Caught my RL boyfriend cheating in SL

[bloodysapphire18 48]

Note: I won't be revealing his SL name, same goes for his *****.

Lately my bf (I mean EX) didn't have much time for me and was always "busy" He rarely calls me, and when I call him he'd be like "Not now, I have a deadline to finish." So me being an understanding gf let it pass. He doesn't know that I've started playing SL just a few weeks ago, and what are the odds. I saw a guy that has a SL name somehow similar to my bf's name (what an idiot for incorporating his RL name) So my curiosity got the best of me and boy was I thankful. I approached the guy and he was talking with a very *****ty girl (mind you, they were having a very steamy conversation) I said "hey~" And the guy responds with a "Hi ;)" Immediately the girl with him IM me to back off. At this point my guts is telling me that it's him so I asked my RL bff to check on him in RL. My bff went to his house and was greeted by my ex bf's mother. His mom said that he was upstairs working on something in his computer (pffft) With that said, I called him in RL. 1st ring no answer, 2nd ring no answer, 3rd ring no answer, 4th ring still no answer. I somehow started laughing at myself and thought that I was just over reacting. On the 5th ring he finally answered, his voice was pissed. So I told him to chill and asked where he was.

RL convo:

Him: Babe, I told you I have a deadline and it's nearing.
Me: Oh sorry to disturb, I just really miss you. Lately you've been MIA.
Him: I know and I'm sorry, I'm at my colleague's house, needed some help with my project.
Me: Colleague's house? Ahhh, it's ok. Good luck on your project.

(note: while I was talking with him on the phone. The guy I assumed was him in SL had an "away" status.)

SL convo:

(note: His "away" status finally disappeared and resumed his steamy conversation with his *****. He also asked me if I wanted to join.)

Him: You have nice t*ts (referring to his *****)
*****: Want to come over? I'll let you rub them
Him: Sounds good, wanna join us Sapphire?
*****: Find another d*ck, he's mine.
Me: Project.
Him: What?
Me: Hahahaha, working on a project. Was the project about having sex inside a game? With a *****?
Him: I don't know what you're talking about, if you didn't want to join you could've said so, crazy.
*****: Haha, must be a virgin in RL. Let's go baby
Me: It's me (RL name) You lying bastard. Have a nice time with your *****.

By this point I was really furious so I blocked him and the girl then I logged out, a few seconds later he called me.

RL convo:

Him: (RL name)? I can explain. Just don't hang up.
Me: Sure, you owe me an explanation. (My voice was dangerously calm)
Him: You were always busy and it gets lonely, plus when I asked you that night you forcefully said no.
Me: BUSY? ME? (I finally let the anger come out) WHAT ABOUT YOU? AND JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH YOU?
Hahahaha yeaaaah sure, you know what? You're a big waste of my time, don't ever call or show your face to me again.

I ended the call and turned my cp off.

To this day, he's still asking for a second chance. We've been together for 3 years.. I miss him but at the same time I'm angry at him. Should I give him a second chance?

[ellaachan 11]

i dont see any good reason for you to get back with this guy, i mean look what he did behind you. you shud never trust a guy who lies about what he's doing. trust is important and he betrayed that. unless you want to give him another chance, he probably is just horny and goes on games finding girls to ***** around with. i just hope he hasnt lost his interest on you.

Edited May 23, 2017 by ellaachan

[Duke Avelino 25]

1 hour ago, ellaachan said:

 you shud never trust a guy who lies about what he's doing. 

4 hours ago, bloodysapphire18 said:

To this day, he's still asking for a second chance. We've been together for 3 years.. I miss him but at the same time I'm angry at him. Should I give him a second chance?

Oh I agree with Ella.

But well no one understand your position better then you.

Do what makes you feel happy.

But will going back make you stay happy in the long run? Is it okay to go through the same experience in RL?

If you think its just a virtual game and maybe you can let it slide. But its more then that, the loneliness made the man fall for another women to satisfy his urges. the idea of being able to go and get laid in SL is so easy.

As per the information provided by you it seems a good idea to move on. But its entirely upon how you feel 3 years is a very long time. What went wrong? Was it lack of communication? What made him do this? Is it his fault in totality? Ask yourself a few questions like these and try to have an open communication if you plan on getting back.

[bloodysapphire18 48]

I clearly told him that there will be times where we can't meet due to my training, and he said he's totally fine with that cause there's FB and messenger. I even skipped a few of my training days just so I could spend time with him but he would always be out or studying or asleep, etc. And I've made up my mind, I won't give him any second chances. If he can cheat on me inside a game then there's a possibility that he will do it again in real life. 

[Alwin Alcott 11,553]

good lord ... sl bf, rl bf, collegestudents...

you send somebody else to spy on his activities rl ? ... what are you going to do when it's your husband?...

and we hear only your side... seeking simpathy about things we don't even hear for 1% what really happened.

