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Becabecca

Is it generally girls in sl that get feelings more easily

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For that person you spend time with, kiss, naughty poseballing, travel, chat, laugh, support each other.. Is it easier for girls (in general, I know Im generalizing now) than guys to get feelings in sl? I know for me, in the middle of an intense moment with that fellow player in sl, I can get emotional and physical sensations, like if they say they are caressing my lower back, I can almost feel it physically. Ijust wonder if it can be as powerful for guys? Knowing guys are often more visual and that there are no actualy physical touch involved.. Jut watching the avis and writing.. What about jealousy and possessivness, is that common for guys to feel for girls they like and hang out with a lot in sl only?

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Becabecca wrote: [...] Knowing guys are often more visual and that there are no actualy physical touch involved.. Jut watching the avis and writing [...]

Well, if we’re going to be using clichés, guys are also said to be more readily horny at any given time, so...

Anyway, and as Ivanova suggested, you’d only know that for sure if you were telepathic. Trying to generalize (or extract truth from clichés) won’t get you anywhere because, even if there actually was a demonstrated difference between girls and guys, it’d likely be far smaller than the difference between specific individuals –so you would be back to not knowing what your particular guy feels.

 


Becabecca wrote: [...] What about jealousy and possessivness, is that common for guys to feel for girls they like and hang out with a lot in sl only?

Again, that depends on the individual far more than it’d likely do on the gender. I’ve seen enough of it on both to know that statistics are as good as irrelevant.

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Like most others I can only directly talk about one side of this. Where it comes to the more Y-chromosome perspective you'll have to be aware most of these insights come from 'pillowtalk' and may not be... reported with surgical precision. On the plus side, I've a wide range of intimate experience and have been exposed to quite some variety - I've loved a lot of people from a lot of different walks of life.

I've found that most people can get into the headspace where Second Life affection becomes comforting. I've not found that guys specifically need poseballs and animations to encourage this, but there definitely are some people (I haven't yet met enough to say whether there's any bias between genders) who need and appreciate 'in-avatar' contact than just text in a window. Visual stimuli - I'm happy to report - seems a pretty common thing to want regardless of whether you stand or sit to pee.

Most everyone can empathise and share love through Second Life, I'm yet to find anyone who genuinely can't. I'd be very very surprised if there was any bias to this in regards to gender. Humans are very good at attaching emotions to just about everything - some people love their cars, their musical collection, their pets. I'm not being dismissive here, my opinion really is that love turns up frequently in peoples' lives, and turning a pleasant "I like this" type of love into an "I can't do without this" type of love, really isn't so hard given a little back and forth.

In my experience, small behavioural differences between people (not genders) can mostly be attributed or linked back to the Five Love Languages model which states that people value certain types of reciprocal behaviour higher than others:-

 

  1. Gift Giving - The easiest to explain, to these people nothing speaks louder than a present. It may not be the financial value of the gift, but more the expression and the attention to their wants.
  2. Quality Time - These types of people seek time commitments and undivided attention in order to feel most loved.
  3. Words of Affirmation - Nothing helps these people see love more clearly than being told how special they are.
  4. Acts of Service - Actions speak louder than words
  5. Touch - Affection to this type of person is best shown through contact and physical intimacy. (for SL this may be prohibitive, at least in certain moods)

It's pretty easy to see that most of these, except Touch, can be easily catered for in online environments. I don't personally know many Touch-focused lovers, but they do exist in SL and can have their needs (mostly) met with understanding enough partners.

Jealousy is something I know quite a bit about as well! It's a learned behaviour that negatively affects pretty much everyone who suffers it, and is typically picked up during childhood. Usually it stems from an imagined artificial scarcity of a specific 'resource', e.g., time or love.

It doesn't take much work to 'un-learn' jealous reactions, but as far as I know there's no gender-based reason why jealousy would be higher in some people and lower in others. There's some evidence to suggest that through human evolution, male posessiveness traits may have helped guarantee that the male's genetics are guaranteed to be passed on to offspring. These traits have no useful function today, however, and no function within SL.

It's my opinion that most jealousy, nowadays, is picked up from unhelpful social and media-based messages (and poor parenting), and is perpetuated because of its value in dividing people and powering the broken machine we call modern society.

More useful links to understanding Jealousy here

Hope this helps!

