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Paulcasual

a few things bothering me...

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just a few things on my mind.

first up character gender...

I avoid giving out any RL details or have discussions about RL and I have never been directly asked or claimed to be my in-game gender but people automatically seem to go there are assume I am the same gender as my avatar.

I was wondering if I ignore it or just don't correct them is it bad / a lie? and is RL gender important ? (assuming I don't wish to divulge any RL details?)

second friends .. I have met some really nice people, qwerky niceish people that were into "odd" things and then just some bad Id rather avoid.

My first week here I admit to being bad. going to places doing things I maybe shouldn't have (^_^) (nothing too bad) but everything was new and I was just messing around. I didn't think I would enjoy or plan to stick around as long as I have so maybe added a couple of undesirables along the way.

undesirables that I wouldn't want my regular friends know I had had hung out with.

Then some that seemed nice to start with but now come across as more of a hassle, want to be more than friends which I was not interested in.

Then a few others that feel like they are trying to change my avatar from what I currently have and like into something that they think is "acceptable". "you should use this mesh-body" "you need this skin" "you are too small" "you need a better shape..." "mesh clothing" etc... I know they may be trying to help but feels like they are trying to spend my $ for me.

overall I actually ended up enjoying SL a lot more than I thought I would but not for the reasons joined, a lot of what I mention despite spending a few thousand $ leaves me feeling like I just want to start over fresh and do better with the knowledge I have this time around... a 3rd life?

should I start over? curious to see peoples thoughts :)

thanks

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it is YOUR second life, you can do what and when and with who you want.

You are no friends the minute you'r on eachothers friendslists, friends grow in time, some are around you for a week, some a month and few for longer, the ones who become real friends don't need to be on the list, you will remember them anyway.

People who want to change you ... well... wave and say goodbye if it bothers you, but sometimes they can be right, it's worth to listen a bit :) but the one who decides is you.

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I agree some are probably genuinly trying to help me but one of the main things people were trying to change was my shape, I am happy with it currently and don't want to be this unrealistic wall of mussicle I see almost everyone else walking around with. (a few were trying to change me into :)

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Paulcasual wrote:

just a few things on my mind.

 

first up character gender...

 

I avoid giving out any RL details or have discussions about RL and I have never been directly asked or claimed to be my in-game gender but people automatically seem to go there are assume I am the same gender as my avatar.

 

I was wondering if I ignore it or just don't correct them is it bad / a lie? and is RL gender important ? (assuming I don't wish to divulge any RL details?)

Do what you prefer to do. Many people (just like you) chose to keep SL seperate from their real life and therefore do not question the gender of someone and just take others the way they chose to represent themself in the virtual world. Most people are aware that there are many others who chose to not have an avatar matching their real gender or apperance in general.

 

 

 

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First:  You are not obligated to give out any RL info.  Revealing RL gender to someone is only necessary if you get into an intimate committed relationship of the non-roleplay variety IMO.  If someone presses you and you refuse and they get upset it is their problem not yours.  Of course they then have a right not to associate with you any longer too.  So don't get upset if the the friendship 'cools' or they drop you as a friend.

Second:  Anyone insists that you do something you don't want to do and won't take no for an answer isn't a friend.  Drop them from your friends list and block them.  If someone offers you advice and you don't act on it, as long as they are cool with that, it's a different story. 

Appearance is a personal matter and you should never change your's to something that you aren't comfortable with just to satisfy someone else.  They may just be trying to be helpful.  You shouldn't automatically construe their help as an attempt to force you to spend money, that's pretty cynical because I don't think most people offer suggestions for that reason.  Why would they unless they are trying to sell you something?  

On the other hand, you may want to consider some suggestions if you trust the persons judgement. If you can't afford it, say so.  You might also consider getting a demo of what they suggest and try it and if you don't like don't buy it.  You may end up liking what they suggest though, once you demo it.

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I agree with what others here have said. You only have to do what you want to do. Nothing wrong with exploring either. Nice thing about SL, you can explore things you couldn't in RL without having to worry about what the neighbors think.

