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Lotte1607

Sexual comments/sexual intimidation

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On 02/04/2017 at 1:28 PM, Lotte1607 said:

Hi everyone,

I'm pretty new to SL but lately I keep getting IMs saying stuff like nice ass, or nice *****. Does anybody have ideas about how I can avoid this? 

Greetz, 

Lotte1607 

Hi again, Lotte1607

Its actually a massive shame that you can't avoid getting IMs like this. You would think really, in this day and age, with all this amazing technology, we would be able to have some kind of filter - a bit like the telephone preference one where you can refuse to take calls from withheld numbers or numbers beginning with 0898 - so that if anyone was likely to say words we personally found offensive like **** or **** or *** or even ************ they would get taken off into the ether before even getting near to our IM inbox.  

Good job we have our senses off humour though, I guess. 

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It seems that most are just new users discovering the wonders of SL. I just give these people a landmark to an adult area and they usually teleport out right away. I never see them again. 

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39 minutes ago, Bree Giffen said:

I just give these people a landmark to an adult area and they usually teleport out right away. I never see them again. 

I had forgoten about this.  It happened about a year ago or so.  Someone named MasterSir or some such kept trying to pick me up.  I gave him a LM to a femdom and said he could come visit any time.

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One trick I used back in my wilder days was to give them a price, usually they responded with "oh your an escort? Bye"

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Usually i just read in the forum, but this thread forced me to click the login button.

Well, if the polite way fails to tell, that im not interessted, i also turn into one of the biggest turnoffs they´ve ever met.
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/TESLA-Poor-Mans-Blow-Up-Sex-Doll-Avatar/7074837

Of course its recommended to choose one of the male face/skins. :D

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5 hours ago, Resi Pfeffer said:

Usually i just read in the forum, but this thread forced me to click the login button.

Well, if the polite way fails to tell, that im not interessted, i also turn into one of the biggest turnoffs they´ve ever met.
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/TESLA-Poor-Mans-Blow-Up-Sex-Doll-Avatar/7074837

Of course its recommended to choose one of the male face/skins. :D

Haha I love his avatars.

I find this one quite effective myself   https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/piggu-Jonathan-Mesh-Avatar/8972858   :P

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Saying "You have a nice ass" is nasty inapropriate  ?

Well, just take it as a compliment it´s better than having people say "you´re an ugly fat-ass".

These days women cannot even stand a simple compliment and always shout "sexual harrasment!"

Sorry if i sound harsh but just take it easy, relax and learn to ignore, block mute.

Monti

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3 minutes ago, Monti Messmer said:

Saying "You have a nice ass" is nasty inapropriate  ?

Yes and no.  There is nothing wrong with asking.  Everyone wants to find someone compatible with themselves and if we don't let our intentions be known then nothing will ever happen.

If that is your way of giving a compliment I am sure somewhere out there is a girl that likes to hear it said that way. 

However,  ... OK ... how to pick up chicks class time.
Girls love compliments.  Despite the old saying, flattery will get you where you want to go.  "Nice ass" is not flattery to most.  In meat space, try to compliment people with something they have control of.  "Nice ass."  Well, you should thank my mom then.  In SL it is similar.  For 5 bucks you can have a nice ass too!  Compliment their clothes, the choice of colors, the way her hair frames her face.  These are all choices she made and what means something to her.

Next, use your words.  We appreciate the effort as much as the comment. "I don't know how you do it but I can't take my eyes off of your ass no matter how hard my heart is pounding."  The more unique your words the less likely is will sound to us as the 100,000 time you have said it; or we have heard it.  Even if you just add a tiny bit to it. "I know you have heard this a million times but I just have to say, wow, you have a nice ass."  Same message but I swear it will be received differently.

Rejection sux. There are people that get their warm fuzzies from crushing rejections (both giving and receiving) but as a whole, we don;t like being on either side.  So when "You have a nice ass" is met with silence, just let it go.  That girl is not compatible with what you are asking.  Just tell yourself she must be busy.  Continuing on with more of the same is annoying and fells like harassment whether you think it should be or not.  This is also what brings on the above examples of extreme rejections. 

 

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8 hours ago, Resi Pfeffer said:

Usually i just read in the forum, but this thread forced me to click the login button.

Well, if the polite way fails to tell, that im not interessted, i also turn into one of the biggest turnoffs they´ve ever met.
https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/TESLA-Poor-Mans-Blow-Up-Sex-Doll-Avatar/7074837

Of course its recommended to choose one of the male face/skins. :D

Priceless!