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Becabecca wrote:

For that person you spend time with, kiss, naughtyposeballing, travel, chat, laugh, support each other.. Is it easier for girls (in general, I knowIm generalizing now) than guys to get feelings insl? I know for me, in the middle of an intense moment with that fellow player insl, I can get emotional and physical sensations, like if they say they are caressing my lower back, I can almost feel it physically.Ijust wonder if it can be as powerful for guys? Knowing guys are often more visual and that there are noactualy physical touch involved.. Jut watching theavis and writing.. What about jealousy andpossessivness, is that common for guys to feel for girls they like and hang out with a lot insl only?

Once I watched a programme on tv about SL. There was this guy, who had been together with a female avatar for some time, and suddenly she quit coming online.

He had never seen her in real life, and as far I remember, he hasn't even skyped with her, but he was totally obsessed by finding her.

He took a journey to her country, and by the few private information she had given him, during their relationship in SL, he tried to track her.

It is some time ago, since the programme was showed shown on tv, but it made a very strong impression on me. It really made me think, what people can do to each other here, even though we only show the pixels we have put together, to each other, in this fantasy virtual world.

So yes, to have strong feelings and to suffer from jealousy, happens maybe more than we at first think, here in SL.

 

 

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Before I could opine with any certainty on whether girls or boys get feelings more easily here in SL, I'd have to obtain some certainty about who are the girls and who are the boys.

;-).

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:

Before I could opine with any certainty on whether girls or boys get feelings more easily here in SL, I'd have to obtain some certainty about who are the girls and who are the boys.

;-).

Some of the girls and boys are uncertain themselves.  ;)

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Perrie Juran wrote:


Madelaine McMasters wrote:

Before I could opine with any certainty on whether girls or boys get feelings more easily here in SL, I'd have to obtain some certainty about who are the girls and who are the boys.

;-).

Some of the girls and boys are uncertain themselves.  
;)

It's interesting that (US) society seems to simultaneously profess more certainty (polarization/extremism of politics) while accepting less (Facebook's 58 genders).

These are, of course, not necessarily the same elements of the society, but they do share space on the front page of the newspaper.

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:

Before I could opine with any certainty on whether girls or boys get feelings more easily here in SL, I'd have to obtain some certainty about who are the girls and who are the boys.

;-).

You mean to say if you really knew the genders of the operators behind each avatar, you 'could opine with any certainty'?  Really.  Amazing.

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Venus Petrov wrote:


Madelaine McMasters wrote:

Before I could opine with
any
certainty on whether girls or boys get feelings more easily here in SL, I'd have to obtain 
some
certainty about who are the girls and who are the boys.

;-).

You mean to say if you really knew the genders of the operators behind each avatar, you 'could opine with any certainty'?  Really.  Amazing.

I'm rarely amazed by things people say. If I am, I'm careful about expressing it, because that sometimes reveals ignorance of something I should know. And I'm reluctant to feign amazement in sarcasm, as the emotion that goads me to do that also increases the chance I'll say something stupid. So when I do express amazement, it's usually satirical, self deprecating, or just plain silly.

Let me rephrase the logic of my statement to hopefully make it clearer to you...

Before the point where I have any certainty about a thing, I have no certainty about it. After that point, I have some certainty because I obtained it somehow. And if don't have some certainty about a thing, I also have no certainty about it. In either case, some certainty is not absolute certainty. I generally use adjectives to quality my certainty, because in the most memorable instances of my having the unqualified kind, I was wrong. I hate when that happens. If you are operating under the belief that any or some certainty is absolute certainty, maybe it's time to reconsider.

In SL, I don't contemplate the OP's question because, to develop an opinion, I'd have to first believe I had a handle on the RL genders of the people of SL. I don't. There's no profit for me in trying to deduce the genders of the bodies in the chair. That takes time away from engaging the minds atop the bodies. I don't really think about the issue in RL either. Gender is easier to identify with some accuracy, but I don't wonder about how that relates to their emotionality. People are too complex, and I know too few of them, for me to have confidence in sweeping generalizations, even in academic discussions.

As Perrie observes, there are people who aren't certain about their own gender. Hence Facebook's smorgasbord of options, which I imagine includes something akin to "undecided". I haven't looked at their list, but if there's a gender contrarian/ambivalent/fickle/whatever in it, I might tick it. But I'm not on Facebook. I'm just trying to find a way to weld garden art in a sundress without setting myself on fire.