As for your shape, the ONLY advice I ever give a male is if you have one of the older shapes that are what I call the Ice cream cone wiith the cherry on top, you might want to make a few adjustments, mainly make the hips a big broader and the head a bit bigger, just for proportion's sake. Other than that, look how you want to.

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Worried about RL gender?  I gave up even wondering long ago.  When you have long, serious political debates with a toaster, does it matter if that toaster is not a toaster in real life?

 

Yeah.  Real Life is over rated.  I have had some friends try to later tell me they were a different sex in RL.  Nope; too late.  You're a woman now.  If you didn't want me to treat you like a woman you shouldn't have acted like a woman. 

 

But I may be a bit hypocritical considering my 1st 2nd life ... I was born into SL as a man. Met some people, made some L$ doing scripting and even had a wife for a few months (a long time in SL years) until she came out to me. This was all YEARS ago.  I told her I didn't care but she couldn't handle the situation and we split.  She never knew my RL gender and even now I still call her "she" even tho she was operated by some guy in Boston.

 

2nd 2nd Life ... My 1st female avatar. Made some friends, made some friends with benefits, found someone special in RL that joined me in SL.  And then ... OMG the things my "friends" told her.  Drama drama drama.  I was not going to break up with my girl and I didn't want to play around with other people.  I told them I did not like the way they were treating my girl and we left together to restart together.

 

3rd 2nd life and the last I will ever have.  Rhonda and Clover created new accounts together, found friends together and as a far as everyone else was concerned we have always been together.

 

Sometimes you have to change.  I still wonder about my first wife and what she is doing now. Should I have come out to her and told her my RL gender?  It does not matter any more in any case.  Rhonda is true to herself and knows where she stands with her friends and her enemy.  If you are counting the pros and cons, don't let a little thing like money influence your decision.  The only things real here are feelings and people.  Tell those "bad people" you are not comfortable with that behavior any more and move on.  Keep the people close to you that help you make good decisions and let the rest go, one way or another.

 

Anyway.  Good luck.

 

 

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Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

 

Second:  Anyone insists that you do something you don't want to do and won't take no for an answer isn't a friend.  Drop them from your friends list and block them. 

/me crosses her arms and nods.

 

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Why are you allowing these things to bother you? This is not the real world. Feelings are irrelevant. Everybody is lying here, as soon as they choose a  name that isn't theirs and an avatar that is fantasy character, even (or more especially) those who claim not to be; they are generally lying to themselves primarily!

Don't trust anyone, and if you don't feel comfortable, exit. That doesn't mean that you have to quit SL, or even logoff, just make sure you have a default tp spot you can make your escape to. Mute those who annoy you, ignore those who pester you, and leave groups as soon as you have got the joining benefits and before you get overwhelmed by spam.

Don't buy anything. It will all be useless when SL V2 comes along, and the bs that people give you about needing a cool avatar and an extensive wardrobe is just because they want to sell you something, or feel insecure about their own self-image.

Make lots of alts, each with their own email address. That helps you hide, double deal and hurt less when you have to abandon an identity because the heat's on.

Teri

((And wear sunscreen.))

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Paulcasual wrote:

overall I actually ended up enjoying SL a lot more than I thought I would but not for the reasons joined, a lot of what I mention despite spending a few thousand $
leaves me feeling like I just want to start over fresh and do better with the knowledge I have this time around..
. a 3rd life?

 

should I start over? curious to see peoples thoughts
:)

 

thanks

It sounds a bit, like you have already made up your mind  :matte-motes-smile:

 

One of the great things with SL is, that you can start over and over again, as often as you want. Burn all bridges, and start over fresh every time, that something is not going the way you like.

 

Another great thing with SL is, that you can chose to stay and learn to deal with the situations, and be stronger for every day... To use this world to practice in for example teach yourself to say "no" on the right places, and be better to tell your opinion to other people, when you want their help or when you want them to back off.

Maybe the latter option will feel better in the long run, instead of just "run away" from things which seem difficult here and now.

 

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Paulcasual wrote:

should I start over?

People have already given you some pretty good advice, so I'll just address this specific question...

