Jump to content

Using Skype, Voice, and Proving you're Female


You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 1448 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Recommended Posts


entity0x wrote:

Wow, a lot of anger and judgment against men on this topic

I think you need to read more carefully if that's what you come away with, entity. The negative feelings are against the bullying creeps who do this.

The only way for you to get that it's against men in general is if you think men in general act this way. I don't. (Part of my point was that their number probably seems higher than it actually is because they tend to pester lots of women in hopes of finding one or two.) Freya, who you replied to, doesn't seem to either since she ended her post with "find a better quality of friend.... There are many who don't play these pathetic games."

Some of us made the distinction more explicitly than others, but I don't think there's much anti-male sentiment in the thread. The original poster wrote about her experiences, which were men doing this to her. I and others replied from our own experiences and the genders mentioned reflect those experiences.

I don't like what you did at the end of your post. The rest of us have been advising the OP to "move on", but the way you've written it, especially in adding that "kindly", makes it sound like you've reversed who it is that is doing the bullying in this situation.

Are you reading yourself into this too much? If you aren't a creep who pressurises women into going onto voice, oh voice isn't working for me, let's skype, it can be just chat, oh turn on your camera, take off your top, just give me a peek, (followed by insults when she doesn't), then this thread isn't about you.

Link to post
Share on other sites


entity0x wrote:

 

This also is not only a womens issue - each gender takes risks having relationships of all sorts over the internet, and can equally be exploited, recorded, filmed, dox'd and shamed.

Cool thanks, this is obvious but it bears repeating. I referred to it in the post you replied to, but since the OP is feminine I posted an especially relevent post for them. This thread isn't about the problems men face online (which are also significant, and also reinforce negative gender and power dynamics), the title very clearly says so.

Congrats for taking risks, have

.
entity0x wrote:

It's not a demand, it's not unreasonable, and it is fair to ask.

Ha. I always note the people who minimise other peoples concerns while diverting attention to other issues that affect them more directly.

 Cool, great, I don't care. This is an old thread and you're clearly up for a fight about something. Try reading again (from the OP)


When I
first meet
men,
right off
, they
want proof
I'm female. And they want me to Skype or use voice for sex -
before I even get to know them
.

The issue, if you fancy tackling directly, is how some people (most often men - sad reality) create a culture of demanding information that they have no right to know - immediately. It doesn't take long for this demand to normalise, since most people want to make friends and it's easy to pretend that this demand is reasonable. It becomes easy to use shame, coercion and intimidation to force reluctant outliers into revealing themselves.

You can see brilliant examples of this all over the Internet, there are more posted every second of every day. I've heard the arguments for years - "If you won't send me a pic then you must be a man." In these situations, the power balance is clearly unequal and yet no-one takes responsibility for that (even you hand-wave it away with sweeping statements).

I reject the premise, and make little apology for being wound up by it. All of the above behaviour is unreasonable. It puts the target on their back foot, threatening their outward identity by attacking a shadow underneath it. It's designed specifically to get the victimiser what they want, at the expense of the more reserved party. It strips out diversity of opinion, it reinforces old-fashioned gender roles and divides people further. It silences the target, gets them to comply or exposes them for further victimisation. When disclosing information is used as a compliance tool, it's unreasonable - regardless of biological sex or gender.

There is a nice and reasonable way to ask about real life information (as part of an organic friendship, learning about each other quid pro quo), but that's not whathas been talked about in this thread.

There's no need to feel offended on behalf of reasonable people (or reasonable men) - reasonable people are doing fine, and aren't covered in my posts or the OP's. If you happen to be a reasonable person who doesn't use unequal power dynamics or threats of ostracism to get what you want - great, keep it up, and I love you! But perhaps consider whether or not you want to keep playing the shield for the many people that do play these manipulative games.

Hope this clears up your misunderstanding. Have a good weekend.