Whether your amazement is the real result of miscomprehension or the feigned result of animosity doesn't matter. The risks of expressing amazement are what they are. The logic of my statement stands, and accurately reflects both my uncertainty and my ambivalence with regard to the question posed by the OP.

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:


Venus Petrov wrote:


Madelaine McMasters wrote:

Before I could opine with
any
certainty on whether girls or boys get feelings more easily here in SL, I'd have to obtain 
some
certainty about who are the girls and who are the boys.

;-).

You mean to say if you really knew the genders of the operators behind each avatar, you 'could opine with any certainty'?  Really.  Amazing.

I'm rarely amazed by things people say. If I am, I'm careful about expressing it, because that sometimes reveals ignorance of something I should know. And I'm reluctant to feign amazement in sarcasm, as the emotion that goads me to do that also increases the chance I'll say something stupid. So when I do express amazement, it's usually satirical, self deprecating, or just plain silly.

Let me rephrase the logic of my statement to hopefully make it clearer to you...

Before the point where I have 
any
certainty about a thing, I have
no
certainty about it. After that point, I have
some
 certainty because I obtained it somehow. And if don't have
some
certainty about a thing, I also have
no
certainty about it. In either case, some certainty is not absolute certainty. I generally use adjectives to quality my certainty, because in the most memorable instances of my having the unqualified kind, I was wrong. I hate when that happens. If you are operating under the belief that
any
 or
some
certainty is
absolute
certainty, maybe it's time to reconsider.

In SL, I don't contemplate the OP's question because, to develop an opinion, I'd have to first believe I had a handle on the RL genders of the people of SL. I don't. There's no profit for me in trying to deduce the genders of the bodies in the chair. That takes time away from engaging the minds atop the bodies. I don't really think about the issue in RL either. Gender is easier to identify with some accuracy, but I don't wonder about how that relates to their emotionality. People are too complex, and I know too few of them, for me to have confidence in sweeping generalizations, even in academic discussions.

As Perrie observes, there are people who aren't certain about their own gender. Hence Facebook's smorgasbord of options, which I imagine includes something akin to "undecided". I haven't looked at their list, but if there's a gender contrarian/ambivalent/fickle/whatever in it, I
might
tick it. But I'm not on Facebook. I'm just trying to find a way to weld garden art in a sundress without setting myself on fire.

Whether your amazement is the real result of miscomprehension or the feigned result of animosity doesn't matter. The risks of expressing amazement are what they are. The logic of my statement stands, and accurately reflects both my uncertainty and my ambivalence with regard to the question posed by the OP.

If I were to opine one observation after reading this it would be that you take your self too seriously.

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Becabecca wrote:

For that person you spend time with, kiss, naughty poseballing, travel, chat, laugh, support each other.. Is it easier for girls (in general, I know Im generalizing now) than guys to get feelings in sl? I know for me, in the middle of an intense moment with that fellow player in sl, I can get emotional and physical sensations, like if they say they are caressing my lower back, I can almost feel it physically. Ijust wonder if it can be as powerful for guys? Knowing guys are often more visual and that there are no actualy physical touch involved.. Jut watching the avis and writing.. What about jealousy and possessivness, is that common for guys to feel for girls they like and hang out with a lot in sl only?

big boys DO cry too, even though they deny it.

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Perrie Juran wrote:

If I were to opine one observation after reading this it would be that you take your self too seriously.


I'm gonna guess that opinion isn't based on just this one example of mine.

;-).

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THis is a really stupid question.

Girls know how girls feel and boys know how boys feel. How canthey know how the other sex feels to make any sort of valid comparison?

Teri

((ALthough I know that real boys don't actually have feelings, just chemically induced urges))

(((My perception of girls, although by definition second-hand, is that they don't actually have feelings either, but they would feel left out at having nothing at all to talk about if they admitted as such.)))

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I can offer from the gay male perspect  I defiantly do.   And i have seen straight and gay guys be crused  when  their realtionships are over.   i have allways belived  that sl  is filled with a lot of loney people    I think lonelyness  heights the feeling of  love  and rejection 

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There is an old, old joke that may be relative.

Q: How do lesbian couples refer to their second date?
A: Their wedding.

I think women in general develop emotional attachments fast than men. Then again, maybe they just acknowledge their feelings sooner than men.

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Rhonda Huntress wrote: they just acknowledge their feelings sooner, louder, more frequently, more foul-mouthedly, and more irrationally than men.

FIFY!

Teri

((I could go on.))

 

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