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911 Steampunk

How to Make Friends in SL

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I have been seeing some posts where people are looking for friends.

I think I have some good ideas on how to make friends.

 

  1. Dress nice.  Have a good looking avatar.
  2. Look for people who look attractive to you
  3. Join in a conversation.  Compliment and ask questions.  People like people who talk to them, and have similar interests.
  4. Go to sims with your interests.  For example, I am interested in law and go to this law sim
  5. Join active groups that discuss what your interested in.  Go to events you are interested in.  You can search for them.
  6. Teach.  Teach at Builder's Brewery, or ESL.  You might get tips/stipends

Things not to do:

 

  1. Tell people what they should say/do/wear in SL.
  2. Spam
  3. Interrupt people
  4. Give things to people, like notecards or full perm objects

I hope this list helps!

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Interupting is something I really dislike in RL. It's rude, and I sometimes tell people off for it. But interupting someone in a typed chat can't be done in SL. It's good to remember when in voice though.

One thing you missed is to go to places where there are plenty of people, such as clubs. Someone will welcome you - probably the host - so there's an opening to ask a question or two, and there's a good probability that chats with others there will follow.

Having said that, I admit that I haven't done it successfully for quite a few years. I did try an experiment recently, which failed because nobody responded to my saying, "Hi everyone" or something like that. They weren't bots though - just unsociable. But I am sure that, as long as I'm sociable, and kept on trying popular places, I would meet people and become friends. That was just an experiment. I have no intention of continuing it.

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911 Steampunk wrote:

I have been seeing some posts where people are looking for friends.

I think I have some good ideas on how to make friends.

 
  1. Dress nice.  Have a good looking avatar.
  2. Look for people who look attractive to you
  3. Join in a conversation.  Compliment and ask questions.  People like people who talk to them, and have similar interests.
  4. Go to sims with your interests.  For example, I am interested in law and go to this
  5. Join active groups that discuss what your interested in.  Go to events you are interested in.  You can search for them.
  6. Teach.  Teach at Builder's Brewery, or ESL.  You might get tips/stipends

Things not to do:

 
  1. Tell people what they should say/do/wear in SL.
  2. Spam
  3. Interrupt pe...

Why not?

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911 Steampunk wrote:

I have been seeing some posts where people are looking for friends.

I think I have some good ideas on how to make friends.

 
  1. Dress nice.  Have a good looking avatar.
  2. Look for people who look attractive to you
  3. Join in a conversation.  Compliment and ask questions.  People like people who talk to them, and have similar interests.
  4. Go to sims with your interests.  For example, I am interested in law and go to this
  5. Join active groups that discuss what your interested in.  Go to events you are interested in.  You can search for them.
  6. Teach.  Teach at Builder's Brewery, or ESL.  You might get tips/stipends


how shallow are those first ones.. like clothes and looks make good people to meet... the only ones that are a bit usefull are 4 and 5

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All very good suggestions! I think this is a great simplified list for those just starting out in the world of Second Life. I would also add 'be patient' to the list. Sometimes it can get discouraging making friends immediately. But if you stick to it and don't give up you are sure to have success.

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1 and 2 are legitimate. just as in real life you try and look your best, and are drawn to people you find attractive.

Sure, beauty is only pixel deep, and i know you are looking for that deep "inner beauty" but an attractive package is nice too.

You probably give christmas gifts wrapped in brown paper grocery bags.

:)

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I think its a very good list.  It really is a summary of what a lot of regulars advise people who post about wanting friends.

As far as #1, it's pretty well known that a lot of people won't talk much to people who look like newbs.  Have a good looking avatar doesn't necessarily mean beautiful or looking like you just stepped out of GQ.  A good looking avatar means to me that you put some effort into your avatar, whatever that avatar represents.  Showing that effort shows that you are trying to fit into the SL community.  We can be what we want to be in SL, including scary avatars or "ugly" aliens,  old or very young, really anything.  I find myself in many conversations with people like this that usually start out with me complimenting the person on their well put together avatar. 

I'd only add to the list by saying that you should fill out your profile with a pic and something about yourself and your interests.  A lot of people look at profiles to see if there are common interests or questions that can be asked as ice breakers.

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Good advice. I will add, don't say "by the way I am shy", which many will translate as "I will not hold up my end of the conversation or take the initiative socially". That may be fine with some, but most don't want to work very hard to draw some stranger out. 

If you are shy, try role playing someone who is not. In SL you can do that and no one will know. 

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Not shallow.  What if someone can't look the way they want IRL, but they can in SL?  You don't know the RL of these people so appreciating what they do in SL can mean a lot to them.

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In a place where you simply purchase beauty, looking good means that you've actually made an effort at making yourself attractive. You don't even have to spend anything. Just mixing and matching default clothes with free items shows effort as well.

Another thing not to do:

Offer friend request without talking to a person first.

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911 Steampunk wrote:

I have been seeing some posts where people are looking for friends.

I think I have some good ideas on how to make friends.

