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Help! I was Unfriended x5

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I had not been "In-World" for 2 months when I logged in last night and when I did to my surprise I had been unfriended... BY FIVE PEOPLE! The 5 people were all SL friends so we had no contact outside of Second Life. One was a long time friend. Meeting her was the most helpful thing that has happened to me in SL. She showed me where to get freebees and how to get started. Sure we didn't hang out everyday anymore but we would still meet up for a girl's night out once in while. Another I would hang out with 3 or 4 times a week and we would go dancing. So I think you are getting the point here. They most likely had no idea what had happened to me, but to cross me off their list?!? I have friends from college and sometimes we go years without talking but when we do we take off from where we left off. They don't unfriend me because I was gone for a little while.

What do you think? Should I IM them and try to become friends again or should I just let them go?

What would you do?

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Is it possible that they sent  you IMs while you were gone, got no reply, and thought you had left for good without telling them?

If it was me, and I still wanted to be friends, I'd IM them and explain what happened, and see how they respond.

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I will fill one of those 5 newly empty slots for you! I've been planning to send you a friend request but was just waiting for word that you had actually finally made it back in-world. Now that you are, I'll get right on it tonight!

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

What do you think?
Should I IM them and try to become friends again or should I just let them go?

What would you do?

Hi Keli! It has happened to me too. Some I just let go, but regarding 2 or 3 people I really cared about I did IM them to know why and if I went wrong with them. One reply was "because my friendlist is too long", lol. The two others (who were DJs when I owned a club sadly dead today), although being friends before they played at my club, simply were not interested in me anymore since the club had gone. :smileysad:

If you care about these people, if I was you, I would certainly ask at the risk of an unpleasant answer...

(Edited for typo)

 

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Sylvia Tamalyn wrote:

Is it possible that they sent  you IMs while you were gone, got no reply, and thought you had left for good without telling them?

If it was me, and I still wanted to be friends, I'd IM them and explain what happened, and see how they respond.

 

I talked to one friend last night (that did not unfriend me :)  ) and she said she sent me lots of IMs worried about where I was and I didn't get any of them. As a matter of fact I had no IMs when I logged in but I know I got some because some of them went to email, but not all. :(

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I would send an IM and just ask. Sometimes people have a "clear out" of friends they didnt speak to for a while. I wouldnt take it personally though.

Gluck!

 

Cait

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Keli, it has been my experience that everything in SL moves quicker than RL.  It is the standing joke that the average partnership in SL lasts 1 month or something like that (I've never partnered so bear with me here as I have no information to work from)....

I've also observed that 20 something people (from my semi lofty vantage point of being in my 5th decade), tend to want to do everything in a hurry too.  (Forgive my assumption if you are not in that age group).

 

So you add the two together and you find some people will unfriend within a matter of weeks.  In addition I've generally found that people I friend who are gone for more than 3 months (especially new people) tend to almost never come back to SL.  Perhaps your "friends" are simply assuming you conform to the norm ?

I'd IM the ones you want to stay friends with and see how they respond.

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

Sylvia Tamalyn wrote:

Is it possible that they sent  you IMs while you were gone, got no reply, and thought you had left for good without telling them?

If it was me, and I still wanted to be friends, I'd IM them and explain what happened, and see how they respond.

 

I talked to one friend last night (that did not unfriend me
:)
 ) and she said she sent me lots of IMs worried about where I was and I didn't get any of them. As a matter of fact I had no IMs when I logged in but I know I got some because some of them went to email, but not all.
:(

I would definitely give them the benefit of the doubt then, and figure that maybe they thought *you* did not want to be friends anymore! :smileysurprised:

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A: I agree with Sylvia; if you want to stay friends IM them. They very likely assumed you were gone because of unanswered IM's to you.

