Jump to content

An SL ethics question, to ring or not to ring?


Talligurl
 Share

You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 2074 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Recommended Posts

Someone recently made a comment to me, which made me wonder what others might think about this. Mind you I am not seeking advice, I have made up my mind on waht I will do, but I am cureous as to what others might think.

Some time ago, I was in a SL romance, in the course of this romance my guy bought me an engagement ring. A nice one, he spent 1500L on the thing. After the relationship ended, I couldnt give it back, and I couldnt sell it, because it is no transfer. I had a choice to keep it, or delete it. Deleting it just seemed pointless, so I kept it. I edited it so I would wear it on the right hand instead of the left where it automatically attaches, so it wouln't look like I was engaged, but I still wore it everyday.

Then along comes another guy who swept me off my feet, He is great but not really able to go around buying 1500L rings. So would it be acceptable to put it back on the left hand, as a symbol of the new relationship, with the new guy? That would be in very poor taste to do in RL, but do the same rules apply in SL?

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally, I wouldn't.  It may cause hard feelings with him if he can't afford to give you another ring, even if he doesn't voice them.  Also if you really like this guy accept what he can give you other than expensive jewelry.  Jewelry isn't everything, a lot of things are more important.  If you want to continue to wear it on your right hand I think that's OK, unless he knows what it is and asks you not to.

Of course you're free to do what you think is right.  This is just my personal opinion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Qie Niangao wrote:

So if the new guy gave you a plywood torus as a ring, you'd rather wear this expensive ring from some other guy?

Add a bit of reddish/yellowish tint and a lot of shininess and a plywood torus can make a quite nice looking ring. ^_^

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was given a cheap greenlantern ring once. That didn't last. Although it's not about cost of rings. Its more ofwhat the relationship is like that counts. And even though your ex spent 1500L on it, he still is your ex and exes are exes for a reason. I would have deleted the ring.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, all the "real life" rules apply here. There is a person behind every avatar, so avatars are REAL too. We don't often know who the real life person is, we take our cues about relationships by what is said and how we are treated. 

 

I gave a ring back in real life once. It wasn't a "real" diamond but it was dificult for me to return it as the relationship meant something to us both. Still keeping it wasn't good for my feelings; hanging on to something that couldn't be was too painful. 

 

I would go with the buy your own ring suggestion. This is no longer the 1950s :D.   MOST of the time, that's a good thing.

 

And, a further thought. If your prospective fiance really wanted to get you an expensive ring, he could earn the money over at the realms or get a job. So the ring thing seems to be more important to you than to him. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Until quite recently, the only career most women had was wife and mother. Therefore every such woman was looking for a good situation. Accepting a marriage proposal meant taking herself off the marriage market, something not done lightly!  So as a pledge that the proposal was in earnest, the prospective husband gave her something of value -- something that, if he failed to deliver, she could keep as compensation for time lost. And if she broke it off, she could give it back. It was insurance.

It wasnt really all about feelings or romance, neither of which figured much into marriage plans until quite recently in history. Marriage was a practical thing, so was the ring.

Therefore all engagement rings in SL or RL should be transfer. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First it's not about the cost of the ring. $ L 1500 is $ 6 in RL money. That's alot of lindens for some people in SL, but for others it's nothing. What really matters here, as some have already said, are the feelings of the new guy. (There are also a possible issues of chat spam, script lag, rendering cost, & bling with some rings, but I'm assuming these aren't big issues for you.)

Don't wear the ring around the new guy, or if you do, don't tell him it was a gift from the last guy. Let the new guy buy you a ring if he wants & tell him it's wonderful if he does. Don't buy your own engagement right, just wear whatever other jewelry you like. If the new guy expresses an interest in buying you a ring, but can't afford an expensive one, help him find a less expensive one. It's the thought that counts, not the cost of the gift.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Bitsy Buccaneer wrote:

If it's just part of a costume for RP (and for all involved), I guess it wouldn't matter. But if the feelings are real, then how can it be different just because it's digital?

Lots of great thoughts but I think this one hits it on the head, and yes in our case it is more RP than real. We are together because we fit as a couple, and we believe the relationship will enhance our SL. But we are both married to other people in RL and have no desire to take any of this outside SL. I really have no idea if he can afford a ring like this or not, but if he can, there is probably something else he can buy we can enjoy together, like a boat, or a car or a piece of furniture. If he wants me to wear his ring I will, even if its one of those wedding rings you can get for free at a wedding chapel, or even that plywood thingy whatever that was.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Pamela Galli wrote:

Until quite recently, the only career most women had was wife and mother. Therefore every such woman was looking for a good situation. Accepting a marriage proposal meant taking herself off the marriage market, something not done lightly!  So as a pledge that the proposal was in earnest, the prospective husband gave her something of value -- something that, if he failed to deliver, she could keep as compensation for time lost. And if she broke it off, she could give it back. It was insurance.

No, traditionally women were married off in order to get rid of the expense from the origin family (one less mouth to feed - not as valuable on farm as stronger sons), to seal alliances or strong ties between families, and also to create stable households in which to raise the next generation.

There also accompanied the marriage was a dowry, supplied by the family of the daughter, to provide an element of financial security in widowhood or against a negligent husband, and may eventually go to provide for her children.

Sometimes it was the groom who literally had to pay the daughters family to have her as a bride.