Now there are some *mesh* avatars I can really get on board with (need the smiley with the devils horns here) 

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I generally don't get a lot of IM's or chat requests along these lines, but when I do, what bothers me the most is when someone doesn't take "no, not interested" as an answer, and keeps pestering me.  If I'm out someplace, I generally just TP away to some place else.  I've had two times though when I've been on my property (in one case, inside my house) and I've muted, ejected and banned them from my property - the only times I've muted or banned anyone.  

The time inside my house, I turned around and there was a guy standing there with a mask over his face shooting a gun at me and telling me "Take your shirt off. This is a rape".   Kind of silly, and I know he couldn't "do" anything to me, but still kind of spooky nonetheless.  Later on that evening, I was going around looking at parcels for sale down the road, and came across a parcel with a vendor box for the type of mask he had been wearing.  Out of curiosity, I inspected the box, and it had been left there by the same avi I had banned from my house.  

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28 minutes ago, moirakathleen Resident said:

I generally don't get a lot of IM's or chat requests along these lines, but when I do, what bothers me the most is when someone doesn't take "no, not interested" as an answer, and keeps pestering me.  If I'm out someplace, I generally just TP away to some place else.  I've had two times though when I've been on my property (in one case, inside my house) and I've muted, ejected and banned them from my property - the only times I've muted or banned anyone.  

The time inside my house, I turned around and there was a guy standing there with a mask over his face shooting a gun at me and telling me "Take your shirt off. This is a rape".   Kind of silly, and I know he couldn't "do" anything to me, but still kind of spooky nonetheless.  Later on that evening, I was going around looking at parcels for sale down the road, and came across a parcel with a vendor box for the type of mask he had been wearing.  Out of curiosity, I inspected the box, and it had been left there by the same avi I had banned from my house.  

But it is upsetting when someone even has the thought to do this kind of thing, to want to upset someone.  When I was in my first rented home in Second Life, some fool decided to race around my apartment in a motor car to run me and my visitors over.  It really upset me at the time, although nowadays I would have sent him into orbit, or used something to deform his avatar then he'd have at least to relog.

And in cases like the one you state, theofficial advice given in Dakota Linden's post earlier in this thread doesn't undo the harm that has been caused, and in reality if you were to submit an abuse report on the grounds of someone impeding your movement or attempting to spoil your enjoyment of Second Life, it would either be ignored or the perpetrator would be given a virtual slap on the wrist (warning) or a virtual poke in the eye (a one day suspension).  

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12 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

But it is upsetting when someone even has the thought to do this kind of thing, to want to upset someone.  When I was in my first rented home in Second Life, some fool decided to race around my apartment in a motor car to run me and my visitors over.  It really upset me at the time, although nowadays I would have sent him into orbit, or used something to deform his avatar then he'd have at least to relog.

And in cases like the one you state, theofficial advice given in Dakota Linden's post earlier in this thread doesn't undo the harm that has been caused, and in reality if you were to submit an abuse report on the grounds of someone impeding your movement or attempting to spoil your enjoyment of Second Life, it would either be ignored or the perpetrator would be given a virtual slap on the wrist (warning) or a virtual poke in the eye (a one day suspension).  

In my early days here, before I learned all the tools and tricks for self defense, people could rattle me. The more I learn about those tools and tricks, the less I'm rattled and the less I use them. I think this happens to most of us.

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Just now, Madelaine McMasters said:

In my early days here, before I learned all the tools and tricks for self defense, people could rattle me. The more I learn about those tools and tricks, the less I'm rattled and the less I use them. I think this happens to most of us.

True.

But then I log in a lot less these days too. 

 

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2 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

True.

But then I log in a lot less these days too. 

 

Even when you logged in a lot, you became harder to rattle. There have been times I've amused myself with "griefing". You've done the same (and have posted pics to prove it). I fondly recall logging into my old lighthouse to find a couple busy smootching on my sofa. I let them go about their business as I balanced on the ottoman in front of them, then gabbed the sofa, inverted it and started shaking it. It took a few minutes, but they eventually got the idea that I was enjoying their trespassing more than they were. Not everybody can grow the kind of skin we have, and we know that. So we try to help when we can and offer sympathy when we can't.

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20 hours ago, Monti Messmer said:

Saying "You have a nice ass" is nasty inapropriate  ?

Well, just take it as a compliment it´s better than having people say "you´re an ugly fat-ass".

These days women cannot even stand a simple compliment and always shout "sexual harrasment!"

Sorry if i sound harsh but just take it easy, relax and learn to ignore, block mute.

