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Shel Static

How Did my Ex Find Out?

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I stopped speaking with my ex-boyfriend in SL a few weeks ago. He's been trying to incite me into conversations ever since.


Last night after I didn't respond to his IMs, he said, "I guess you'll just throw me away like you did [SL Member#1] and [SL Member#2].


I've never discussed my previous relationships with him. Neither of those accounts even exist anymore. They're not on my friends list. I did a google search for my account name, and then theirs, and I find nothing.


How does my ex know about my previous SL relationships when there's nothing online about it??


[Humblest apologies if I should move this to a different forum than "General Discussion".]

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it happens in the RL this sometimes also. And is no different to online

sometimes a person has a attraction to another person. But the person they are attracted to is already partnered. So they wait, and hope that one day the person they are attracted to will return the same. Until then they just wait and do nothing to interfere with the partnership

like can have two friends who are attracted to the same person. One of them gets to be the partner and the other doesnt. The other waits and hopes. At some future time the partnership can sometimes dissolve, or it never does and the friend eventually finds their own partner and happiness

in this case the waiting person is aware of previous partnerships. They cant help but not know

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there is no real way to know how he knows. Only he knows that exactly. Would have to ask him if you did want to know. Is a rabbithole this that can easy swallow you up when go down that way

personally I find that time heals most things. For you and him. In time he will find someone else with who he will be happy

+

for sure relationships that end can be fractious and fraught quite often (even relationships that hardly even start sometimes). Relationships that do end amicably are pretty much the exception really

give yourself and him time and it will work itself out, when we just leave it and dont do anything to make it any more difficult than what it is already. Can end up stress ourselves out over these things sometimes, and can end up do our head in  

 

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somehow you must like some drama, or you would have muted him and never heared any of the things he knows..

It doesn't matter how he knows, it's about you and him handling a break up.

a) stay friends an take all you both know about eachother

b) ignore eachother, take all you both know about eachother and mute, never speak about it again.

 

nobody is really anonymous on the web, or SL, as soon you know a single detail it's even possible to find out adresses, phone numbers... and so on...

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Another vote for the one guy with three accounts hypothesis. He may have observed you with the other two, or talked with someone who did, and was paying enough attention to remember, but the not letting it go quality of his subsequent contact with you fits with the not letting go quality of trying again with another account.


I wouldn't worry about it, just carry on with your SL and maybe try hanging out at different places for awhile. Also be careful with the amount of RL information you give out, but that's always good advice.

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Bitsy Buccaneer wrote:

Another vote for the
one guy with three accounts
hypothesis.

He may have observed you with the other two, or talked with someone who did, and was paying enough attention to remember,

More like one female with three male accounts hypothesis.  

The parts snipped above is more how a female plays in SL, don't you think?

 

 

 

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Luxen wrote:

Big debate
;)

I am so looking forward to the responses.  Entertainment anyone?!

 

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DejaHo wrote:


Bitsy Buccaneer wrote:

Another vote for the
one guy with three accounts
hypothesis.

He may have observed you with the other two, or talked with someone who did, and was paying enough attention to remember,

More like one female with three male accounts hypothesis.  

The parts snipped above is more how a female plays in SL, don't you think?

 

 

 

Actually my experience is that males usually do this not so much females.

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DejaHo wrote:

More like one female with three male accounts hypothesis.  

Didn't you know?  There are no women in SL.  Only men playing fantasy dress up.

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Shel Static wrote:

I stopped speaking with my ex-boyfriend in SL a few weeks ago. He's been trying to incite me into conversations ever since. Last night after I didn't respond to his IMs, he said, "I guess you'll just throw me away like you did [
SL Member#1
] and [
SL Member#2
].

I've never discussed my previous relationships with him. Neither of those accounts even exist anymore. They're not on my friends list. I did a google search for my account name, and then theirs, and I find nothing. How does my ex know about my previous SL relationships when there's nothing online about it??

Seriously?

Here are the options. Allow Occam's razor to pick the most likely correct answer:

1) Your ex has been watching [ stalking ] you for a long time using another account. Could be a [not such a good] friend of yours. [The Stalkeratzii Creed]

2) Your ex was one or both of the other 2 relationships. [The Phil Conjecture]

3) Your acquaintances [ not friends ] tried to warn him off. [The Mean Girls Script]

Time to re-examine your friends list and make a few adjustments.

 

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HA! The big debate indeed. The great conspiracy!

 

Thanks so much, everyone, for the time and advice.  I hadn't considered that he could be another friend on the list, or was otherwise shady. We've skyped before, so I know he's a male. Other than that, who knows. 

 

Thanks again. I didn't expect so many supportive and informative responses! (Sans Alwin Alcott's assumption that I like drama - hence the reason I don't discuss my past relationships or personal life unless specifically inquired about),

 

:)

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I mean absolutely no sarcasm or anything, but have you thought to just ask? That would most likely render the answer as quickly as possible. If things aren't working out and you have no plans for them to, just ask and find out. He will either tell you or he won't. After that, mute him if you aren't going to remain friends. 

EDIT: You don't have to even admit to anything. You could ask,  "Why do you think...<repeat what he told you>?"

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People talk...

Anyone could walk up to your ex and say "hey I know her, she used to date my mate so-and-so".

You don't have to tell your ex you've been playing around for them to find out.

 

In RL I once saw a male friend's girlfriend coming out of a hookup club at 2 in the morning with a drunken white guy.

I told my friend. Later a white guy I was taking a class with supplied a photograph, by chance, of the woman in his bed, holding a beer. He knew I knew the guy, and he had become friends with my friend, only to learn that he'd recently 'met' my friend's girlfriend.

I didn't have an answer, but I did tell my friend about the photo, without naming names. Since he knew I didn't like or trust her, he didn't take me seriously.

That's how people find out. But my friend didn't get the message until the doctor also told him 'somebody's been sleeping around, and they left a present we don't have a shot to cure...'

 

 

 

 

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Great advice and some words of wisdom from all.

 

Just a follow up, I spoke with the ex last night, asked him how he knew those names. He mostly spat back a few Australian insults and said he was the god of technology and could find anything out.

 

With that, I calmly advised him that I was blocking him. He'd removed me in a fit of rage a while back, but still IMs me as soon as I log on.

 

This concludes this random SL dramafest. Now I gotta check out the other forum posts to get a good dose of gossip. Sigh.

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He sounds like a real gem. I'm glad to hear you dodged that bullet.

 

(Sorry. Replied to wrong person. Intended to OP)

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Pussycat Catnap wrote:

People talk...

Anyone could walk up to your ex and say "hey I know her, she used to date my mate so-and-so".

You don't have to tell your ex you've been playing around for them to find out.

 

In RL I once saw a male friend's girlfriend coming out of a hookup club at 2 in the morning with a
drunken white guy.

I told my friend.
Later a white guy
I was <snips>

 

Dayum those white guys!

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Honestly, there are any number of ways they could know this.  Maybe they are all the same person.  Maybe they have been stalking you for a while.  Or maybe you have some friends who are big ol' blabbermouths.  In any sense, there is nothing you can really do unless you have solid truth, and even there is very little to be done.  The only real thing you can do is be careful of who you share things with.  Information is power, and the more you know about someone, the more power you have over them.  Just like in real life.

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