Link to post
Share on other sites


AleniaBryhana wrote:

i kick those asses hard in thir asses most just try to get access to your private info to hack your acount

never disclosure and no cam because most of them just place it on malicious sites kisss

huh?

How exactly do you kick someones asses over the Internet? Oh, are you one of those "MESS WIT HER AN I WILL KILL U" types? They make me lol...

And unless you are giving out your password to strangers in SL they cant "hack" your account..

You need some grammar instruction.

Seriously though, if you don't want to share voice, don't. No skin off my nose. I have plenty of friends that do and plenty that don't. Personally i prefer to talk to someone in voice, whether they type or talk back is their choice.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 10 months later...

I know this is and old topic but I couldn't find a newer one. I too have this same problem. I'm not deaf just mute. It's very hard to get people to want to talk to me really. Guys also ask for the skype, discord or voice in sl which I can't do. I've been pretty much playing alone for 3 years now with nearly no interaction. Just last night I ran into this same problem and it made me sad so googling I discovered this thread.  It sucks to be deemed worthless pretty much because I can't talk at all, not that these people would know that but saying I don't use voice turns them off immediately. I have told people why I can't in the past but I shouldn't have to reveal my private life like that.

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

I never voice, (see Maddy's post about being able to sound smart), and I have a lot of friends, don't apologize for living your SL the way you want. Find a niche and pursue it. I am an artist in SL, I don't know if I am any good at it but that is my thing. I also regularly pole dance at a nude beach, and I almost never even get asked to verify. I don't know what is in your profile but fill it up, tell the world about you, a blank profile will make people wonder about you, and start asking lots of annoying questions. And lastly, send me a friend request, I don't get on right now as much as I like, but hopefully that will change, I can introduce you into my circle of friends, few of which voice as well. You don't need to be alone just because you don't do this the way some idiot want you to.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Night Rainfall said:

I know this is and old topic but I couldn't find a newer one. I too have this same problem. I'm not deaf just mute. It's very hard to get people to want to talk to me really. Guys also ask for the skype, discord or voice in sl which I can't do. I've been pretty much playing alone for 3 years now with nearly no interaction. Just last night I ran into this same problem and it made me sad so googling I discovered this thread.  It sucks to be deemed worthless pretty much because I can't talk at all, not that these people would know that but saying I don't use voice turns them off immediately. I have told people why I can't in the past but I shouldn't have to reveal my private life like that.

I had a friend who suffers from selective mutism and several who stutter, one severely. They're all wonderful people, and that's to be expected. Most people are as wonderful as you allow them to be.

The forum may not be your cup of tea, but you're certainly welcome here, and we'll never ask you to voice! You might also look up Hippie Bowman, he hosts breakfast in-world every Sunday Morning at 8AM SLT. And there's also the Forum Cartel hangout which looks like it's showing signs of life again. I don't have the SLURL handy, but if follow this thread, you're sure to find out when and where everybody's planning the next party...

And finally, let me tell you a story about night rainfalls. When I was little, my Dad would take me to a local toy shop when I was good, but only on rainy evenings. He'd park the car a couple blocks up main street from the store, so we'd have to walk under the shop canopies and street trees. There hasn't been a summer in the 40 years since then that I haven't succumbed to the irresistible urge to go for a walk when a night rain falls.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Talligurl said:

I never voice, (see Maddy's post about being able to sound smart), and I have a lot of friends, don't apologize for living your SL the way you want. Find a niche and pursue it. I am an artist in SL, I don't know if I am any good at it but that is my thing. I also regularly pole dance at a nude beach, and I almost never even get asked to verify. I don't know what is in your profile but fill it up, tell the world about you, a blank profile will make people wonder about you, and start asking lots of annoying questions. And lastly, send me a friend request, I don't get on right now as much as I like, but hopefully that will change, I can introduce you into my circle of friends, few of which voice as well. You don't need to be alone just because you don't do this the way some idiot want you to.

