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15peter20

Can I really be reported for this?

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I am male in r/l but have been playing a female character on SL for the past two years. I got into a text-only r/ship with a real man/male avatar on SL which was interesting to RP, mostly as an experiment to see whay people in SL get up to.

Recently, after 8 months of 'virtual dating', this man became moody and insisted on hearing my voice. I turned on my mic and admitted I was a r/l man.

He is now claiming he will report me to LL and get me banned for life for 'deception'. So I'm wondering - does he have any basis for this? Or is he just ranting because he feels stupid at not asking me to verify r/l details earlier?

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He can report you for anything he likes, but not being the same gender as your av isn't actionable as far as LL are concerned.

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I've been playing an inebriated bottle of root beer for nearly two years. Although that's an easier deception to suss out than a male playing a female, it's just a matter of degree. Eventually someone may get upset.

LL won't bat an eye.

;-).

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Pfft, I've been playing a pirate kitty for just as long, with a name chosen to foil Rolig Loon's method of forcing llSensor() failures. I'm annoyed that she's not annoyed by my deception, but LL's still not gonna do a thing about it.

;-).

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Although I would hopefully take some care in setting expectations for any intimate relationship in SL, to avoid the issue you're facing (or more importantly, the issue your male friend is facing), this ain't a bootable offense.

LL will file any report of "deception" in a crate deep down one of the endless aisles of the Warehouse of Broken Dreams.

I personally don't worry about LL. I worry about Snugs.

;-).

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:

I personally don't worry about LL. I worry about Snugs.

;-).

Pfft. Like hell you do. 

 

Peter? Be a li'l more careful next time?

;-).

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Peter,

As a no longer practicing Peer Counselor in Second Life for 2 years, your particular issue, titled [betrayal of Trust] or [setting the Record Straight] crossed my couch every other client couple.

I do understand both sides of this issue and I for one applaud your coming out to someone who you have a deep emotional tie with in a SL only relationship when pressured to do so.

 Some couples survive this revelation and remain intact as a couple in SL.

The the two of you ended up with a result that did not meet either of your expectations. This is why I usually advise new couples that are intent on having a relationship in here to ask themselves: Are you looking to carry into RL [emotionally or spiritally] this relationship with an unknown person behind the other avatar account? If so, you both really need to share these expectations and understandings earlier in the relationship.

Saying you don't need to know the RL details is always an option when setting these understandings.

But admitting that you were RPing the relationship was the deal breaker between you two. Remember this can be made worse if you also fabricated an onion of lies to back up this betrayal. [Pictures, family, anecdotal situations you never experienced as the presented gender]

You can be real in your relationship and caring without knowing the RL gender of the other party. Many of us accept the presented avatar gender and just go from there. This is an important bit of acceptance to have [X] off when you decide to enter into a traditional or even a non-traditional relationship here.

Proceeding otherwise will for sure create the feeling of betrayal your partner felt.

Carry on carefully Peter or Patricia and take this as a learning experience.

 

BTW: No, you have not violated any TOS or other Community Standard of Second Life. Have you violated a relationship guideline, Yes, several.

 

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At least this time 'Peter' has hidden his identity better.  I feel for that other poor man. If you going to act out as different sex then the least you could do is to maintain that perception for those you get involved with. 

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CheriColette wrote:

At least this time 'Peter' has hidden his identity better.  I feel for that other poor man. If you going to act out as different sex then the least you could do is to maintain that perception for those you get involved with. 

I also feel for the other man. It's not pleasant in the least to have your bubble burst. For as much as I dislike Snugs, there's nobody I trust as much. And that's probably a shame. Snugs is unable to blow bubbles.

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If LL banned everyone playing another sex, SL would have some serious problems. I have a male alt. I have RL male friends that have female avis for 2 reasons. One is the wardrobe availability and second, they'd rather look at the back end of a female than a male. I take people for what they present as in SL and don't ask what their RL stuff is. SL is just that, a second life that you can be whoever or whatever you want to be. 

I've had a guy or two I've RPd with that have asked me to prove what sex I am. I'm female but my standard reply is I am what you see. I don't mix my SL and RL. If you can't accept that, move on.

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I play as a hyena and other species, as well as other genders, when ever I choose. Many people do it, and there's nothing wrong with it.


