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Lotte1607

Sexual comments/sexual intimidation

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On 02/04/2017 at 1:28 PM, Lotte1607 said:

Hi everyone,

I'm pretty new to SL but lately I keep getting IMs saying stuff like nice ass, or nice *****. Does anybody have ideas about how I can avoid this? 

Greetz, 

Lotte1607 

I'm curious...

You say you are "pretty new to SL", which is a gross understatement, of course, because you only opened your SL account on the very day that you posted this. So I'm wondering how it is that "lately" you keep IMs etc. I would think that creating an alt to start a topic like this is totally unnecessary.

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11 hours ago, Klytyna said:

Mute/derender is the cowards way out

I disagree.

Time and anger management are skills.

Wouldn't spending time, in anger, to address an issue that could simply and effectively be ignored, hint at a deficit in both of those skills?

Starving a bully of it's energy source (response) usually works well.

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4 hours ago, Phil Deakins said:

I'm curious...

You say you are "pretty new to SL", which is a gross understatement, of course, because you only opened your SL account on the very day that you posted this. So I'm wondering how it is that "lately" you keep IMs etc. I would think that creating an alt to start a topic like this is totally unnecessary.

Maybe Lotte's a mayfly?...

 

Edited by Madelaine McMasters

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If someone bothers me we are not compatible and I don't waste time on that. ignore/mute/eject/ban whatever is appropriate in the situation. I need only a second to finish that encounters.  Ok, I'm in SL for quite a while and I am much faster now than in the beginning. :D

Another point is that I see a difference between me and my avatar, many obviously don't see a difference and take things personal. In the end the avatars ass was commented, why would I care too much? :D

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On 9.4.2017 at 4:26 AM, Klytyna said:

Mute/derender is the cowards way out ...
 

Why, thank you for calling me a coward, literally boldly on top of it, just because you disapprove of one way to react.

I've also been in moderating and coordinating positions in various communities over the years and ignore is and will be my no. 1 advice to people bothered by trolls. Don't feed them with any kind of attention, don't grant them the satisfaction of believing that they control your time and behaviour, they'll easily get bored if they fail to receive any audience. How to proceed in moderation is a completely different take.

For whatever reason, you seem to imply that you'd always have to act from a moderator's point of view, but that's not the job of an average SL user.  

Your RL example of citing real police behaviour is too far fetched and not remotely comparable for my liking, so I'll rather cowardly ignore that nonsense. 

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@Lillith Hapmouche Muting, so that the temptation not to ignore doesn't exist, is the prefered option for most people here who have expressed an opinion on the subject over the years, and it's the most sensible one. It has nothing whatsoever to do with cowadice. The only people who think it's cowardly are those unpleasant people who always seem to be up for a fight. I've no idea if derendering is any good or not. I've never done it for any reason - so far.

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2 hours ago, Phil Deakins said:

I've no idea if derendering is any good or not. I've never done it for any reason - so far.

Derendering makes perv caming obsolete.  Unless you mess up and derender the whole avatar.

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I don't understand. I thought we could only derender other avs, but you make it sound like we can derender ourselves from other avs' point of view. What am I not getting?

Actually I'm not sure that derender is part of the LL viewer. Is it? I've never seen it, but, then, I've never wanted it.

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You can select and derender specific objects.  It is in LL's viewer (tho not easy to get to) and exists for eliminating clutter from snapshots.  Re-logging will turn that object to rendered.  I think you can blacklist items like this in Firestorm so that it persists through logins. 

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Sounds like the lot of you have feminist issues and can't take a compliment. I understand you get annoyed all the time, but really. This is a adult oriented game and sex is the biggest industry in here. If you really can't deal with these kind of people, then you might want to think about another game. Not trying to be rude, just telling you how it is. 

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Hmmm ... let me see if I can say this right.

We only know what is said.  Sexual comments only tell us you think of us as a sexual outlet.  While I am "more passionate" than the average woman even I get put off when someone implies I am one sided.

Boyfriend /ˈboiˌfrend/ (noun): a tool you screw on the bed that changes flat tires.

Men are tools. There are lots of tools for different jobs. I have tools for everything.  Tools to mow my lawn, tools that fix my car, tools that look good on my arm, tools that buy me expensive dinners and tools that get me off.  You have to be a top quality tool to fit that last category because all tools run on sex.  Most tools run on the promise of sex only and you never really have to do it.  All men are tools and all women know this.  Most of the time we have the good sense to not say it.  Otherwise the tools stop working.

That single, objectified view of being a tool we will use and throw away ... does that not get under your skin?  That is exactly what we hear when you say "nice ass."