Hey, thanks for replying.  I actually do have a full profile, this is just an account I use for putting uploads and stuff on. I couldn't remember my password on my iPad for my main account.  I've been playing SL since the teen grid though but I stopped for school and stuff and then got back into SL a couple years ago and haven't really made many friends. I could send you a request though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

i am a huge fan of voice and skype and discord and all of that, but i never think someone is less because they feel differently from me. I never think to use voice as a way to verify anything, just as an other way to communicate for those interested and able.  Night I would love to have you as a friend, give me a shout anytime if you want to hangout. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

LOL. An interesting thread for sure.  :D.

Keep in mind that if you DO Skype with someone they could be recording you (OMG? Really? - Yep) and for some folks that is a thrill. 

Personally?  Anyone SO hung up on the legitimacy of sex (gal - guy etc) could perhaps -- oh what a novel concept -- just find someone in REAL LIFE to have sex with.  No? Well then that is their problem.

 

I once listened to a podcast of a Mar and Venus (SL) show that was about domination and submission. It was interesting as I really didn't "get" much of that oh so popular SL area of life (and who knows maybe RL too). The thing that I will ALWAYS remember is the idea that the SUB really had all the power -- because they could walk away. 

 

Walking away is a good thing many times :D.

 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

A lot of people lie in SL, a lot of people like to cause drama in SL, a lot of people enjoy hurting others for their own entertainment, so asking someone to say a few words on voice is in no way wrong, however, pushing someone to talk in voice is.  You don't know who is on the other side of that avatar that just approached you.  Could be an ex, could be an ex friend, could be someone pretending to be something they aren't, it's really not just about whether someone is really male or female anymore, people try to integrate themselves into others lives for many reasons and  some of those reasons are bad.

So I make it clear upfront that unless I can chat with them for a min in voice or Skype, I'm not interested in being anything more than an acquaintance.  Because I've had to many people lie, use and hurt me and honestly, I'm not willing to risk my enjoyment of SL by being a sheep and just blindly believing what everyone says anymore because 9 times out of 10, you're being played.  So male or female I ask, because I don't have anything to hide and if they don't want to, well, saved me a lot of time and possible hurt.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@HaileeTempesta it kinda sucks that things have devolved so much, but I do actually know at least two times when I have been approached by avatars which turned out later to simply be new alts of a former gf. I didn't ever voice with her so voicing after wouldn't have mattered, and I can't imagine voicing with every possible friend just to make sure that they cant try to jerk me around in the future. Shame there isn't a better alternative to identify people.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, HaileeTempesta said:

could be someone pretending to be something they aren't

So true, it could be a deaf person pretending to be hearing, it could be someone with a stutter pretending to speak perfectly, it could be someone transgendered pretending to live the life they feel they were meant to live. I take everyone's avatar and SL persona at face value, they either fit in with mine and we enhance each others SL, or they don't, Those who don't I don't need and move on from, but who they are behind the avi makes no difference. One person might be totally opposite in RL from what they are in SL, but they enhance my SL, another might be exactly the same in RL as they are in SL, but they don't fit in my SL. 

As for the drama in SL I figured this out a long time ago, it ain't my drama. I get drama from my sisters, i get drama from my sister in law, I even get some drama from my Mother, all that is my drama I have to deal with cause it is my drama. Drama in SL I can just laugh at and ignore.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Talligurl said:

I take everyone's avatar and SL persona at face value, they either fit in with mine and we enhance each others SL, or they don't.

It must be nice to never have had someone rip your SL apart then they come back on alts and end up doing it all over again all because you trusted at face value.  People pretending to have cancer in RL, they supposedly die, then come back on an alt to their own SL funeral and re approach the person they had been involved with for 6 years offering sympathy and reintegrates herself as a friend there to help, then when he he is out and about one day at a club, he hears the voice of the  woman he had loved for all those years that had died and guess what...it was HER.  She just didn't want to tell him she didn't want to be with him anymore so she scammed him and everyone else that knew her by saying she had cancer and having a "friend" let them know she had died.

