Help! I was Unfriended x5

[Keli Kyrie]

 

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Veralis Basevi wrote:

Nice one !! i always broke it down to 1 month in SL is comparable to 6 months in RL especially if you spend 99% of your time with 1 person.....

Anyways it happens all the time i clean my list every 90 days and the people that get deleted want added back they just do it lol.

Never take it personal just im them if you want and ask,maybe im's got lost or you were gone for a lil bit things happen

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You make it sound so simple and I guess it is. It is very interesting to see the different points of view on this. In RL I have friends that live in different parts of the country so we don't talk that often but we are still friends. Just because I have not talked to them in 2 months doesn't make them want to dump me as a friend so I guess I feel things should be the same in Second Life. Maybe I will have to just have to get a drink, find a comfortable place to sit and settle in for a long night of IMing.

[Quinn Morani]

 

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

Yes she is 8pm, she IMed me this morning.

If I remember what I saw on the sign at the hangout last night The St. Patty's Day party starts at 6pm.

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/me busily scribbles in both events for her calendar on Thursday night. Maybe I'll even be able to drag Zeke along to the hangout, if not to hear Lillie sing since that may be too late for him given how early we have to get up the next morning.

And Keli, I was so busy seizing the opportunity to be excited that you're finally back in-world so that I can friend you, that I neglected to offer any advice on your original question.

In my opinion, if the friendships meant anything to you, as others have already said it's worth the effort to give them the benefit of the doubt, even at risk that their response may not be what you want to hear. I'd just send a polite, non-confrontational, drama-free IM letting them know why you were gone and that you had no way to reach them to let them know, but that you're back now and would love to re-connect if they're willing. If they don't take you up on it, let it go.

Quite honestly if I were in your shoes, there are some people on my friend list whom I'd make that small effort with, and some whom I might not. In fact I have noticed a couple of names go missing on my friend list, but they aren't people I ever spent much time communicating with, so I didn't inquire.

[Peewee Musytari]

 

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

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Peewee Musytari wrote:

Are you sure they are all gone? I don`t know how long your list is, but I thought I had lost a friend the other week as she was always obvious up in the B`s, it turned out she had a new display name and had got refiled down in the R`s where it took a lot of scrolling to find her LOL

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I'll tell you a secret but don't tell anyone else... okay?

Are you sure? Good, don't tell. I don't want this to get around or people will find a way to abuse it. With Viewer 2 if someone unfriends you their calling card ends up in your trash. If there is some problem with SL that night they just don't show up anywhere. :smileysurprised:

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If the "system" touches my collection of calling cards it will be getting a sharp rap on the knuckles with a ruler!!

Send friend invites to all 5 of them with no IM and if they accept, defriend them back!! LOL

[Venus Petrov]

 

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

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You make it sound so simple and I guess it is. It is very interesting to see the different points of view on this. In RL I have friends that live in different parts of the country so we don't talk that often but we are still friends. Just because I have not talked to them in 2 months doesn't make them want to dump me as a friend so I guess I feel things should be the same in Second Life. Maybe I will have to just have to get a drink, find a comfortable place to sit and settle in for a long night of IMing.

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Look at it this way, Keli.  You could not be found in search.  For all intents and purposes, perhaps some of those friends thought that you had decided to cancel your account and leave SL without a word to them.  Your name would still appear on their friends list, however, until they removed you.  Perhaps since you have returned, you have not talked to any of them.  They suddenly see you appear as online after weeks and no peep from you.

Maybe they were being shy in not speaking up.   Life is too short to worry and wonder.

[Keli Kyrie]

 

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Venus Petrov wrote:

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

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You make it sound so simple and I guess it is. It is very interesting to see the different points of view on this. In RL I have friends that live in different parts of the country so we don't talk that often but we are still friends. Just because I have not talked to them in 2 months doesn't make them want to dump me as a friend so I guess I feel things should be the same in Second Life. Maybe I will have to just have to get a drink, find a comfortable place to sit and settle in for a long night of IMing.

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Look at it this way, Keli.  You could not be found in search.  For all intents and purposes, perhaps some of those friends thought that you had decided to cancel your account and leave SL without a word to them.  Your name would still appear on their friends list, however, until they removed you.  Perhaps since you have returned, you have not talked to any of them.  They suddenly see you appear as online after weeks and no peep from you.

Maybe they were being shy in not speaking up.   Life is too short to worry and wonder.

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Hi Venus,

I went In-World for the first time last night after a two month absence. They had deleted me before I got there. It has been less then 24 hours since I got back In-World so hopefully no one feels like I have not peeped up to them yet. I'll just have to do some more peeping tonight.

 

[Cali Souther]

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Sylvia Tamalyn wrote:

Is it possible that they sent  you IMs while you were gone, got no reply, and thought you had left for good without telling them?

If it was me, and I still wanted to be friends, I'd IM them and explain what happened, and see how they respond.

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I agree.   I'm one of those people who clean up their friend's list often.  I don't do it because I don't want to be friends...  I just like to keep it compact - people I talk to on a simi regular basis.    I've been out sick for 2 weeks plus, so hopefully I still have a friend or two when I get back !!  

I say,  if you want to be friends - IM them and let them know you are back and would still like to hang out sometime!!

 

[Argus Collingwood]

 

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

I had not been "In-World" for 2 months when I logged in last night and when I did to my surprise I had been unfriended...

BY FIVE PEOPLE!

