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Faye Feldragonne

Burning Out... again... on my SL

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This isn't really a question.

It seems that around the 2 year mark, I start feeling burned out with Second Life. Twice I've left for over a year (meaning, I pulled up my shop, and once in a while would perv in... SL, especially with mesh,, has become overwhelming for me. There's so many things we can buy like never before. Gacha's have clogged my inventory. I can't even open all of the things I've bought or "gacha'd." 

Then there are the hours upon hours working in my store, which I just moved and remodeling. I make Zooby baby clothes, made through Photoshop and complex packaging due to 7 skins, meaning many uploads and UUID's coming out my ears.

I have a good business andit supports me entirely, but I'm exhuasted. SL has become a grudge. I've zero friends, although I have a list I never talk to, and I'm almost always holed up in a box working. Each time I've come back (previously a fashion designer, when painting clothes was all there was; I swore I'd not get back into business but just "play." 

Now, I'm dealing with a serious chronic illness. Pile that on... and I'm just exhausted.

I've come to identify myself with my avatar, JoLee is me, I am her... we were once Faye... I've lived a thousand memories and dreams with her, these virtual selves cared for far better than the real version. To end her, to poof her and her virtual kids, animals and beautiful home to never never land... I shudder. The last time I left, I cried for days, I had a total melt down, addiction, death. But what i got done in real life was amazing! But I longed for Faye.

I must downsize AGAIN. I went from a tiny plot to 1/4 sim, with an $80 a month price tag; once as high as $120. Always supported by my work in SL. So... I "swell" I keep getting bigger, wanting more, till I burst at the seams.

She's not an avatar, she's me. I am her. There's no seperation. I wondered, could I be in love with her, an alter ego of myself? And when I die, or if I die sooner than expected due to my illness (which is grave); will she die too?

Maybe it is an question. Do we burn out...and yet return with a deeper hunger and thirst to live in this world? Can we leave it ever if we've spend more time there than here? I don't know. I'm not going to edit and re edit these thoughts. I've no energy.

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Yes your not alone.. I quit back in late 2009 cause i felt burned out,bored and just felt like Sl was more of a Burden than something fun to do.. than i came back to sl in early 2010 wanting to explore and see what sl really had to offer  I done it all except make avatars and such but I owned and worked at clubs, Made good friends and been through alot in my years in sl but you you do take on your sl Persona.. you made your AVI to your standards. she's yours and yours alone. Just like mine and many others.. but everybody in sl at one time and another had that burned out feeling some stay some don't.. take it on day at a time

Get well soon and stay Healthy

As always Good luck in your future endevours in sl :D

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It sounds like you need to change what you are doing, if you still want to use Second Life. If you don't like having any friends inworld, go out and make some. If you are tired of living in a box, think about finding somewhere else to spend your time.

 

As for thr existentialist problem, I don't have an answer to that. All I can suggest is to think about why you feel that way.

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I wanted to send you virtual hugs and only wish i could give you real ones too. Coping with a chronic illness is not easy - I've had the same, before SL existed - and I can only imagine how SL has become a lifeline for you, not only with the business that you can pick up and drop when you feel like it, but how your active, well avatar has reinvigorated you when your reality has seemed a little depressing. 

What you need is a community of kind, thoughtful people who won't judge. My community has many creators and thinkers, some of whom have revealed they have certain illnesses or disabilities in reality, but we take each day as it comes. If you want to try us out, search Commune Utopia inworld, or look me up. We love cakes and hugs, and discussions and dancing. 

You will soon find a new lease of life in SL - with a little help from your (new) friends. 

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I dont think you are missing much by not playing, what is there to play?and after being creative its going to be really boring and meaningless.

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I was once in your position and can totally empathise. There is a real emotional wrench between (seemingly) losing your avatars forever and staying in a virtual world that seems to have lost its sparkle.

What I would say, without wanting to sound like I'm having a go at you, is that the following feelings


Faye Feldragonne wrote:

these virtual selves cared for far better than the real version. To end her, to poof her and her virtual kids, animals and beautiful home to never never land... I shudder. The last time I left, I cried for days, I had a total melt down, addiction, death.


AREN'T healthy. I had them too at one stage, and was terrified about leaving. But I'm glad I did because I nearly lost my marbles by neglecting RL.

It's about 1.5 years since I quit - if it's any consolation, these feelings are completely different now. I can accept it was fun and occasionally miss my AVs and their personalities, but I know if I could still log them in, it'd be a couple of days before I felt bored and frustrated again, and into a cycle of logging on for the sake of it.

Sometimes, a thing just runs its course and you've got to let it go. So to your end question - yes, you can leave SL behind. As time goes by, the massive sway it has over you now will diminish, until one day you'll look back and wonder how you even felt so strongly about it.