So, I'm sorry, no, I'm not going to be an idiot and take anyone at face value in SL, because people are deceitful, hurtful and mostly only out for themselves these days.  The standard of people in SL now is extremely low compared to when I originally started in 2007.  If you choose to believe everything handed to you, more power to you, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone wanting to protect themselves, their heart and their happiness by making a very simple request.  Nowhere did I say anything about pushing them to do it, but, asking and giving my reason why I'm asking does not make me a bad person or anyone else a bad person either.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not saying you are a bad person at all, just expressing my own thoughts on the matter. maybe I avoid getting hurt and the necessity of caution because I always hold back  and never put my whole heart into any relationship in SL. That might be good or it might be bad, maybe I miss out on an aspect of SL because of it. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know... maybe I've been just lucky, but in all the years since Feb.'08 I've never been asked to prove that I'm female, in spite of the fact that I've never voiced. Quite the opposite: The people around me always used to defend me when that "voice verification" topic came up in a conversation. However, I did sometimes use the excuse "I'm on Linux (which still is true), Voice doesn't work on my system (which was not true at that time)", which was fully accepted by the circles I was in. :)

However, once I was asked how I would sound if my Voice worked, and I answered "Like a mix between Nico and Tanita Tikaram" - but even that was perceived as a joke. :ph34r:

That said: I DO take everyone in-world at face value, I'm not even interested in their RL gender, RL hometown, RL job or whatever. For me, SL = SL, RL = RL. That's why I don't even have my headset on when I'm in SL. I don't wanna know if that woman in front of me is a man in RL, or if that young handsome guy in chat range is really an old man, or if that guy over there is a woman in RL. I don't care about that- it's their business. And especially I don't wanna hear them yelling at their kids, them munching, or do whatever sounds people do when they think their mic is off.

When people do tell me about their RL though: fine, I don't stop them - but then I even might use that "meta-knowledge" in warnings like "Don't you have an apprenticeship/ a job? If you wanna keep it, better log off, now!" or something like that. However, I even take the people who I know are swapping genders at face value: For me, they have the gender they appear as in-world. :D

But as of today, I've always denied to meet anyone from SL in RL. Not even on Skype or on other apps (with very few exceptions over the years, people who I learned to trust).

Edited by eighthdwarf Checchinato
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

For me like I was saying it's just deeply depressing. I can't speak and I don't have a problem saying no to people, but some push really hard and have attacked me in a chat because I won't and I don't really want to explain my situation. It's not just SL though. I've made friends on forums for games or something and known them for years, then 3 years in we find out we both use steam and they add me, then eventually they ask me to talk to them, I say I can't and sometimes I even explain why (though I don't like to), they say it's fine but then slowly disappear or remove me as a friend.

 

I recently moved and don't know anyone where I live so I was trying to find friends in SL that actually look forward to me coming on as much as I would them but it seems impossible. It's not a replacement for offline friends but I do a lot online and also play games so it would be nice to find someone.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Night Rainfall said:

 It's very hard to get people to want to talk to me really. Guys also ask for the skype, discord or voice in sl

go somewhere else... or try getting a thicker skin (meaning in response... use block/mute or other options..they'r in the viewer for that), you decide if you use skype, voice or whatever. Not even depending on the ability to use it or not...

I never voice, simply don't like it, it distracts me from enjoying my inworld time, .. others don't believe me? or insist on voice?......: great bye have a nice day.

 

5 hours ago, HaileeTempesta said:

A lot of people lie in SL,

yes.. and no... SL is turning more and more in a online dating agency. People who come here just to relax shield their personal rl. Is it right?..dunno... is it wrong?...no.

It's mostly the one that really wants to dig in somebody elses things that causes the drama, not the one that is here just for a nice time.

 

2 hours ago, Night Rainfall said:

but some push really hard and have attacked me in a chat because I won't and I don't really want to explain my situation.

simply... do not tell if you don't want... block idiots and move on. I am 100% sure there are thousends more who don't want to use voice. Reason isn't relevant, but what you want, and in your case, because you really can't. If they don't take it.. let them..