B: I IM'd Rondo last night because I was guessing you'd been given a month extra inworld hold and it had been about a month since you were allowed back to the Forum. I logged out like TEN MINUTES before you got inworld! I'd actually planned to get back on but I got totally RL'd and never even got back to my computer. Welcome back :smileyvery-happy:

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Quinn Morani wrote:

I will fill one of those 5 newly empty slots for you! I've been planning to send you a friend request but was just waiting for word that you had actually finally made it back in-world. Now that you are, I'll get right on it tonight!

 

I accept! :)

Are you going to be a backup dancer again this Thursday? If so your first duty as a new friend will be to send me a LM or a TP. :)

I tried to find it last night but it did not come up in search. :(

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Dillon Levenque wrote:

A: I agree with Sylvia; if you want to stay friends IM them. They very likely assumed you were gone because of unanswered IM's to you.

B: I IM'd Rondo last night because I was guessing you'd been given a month extra inworld ban and it had been about a month since you were allowed back to the Forum. I logged out like TEN MINUTES before you got inworld! I'd actually planned to get back on but I got totally RL'd and never even got back to my computer. Welcome back :smileyvery-happy:

 

I am sorry I missed you. :(

According to Torley we don't call it a ban we call it a hold. I guess when LL uses the word ban it means forever. :(

I also noticed you are not on my friends list?!? (That is because you were on Keli I's list and not mine) I will fix this tonight if you like. ;)

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Is Lillie performing again on Thursday? If so, I'll definitely have to put in an appearance as a backup dancer. Thursday is also the FC Hangout St. Patty's Day party where Mags is DJing, so I'm planning to stop by there as well. Either way I'll send you LMs and TPs galore. :)

I won't be able to stay out too late though. I have an extremely early flight to catch the next morning.

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

 

According to Torley we don't call it a ban we call it a hold. I guess when LL uses the word ban it means forever.
:(

I also noticed you are not on my friends list?!? (That is because you were on Keli I's list and not mine) I will fix this tonight if you like.
;)

Ban? Where did I say ban?:smileywink:

And Keli Kyrie is on my friend's list, so chalk it up to the vagaries of SL. I've had issues sometimes with V2 friending, since I use Phoenix.

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SL "friends" are just really acquaintances no matter how much others tend to believe otherwise. If they deleted you, then they did not value your friendship enough to wait. Don't worry you will meet new people. 

 

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Nice one !! i always broke it down to 1 month in SL is comparable to 6 months in RL especially if you spend 99% of your time with 1 person.....

Anyways it happens all the time i clean my list every 90 days and the people that get deleted want added back they just do it lol.

Never take it personal just im them if you want and ask,maybe im's got lost or you were gone for a lil bit things happen :D

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Are you sure they are all gone? I don`t know how long your list is, but I thought I had lost a friend the other week as she was always obvious up in the B`s, it turned out she had a new display name and had got refiled down in the R`s where it took a lot of scrolling to find her LOL :D

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valerie Inshan wrote:

 

Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

What do you think?
Should I IM them and try to become friends again or should I just let them go?

What would you do?

Hi Keli! It has happened to me too. Some I just let go, but regarding 2 or 3 people I really cared about I did IM them to know why and if I went wrong with them. One reply was "because my friendlist is too long", lol. The two others (who were DJs when I owned a club sadly dead today), although being friends before they played at my club, simply were not interested in me anymore since the club had gone. :smileysad:

If you care about these people, if I was you, I would certainly ask at the risk of an unpleasant answer...

 

 

Your answer makes me nervous because of that "unpleasant answer" thing. What if I work up the courage to IM these people again, pour my heart out to them and then find out they want nothing to do with me. :(

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Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

Your answer makes me nervous because of that
"unpleasant answer"
thing. What if I work up the courage to IM these people again, pour my heart out to them and then find out they want nothing to do with me.
:(

Your case is different from mine Keli. They did not unfriend while I was away for a long time as you were. Maybe your friends just thought you were gone for good and will be more than happy to receive your IM! This is really what I wish you!:smileyhappy:

 

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Peewee Musytari wrote:

Are you sure they are all gone? I don`t know how long your list is, but I thought I had lost a friend the other week as she was always obvious up in the B`s, it turned out she had a new display name and had got refiled down in the R`s where it took a lot of scrolling to find her LOL
:D

 

I'll tell you a secret but don't tell anyone else... okay?