It will do you no good whatsoever to start over if you can't stop being so very, overly concerned about how other people perceive you.  The wonderful thing about SL is the ability to present yourself as being whomever you choose.  Once you start letting your fear of what others might think of you hinder that ability, that wonder will start to dissipate and you'll eventually find yourself wanting to start over again and again, in some vain attempt to reclaim it.

There's no reason why you can't make the changes necessary to free yourself of such a hindrance using your present SL account.  There's a great deal of benefit in facing ones own demons, rather than hoping to escape them by starting over.

That being said, as long as you're mindful of those demons, starting fresh can also be a very, freeing experience.  I wish you luck, independent of what you decide to do.

...Dres

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Muletta wrote:

Another great thing with SL is, that you can chose to stay and learn to deal with the situations, and be stronger for every day... To use this world to practice in for example teach yourself to say "no" on the right places, and be better to tell your opinion to other people, when you want their help or when you want them to back off.

Maybe the latter option will feel better in the long run, instead of just "run away" from things which seem difficult here and now.

This is pretty much exactly what I was trying to say.  Had I have known that you'd have posted it while I was writing my reply, I probably wouldn't have bothered... oh well.

...Dres

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@Syo Emerald.

thanks also the signature is quite fitting :)

@Amethyst Jetaime.
someone took me to get a free bod which I went along with. after It was setup said something like "you look a lot better now" I understand they were genuinely trying to help in this case but it left me thinking to myself  "I liked the way my old body looked"

There was a case where someone just seemed like they were being horrible under the guise of being "honest" just so they could insult and pick my current avatar to pieces and tell me to spend 10+ real USD on a new one (again I like my old one)

@Bobbie Faulds
Happy you touched on the other subject I thought no one was going to give an opinion Smiley Happy

@Rhonda Huntress
second line made me smile, makes me want to keep my RL stuff to myself as I was already doing.

@MissTeriMahn
I had already invested some $ but I didn't want to spend more because I was told about SL2, I may not have spent at all if I had known. anyway downside to starting over means Im going to have nothing (well I have L$500 left over enough to make an alt with a few basics if I would like)

Starting over was just a consideration

about SL2 I don't understand why they would want to kill the economy and community by starting everything instead of just fixing and working on improving the existing system? I have played lots of games and this it looks good and had loads of effort put into it, seems a waste to throw that all away?

Sorry If I didn't reply to everything I did read everything and thank you all very much for the advice, I will try not concern myself too much with what other people think

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Paulcasual wrote:

I will try not concern myself too much with what other people think

Yay, that's the only suggestive objective with which I wished to beat you about the face and chest.

...Dres  (Did I just say that out loud?)

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It's silly to put off buying things because SL2 (or the Afterlife) is coming. First of all, it's not coming for at least a year. Then, when it does come it will not replace SL, but exist as a new alternative to SL.If you don't want to use it, you can stay right here. Lots of people will, especially those who have many years and a lot of L$ invested in this world. 

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Paulcasual wrote:

 

 

 

about SL2 I don't understand why they would want to kill the economy and community by starting everything instead of just fixing and working on improving the existing system? I have played lots of games and this it looks good and had loads of effort put into it, seems a waste to throw that all away?

 

Sorry If I didn't reply to everything I did read everything and thank you all very much for the advice, I will try not concern myself too much with what other people think

  1. It wont kill off anything. That's like saying Blizzards new MMoRPG will kill off the current one. It will be new and different.
  2. Second Life is NOT a game. Stop thinking it is. There are no levels, no goals, no tasks. Do what you want and have fun.
  3. If you want to start over, start over. No one here can make that decision for you.
  4. As to the RL info.. If it bothers you that much, why did you make an avatar that was a different gender?

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Rolig Loon wrote:

It's silly to put off buying things because SL2 (or the Afterlife) is coming. First of all, it's not coming for at least a year. Then, when it does come it will not replace SL, but exist as a new alternative to SL.If you don't want to use it, you can stay right here. Lots of people will, especially those who have many years and a lot of L$ invested in this world. 

Of course there will still be some recalcitrants in SL.