 

 

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If you're unhappy, make some changes.  Except for one eleven-month break, I DJ'ed in SL from 2007 until mid-year 2015. I had burned out.  It was fun while it was fun and then it stopped being fun and became a burden.  I stopped and my SL is lighter; I'm free to snap photos (my new SL 'hobby').  I don't use PS but I have fun.  Isn't that what counts?

Good luck.

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I hope you find an answer Faye :-) I think you will.

I have never gotten burned out -- fed up, yes. But compared to teaching school, which I loved/hated because it is the best job ever as well as the worst, it is so easy. I dont have the option to quit so I never think about it, plus what else would I do with my time? I like making stuff, I started out just because I liked it and still do. I dont enjoy the abuse, but that is simply part of the job. And thank God for mute button!

 

 

 

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Faye Feldragonne wrote:

She's not an avatar, she's me. I am her. There's no seperation
.
I wondered, could I be in love with her, an alter ego of myself?

That's not at all surprising. I believe the same can be said of most people in SL. What I mean is, most people are simply themselves in SL. We do things that we would do in RL were it not for social standards. For instance, ladies dress skimpily, showing and doing much more than they would in RL. It's not roleplay. It's the real person coming out. In RL, that part of the person is greatly restricted due to social standards. Another example is business. Many people get involved in real business in SL. They would do the same in RL if they dared take the risk, and if they could find a market for whatever it is they want to sell or do.

There are some who intentionally roleplay, of course, but, on the whole, I firmly believe that most of us simply allow parts of ourselves to come out that wouldn't come out in RL. Not because we don't want them to come out in RL, but because we are bound by social standards, and, in the case of business, we simply can't risk it because RL responsibilities mean that success would matter too much. In RL, I've mostly been in business of one kind or another, because it's my nature, but many, perhaps most, people would find the risk too great to take. It's so easy and risk free in SL, of course.

So that's my firm belief - that, on the whole, people are being themselves in SL - including you. Our real inner RL selves come out here.

I would be loathe to decribe it as being in love with yourself. Imo, you simply like the inner you that comes out in SL. You like you a lot , and that's very good :)

Burn-out of one kind or another must be common in SL. Personally, I got bored with my SL business, so I stopped putting time into it. It continued for many years without my efforts, but it's almost at the point of closing now. Boredom could be considered a form of burn-out. That's expected of me because it's in my nature to become thoroughly immersed in something, and then after a while, quickly lose interest. It's happened time and time again in my life. So don't be concerned about burning out from time to time. Imo, it's a normal way of things. If you put so much time and energy into something, it's bound to wear you down, and you're almost certain to burn out sooner or later.

My suggestion to you is to recognise that you really like the inner you, which is very real, and also realise that burn out for a time is often part and parcel of total immersion. In other words, accept things as they are, and live to get the most pleasure out of each day. Pleasure may be simply putting your feet up and watching TV, without any concerns for SL, your avatar, your business, or your burn out. If and when the spark for SL suddenly rekindles, enjoy it and make the most of it.

I wish you the very best with this and, more especially, with your illness.

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I agree with everything you've written here except for this...

 


Phil Deakins wrote:

It's not roleplay.


The way I see it, what you've described is indeed roleplay... it just so happens that the role being played by the type of person you describe is a very closely related and enhanced version of who they actually are in RL.

When I first came to SL, Dresden was meant to be a character different from myself.  But, after a while, I realized that character was becoming more and more like me, until I finally just decided to be myself within Dresden's skin, so to speak.  It was only after this that I started having periods of burn out like the OP has described.

What I did to help mitigate that feeling was create new accounts that were different characters which I could play.  But, eventually and invariably, I always start missing being Dresden, because of the close connection I have with him.  So, I'd start using him again with a renewed passion, which would eventually fade once more, at which point, the cycle would start over again.

I believe that it is indeed very natural for SL to start losing some its attraction after being immersed in it for a variable period of time.  When this first started happening to me, I was rather concerned about it... feeling as though I may be losing something which I've cherished for so very long.  But, I've come to realize that SL isn't going anywhere and it's my decision whether or not to make use of it how and when I want, depending on my mood.

Really, the best advice I can think of to give Faye is to stop worrying about it.  Don't delete your account... it's simply unnecessary.  Neither is it necessary to use it as much as you used to, just because it's there.  Use it when you want to, don't when you don't and don't be hard on yourself for doing either one.  It's entirely up to you to set your interaction at a level with which you feel comfortable.  Just do what feels right at the time and don't fret over it.

