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Doombot14

I thought sl was so much more....

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When I started second life I never imagined the journey I would take part in. I never imagined how much heartbreak I would endure either. I Have Autism, and skitzophrenia. For me living in real life can be very hard, and be almost impossible to communicate to people in real life. Making friends, and communicating in second life was a lot of fun. I learned alot, and made a lot of friends. It was hard, but I made some good ones. I never imagined going into second life that I would find a girlfriend, or fall in love. My first relationship was in sl first and developed sort of into a real life one to. We played online games together, and even talked about getting together in real life to. After a year though things strained. It was hard for her to get through to me sometimes, and things eventually fell apart. Luckily though we became good friends, and are friends to this day. A year ago I left second life, because I was cheated on by somebody that I thought was faithful to me.

somebody that told me they would share their real life with me, but ripped my heart to pieces. I've brought some friends to second life from my real life, and the same thing happened to them. I closed off second life, and my heart for a year. I recently came back to second life, and reluctantly met somebody who told me they would share their real life and second life with me. I should have known better. I've given advice to friends to  keep your heart closed off while in second life. But even against my better judgement, I opened my heart up for the first time in a year.  second life isn't just a game to me, it's this incredible place where I can actually open up and be myself. It saddens me how people are. I know this is the Internet, and many people keep things separate from their real life. I guess I am just an alien visiting. I am not here to complain or ask for sympathy. I just wanted to share my experience with Love and relationships before I completely delete my account. I hope that I can help someone know to keep their heart closed, and don't open in in second life.

I've seen and done things there that have made me happier then i will ever be in real life. Explore, shop, and have fun. You will experience an incredible time in second life, because I have to. Take care community.

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Second Life is more than just a place to hook up and have a girlfriend or boyfriend. The people that come here only for that will most likely leave disappointed. It hurts when you have real feelings that are not returned. The best advice I can give is to find a reason to be here beyond a relationship. Slow down and enjoy the time you have here. If your happiness depends on someone else, you will always be let down. Learn a new skill like building or scripting, try finding a job like hosting or DJing, check out art exhibits or learn SL photography. Just stop expecting someone else to complete your life. If you can't find fun by yourself, maybe logging out and finding your fun in real life is just what you need. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide is next.

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Hugs sorry to hear about your heart being broken. Recently my sl partner of over 3 years, broke up with me. I thaught my sl life was over. But, I have discovered it has just began a new sl life. There are new friends and new adventures to be made. Now you can move on to better things. If you need to talk to someone in world, I am a good listner and can share expieriences. Feel free to IM me.

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Thank you greatly for responding all. I am greatful for your kind words. I know that there is so much adventure in second life, and I have seen much of it. I've created textures for mesh, made tattoos, been a dj, hosted, modeled, explored. I have done many things, and have made some friends in second Life that have joined me in real life also.
I may rejoin the grid in the future, I think maybe it will be good to spend some time in the real world and focus on closing off my heart again. Maybe I will return to make new adventures in the future, and I am pretty excited for sansar. But for now, I just need time to heal, thanks again. Doom

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Second Life (The Metaverse) isn't the issue-- it is relationships in general whether in the physical world or the virtual world... meaning there is a plurality between the two--you are joined to both-- merely  leaving here (if you really can stay away longer term which is doubtful) you will not escape your feelings or experiences.. in fact the physical world is more constraining in many ways-

I am sorry you were hurt-- I have been in the metaverse 9 years-- I was married for 4 plus years-- hard ending-- took a year to recoup-- wander aimlessly-- made it through... I am remarried almost 3 years now and am happier than I have ever been-

It was tough-- losing my first deep love here-- very tough.. but you know what.... as I tried to shut my self off from the virtual world-- I became even more unhappy.... 

You will get through this-- go out and see people in both dimensions... keep a balance,,, and don't guard your heart-- be open for love... just keep a throttle on your feelings and level of commitment-- a good rule of thumb is engagement for a year before marriage.. just be smart and sensibles-- rely on friends- if you don't have close friends-- migrate to groups...

Best of luck 

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UVB,

I like how you said ".... as I tried to shut my self off from the virtual world-- I became even more unhappy.... "

 

I struggle with depression myself, often isolating myself when I feel more depressed. Sometimes I'll go into SL because it distracts me from RL worries, but when I'm really depressed I stay out of SL, because it's not fun then either. Then I find I'm missing the joys I have in SL - especially creation, exploration and friendships.  These are real friends, even if I only know them through the virtual world, so I need this human contact with them.

Generally, I couple days away from SL makes me feel better, but if I'm away for a week or so, I get more depressed.

 

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I've been in SL for about six years, One thing I have found about being in SL is that I seems to feel a bit depressed when I get this feeling like " Ok Now what? " Where I've done this or that tried it learned it so now where is the challenge. I keep having to challenge myself, to do more be more. SL in total has caused me to not just challenge myself in the virtual world but in RL as well, And when I do that my anxiety and depression begin to go into the background and my new goals become my focus. keeping me from becoming depressed or anxious. Many people call SL a game, well if its a game then you create your own level ups, achievement goals, you concur your own BIG bosses. SL IS A LOT  more, you just have to make it more. 

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So many people....ESPECIALLY the BDSM community....come into SL thinking they are going to find a RL love.

Put that out of your mind before you ever leave the starting gate!

The ODDS of finding RL love in SL...slim to none and there are LOTS of CREEPS looking to prey on others for JUST SEX or MONEY. I mean CREEPY PEOPLE.

It is really SAD LIFE, not SECOND LIFE.

Expect to find and make friends from all over the world, even have romantic and sexual escopades with them. THE FEELINGS can be very, very real. KEEP them in SL only.

SL is a place where you are basically Roleplaying yourself or a facet of your personality.

You are NOT beautiful..perfect etc. like your avi is. And people fall in love with the barbie and ken avis...NOT the person...not at least till they have known them a looooong time...years.

Do yourself a favor...keep RL and SL seperate...if you are still seeing that person 4 times a week a year later..THEN perhaps take it to RL...but most are just looking for a cheap sexual thrill and that's it.

THERE are MANY things to do in SL besides pursue a RL love...MANY things...you only have to look.

If you are looking for RL...try dating websites and your RL local hang outs, Second Life is NOT the solution to finding love.

And if you have severe mental illness that is not in check with medication, a weekly therapist with who you are sharing your SL adventures with....SL can cause A LOT of harm. I know two people...young adults, who have attempted suicide over broken SL hearts.

Try just being yourself, build, create, dance, explore, game...and keep RL and SL seperate UNLESS like I said above..you have been with that person for year+ at least 4-5 times a week.  DO NOT start sharing you RL story with ANYONE in great detail till you have known them for many many months. Be smart. Would you walk up to a stranger on a RL street and say..Hi..lets go poseball back at your place and by the way here's my life story and SS number? No. So don't do it in SL either. And you CAN still have fun and make friends!

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Real life hurts too but you got to take risks and suffer pains sometimes to get to the good stuff and appreciate it. You try to take the hard stuff and let it strenghten you. Sl is likely no different than rl when it comes to the experiences and relationships you can have but it just has more opportunities to experience them and at a faster rate. It's like simulated lessons you can apply to the real world.

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