[ETA]
I don't actually think like that.

[ETA2]
Any more

[ETA 3]
Well, maybe a little

Edited by Rhonda Huntress
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39 minutes ago, Reaos Heartsdale said:

Sounds like the lot of you have feminist issues and can't take a compliment.

" Nice ass and nice ***** " are not complements in most women's eyes. 

26 minutes ago, Reaos Heartsdale said:

Yeah but even if a guy does compliment you in a better way, alot of the time women can't take it either. That is what annoys me the most lol.

Many of us take normal compliments just fine - just not stuff we considered to be crass.

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Well your versions of crass, and whats acceptable are very much different then what a guy would find acceptable. If you can't take a crass compliment, then that's your problem. While you have your opinions on what is acceptable, others do not share those. While that's fine, don't expect anyone to bend over backwards to make you more comfortable with compliments. 

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Likewise, no man should expect me to not ignore and mute him if I don't agree with his version of what is a compliment.

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8 minutes ago, Reaos Heartsdale said:

don't expect anyone to bend over backwards to make you more comfortable with compliments.

Oh, but I do.
I have my expectations and hold myself to a higher standard as well.  I will not lower my expectations to amuse the masses.

Whether or not PersonA meets those expectations is no big deal to me.  You should be true to yourself as well.  However, if PersonB wants to improve their chances of meeting higher expectations, maybe they could rise above the chaff with only minimal effort if they were so inclined.

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I agree with having high standards, but those should not be one sided. Both people should be trying to reach expectations other wise it usually tailspins into a stupid fight or failure to communicate wants and desires. 

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44 minutes ago, Reaos Heartsdale said:

Well your versions of crass, and whats acceptable are very much different then what a guy would find acceptable. If you can't take a crass compliment, then that's your problem. While you have your opinions on what is acceptable, others do not share those. While that's fine, don't expect anyone to bend over backwards to make you more comfortable with compliments. 

I think what we've illustrated in this thread is that, while to some it is a problem, to others it is an opportunity to just have a li'l fun. :SwingingFriends:

lol

Edited by Marigold Devin
little "l" little "o" little "l" I guess that means laughing out loud, but not too loudly
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25 minutes ago, Reaos Heartsdale said:

Well your versions of crass, and whats acceptable are very much different then what a guy would find acceptable. If you can't take a crass compliment, then that's your problem. While you have your opinions on what is acceptable, others do not share those. While that's fine, don't expect anyone to bend over backwards to make you more comfortable with compliments. 

You're hanging out with the wrong kind of guy.

The guys in my life will bend over backwards for me, just as I will for for them, even if that's the follow-through after kicking each other in the ass. Whether they are colleagues or friends, they treat me as I treat them. We collaborate, we laugh, we tease, we commiserate. Though I do have difficulty accepting compliments, they are nothing like what's been described here. Those are insults. I have no difficulty rejecting them and those who offer them.

I can say the same for the gals in my life, though not the cats.

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5 hours ago, Reaos Heartsdale said:

Sounds like the lot of you have feminist issues and can't take a compliment. 

No, some of us are still old fashioned enough to expect to be treated like a lady. I don't ask to be treated like a man, so don't treat me like one of the boys. The guys are welcome to have their locker room, just don't drag me into it. 

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6 hours ago, Reaos Heartsdale said:

This is a adult oriented game and sex is the biggest industry in here. If you really can't deal with these kind of people, then you might want to think about another game. Not trying to be rude, just telling you how it is. 

That is a little like saying that if you live in a town where the largest employer is a Federal prison, that you should be comfortable with inviting convicted felons into your home.

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Deal with is not the same as invite them in.  I can deal with them just fine.  90% of the time, just closing the PM window ends it.  In high risk areas like being dumped off at an adult info hub or while going to get updates and parts for "equipment" I don't bother looking at chat windows at all.  I wouldn't go as far as what Reaos seems to imply but I also agree that maybe some people could develop a thicker skin at times.

One thing is absolutely certain.  I have not had enough coffee to be thinking this hard yet.

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If for some reason I found myself at an adult area where sex was the major theme and activity, I would expect that I might receive messages that might offend me by their tone or word choice.  i would just ignore them all and then leave the area.  

Fortunately for me, there's a whole lot of other sims to hang out at where sex is not the leading industry of the area. If the overall atmosphere of an area makes me feel uncomfortable, then I just find a different area to visit. 

However, if you come onto one of my parcels and continue to pester me or threaten me, I will ban you from my parcels. (Or I may shoot fire at you first - I recently got a little dragon that can ride on my shoulder and has awesome dragon fire breath).

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