15peter20 wrote:

Recently, after 8 months of 'virtual dating', this man became moody and insisted on hearing my voice. I turned on my mic and admitted I was a r/l man.

Although I do not know the full story, this MIGHT be deceptive.

If you explicitly implied you were female, then yes this is deceptive and you are in the wrong. If you fabricated evidence, then yes you were seriously in the wrong and should appologize.
If you never said anything about your RL gender either in text or in your 1st life profile, then general rule of the thumb is to "assume anyone can behind that avatar" and you were not in the wrong.


15peter20 wrote:

He is now claiming he will report me to LL and get me banned for life for 'deception'. So I'm wondering - does he have any basis for this? Or is he just ranting because he feels stupid at not asking me to verify r/l details earlier?

Regardless of any of the things listed above, deception or not, no. If LL went around banning people for every little thing everyone reports(specifically those not against the ToS) then there'd be no users left.(This is a reason why ARs take so long, LL has to weed out the BS).

If you need references

But IMO, the fact they have to go "IM REPORTING YOU" makes me think they are just whiney.

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You have your answer now, so I'm not going to add another to it. What I am going to say is that you should never have got into such a relationship for your own personal ends. You did it as an experiment to see what people get up to in SL, and that was very wrong and self-centred.

It's written in many profiles that there are real people with real feelings behind the avatars. That's perfectly true, and you knew it when you embarked on your own selfish experiment. You really should be banned for life! That's not going to happen, but I truly wish it would. You had 2 whole years to realise how wrong it was. In that 2 years, you could have backed out, having had more than enough time to see what people get up to in SL But you were too self-centred to do that. Even at the end, you didn't have to own up. You could still have got out of it without affecting the other person in the way that you did.

There are many people who would take it with a pinch of salt, and that's fine. There are also many people who really do not want to become sexually aroused with someone of the same gender. Nobody should ever get into it like you did without at least some indication that the other person only sees the avatar and doesn't care who is at the keyboard.

It was a despicable thing to do, and you should be thoroughtly ashamed of yourself. But it doesn't look like you are. Your post was about your concern as to whether or not you might get banned, and showed no concern at all for the person you were so nasty to - and who quite possibly quit SL as a result of your actions.

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Tanya228 wrote:

If deception were a reportable offence then SL would consist of roughly 10 people.

11. You forgot to count me :)

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Phil Deakins wrote:


Tanya228 wrote:

If deception were a reportable offence then SL would consist of roughly 10 people.

11. You forgot to count me
:)

8. She counted all four of me.

;-)

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I have to agree with Phil Deakins (above) about "crossing the line". It's understandable to be curious, but at some point you must have realized your male companion was developing feelings for the female avatar you were playing. That's when you stepped from experimentation into deception .. full on.

IMO: It's not a Second Life issue, it's a humanity, dignity and respect issue. When you failed to recognize you were setting the guy up for heartache, you should have told the truth then. It's not against the rules to lie .. it's just bad manners.

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Reading this post makes me wonder what you were thinking to begain with in being rl male in female avi in the first place. I am Trans and there are many transgender people on sl playing the gender they identify with. That is fine but, you need to be hounest with those you are in a relationship with or want to be in a relationship with. It's in my profile that I am trans so everyone who dates me knows i am and no surprises. Best advice I can give is be hounest from the begaining.

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This is so sad. I agree with Phil and Darius. I really feel for that poor man. I hope he doesn't end up needing therapy. In that case, you should consider paying for it. Deception is never OK, no matter what it may be. If you are going to RP, in my opinion, you should have been up front about it. There are enough people in SL that would be OK with it, so you could have easily moved on to another when realizing this poor gentleman wasn't. 

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Serously?

 

8 months and he only just asked for voice? more fool to that party.

 

Can he AR you, yes

 

Will LL take action? extremely unlikely as it's a resident to resident dispute.

 

Do you need to listen to the pointless, self opinionated waffel from other users? defiinitely no.

 

SL allows each and every person to be what they want to be.  Yes, shame on you for fooling him, but fool on him for not asking for voice sooner.

 

Everybody else jumping on the bandwagon spouting nonsense at you? not needed.

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I have a feeling that some of those trying to shame the OP weren't here in the hey day of escorts when about 80% of them were males behind the female avis. It's nothing new. If you want to be in a RL relationship, SL isn't Match.com or Eharmony. You need to go there and look rather than in SL.

 

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