Rings were more symbolic, rather than of value, but could be made of simple hemp-like rope, to copper, to iron, to silver, to gold, and now the modern equivalent, the diamond ring.

It is only a modern invention for a woman to think the ring is some sort of security, especially the more lucrative diamond ring, whose wide use in engagement and marriage was not created by tradition, but rather by a corporation, the Debeers Company.

A corporation created the rules and traditions by which many engaged and married people carry out their customs, complete with their own rules on 'how much should be spent' on it.

History of The Wedding Ring.


Pamela Galli wrote:

It wasnt really all about feelings or romance, neither of which figured much into marriage plans until quite recently in history. Marriage was a practical thing, so was the ring.

Therefore all engagement rings in SL or RL should be transfer. 

Marriage and ring are two different topics. Of course marriage was practical. It ensured that families were stronger through commitment to each other in order to create stability in socieity so that civilization could advance.

I refuse to pay for a diamond ring. I'd sooner craft my own set of rings for my potential mate, which should show my commitment to her better than any purchase from a corporation, or price point could ever demonstrate.

Also anyone obsessed with the price of her engagement or wedding ring, one who plans to 'show it off' to her friends and family and one who would feel any less about her mate based on how much money was put into it, just demonstrates her materialism and should be avoided anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Before I got engaged in RL, I'd already warned my boyfriend (now ex-hubby ;-). that I would not likely wear rings. My Father never wore his, stating that it was dangerous enough to stick your hands in machinery (he was a mechanical engineer) without inviting disaster with rings or sleeves. The same applies to sticking your hands into electrical things (I'm an electrical engineer) while wearing metal. Never mind that I don't much like jewelry, I can suffer a li'l bling, but not the worry of blowing up something I just spent a year designing.

I wore my modest rings during our honeymoon, then put them away and rarely looked at them thereafter. Hubby was not concerned about guys hitting on his ringless gal. He knew how wretched a process that was from trying it himself.

;-).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LIN$1500 is USD$5.50 at the moment. A single real world date, even to McDonalds, would end up costing many times that.

If this is an RP engagement, and maybe RP marry then this is many hours of entertainment, RP, and fun together. The least someone can do is break out a 10 buck note and buy some lindens for one's beau. If on the other hand he is naiive to the expected custom, then buy your own, even a brand new copy of the same ring if you are taken with it.

Don't recycle it into a new relationship though.


Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

It may cause hard feelings with him if he can't afford to give you another ring, even if he doesn't voice them.

Someone needs to make a coke can ring pull ring for the SL impoverished.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What is needed is a virtual Saint Nicholas, who used to go around secretly giving purses of money to ugly women so that they could afford the dowry to persuade men to marry them.

[You might know Saint Nicholas - say it fast - better in his latter-day incarnation as Santa Claus)

Dee

Jected

Link to comment
Share on other sites


MissDeeMeanur wrote:

What is needed is a virtual Saint Nicholas, who used to go around secretly giving purses of money to ugly women so that they could afford the dowry to persuade men to marry them.

It had nothing to do with if the women were 'ugly' or not. Since when was 'ugly' a problem for women, as every 'ugly' woman I know actually got married or pregnant - as there is ALWAYS a man who will get with them in one way or another.

What you are referring to were families who were so poor, they literally could not front the traditional 'dowry' that they were to give to the groom's family to help the couple have a stable start.

"...In those days young women had to have money in order to get married. This money was a "dowry" and it was used to help the new family get started. If you didn't have dowry money, you didn't get married."

"Nicholas continued helping people. He always tried to help secretly. He didn't want any attention or thanks. Years passed and he was chosen to be a bishop. Bishops look after their people as shepherds look after their sheep. And that is what Nicholas did. When there wasn't any food, he found wheat; so no one went hungry. He always helped people in trouble. All his life Nicholas showed people how to love God and care for each other."

- History of St. Nicholas (St. Nicholas Center)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a really interesting dicussion you and Pamela have. :)

But, ummmm.... I do get a feeling you're trying to sum up about 500 years of traditions all across Europe and in European based American culture in a few sentences. That's tricky and it's easy to end up with disagreements simply because different people see different parts of that vast field.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Madelaine McMasters wrote:

My Father never wore his, stating that it was dangerous enough to stick your hands in machinery (he was a mechanical engineer) without inviting disaster with rings or sleeves.

Your father was absolutely right. My father found that out the hard way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, that is true. Hopefully people can read my responses with temperance as I have read theirs. An appropriate response I would have liked to made would be too long... I can only do my best responding without sounding like a know-it-all.

I am actually very good at looking at many sides of the argument, and research things on my own, as my end goal in discussion is to learn in the end.

My job is not to have to write an essay with 100 citations, but rather give just enough that someone can research it on their own, and expand their search from there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


entity0x wrote:

Yes, that is true.

Lovely! Let's compare traditions then, that could be really interesting allbeit a bit off topic for the thread. :)

Oh btw:

 


entity0x wrote:

It is only a modern invention for a woman to think the ring is some sort of security, especially the more lucrative diamond ring, whose wide use in engagement and marriage was not created by tradition, but rather by a corporation, the Debeers Company.

It was certainly Debeers who popularized the use of diamonds in wedding rings in the USA and possibly UK towards the end of the 19th century. But to avoid any misunderstandings: diamonds were used for wedding rings before that, although only for very exclusive ones, it's not really an international custom even today, and the wedding ring tradition as a whole dates back to the Roman empire.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 2074 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...