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Jealousy in SL is it normal


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Not all men are like that.  If they're like that in RL chances are they will be here too.

It sounds to me like he doesn't trust you.  If there is no trust how can a SL relationship survive? Does he have female friends?  What's good for the goose is good for the gander IMO.

I won't tolerate that kind of thing myself, SL or RL.  No one tells me who I can be friends with or not.  Luckily my partner trusts me and I him.  We both have friends of the opposite sex and neither has a problem with it.  If he forbid me to do that, he'd be gone, not my male friends. 

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MilaKunis77 wrote:

Alright need someone else's opinon,

 

No you don't.  The only thing you need to address is how you feel about someone who is jealous.  It's not even an SL thing, the same scenario could exist in your RL.

Decide...Act...End.

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MilaKunis77 wrote:

Alright need someone else's opinon,

 

I have a partner who I have been with for just over a year now,  and I noticed he is very jealous, he doesn't see it that way.

I am not perfect by any means , I have withheld things from him , cause I know he will freak out even if it is just innocent things

He does not like when I have friends (male) this has happened serveral times through out our relationship , i have met guys , talked to them usually play games or chat with them , while he is not online , first time i met someone he said he hated it cause I didn't tell him about it , i lied to him, so I thought ok , so when he was not online, I would send him a message saying , hey I am going to play a game with said friend, will this made things worse , he started to accuse me of wanting more, and the other guy wanting more , and it's not me he doesn;t trust it;s the other guy , blah blah blah, so I gave up the fight and let the friend go , never talked to him again , so things where good between us again for a short while, I started getting bored cause i am in sl more than he is and of course , wanting  to chat with people , again someone sent me a message striking a conversation , we seened to get along great , talked about some deep subjects, put was platonic , nothing sexual, so again knowing how he would react I didn't tell him about , continued to be friends with the other person, he eventually found out about it, not in a good way , i apologised , ended yet another friendship and moved on, never met a friend or talked to anyone after that, even telling him everytime someone sent me a message ( he doesn't think this is controlling either)  things went fine for a few more months, but the last few months have been very trying on me , he seems so distant and not very loving or imtimate with me ,in sl he does nothing sexual with or avi;s he doesn't flirt with me , send me a hug , kiss , nothing at all probably for at least the last 3 months . stating he is depressed at the moment and i am not being very supportive to his needs cause i have my own needs fine, So recently I was at a game sim where my partner and i usually hang out seen there was a new avi there , and struck up a converstion with him while I waited for my partner to come online, it was friendly chit chat, asked if I played games asked if I wanted to play a game sometime, he knew i had a partner , never hid the fact , but never shared with my partner that I made a new friend, he found out , and has lost it , he says I care more about this new person than him, i am uncaring, and when I brush it off as nothing he seems to think it's because I am no longer into him ,  ?  Do I have a right to be upset that he is accusing me of cheating , because i chatted someone up ?

Your post is a textbook of warning signs you are in a bad relationship.

It may only be SL but none the less it is a situation that nobody deverves to be in.

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Gazz Galatea wrote:


Your post is a textbook of warning signs you are in a bad relationship.

It may only be SL but none the less it is a situation that nobody deverves to be in.

I'll go further. It has too many warning signs of a psychologically abusive relationship.

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Just my humble opinion, but jealosy has no place here at all. At the end of the day we all go back to RL which is ultimately what is imprtant and real, this is all just fun, nothing fun about jealosy. He needs to chill out, grow up, and not take SL so seriously, andmost important let you live your SL the way you want to, isn't that what SL is ultimately about?  

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Ask yourself why you come into sl. I am sure it is not to be in an unhappy relationship where no love, affection, or romance is expressed by your partner anymore.   You sound like an outgoing and friendly person who is faithful and honest, yet he still does not value that or trust that in you.  As a few others have mentioned, this is not a healthy relationship, and I urge you to consider leaving him as soon as possible.

I have a question for you; was he able to log into sl more frequently before?  He mentioned that he is feeling depressed; is that why he hasn't been logging in as frequently?  I really believe that it helps if people live on the same continent at the very least, and discuss how frequently they are able to log into so.  A person who works full-time and is unable to log into sl during the day, but you CAN, would leave you alone the majority of the time.   

As far as 'jealousy being normal in sl', I think a small amount is pretty normal, but not to the extent that there are angry words expressed.   i once had a boyfriend in sl who I would find hanging out at strip clubs, dancing naked with them, and I was uncomfortable about that.  I left him, but not angrily.  I just said that his needs were different from mine, and that it was best to go our separate ways.  I'm still good friends with him, though. 

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  • 5 weeks later...

In an honest and truthful relationship it is already a bad sign if your partner has jealousy outbursts.

 

This isnt healthy OR normal and you shouldnt keep up with such attitude.

 

The way I see it is if my partner cannot trust me or the opposite then its usually time for both person to go their own ways.

 

TL;DR a relationship shouldnt feel like a prison and you may wanna ask yourself if you want a loving mate or a "dictator" at your side who has no respect for your privacy.

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  • 1 month later...

Jealousy is tough to say weather or not its normal. Its normal for a person or its not.
Remember its a emotion and psycological state that can vary from person to person.
Some may get more jealous then others. Others Simply hide it better and can deal with
compromising situations. If you like people getting jealous over you, then learn to deal with
that. Learn what triggers it, how to avoid it if you don't want to deal with it. If you find your
self being asked to give up friends and he makes excuses like that, then thats too much 
of a sacrifice. This is sl, you should be free to see who you want. 

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To my way of thinking, SL is supposed to be a form of escapism. Your world, your imagination is the credo of Second Life. By staying with a jealous, possessive partner from whom you must hide your activities and the like, your Second Life has become Your World, His Imagination. Rather than asking is jealousy normal, perhaps asking yourself why you feel it is acceptable for someone to make you miserable and why you must put up with such demands might prove more apt.

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Everyone here is right, but Sassy said it with the fewest words and I admire brevity. Jealousy in SL or RL is the same thing. You have to decide if you'll tolerate that, just as she says.

I wouldn't; most wouldn't. But we're not you. You're the one who calls the shots here.

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Well jealousy is an emotion which I'm sure a lot of people have had while I might have felt jealous about something I wouldn't EVER stop my partner talking to others. I think the difference here is you have jealousy mixed with possessiveness which in my opinion is never a good combo. It sounds like this person is psychologically abusive and you need to decide if you want to allow them to continue to tolerate that.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Unfortunately, SL is powered by human beings.  Humans can be possessive butt-heads even in a virtual world, others can be careless with the feelings of others in ways they might hesitate to in RL - because they consider SL a "game".

Consider, a large segment of SL Residents have a large chance of being like me or "as I used to be"; someone who's geeky, sometimes relates better with hardware or stuffed animals than with people, someone who had an awkward teen-phase and was not very people-savvy.

People who have not had a lot of experience with having to "move on" in Real Life (socially awkward) often fail to consider that they *can* move on from a displeasing relationship in SL, and drama ensues after someone goes all Stalky.

It gets better, but that happens when we learn to look for SL companionship in places other than the digital singles bar :-)

I like singles bars, but when I go there its not a "long term relationship" I'm after......... (that means what you think it means).

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