Monti

Your empathy is on a high, huh?

It's quite simple. Threat me like I'm a piece of meat and I threat them like they're a piece of idiot. 

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21 hours ago, Monti Messmer said:

Saying "You have a nice ass" is nasty inapropriate  ?

Well, just take it as a compliment it´s better than having people say "you´re an ugly fat-ass".

These days women cannot even stand a simple compliment and always shout "sexual harrasment!"

Sorry if i sound harsh but just take it easy, relax and learn to ignore, block mute.

Monti

"You have a nice ass" doesn't become better, because another alternative would be to get insulted. Thats like saying you should be thankful someone just broke your leg and not your spine. The tone of this compliment is very rough and of sexual nature. If the woman who its directed at isn't in a setting that would imply this type of compliment, she has very good reason to not enjoy it. (Example: An escort will never be annoyed by it. Some random woman at a shopping event might be. Or in real life, where getting cat called by construction workers isn't that awsome either).

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16 hours ago, moirakathleen Resident said:

The time inside my house, I turned around and there was a guy standing there with a mask over his face shooting a gun at me and telling me "Take your shirt off. This is a rape".   Kind of silly, and I know he couldn't "do" anything to me, but still kind of spooky nonetheless.  Later on that evening, I was going around looking at parcels for sale down the road, and came across a parcel with a vendor box for the type of mask he had been wearing.  Out of curiosity, I inspected the box, and it had been left there by the same avi I had banned from my house.


 

One day while standing at my usual hangout chatting to the other regulars, this asshat arrived, walks up to me and starts bad para-rp at me along the lines of

"/me grabs your wrist and says 'come along girl, i promised the miners at Port Rp-Trash a new girl to rape and abuse, and you are it"

As you can imagine i told him to f*** off in no uncertain terms, so he tried again, then complained in 'character' that if I didn't go with him to Port RP-Trash and get raped by the miners that his promise would be worthless, he didn't like my reply, which was of the kind designed to make sailors run out of bars with their hands over their ears.

There are a lot of these morons who think their 'RP' about rape takes priority over your concerns.

There are reasons why I've learned over the last 5 years to expect only the worst from the 'average SL guy'.

 

Edited by Klytyna
Editor is FUBAR crap

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6 hours ago, Klytyna said:

There are a lot of these morons who think their 'RP' about rape takes priority over your concerns.
 

Why waste any of your precious time and, even more important, nerves and deal with such unwanted junk at all?
Let them battle in the intensely hot and dangerous quest against the almighty Block button, ruler of all chats and instant messages? If they prove themselves as worthy after bringing down the fearsome enemy in an endless battle, they may happily return and seek your attention in chivalrous manner... in short, never again.

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I'd just play along, and everytime they'd ask me to sit down on some compromising furniture I'd just.. walk on top of it and press the groundsit button. "Huh but I sit down why is not working right????"

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2 hours ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

I'd just play along, and everytime they'd ask me to sit down on some compromising furniture I'd just.. walk on top of it and press the groundsit button. "Huh but I sit down why is not working right????"

Oh I have to try this now, just to see the reaction. 

 

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7 hours ago, Lillith Hapmouche said:

Why waste any of your precious time and, even more important, nerves and deal with such unwanted junk at all?
Let them battle in the intensely hot and dangerous quest against the almighty Block button, ruler of all chats and instant messages? If they prove themselves as worthy after bringing down the fearsome enemy in an endless battle, they may happily return and seek your attention in chivalrous manner... in short, never again.

Mute/derender is the cowards way out, the standard SL mechanic thast encourages people to continue with their oafish behaviour... 

"oh, they didn't respond must be afk or a bot or something"

My background in web practice is largely admin/moderator, you DON'T block or mute people because then you don't know what they are doing and won't know when they do something you are supposed to ban them for...

Imagine a world where beat cops said very loudly "oh noe! drama... I can't see you Mr. Armed Mugger... I'm leaving now..." every time they stumbled on a crime. The consequences are much the same in SL, one of the reasons these vermin act the way they do is because for years people have said "oh noe! drama mute derender" in response to everything. 

I'd rather tell a f***ing idiot he's a f***ing idiot, than click a "shove my own head up my own arse" button.


 

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I don't think mute or derender are generally a bad option. Of course, if you are in the position of a moderator (sim owner, staff member etc.) mute and derender will get in the way of doing your job. But for someone who has simply grew tired ot trying to argue with an idiot its a normal option. And in case of a stalking victim its actually better than to respond in any way to the stalker, because that will feed him. Same for trolls.

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