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Becabecca

Partnership on an alt..

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I partnered a man in sl some months ago, but he has had an alt he was partnered to ever since I met him.. We've been together for 1 ish year. The girl he was partnered to had changed her last name to his so it was like a marriage?? I never done that, too weird for me. He is not with her anymore.. he said she left. He has lied to me and surely to her too.
Is it reasonable to conclude that she was the one he was most into? He was reluctant to partner me at first but then he wanted to when it was over with her.. but I'm sure that she could have been aware of the account I'm with..
he is such a big flirt too but I don't care.
what does this mean for me.. is it possible that he does love me as he say or is that a lie too? I'm not sure I'm that keen on monogamy.. but the lies.. ugh., and he is possessive, doesn't want me near anyone else..

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Becabecca wrote:

I partnered a man in sl some months ago, but he has had an alt he was partnered to ever since I met him.. 

A partnered Alt is always a problem - if the reason why doesn't hold water.

I have an alt with a partner who left the game in 2010. I never had the desire to departner them, even after 6 years, because he would get that email from the Lab. :S so I just stopped playing that alt, and he has slept ever since.

Doesn't sound at all like what the gentleman in question has done.

Only you will know in your heart if you trust the excuse he gives as to why he is partnered.


Becabecca wrote:

he is such a big flirt... but the lies.. ugh., and he is possessive, doesn't want me near anyone else..

Almost sounds like you have made up your mind there.

And LIES are the biggest problem I see there, jealousy and flirting - meh, but the lies - not on. Your partner should be someone you can share all with and be as truthful as humanly possible (I say humanly becuase it is hard to be 100% truthful, little white lies will pop out). So, any lie of magnitude should be a warning sign.

Communications are also the other important part of a sucessful partnership. You need to be able to talk through anything with them, and trust that at the end of the day you will both be stronger. 

 

This is bothering you, and my advice is you have to confront it, but I would hope that before you did that you go and confide in a few of your close friends and get their trusted advice. A forum isn't great as we don't know much about you, or the history of it all.

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Make yourself a hot cup of coffee or tea (whichever you prefer) and then read your own text, trying to imagine its written by someone else and you are the one asked to give advice.

Maybe you'll see it for yourself.

If not, here is my perspective on what you wrote in conclusion:

- He said she left, the relationship is over. How does it come he is still partnered to her then?

- He switched to you, only when the relationship to that other women got damaged.

- You feel that he lies to you and that other women.

- He is possessive.

Doesn't sound like a good partner, even if he loves you.

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He is not with her now, he was. So I must have met him while he was with her. And partnership with me happened either right before or after it ended with her. He lies a lot yes. He is single in rl, but still how he get time for all this haha.

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No, my partner has an alt that has a partner. So he has 2 relationships. The reason I found out is because of a mutual friend of that girl that is also his partner....

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There are two kinds of people in SL.  Those whose avatars are 'characters' and those whose avatars represent their RL self. 

People who are characters often are "just playing a game" where anything goes.  They sometimes see nothing wrong with having a different partner with an alt, who is a different 'character' than their main.  They also see nothing wrong with telling a partner they 'love' them or lie about things because it's "just playing a game" to them

People whose avatars are not characters tend to mean what they say and think partnership is partnership no matter what avatar they happen to be in.  That doesn't mean a partnership is going to last, as a marriage doesn't always last in RL.  Of course there are exceptions to this too.

People of the first type should only partner with the same kind of people, and so should people of the second.  When the two mix expectations are different and it generally leads to someone getting hurt.

It sounds to me, from the little you've said, like you have a mix.  Him 'playing' a character and you wanting genuine emotions when he tells you he loves you. 

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Amethyst,

it ain't that easy.

There is a third group (at least). The virtual identies. They are not "playing a game" nor are they "themselves". They are immersing with a reinveted themselve into SL. Kinda a mix between real and playing.

I am one of those, for example.

 

 

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He is a beast, my dear. 

He wants his cake and to eat it too. 

And you should get as far away as possible from him.  Find one of the other fish that swim in the sea, I am told there are plenty more. 

 

 

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carolinestravels wrote:

Amethyst,

it ain't that easy.

There is a third group (at least). The virtual identies. They are not "playing a game" nor are they "themselves". They are immersing with a reinveted themselve into SL. Kinda a mix between real and playing.

I am one of those, for example.

 

 

I can respect your feelings, as long as you are honest about it with others, as necessary, so they don't the wrong ideas or get hurt.

However, IMO, If you aren't "yourself" in SL (except in appearance), then you are playing a 'character'.  Your avatar's characteristics could very well be a mix of your RL self and a fantasy self, but it's still a character.  It's much like an actor playing a role where they draw on their RL experiences and emotions etc to play it.  That doesn't make the part they are playing any less a character.  Nor is this an invalid way to experience SL as long as it's clear that is what it is

That is not to say people who are themselves in SL can't be immersive and try different experiences they couldn't have in RL.  I've done it and have done it together with my partner who I've been with for years and years.  But when dealing with others, I am always still myself, unless it's clear to everyone it's roleplay or a fantasy.   When I tell someone how I think or feel about them or a situation, it's what I'd think and feel in RL. I don't say things I don't really mean, or make promises I know I won't keep. 

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Hi Becca

It sure sounds to me like he was not fully devoted to you and was bored of you to need to go find someone else on an alt, the fact he partnered her and was hesitant to partner you does mean that she was his number 1 girl, especially if he only partnered you after she left him.

Once a liar, always a liar, I doubt she has left SL, she probably found out about you and dumped him. She could also have moved to another alt he has.

Do not follow him blindly, you should never be a mans last resort.

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Thank you for your reply. Im not sure how those things worked out, it turns out she was there before I met him.. So it might have been her he was bored with, and maybe it fluctuated or something. No idea haha.. But you are right, I don't want to be treated like that.

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