Teri

(There are still Wordstar users on CP/M machines, right.)

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Is it sad I remember using Wordstar? As for SL2/Sansara, It's not going to be a new and improved SL. It's totally different. Comparing it to SL is like comparing apples and oranges or WoW and the Sims. Totally different and no comparison. Even after it's up and running...at least 2016 at the earliest, it''s going to take at least another year before there's much there. So, SL will be around as long as we make it worth it to LL.

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One of the reasons and i think its  the main one is sexaual.   A lot of people would freek  at the thought of haveing sex  with the same gender.   To prevent this from happening they ask to make them selves feel better.   Some people will lie any way so its not fool proof system for negating  it happening.   Funny how knowing it is worse thatn it actually happinng . 

I wouldnt lie.   Be upfront you may find  people dont care.   When you lie you take away the option to make a decision for themselves

be proud of who you are.   If your comfortable  put it in your profile.  If some askes   Just asy  yes and i am a man/wona in real life  but i prefer to play a man/woman in SL.   and leave it at that . 

i my sell  dont lie about who i am now  

Note  this is just about who i am   not my name  unless i have known them for a year or more.

 

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Heya Paul, I've been on SL for a month and a little over now...and I'm gonna tell you this. You just gotta ask for help, and you'll find many wonderful people who are willing to do whatever it is you are looking to do. I've made a lot of great friends so far here. Also, as far as avatar items and stuff, you can LITERALLY do whatever you want to do on here, the sky's the limit dude. Lemme tell ya, you can organize, re-organize, whatever..with your inventory. Also as far as friends and people who are trying to change you, I agree with other people, listen to their advice, but also decide for yourself what you think would be best. Recently, the other day actually.. one of my friends came online, and they just kinda took my house away from me, I was fine with where I was too, well unfortunately she couldn't really own the land that my house was on anymore due to her just being so busy IRL. Soo yeah she took the house away, my stuff was still there floating in the sky though, currently I don't know what I'm going to do with my stuff, I'll probably keep it in my inventory as a keepsake, no way I'd get rid of them. Soo I asked this other friend if I could get any places where I could just rez a home, and she goes "You can set home to my location" and I'm like "Ok awesome!" Let me tell you, the place is beautiful, my friend pays over 300k/mo for it...I was like omg haha. So..good things happen if you just ask sometimes. We've been friends for a while though keep in mind. So build trust with people and over time they'll give you the things that you're asking for. If you want to be friends, by all means, feel free, and if you're looking for any help, I'll gladly give you any assistance should you need it :) Enjoy your Second Life.

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If you have 2 groups of friends you want to keep separate then don't start over just get an alt or 2 or 3.  I find it's nice to have an alt with no friends at all for times when I need to get some work done or just want to do want ever with out interruptions. 

It all so sounds like you added people to your friends list that you din't really want on it, This isn't facebook just tell people you only accept friend request from people you have known for a while.  It's not uncommon to see people even state that in their profiles.

I suspect that the people you say are trying to change your avatar or spend your $ are likely just trying to help you get over looking like a noob especially if your into adult activities.  The mesh stater avatar are hard to shop for (require mesh clothes designed to fit them) and many new people in SL have some pretty over sized avatars, not sure if LL fixed it but the SL viewer use to read avatar height incorrectly to the scale of inworld objects so many of the old freebie shapes are giant or people would make their own not realizing their all ready over 7 feet tall. http://pennycow.blogspot.com/2011/07/matter-of-scale.html

An other tip for getting over the noob stage is to fill out your profile and join some groups, you currently have a completely blank profile, not only dose this make you look like a noob, but all so you could be mistaken as a griefer, because griefers tend to get banned frequently and have to make new avatars all the time so tend to have blank profiles.  Having a good interesting profile all so helps finding friends like minded people.  A lot of people you their profile picks to let other people know information about their RP limits in SL or if they don't want to share RL info.

Some people here have said not to spend $ in SL because LL is working on a new platform, that's kind of like saying don't spend $ on a smart phone because apple is working on the iphone8.  Even when the iphone8 comes out, it will not make all other phones stop working.

 

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