become aware of the flaws and are hurt.

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28 minutes ago, lucinda2823 said:


 

What kind of bad standards? Can you elaborate for me?

I once worked for a woman in SL, whose standards for an SL boyfriend was...

"Steroid abuse body, dark orange spray tan 72 hour marinade, leather jeans, motorbike, lives less than 100 miles from her in RL"

She had a succession of guys who seldom lasted more than a month, usually because they assumed that because they were banging her, they owned her, and owned her sim, and owned all the female staff on the sim, and all her female friends, and could bang those staff and friends too... 
 

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44 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

I don't think people lower their standards,  I think a lot of people turn to trying to find someone online, because finding them in RL didn't work, and I it didn't work because of the same bad standards they bring online.

I'm not sure I follow the logic if being unable to find people because one's standards are too low. Wouldn't that allow you to find the wrong people more easily?

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1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I'm not sure I follow the logic if being unable to find people because one's standards are too low. Wouldn't that allow you to find the wrong people more easily?

True, I don't think I am using the right words, more like standards of one's own behavior towards a potential partner. It's Monday the brain is still turned off for the weekend.

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25 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

True, I don't think I am using the right words, more like standards of one's own behavior towards a potential partner. It's Monday the brain is still turned off for the weekend.

The anonymity of SL is fertile ground for deception. In the face of deception our standards probably matter less than our perceptiveness. Those doing the deceiving may well be doing so in RL in whatever forms can escape detection there. I think it's less a matter of lowering standards and more a matter of how well an environment exposes them.

There's also a difference in intention and expectation for online relationships. I'd have fewer criteria for an SL partner than for an RL partner, but that doesn't mean I've lowered my standards, I've simply set standards that are appropriate for the situation.

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I'd have fewer criteria for an SL partner than for an RL partner, but that doesn't mean I've lowered my standards, I've simply set standards that are appropriate for the situation.

Oh of course, but I think where the problems come is when people come into SL, looking for an RL relationship, those lower SL standards end up not translating very well into RL, and of course when one side wants something to cross over and the other doesn't or when their SL dreams match up but their RL ideas don't, well that is a recipe for broken hearts and bruised feelings. When people just keep the SL relationship in SL, they can stoop as low as they like and it's all in fun like the limbo. 

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1 hour ago, Talligurl said:

Well that is only fair, after all they have to buy an extra attachment to have sex, while we are good to go right from the start.

1 hour ago, Orwar said:

That's debatable. =P

   This subject would probably fill its own thread.

 

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22 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

There's also a difference in intention and expectation for online relationships. I'd have fewer criteria for an SL partner than for an RL partner, but that doesn't mean I've lowered my standards, I've simply set standards that are appropriate for the situation.

For instance, Maddy's SL standards state that her partner must be willing to be set on fire, dropped from high places, or flattened by large objects whenever Maddy wishes. She'd have to take out at least one of those for her RL standards.

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2 minutes ago, Parhelion Palou said:

For instance, Maddy's SL standards state that her partner must be willing to be set on fire, dropped from high places, or flattened by large objects whenever Maddy wishes. She'd have to take out at least one of those for her RL standards.

Hey SL wouldn't be SL if I didn't have my molotov cocktail thrower for dealing with pesky macho latino guys asking to poseball with me...
 

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11 minutes ago, Parhelion Palou said:

For instance, Maddy's SL standards state that her partner must be willing to be set on fire, dropped from high places, or flattened by large objects whenever Maddy wishes. She'd have to take out at least one of those for her RL standards.

Add "drowned in quicksand" to the list. I tried to kill my old friend Quinn that way. She threatened me with a lawsuit!

Edited by Madelaine McMasters

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6 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

Oh of course, but I think where the problems come is when people come into SL, looking for an RL relationship, those lower SL standards end up not translating very well into RL, and of course when one side wants something to cross over and the other doesn't or when their SL dreams match up but their RL ideas don't, well that is a recipe for broken hearts and bruised feelings. When people just keep the SL relationship in SL, they can stoop as low as they like and it's all in fun like the limbo. 

Again, I don't think that's a problem of lowered standards, but of mismatched (or changed) expectations. I wonder how online dating services like Tinder fare against the old fashioned way of meeting future spouses at church picnics or bars. In all those cases, the expectation is that the relationship will be "real".

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14 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

old fashioned way of meeting future spouses at church picnics

Years ago, getting home at stupid  o'clock in the morning from a late shift, I turned on the TV while making my 4 am evening meal, and being Britain there was exactly one channel broadcasting.

So I ended up watching part of a country & western concert by this women who paused part way through the set to describe how she met her husband. In her town they held barn dances, and all the 14-16 year old girls would bake a pie (with moms help) and scratch their initials on the bottom of the pie tin.

At the dance, all the 14-16 year old girls would stand on one side of the barn and all the 16-21 year old boys would stand on the other, then the boys would take turns selecting a pie from the buffet table, once the boy had eaten the pie, the girls initials would be called out, and the girl was then officially the boys date for the evening.

At the end of the dance, the girls parents would drive straignt home, while the girl got a lift from the boy, usually by a less speedy route. Once the girl got home, she and the boy would be left alone on the couch while the parents retreated to the kitchen until the squelching noises and moaning stopped, then allowing time to sort out clothing, the parents would return to the living room and ask if the boy had enjoyed their daughters 'pie', if he said yes, arrangements would be made for the two families to meet to plan the wedding...

The singer admitted she'd had her 'pie' tried at 14 and was married within a few months, and had over a dozen kids before the systemic failure of her reproductive system left her free to pursue a career singing maudlin songs about peoples dogs dying and ponies going lame.

Gotta love that old time Murican Dating huh.

 

Edited by Klytyna
Damn Editor still needs fixing
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