 
  1. Dress nice.  Have a good looking avatar.
  2. Look for people who look attractive to you
  3. Join in a conversation.  Compliment and ask questions.  People like people who talk to them, and have similar interests.
  4. Go to sims with your interests.  For example, I am interested in law and go to this
  5. Join active groups that discuss what your interested in.  Go to events you are interested in.  You can search for them.
  6. Teach.  Teach at Builder's Brewery, or ESL.  You might get tips/stipends

Things not to do:

 
  1. Tell people what they should say/do/wear in SL.
  2. Spam
  3. Interrupt people
  4. Give things to people, like notecards or full perm objects

I hope this list helps!

How to make friends.

  ...whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them..

Matthew 7.12

Simple, Elegant, Effective.

 

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Griffin Ceawlin wrote:


911 Steampunk wrote:

Things not to do:

 
  1. Tell people what they should say/do/wear in SL.

Does that include telling people that they shouldn't talk about "
"?

Medical things...one time someone im'd my alt to tell me her name sounded like some ataractics.

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Some of my best SL friends are people I've approached first. Initiative and not being a weirdo definitely do help, along with common interests. Friendship in SL is an interesting thing.

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I would add "fill out your profile, and put some thought into what you can write in it that will get the attention of people you'd like to meet."

I don't know, Alwin. I agree it would be shallow to snub or mistreat someone just because they hadn't put time into their avatar, but I do agree with Steampunk that putting some effort into having a nice-looking or interesting avatar is a better way to make friends than ignoring it. Consider:

 

  • Our avatars are an expression of ourselves, and people don't have a lot to go on at first beyond our profiles and our appearance.
  • If you're friends with someone, they'll be seeing your avatar a lot. Is it not a kind thing to make the experience of seeing you all the time an appealing one?
  • People who have put no time or attention into their avatars are sometimes (not always!) people who are unwilling to put attention into other socially positivate behaviors. Finding friends in Second Life is difficult with a sloppy avatar in the same way that finding friends in First Life is difficult if you dress in shabby clothes and decline to shower.
  • Working on your appearance offers a topic for conversation, if you want to have those kinds of conversations. I don't blame you if you don't, but for some of us, they're a lot of fun.

Since you can put an appealing look together from free things, mainly what nice appearance requires is a bit of time and a bit of effort. There's no need to go crazy with it if the process isn't fun for you: one nice outfit is much nicer than no nice outfits.

Just to emphasize, though, I certainly agree (and I expect Steampunk would too) that looking nice isn't an obligation -- it's just useful and pleasant. :)

 

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Pamela said

If you are shy, try role playing someone who is not. In SL you can do that and no one will know

I wanted to add that this seems like very good advice to me! My Second Life personality is much like my First Life personality except that I'm much more outgoing in Second Life. I'm not shy in either life by any means, but I'm more socially daring in Second Life, partly because I'm there specifically to be social, while in First Life I have many other things to occupy me, so that socializing is something I can only fit in now and then.

I have acquaintances who did describe themselves as shy in First Life, but whose personalities gradually changed through stepping up and being more outgoing in Second Life. Some of them have talked about gaining confidence or comfort in social situations this way.

^^^\ Kate /^^^

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I find I have the best luck if I check out someone's profile first. If nothing is filled out, I move along. If they have something interesting, I might send them an IM. I find flattery helps. I usually send them a compliment on their profile or avatar. They can quickly tell I'm not flirting because my profile makes it clear I'm only here for friends.

 

I try to avoid private messages at first though. I feel like there is less pressure in open chat and I usually leave it to them to take it to private if they prefer.

 

People love to talk about themselves, so if I have any interest in furthering the friendship, I make sure to focus on them. Of course, I'm not interested in self absorbed people. I'm basically saying pull your weight in the discussion.

 

If they are on your friends list, a quick hello every now and then helps. My friends list is small because so many people who get added never talk.

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LinuxGod4u wrote:

32GB RAM guy: what a childish comment.

Fact over Fiction

You don't understand the comment so it merely appears to be childish to you.

Keep digging, you will need to go back about 2 years to find the first time I explained it.

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LinuxGod4u wrote:

32GB Ram guy: What is childish is pretending to be a knowledgable pc builder. What is idiotic is posting you need 32 GB RAM, or is it 16 GB RAM just to use SL.Your futile immature attempts to intimidate me is self explanatory. It is indictative of your narcissism. You are here to con people into believing your computer component Forum advice is accurate; however based upon "facts"  it is fictional. "I sit here asking myself" how many SL residents have wasted money over your advised "stuff" posted in this Forum.

Fact over Fiction

ROFLMAO

You're frothing at the mouth, aren't you?

 

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LinuxGod4u wrote:

32GB RAM guy: laughing my *censored* off at your stupidity peratining to pc component advice :  

Might check out my SL budget screamer post...instead of all those online geek forums 

Fact over Fiction           FYI a pic of my build along with a sign with my SL id beside it coming soon

Nobody cares.

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LinuxGod4u wrote:

32 GB RAM guy: I do not hate you, but I do pity you. You can continue on with cowardly comments about my mom, etc you will not get that response you desire to get in this Forum. I am going to be here a long time. As for Rhonda the "lady" has the right to voice her opinions. See you soon a SL sim. ~~~

Fact over Fiction

rofllll

I already got what I wanted from you, don't you see that?

Your pity is something unpleasant I occasionally have to scrape off the bottom of my shoe.

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