 

but still not really uderstand why you put this on a forum... must love some drama,... you and he should feel lucky it happens now and not in 5 years when you'r married and have 5 kids, you'r clearly both not ready for a adult relationship.

 

 

[bloodysapphire18 48]

1 minute ago, Alwin Alcott said:

good lord ... sl bf, rl bf, collegestudents...

you send somebody else to spy on his activities rl ? ... what are you going to do when it's your husband?...

and we hear only your side... seeking simpathy about things we don't even hear for 1% what really happened.

 

but still not really uderstand why you put this on a forum... must love some drama,... you and he should feel lucky it happens now and not in 5 years when you'r married and have 5 kids, you'r clearly both not ready for a adult relationship.

 

 

Sorry.

[LittleMe Jewell 37,187]

2 minutes ago, Alwin Alcott said:

but still not really uderstand why you put this on a forum... must love some drama,...

Be nice - we haven't had any threads related to SL / RL cheating in ages.

[bloodysapphire18 48]

But it's clear to me that he's not the right guy for me. I have my goals and ambitions to achieve and I don't need a guy who will cheat behind my back with some girl he just met in a game ^^ I skipped some of my training days (which got my coach really pissed btw) just for him but look what happened..

[LittleMe Jewell 37,187]

8 minutes ago, bloodysapphire18 said:

But it's clear to me that he's not the right guy for me. I have my goals and ambitions to achieve and I don't need a guy who will cheat behind my back with some girl he just met in a game 

The hard part is staying firm on that.

[bloodysapphire18 48]

Just now, LittleMe Jewell said:

The hard part is staying firm on that.

Yeah.. Been avoiding him tbh. I've already blocked several of his accounts in SL.

[Duke Avelino 25]

2 hours ago, bloodysapphire18 said:

And I've made up my mind, I won't give him any second chances. If he can cheat on me inside a game then there's a possibility that he will do it again in real life. 

Good decision! And a valid logical point

[Duke Avelino 25]

30 minutes ago, Alwin Alcott said:

good lord ... sl bf, rl bf, collegestudents...

you send somebody else to spy on his activities rl ? ... what are you going to do when it's your husband?...

and we hear only your side... seeking simpathy about things we don't even hear for 1% what really happened.

 

but still not really uderstand why you put this on a forum... must love some drama,... you and he should feel lucky it happens now and not in 5 years when you'r married and have 5 kids, you'r clearly both not ready for a adult relationship.

 

 

Haha. @Alwin Alcott bro...Nothing better then understand from your own mistakes right. For maturity to surface. "Smart" people learn from mistakes and "Wise" people learn from others mistake  

[Monti Messmer 273]

Great post, thanks for sharing.

I´m not going to advice something, because that only gives more drama. You was on SL too, guessing not for XXX stuff ?

I´m not a jealous person (SLex doesn´t count as cheating, maybe that comes with age) but not spending time with a real GF and instead go on SL... what a bloke, sorry.

Monti

[Talligurl 42,473]

So he cheated on you by having virtual sex in a computer simulation, true he lied about it, but lets consider what he didn't do. He didn't go out and bang some real flesh and blood woman. When your friend went to check on him he was at home at his Mother's house, not at some bar, or some other girls apartment, or someplace else. For many people SL is a means of escape from RL, I think you need to ask yourself just why your bf feels the need to escape.

[HaileeTempesta 92]

I used to think the same as Talligurl, that at least they were only with me in SL and not hooking up in RL so why the heck were the wives so ticked off all the time..I mean it could be worse right?  But, after 10 yrs in SL I can honestly say that having a relationship here  in SL with someone is just as bad if not worse than if they were going out in RL to be with someone else.

I'm not really talking about the random banging every so often, but actual relationship here.  They are giving their real life time to the person in SL over the one they are with in RL, they are becoming emotionally involved with someone in SL instead of strengthening the emotional bond with the one they are with in RL, they are being intimate with someone in SL (even though they can't physically touch) instead of going and being intimate with the person they are with in RL.  All the things that the men & women are choosing to do here in SL with someone that isn't their RL partner/gfF/etc. because they feel it's just an "escape" or "pretend" situation that means nothing, really does mean something to the one they are with in RL.

The hurt you cause, the love you take away and give to someone else, even on a computer, is wrong.  You can try to give any excuse you want, but you are emotionally cheating, which to me at least is way worse than just a random hookup.  You can't truly love and care for the one you're with in RL if you are doing these things behind their back in SL.  If you and your RL partner have an arrangement and you both agree it's fine, then more power to you, but, I have not only witnessed, I've been the cause of a RL family breaking up all because of my dalliance with them and it was strictly in SL, no RL contact at all.  I will never forgive myself for that and I don't think that people that do it knowingly with people that are married or involved with someone in RL should be either.  We should all stop and think of the hurt we cause from our choice to "Escape" for awhile.