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

go somewhere else... or try getting a thicker skin (meaning in response... use block/mute or other options..they'r in the viewer for that), you decide if you use skype, voice or whatever. Not even depending on the ability to use it or not...

I never voice, simply don't like it, it distracts me from enjoying my inworld time, .. others don't believe me? or insist on voice?......: great bye have a nice day.

 

yes.. and no... SL is turning more and more in a online dating agency. People who come here just to relax shield their personal rl. Is it right?..dunno... is it wrong?...no.

It's mostly the one that really wants to dig in somebody elses things that causes the drama, not the one that is here just for a nice time.

 

simply... do not tell if you don't want... block idiots and move on. I am 100% sure there are thousends more who don't want to use voice. Reason isn't relevant, but what you want, and in your case, because you really can't. If they don't take it.. let them..

I get what you're saying and I have blocked a lot of people who were just being mean. I'm running out of people though seriously!  It takes it's toll a bit after doing it for several years. Blocking is easy sure but the feelings for me are not easy to deal with. A lot of times people trick me too. They won't bring up voice for a few weeks after some form of giving a damn about them kicks in and then they suddenly ask these things of me, and all those end. Not in blocks, just in parting ways. I used to keep track of how many people by calling cards, it was quite a large number.

Link to post
Share on other sites

There's two things going on here.

There's people that want to use your or take advantage of you or bully you.

And there's people that just want some sort of proof or reassurance that you are what you say you are.

Make sure you deal with them differently.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think this issue always comes down to the two distinct groups within SL, First are those who see their avatar as an extension of their RL selves and who create an avatar and an online persona that expresses who they are. and they want to know that the other avatars they interact with are also true to the person behind them. Then the other group for whom their avatar is not intended to represent them in RL, but rather anything from some dark fantasy to a side of their RL self that they keep hidden from public view in RL. This second group is less concerned about knowing about the real person behind the avatar, because they know that their own real person isn't totally (or anything) like the avatar they use in SL. These two groups are at odds, these two groups have totally different philosophies about SL, and yet they have to co-exist alongside each other in SL. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/23/2017 at 7:59 PM, Night Rainfall said:

I know this is and old topic but I couldn't find a newer one. I too have this same problem. I'm not deaf just mute. It's very hard to get people to want to talk to me really. Guys also ask for the skype, discord or voice in sl which I can't do. I've been pretty much playing alone for 3 years now with nearly no interaction. Just last night I ran into this same problem and it made me sad so googling I discovered this thread.  It sucks to be deemed worthless pretty much because I can't talk at all, not that these people would know that but saying I don't use voice turns them off immediately. I have told people why I can't in the past but I shouldn't have to reveal my private life like that.

I never ask anyone to voice, and neither does my circle of friends or my family, IM me if you wanna hang out sometime

Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Talligurl said:

I think this issue always comes down to the two distinct groups within SL, First are those who see their avatar as an extension of their RL selves and who create an avatar and an online persona that expresses who they are. and they want to know that the other avatars they interact with are also true to the person behind them. Then the other group for whom their avatar is not intended to represent them in RL, but rather anything from some dark fantasy to a side of their RL self that they keep hidden from public view in RL. This second group is less concerned about knowing about the real person behind the avatar, because they know that their own real person isn't totally (or anything) like the avatar they use in SL. These two groups are at odds, these two groups have totally different philosophies about SL, and yet they have to co-exist alongside each other in SL. 

Yes and doesn't it totally suck when someone in the first group falls for someone is the second group? Sucks for them i mean.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
56 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

Yes and doesn't it totally suck when someone in the first group falls for someone is the second group? Sucks for them i mean.

Yes the avatar as an extension of themselves people need to be very careful because they can get very hurt, the other people might not even understand what is going on. I always try to be very clear with people, that they can only get so much from me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You are about to reply to a thread that has been inactive for 1448 days.

Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...