The 5 people were all SL friends so we had no contact outside of Second Life. One was a long time friend. Meeting her was the most helpful thing that has happened to me in SL. She showed me where to get freebees and how to get started. Sure we didn't hang out everyday anymore but we would still meet up for a girl's night out once in while. Another I would hang out with 3 or 4 times a week and we would go dancing. So I think you are getting the point here. They most likely had no idea what had happened to me, but to cross me off their list?!? I have friends from college and sometimes we go years without talking but when we do we take off from where we left off. They don't unfriend me because I was gone for a little while.

What do you think?

Should I IM them and try to become friends again or should I just let them go?

What would you do?

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how strange and un-friendly of them. I would compose a notecard and give it to all of them, explaining that you had some issues and are now back.:smileysurprised:

 

[Darren Scorpio]

They way I handle the list is this: I never ask for anyone's friendship, if someone wants to add me to their list I won't decline, this way I don't feel like I have any sort of commitment to that person to talk to them often and when they delete me because "I didn't speak" with them I can just laugh at them. I don't decline requests because I find it rude. I never delete anyone because I need to "clean" my list, as far as I know there is no limit on the friend list so there is no need to "clean" it. I do however delete those who hide themselves as offline because my point of view is that if you want to hide in a cave why the hell did you bother to ask for friendship. Also I delete anyone who changes their display name to anything annoying and with ASCII symbols, the people who do that are not the type of people I would like to associate with anyhow. 

[Keli Kyrie]

@ Cali IMing will take some courage. What if they were just looking for a reason and took this opportunity to do it? :smileysurprised:

@ Argus Hi Argus I was very happy to see that you kept me on your list.

One note card for all five? I am not sure how I feel about that. A note card would be easier for sure but if I was going to take that road I would consider making a personalized one for each friend.

@ Darren Really? Wow. I am not one to tell someone how to make or keep their friends so I'll just say it is not nice to laugh at anyone you have on your list. Well... unless the do something really funny... then it is okay.

 

[Venus Petrov]

@Keli, I mentioned that your friends might be shy (you would know better than I!).  Are you suggesting that you are more shy than they are? 

[Finora Kuncoro]

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 So you think I should IM them. /me thinks:

"Be brave Keli be brave."

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*Hugs*  Yes be brave poppet.  If they act all scrungy to you then it is their loss

[Maryanne Solo]

Wow Keli I would say don't worry about it too much. We aren't even on eachothers lists are we? But you know that at the drop of a hat we can party/chat/explore and have a darn good time. I never thought it necessary to "friend" you because we are already friends and that wont change because of anything.

That would be my definition of a friend. Someone who isn't on your list, but you just know you can party with at any time.  Sure your name is easier to search than mine but I know where to find you  8^)

[Keli Kyrie]

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Venus Petrov wrote:

@Keli, I mentioned that your friends might be shy (you would know better than I!).  Are you suggesting that you are more shy than they are? 

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Me shy? That would be a hard sell wouldn't it? But, but, but... I feel so shy on the inside. :smileysurprised:

[Keli Kyrie]

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Finora Kuncoro wrote:

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 So you think I should IM them. /me thinks:

"Be brave Keli be brave."

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*Hugs*  Yes be brave poppet.  If they act all scrungy to you then it is their loss

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Big big hugs back.

[Keli Kyrie]

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Maryanne Solo wrote:

Wow Keli I would say don't worry about it too much. We aren't even on eachothers lists are we? But you know that at the drop of a hat we can party/chat/explore and have a darn good time. I never thought it necessary to "friend" you because we are already friends and that wont change because of anything.

That would be my definition of a friend. Someone who isn't on your list, but you just know you can party with at any time.  Sure your name is easier to search than mine but I know where to find you  8^)

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You are so right I have always known we were friends. I never thought about the fact that you were not on my list. You didn't need to be on my list we always hung out in the same places.

BTW I thought I would show the reason I am hiding in the vase. It's because of your driving. :smileyvery-happy:

[Eve1209 Quintessa]

Hi there - I just wanted to add a few things about the friend's list and the buttons to show/hide yourself.  In regard to the list, I kind of think of it like my cell phone address book.  I keep the names of the people I need or want to communicate with frequently there.  Just because I take someone out of my cell phone doesn't mean I don't want to be their friend anymore.  They might still be in my big address book at home (which is like our calling cards in sl) or I can always look them up in the phone book or on the internet (like our search in world).  I don't keep my cell phone filled with numbers of people I rarely speak to, just the ones I know I'll need regularly.

As far as the show/hide of your online status, there are alot of reasons why people might want to to hide their status.  For a creator like myself, it's so annoying when you're getting IM after IM when you're trying to build something or work on a project.  Sure there's busy mode, but there are people who don't even let that deter them. They continue to send IM after IM until you reply.  Secondly, I'm sure everyone has had the kind of friend at one time or another who "pounce" on you the second you sign in.  For me, I need to go through my messages and notices.  I need to see if a customer has contacted me, or there's something I need to deal with right away.  I belong to alot of groups that send out alot of messages that are very important and informative, and I like to read through them all, otherwise I just won't get to it.  I can multi-task pretty well, but trying to read and send notecards out at the same time someone is having a conversation with you (especially one that could've waited a few minutes) isn't easy and frankly it gets me stressed out.  Third, and most important, I want time to say hello to my guy, see how he is, see what's going on with our business.  There are alot of people who just don't understand that, even after you've asked them to please give you a few minutes after logging in time and time again.  So, I uncheck  the box that shows me online, and when I'm ready for conversations I'll turn it back on.  After all that box is there for reason. 

I know people can still see if you're online in other ways, but this has worked for me.  It's my SL too, and I value my time there. When I'm constantly barraged with IM's from people who who really don't seem to care about me at all, only caring about themselves, I don't feel bad for doing something to take care of myself from time to time, and allow me to enjoy my time in world.  Anyway, just my two cents worth