Just my 2L$ worth.

[bloodysapphire18 48]

I agree with Hailee. He said that he was fine not seeing me some days.. I made an effort to see him but he would push me away cause he was having fun with some girl he met in SL. If he can cheat on me inside a game then he can do it too in RL. I was always open with him, he was like my human diary, heck I was more open with him than to my bff. He knew everything about me, and yet he still chose to cheat on me. May it be in a game or RL, it's still called cheating and it still hurts like hell. And he even made me not wanting to have sex with him a reason, is that even right?

[bloodysapphire18 48]

4 hours ago, Talligurl said:

So he cheated on you by having virtual sex in a computer simulation, true he lied about it, but lets consider what he didn't do. He didn't go out and bang some real flesh and blood woman. When your friend went to check on him he was at home at his Mother's house, not at some bar, or some other girls apartment, or someplace else. For many people SL is a means of escape from RL, I think you need to ask yourself just why your bf feels the need to escape.

Him: (RL name)? I can explain. Just don't hang up.
Me: Sure, you owe me an explanation. (My voice was dangerously calm)
Him: You were always busy and it gets lonely, plus when I asked you that night you forcefully said no.
Me: BUSY? ME? (I finally let the anger come out) WHAT ABOUT YOU? AND JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH YOU?

Yes I admit that I was busy, but he said he was fine with that. I still made effort to see him but he would have reasons. And yes it's a virtual sex in a computer simulation.. but still it wasn't one sided, there was another person involved... If that's totally fine for you then ok, but for me it's not...

[HaileeTempesta 92]

9 minutes ago, bloodysapphire18 said:

And he even made me not wanting to have sex with him a reason, is that even right?

That is his way of telling himself he had a valid reason to do what he did.  If he can lay the blame on you, even a blame that is wrong and unfair, then he can walk away with a clear conscience and continue doing what he is doing with no guilt.  He feels that your not having sex with him gives him every reason to do what he did because his needs weren't being met,  obviously he felt his needs were more important than your values and your right to decide to do with your body what you choose.  You have no reason to feel bad, don't let his manipulations get to you, you did absolutely nothing wrong.  You stood up for yourself and you should be proud of yourself.

Edited May 24, 2017 by HaileeTempesta

[bloodysapphire18 48]

8 minutes ago, HaileeTempesta said:

That is his way of telling himself he had a valid reason to do what he did.  If he can lay the blame on you, even a blame that is wrong and unfair, then he can walk away with a clear conscience and continue doing what he is doing with no guilt.  He feels that your not having sex with him gives him every reason to do what he did because his needs weren't being met,  obviously he felt his needs were more important than your values and your right to decide to do with your body what you choose.  You have no reason to feel bad, don't let his manipulations get to you, you did absolutely nothing wrong.  You stood up for yourself and you should be proud of yourself.

Thank you, I really needed that.. ^^

[HaileeTempesta 92]

2 minutes ago, bloodysapphire18 said:

Thank you, I really needed that.. ^^

You're welcome.

[Paul Hexem 2,801]

On ‎5‎/‎23‎/‎2017 at 6:15 PM, Talligurl said:

So he cheated on you by having virtual sex in a computer simulation, true he lied about it, but lets consider what he didn't do. He didn't go out and bang some real flesh and blood woman. When your friend went to check on him he was at home at his Mother's house, not at some bar, or some other girls apartment, or someplace else. For many people SL is a means of escape from RL, I think you need to ask yourself just why your bf feels the need to escape.

Bad justification is bad.

[Alwin Alcott 11,553]

On 24-5-2017 at 5:14 AM, bloodysapphire18 said:

Me: BUSY? ME?..

..
Yes I admit that I was busy, but he said he was fine with that

you don't see the inconsequent answers you give?... you blame him but you do exactly the same  .. "it doesn't matter  ... as long it's me who does it ... but if you do .....grrrrr " 

You even wait two days before you put the "yes i admit"  ... here, so your openings post isn't even a reflection about what really happened. So typical to make lots of drama about nothing.

Yes you most likely take this as blunt, rude or whatever.

Your post should be in RP.

 

Grab yourself together and move on.

 

[Drake1 Nightfire 3,355]

On 5/23/2017 at 11:14 PM, bloodysapphire18 said:

. And yes it's a virtual sex in a computer simulation.. but still it wasn't one sided, there was another person involved...

You realize that was probably a Guy IRL, right? 

[Talligurl 42,473]

47 minutes ago, Drake1 Nightfire said:

You realize that was probably a Guy IRL, right? 

reality isn't important, what is important is what is in his head, no wait, what is important is what she imagines is in his head.

[Bree Giffen 2,825]

He may have not been physically performing anything with the other woman but he was spending time with her romantically. Granted there is a line from virtual to reality that he may never cross but his cheating indicates a certain mindset.