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Q for all: need help with a girl


eringoblah
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Ok so there is a girl I really like, I chatted to her once and was fine, then a second time but it went weird - I ran out of things to say and it all went quiet and then she said bye.

So, do you think it is worth pursuing? Did I blow it? Does she think I'm ugly? What should I do next? All advice welcomed

(PS- I know its not strictly SL-related but thought everyone could do with a break from ban lines threads? )

(PPS- if you want to mock me that's fine, I expect it. I am hopeless with this)

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Since she went quiet too, she may be just shy.  There is no harm in trying again.  The worst case is that she doesn't want to talk to you.  You could also tell her you enjoyed your talks before and ask her for coffee or something that indicates friendly interest on your part without much obligation on her's.  Maybe even ask her to join you and some friends for a group activity.  See how it goes from there.

Just try to think of a few topics before you talk to her again, and if it does get quiet, ask her some questions about herself.   Most people don't mind talking about themselves.   Ask a female friend for some suggestions or try out your questions on her to be sure they aren't TOO personal or don't sound like pickup lines.  Most women have heard all those lines before and it's a turn off IMO.

 

 

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This is going to get long and ramble at times ....

Conversation starters ... http://conversationstartersworld.com/250-conversation-starters/

Rule #1, do not say anything negative.  Removing negativity from your speech and actions not only make you seem more confident and fun to be around, it will make your own personal life brighter.

Rule #2, ask about her and make "me too" comments.  Keep the conversation about her.  Ask follow up question.  If you have something in common, be sure to let her know but otherwise keep the topics all about her.

Rule #3, ask about something she said before. Here's a great thing about SL, you can keep a notepad on your desk so you can write down something she says you want to bring up later.  If she mentions she is going to do something later be sure to ask how it went the next time you see her.

Rule #4, Confidence is sexy.  Don't be arrogant.  Own your mistakes.  Laugh at yourself.  Too many people think confidence is about not making mistakes and that is just wrong.  That arrogant inability to admit mistakes just screams "insecurity." 

With all of that out there, be sure you tell her how you feel.  Yes, you need to keep the conversation on her for now but sometime in every conversation be sure to tell her something about your emotions when you are with her.  DO IT!  Tell her you enjoy talking to her.  Tell her if she makes you happy.  Tell her what you feel when you see her name pops up when she is online.  You don't have to be sappy about it.  Keep it short but she needs to know how you feel.

Rule #5.  Sincerity is the key.  Once you can fake that, your golden.

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eringoblah wrote:

Ok so there is a girl I really like, I chatted to her once and was fine, then a second time but it went weird - I ran out of things to say and it all went quiet and then she said bye.

So, do you think it is worth pursuing? Did I blow it? Does she think I'm ugly? What should I do next? All advice welcomed

(PS- I know its not strictly SL-related but thought everyone could do with a break from ban lines threads? )

(PPS- if you want to mock me that's fine, I expect it. I am hopeless with this)

It's most likely her. She's either shy or the conversation went a bit too personal too fast, and she is self-conscious, or it's a man who let the joke go a bit too far.

Maybe she thinks you're ugly.. who knows. Who cares. Maybe she's ugly. Most participants in SL present an avatar of themselves that they probably are not in RL, so who knows. I find most people in SL 1) antisocial 2) awkward if not antisocial 3) flakey 4) full-blown liars

In other words, don't sweat one person, go meet others if you are inclined.

<blockquote><hr>JohnyGlide wrote:<br>

<p>Frist since SL is 90% male.  you sure this is a girl?   and all I can think of is,  be confident and go talk to her!  </p>

<hr></blockquote>

<p>Citation needed. I only need to look at the Marketplace and what sells more than anything else - and the more accurate conclusion is to say the majority of customers (and therefore SL participants) are very female.</p>

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Awwwwww, bless 'im.   He's what we girls call a 'nice' guy.....and the honest women among you will know exactly what I mean.....which is why he's doomed.  

I shall sit back, here...arms folded, and wait and see if any of the honest women tell him what ne needs to do, and not some wishy washy nonsense which they don't believe themselves in a million years.

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Rhonda Huntress wrote:

This is going to get long and ramble at times ....

Conversation starters ...

Rule #1, do not say anything negative.  Removing negativity from your speech and actions not only make you seem more confident and fun to be around, it will make your own personal life brighter.

Rule #2, ask about her and make "me too" comments.  Keep the conversation about her.  Ask follow up question.  If you have something in common, be sure to let her know but otherwise keep the topics all about her.

Rule #3, ask about something she said before. Here's a great thing about SL, you can keep a notepad on your desk so you can write down something she says you want to bring up later.  If she mentions she is going to do something later be sure to ask how it went the next time you see her.

Rule #4,
Confidence is sexy
.  Don't be arrogant.  Own your mistakes.  Laugh at yourself.  Too many people think confidence is about not making mistakes and that is just wrong.  That arrogant inability to admit mistakes just screams "insecurity." 

With all of that out there, be sure you tell her how you feel.  Yes, you need to keep the conversation on her for now but sometime in every conversation be sure to tell her something about your emotions when you are with her.  DO IT!  Tell her you enjoy talking to her.  Tell her if she makes you happy.  Tell her what you feel when you see her name pops up when she is online.  You don't have to be sappy about it.  Keep it short but she needs to know how you feel.

Rule #5.  Sincerity is the key.  Once you can fake that, your golden.

....like that claptrap, for example.    Do. Not. Do. This.   I have a horrible, sad feeling our young suitor has already got burned, though, and is wondering why.

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