Are you sure? Good, don't tell. I don't want this to get around or people will find a way to abuse it. With Viewer 2 if someone unfriends you their calling card ends up in your trash. If there is some problem with SL that night they just don't show up anywhere. :smileysurprised:

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Your answer makes me nervous because of that
"unpleasant answer"
thing. What if I work up the courage to IM these people again, pour my heart out to them and then find out they want nothing to do with me.
:(

Then it will hurt a little more. But that's the choice we all have to make: try, or let it go and move on. Given the fact there's at least a plausible reason-- your unexplained absence--I would be inclined to try were I in your position. Don't know if I'd pour my heart out; I'd probably just explain that I'd been on hold and unable to reply to IM's for two months and would like to be friends again.

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Finora Kuncoro wrote:

Keli, it has been my experience that everything in SL moves quicker than RL.  It is the standing joke that the average partnership in SL lasts 1 month or something like that (I've never partnered so bear with me here as I have no information to work from)....

I've also observed that 20 something people (from my semi lofty vantage point of being in my 5th decade), tend to want to do everything in a hurry too.  (Forgive my assumption if you are not in that age group).

 

So you add the two together and you find some people will unfriend within a matter of weeks.  In addition I've generally found that people I friend who are gone for more than 3 months (especially new people) tend to almost never come back to SL.  Perhaps your "friends" are simply assuming you conform to the norm ?

I'd IM the ones you want to stay friends with and see how they respond.

 

20 something? I LOVE YOU! This is better than getting asked to show your ID when you buy um... Drinks for St. Patrick's Day! :smileysurprised:

Conform to the norm? But if they really knew me in the first place they would know I am not normal. :smileytongue:

So you think I should IM them. /me thinks: "Be brave Keli be brave."

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Dillon Levenque wrote:


 

Your answer makes me nervous because of that
"unpleasant answer"
thing. What if I work up the courage to IM these people again, pour my heart out to them and then find out they want nothing to do with me.
:(

Then it will hurt a little more. But that's the choice we all have to make: try, or let it go and move on. Given the fact there's at least a plausible reason-- your unexplained absence--I would be inclined to try were I in your position. Don't know if I'd pour my heart out; I'd probably just explain that I'd been on hold and unable to reply to IM's for two months and would like to be friends again.

 

You are wonderful Dillon! You are so level headed and fair. You have a way of explaining things that makes sense out of complex situations. :smileyhappy:

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Caitlyn Gothly wrote:

I would send an IM and just ask. Sometimes people have a "clear out" of friends they didnt speak to for a while. I wouldnt take it personally though.

Gluck!

 

Cait

 

I guess you could be right. There are people that like their world to be neat and organized and would likely go around cleaning up things like their friends list. Why they would want to be friends with me I have no idea you should see my inventory, stuff just thrown all over the place. :smileysurprised:

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Quinn Morani wrote:

Is Lillie performing again on Thursday? If so, I'll definitely have to put in an appearance as a backup dancer. Thursday is also the FC Hangout St. Patty's Day party where Mags is DJing, so I'm planning to stop by there as well. Either way I'll send you LMs and TPs galore.
:)

I won't be able to stay out too late though. I have an extremely early flight to catch the next morning.

 

Yes she is 8pm, she IMed me this morning. :)

If I remember what I saw on the sign at the hangout last night The St. Patty's Day party starts at 6pm.

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Darren Scorpio wrote:

SL "friends" are just really acquaintances no matter how much others tend to believe otherwise. If they deleted you, then they did not value your friendship enough to wait. Don't worry you will meet new people. 

 

 

So wise for such a young looking Avatar. Thank you. :)

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