...Dres

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I too got burned out. I used to have a very successful rental business I ran for about 3 years. Then I had a heart attack and it became increasingly difficult to log on and be faced with problems or people wanting two hour tours and all the other things that come with running a business. I had to bow out for my own health and healing. I did continue with my furniture store that I had for free on a dear friend's sim and still have today, as well as the Market Place. That didn't require constant babysitting. As I got stronger, I started logging in more and because it is my nature, I really concentrated on my furniture store for awhile. I started creating more and doing hunts, reconnecting with all of my friends, made new ones, etc. Seems like I was always busy again. Then a friend dragged me off to another grid with the promise of free land, and once I checked it out, I fell totally in love with having a whole region I didn't have to pay for to create a fantasy land based on a book I wrote and being able to use my avatar to visit other grids. I love hyperjumping to other worlds and exploring. I also love that in that world, the owner became my friend and encourages all of us there to be friends and support each other in our creativity in developing our fantasies on the land he gives us. But I still love SL so I can't ever really leave it. I keep an apartment and still have my store, but most important are all of my dear friends. I have spent a lot of money on my avatar making her far more beautiful than I ever was in RL and I love the fashion and the clothes. I prefer classy, sophisticated attire. She is me or who I want to be, perhaps. 

Since Jan 1 this year, I have been in the hospital 3 times 4-5 days at a time each visit. I had my gallbladder removed 3 weeks ago, day surgery, not because of stones, but because of a disease brought on by stress. One of the stays, they did a hydrascan to look at the gallbladder and discovered I have two small anerisms in my spleen that they have decided to look at again in 6 months to see if they grow. They also discoved a tumor in my spine..about inline with my belly button. I see a neurosurgeon in mid March for that to see what needs to happen. It is ironic that since my heart attack two years ago, I have felt better and felt healthier than I have in years until now. I do have high BP and Diabetes, but they are well controlled. Well the BP is now, after they added 2 more meds. So I can relate to having chronic illness. The most important thing for you is to take care of YOU. You obviously love SL, but maybe like others have said, you should take a break from creating for awhile, and instead, connect with others, make new friends, let them support you and be there for you with all you are going through. I know I certainly need a lot of support right now. I am scared to death and I imagine you are too with your own illness. I hope you can get better and be healthy again or at least manage it enough to feel better than you do now. One thing that is certain, we all need love and the human connection to others that can understand and love us through all of our strengths as well as our shortcomings. But when we are sick, that is when we need it the most.

Best of luck and healing energy to you!

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Dresden wrote:

I agree with everything you've written here except for this...

 

Phil Deakins wrote:

It's not roleplay.


The way I see it, what you've described is indeed roleplay... it just so happens that the role being played by the type of person you describe is a very closely related and enhanced version of who they actually are in RL.

When I first came to SL, Dresden was meant to be a character different from myself.  But, after a while, I realized that character was becoming more and more like me, until I finally just decided to be myself within Dresden's skin, so to speak.  It was only after this that I started having periods of burn out like the OP has described.

What I did to help mitigate that feeling was create new accounts that were different characters which I could play.  But, eventually and invariably, I always start missing being Dresden, because of the close connection I have with him.  So, I'd start using him again with a renewed passion, which would eventually fade once more, at which point, the cycle would start over again.

I believe that it is indeed very natural for SL to start losing some its attraction after being immersed in it for a variable period of time.  When this first started happening to me, I was rather concerned about it... feeling as though I may be losing something which I've cherished for so very long.  But, I've come to realize that SL isn't going anywhere and it's
my
decision whether or not to make use of it how and when I want, depending on my mood.

Really, the best advice I can think of to give Faye is to stop worrying about it.  Don't delete your account... it's simply unnecessary.  Neither is it necessary to use it as much as you used to, just because it's there.  Use it when you want to, don't when you don't and don't be hard on yourself for doing either one.  It's entirely up to you to set your interaction at a level with which you feel comfortable.  Just do what feels right at the time and don't fret over it.

...Dres

Maybe there are fine lines in the way we delineate things.  When I think of role play I think strictly of acting, being someone you absolutely are not.  

Personally I think a fine Pinot Noir would have been a better choice.

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I've never taken long a break from SL in my 9+ years, though there have been periods when I've not logged in so much.

I've had a sort of burn-out when I feel there's nothing new to do, or if there is, it's much the same as what went before.

If you abandon SL, you might come to regret it.  You might get a brief boost to your inner strength from proving to yourself that you're capable of going through with cancelling your account(s) but that would soon wear off and be replaced by a feeling of  'what was I thinking of, how could I have done a thing like that?'.

I have tried on occasions to ration my time in SL and that works well if I keep to it.  That's what I'd recommend.

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Thank you for  taking time to respond.  The day I wrote that I was depressed. I didn't think anyone would pay attention. I'm like you.  I'm 100% into something... It might be years of obsession,  but I'll lose interest.  I was a published romance writer, in paper and ebooks,  for twenty plus years.  Then I got bored,  or burned out or both. I've not written much sense. 

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Thanks.  Funny when I first came to secondlife,  I knew I might need an alternative. No one told Me to  but I created two. Thankfully they don't Have  Resident in their name. Then I let them age out. I have used them from time to time but I molded them after Faye,  all the same.. Look.  Lol but always felt disconnected with them. 

