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marissariddle

Looking for people to (hopefully) befriend, and who can put up with me

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Uh hi. Not really sure how to do this or exactly what I should write, so forgive me if this rambles some.

IRL my therapist suggested this game to help me learn to deal with acute social anxiety. We'll I've been joined for a 2 weeks and I'm absolutely terrified or going to main hubs. It might sound silly to some, but games to me are just as intimidating as real life, perhaps more so because every little idiotic thing you do is logged. Yesterday my therapist made me promise to "put myself out there" and hope for the best, so I guess this is a good way to start. I'm not looking for rp partners (haven't rp'd since I was 11 or so), I'm just looking for casual friends to get to know and hopefully "crack my shell" - my doctor's words, not my own. 

Right now I am in a newb avatar because from what I understand I have to go to a sandbox to change, and I'm a little nervous about that, but when I do work up the courage I plan on probably being an animal (maybe a fox?) as they just come off less intimidating and daunting to me. 

I probably sound like a total nutcase, and I hope I didn't put everyone off too much. 

So message me if you want, I guess?

IRL stats: 25 y.o., female, USA

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You'd be better off joining some club in RL that features topics you are interested in, be it swimming, basketweaving, chess, painting, scrapbooking, arts n crafts, choir, etc

It will make it a lot easier for you to come out of your shell when you can start off a conversation with people that already have the same interest as you.

It might be that older lady who can teach you some sewing or cooking tricks, or a fellow ager who can share some ideas on scrapbooking, etc.

Although I wish you luck with this in SL, putting yourself out there in chat hubs (which I consider feature some of the most extremist people out there on the internet, griefers, and downright hostiles) may be a lot riskier to your psyche than you might think.

There have been various studies over the last 20 years that say relying on internet relationships, or even using the internet over extended periods of times, causes social anxiety, depression and a feeling of separate-ness, or loneliness.

In either case, SL or RL, find those with common interests to facilitate conversation. Good luck

PS. Oh and fire your therapist. Any therapist that suggests exposure to the internet as a way of beefing one's self-esteem and confidence is bad advice.

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Just avoid the hubs then. You won't be missing much.

Some thoughts:

Changing rooms tend to be quieter (often empty) than sandboxes. Use search to find one you like.

Places like Builders Brewery have classes on how to build in SL. (I think Helping Haven is another.) Go to a basic level class and follow along. When you have questions, ask. The teachers are there to help after all. :matte-motes-smile: Before the class starts, there will be students sitting around waiting. Say hello to one or two and compliment something in their appearance or profile or ask a question. Do you see how a controlled environment like that will be easier to manage than the free for all of a Hub?

Other places have classes on other subjects too, like the Mieville community has classes on different bits of Victorian life. I know of them through the Historical Hunts group and they are very warm, welcoming and accepting.

If you like playing an animal, check out some of the Tinies communities like Raglan Shire. Or maybe you could RP a stray animal like a dog, cat or fox that wanders around family RP neighbourhoods. It wouldn't be a big RP thing, just a small thing for people to RP around.

Have you discovered MM boards (Midnight Mania) yet? Creators set them out in their shops with a target and a gift. If a certain number of people hit the board before SL midnight, everyone wins the prize. There are groups dedicated to letting others know about these boards and similar sorts of things. You could try joining one or two (might take a while to find a good group) and, when you were ready, posting about the boards. It probably sounds confusing now, but you would quickly make sense of it all once you saw it in action. It would be a daily activity for SL plus give you some low pressure speaking practice.

Those are just a few ideas that came to mind from my time here. There are ways for you to use SL, it's really just a matter of finding your niche.

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