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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on tv this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets. Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel. Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece

 

:D

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I tried to finish this recipe  ....

Get yourself a duck of about 1.5 to 2kg, and two large bottles of Scottish whisky, bacon strips and a bottle of olive oil.
Put the bacon around the duck, and treat the inside with pepper and salt.
Preheat the oven for 10 minutes at 180 degrees Celcius.
Fill a large glass with whisky.
Drink the whisky while the oven is preheating.
Put the duck on a fireproof platter and fill out a second glass of whisky.
Drink out the second glass of whisky and put the duck in the oven.
After 20 minutes, put the oven to 200 degrees celsius and vill 2 glazzes of whisky.
Drink out the glazzes and pick ub the piecez of the first glazz
Fill anozzer half glazz and drinkit.
After halven our, open the ovven to cheq the duck.
Fetch the burninjury oindmend in the bathrthroom and pud it on the ubber zide of the lef thand.
Vill anozzer two glazzez of whiskey.
Open the ovven after the first glazz izz embdy and biggub the bladder.
Pud the oindmend on the inner zide o the righdhand.
Biggub the dug.
Biggub the dug again and use a towel to rrremovve the oindmend from the dug.
Degreaze th hand with visky and biggub the oindmend dube whisj is laying onthe ground.
Clean ub the brokan glazz and put the dug bag in the ovven.
Pig ub the dug and open the ovve firs.
Open the segond boddle of bisk and pud id straight ub again.
Get ub from the fllloorr and puz the bagon under ve cabined.
Geddub again and siddown aniwey.
Pud the boddle on the flooj.
Dring fromve boddle since the glazzez are borken or unreadjable.
Switch ovv the ovven, gloze your eyez, and ffffall over.

*meows*

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HOLIDAY FRUITCAKE RECIPE

You will need the following; a cup of water, a cup of sugar, flour, 4 large brown eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey.

Sample the whiskey and check the quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar of something. Whatever you find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed. drunk.smiley.gif

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