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Thanks for thus thoughtful response.  I really connected with  it.  I have one new friend,  but I'm not good anymore at making friends. Before I became a merchant Ifound friends easier,  but after years of being a merchant and holed up in a Sky box working,  I've changed.  . I  have been really hurt by girlfriends in Second life.  And one partner.  I'm afraid to put myself out there. You gave me a lot to think about. 

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Faye Feldragonne wrote:

Thanks for thus thoughtful response.  I really connected with  it.  I have one new friend,  but I'm not good anymore at making friends. Before I became a merchant Ifound friends easier,  but after years of being a merchant and holed up in a Sky box working,  I've changed.  . I  have been really hurt by girlfriends in Second life.  And one partner.  I'm afraid to put myself out there. You gave me a lot to think about. 

I understand as I tend to get so involved in my own creative process. Fortunately, I do have several friends that insist on chatting with me or spending time doing stuff with them to drag me away. I may sometimes feel a little annoyed because well...I want to finish what I am working on! Hahah! But it always is exactly what I need to make sure my friendships stay strong and remind me of why I fell in love with SL in the first place. I too have had some bad luck with people. It is disappointing to learn someone isn't who you think they are going to be when you start getting to know them. But the same thing can happen in the real world. You just have to pick yourself up, dry the tears and move on and never give up on people. You have to try to trust someone enough to form a friendship and hope it works out and if it does, you may have one of the most amazing friends you otherwise would have never known. That is worth the risk, that is worth everything! Communication through the written word can be so difficult for some of us. I certainly have had my own difficulties with it and have been misunderstood. But you have to try and do the best you can in SL and hopefully the person you are trying to be friends with gets you and understands and they turn out to be a wonderful person. As hard as it may be, I really hope that you can make some friends that are truly there for you and loyal and trustworthy. You just have to be willling to take the risk. There are good women and good men in SL. I know because some of them are MY friends. You will find them. I am sure of it!

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I don't see anything wrong with seeing your avatar as an extension of yourself because it is a vehicle of your self-expression and you "invest your consciousness in the toy" as Will Wright, inventor of the Sims, explained it. If someone suddenly burned down your house or threw away all the papers and knicknacks on your desk, even, you would feel sad and angry. Why is an avatar different?

 

So I think you should keep your avatar, but like a computer can be put on "sleep" or "hibernation" just give it a rest. For that you might have to put a lot of your goods on the Marketplace to sell, and downsize your store so you have only the premium fee or perhaps $15 or $25 a month at worst. You could rent from a high-traffic mall which will still be less than tier if you shop around.

The people at Alchemy Immortalis are the model for this. Due to RL illness and RL work, they left a tiny old-fashioned store inworld. They put everything on the MP. Then periodically, they come out with a real gangbusters special item even limited and sell that, from the store and from blogs. 

You could do something like that. There is no need to delete your avatar.

When I had family illness and my own illness to address for over a year, I could only log in literally 15 minutes some days to take care of customers. I had to sell land or even abandon it, not respond to requests, and I stopped making things of course (I'm only an amateur puttering around but it would still give me joy to make some little thing and sell it). I missed a lot of the gatcha explosion of the early days.

Then I had the war in Ukraine -- so it stretched to two years. Finally I was able to come back invest in mesh content, add some properties, and even make some things again. With gatchas, I try to sell more than I pull -- try to do that and once you see it's impossible, you will go to gatchas less LOL.

Two things to do -- keep a record of all purchases and see if your sales are really covering them. Keep a record of time in SL -- there are various online trackers you can buy and you will be surprised at the results they show either how little or how much time and what days you might spend more time.

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Oh! I have been feeling like that for years. When I started playing in 2006 everything was a huge adventure. SL made my rl changed! (including country!). I cannot say enough how much I love(d) sl and how many changes it brought to my rl.

It's been a few years that my sl got boring and lonely. I do not know how to explain this. I lived so many different lives and met so many people...the first three  years were AWESOME!.

After my third year things slowly changed (as they should). I remember people saying that SL was going to die because LL closed all the casinos and banks (lol) but people seriously believed that it was the end!

All this brings a smile to my face because at the end...well...we are still here, however...the last couple of years have been really awfully boring and lonely to me. I go to clubs and try meeting people, only to be surrounded by thousands of bots everywhere (I dont even mind alts as i did before!), also, since the wonderful mesh arrived, SL has become more commercially oriented and there is less social interaction...what can I say.

There was a time when I used to add two or three ppl a night to my friends list...today I can go months without meeting someone real to chat or role play. I do not blame SL...maybe is me...and my SL...I really dont know. SL has a warm place in my heart...and I am still here...even though I dont enjoy it nearly as much as I used to.

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