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Velk Kerang

How do you politely tell someone they are boring you? lol

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I don't usually respond to these, because I'm pretty sure you're not here to act on any advice that differs from whatever course of action you find appropriate. But just in case you're listening, this is what I think:

 

What you want to say isn't that she's boring, right? It's that she's not giving you the attention you want (in order to not bore you). So you're feeling overlooked? If this is the case, this is how you politely tell her - not "you are boring," but "hey, I just wanted to say I'm feeling overlooked at the moment and it's hurting my feelings."

 

However if she's actually boring you, why are you her friend? Someone said above that she's not responsible for catering to your boredom, -you- are. It's true. 

 

So if she's boring you, you either make your own fun with her, or you move on. Now how do you move on? Not by telling her (unless you really do think it's likely she'll change, which most people won't by the way), but by starting to cut off any emotional investment you may have in her and pulling away from the friendship. It's not black and white either. You can still remain acquaintances, sure. You can chat every once in awhile. But the fact that you're getting upset about it is something only you can deal with - it's not her issue. She might have issues with you, but they're -her- issues.

 

Sometimes, as an ex hardcore gamer of various kinds, I have found that while you bond intensely -in- whatever game it is, you really don't have any friendship chemistry outside the game (skype, facebook, if you meet irl etc). The internet is an intense experience in how you surpass all the other important details in a RL friendship and get to the nitty gritty at times. But all those other random things also comprise a friendship, imo. So you might fool yourself into thinking you're close. You might fool yourself IRL too, it's just one of those life things. But what you do here is identify what it is you're looking to satisfy in her, and find a way to cope with it, or find another way(person) to get it from. 

 

Good luck, brah!

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yes

for those who want something more out of a friendship than the other person is willing to give

+

is also another way OP can look at it

can consider that in these types of relationships both them and you can be comfortable. Comfortable with the prolonged silences. Comfortable with the thought that the other person is often doing stuff and that is ok that they do

for example: SL inworld is a forum where this happens quite a lot. And it works quite well for lots of people

is about companionship these kinda relationships. Not so much conversation

that I have a companion who is there. Which is enough in itself for both people

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Just tell her your too busy to sit about on skype nad not speak alot and when she wants to talk to you instead of having awkward and dull silences to call you. Im blunt too!

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Why say anything!  Make up your own mind what you want to do. If you dont want to sit twiddling your thumbs waiting around in case someone wants to talk to you>>>dont. Shut down and go. Either say youre off or not, depending on how you feel at the time. 

On the other hand, if you want to play the martyr card  and sit around waiting, well dont complain. Its your choice. 

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You have two options:

 

1. Stop making yourself available.

2. Continue making yourself available.

**Disclaimer: Option #2 renders your whining priviliges null and void.**

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Ren Toxx wrote:

A question, Velk. You keep saying that you’re usually blunt, but don’t want to be so with her (for whatever reasons, best left unmentioned I think). Just out of curiosity now... if you 
did
want to be blunt with her, what exactly would you say and/or do?

I would tell her straight to the point. You getting on my last nerve. Tired of doing breathing exercises, the stalker crap when I am not on was funny and cute at first, but it's not funny anymore. Ya get zero ha ha's for pulling that crap. If I am not on skype don't bring your behind on steam Iming me asking why I am not on skype. If I am on facebook I don't need you checking what my last log in time was and complaining that I was not on skype. You wanna talk don't expect me to lead the entire conversation. You got buisness to handle then handle it don't call me on the phone and have me listen to the sound of your freaking chair farts as you twist around running your mouth 90 to nothing and then wanna do deep breathing exercises with me. And finally everytime you jump on the band wagon and decide to do something because someone elses is doing it don't expect me to follow suit if it's not my thing. Stop trying to change who I am. Talk, laugh, have a good time, but for crying out loud pull the stick out your butt and cut stalker crap off because all my friendss don't call you by name anymore. They refer to you as my stalker. When I am on teamspeak I get asked by the guys how is my stalker doing? That's not funny or cute. lol How you like my bluntness so far Ren? lol That's just the warm up taste. As I said I am trying to not be mean. lmao

 

Now this part of my reply is to those who ask or said did I think it might be me that was boring? Absolutely not. I do stuff. I have zero problems with keeping things interesting. People including the one I am having my issues with hit me up for ideas on things to do. The problem I think is she expects me to always be there because I am a ride or die type of person. We have hung out years both in and out of SL and now she's going threw this phase cause of this one idiot friend she runs with where if her friends doesn't do something then she doesn't do it. If her friend does it then she does it. That has bled and almost wrecked our friendship. Right now her friend stop playing so she stopped. No big deal, but you wasted my time asking me to reinstall to come back if your just gonna quit. You still wanna hang out, but you can't offer up anything to do. My sugestions were shot down. I even tried letting her hang with my crew of over 10 years together and that didn't work out for long, Long story short she tried to start drama with me and a friend so she got her behind kicked out the club so to speak. lol We have a zero tolerance policy for BS basically. House rules.

 

She has friends or ties with certain people I absolutely detest which is another long story. I don't say anything about that. In return though I don't expect to get grief when I go hang out with my crew for awhile. She doesn't respect that. End result though I am thinking is going to mostly likely be this. I have read what everyone has said and I apriciate the feed back from you all. So I do wanna say thank you to everyone for that. The last comment had me laugh and as much as I hate to loose any friendship or relationship I had for years I am just like ya I am thinking time for a serious change in the station program is about over due. There is a phrase I like that I sometimes hear the ladies say,"My Martha Stewart is about all used up.".lol Because I am like at a totally loss with this person and my nice card is all maxed out right about now. lmao :)

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PersistentDigger wrote:

Now I feel better about being lonely and friendless.

 

Spend more time in the forums; you can then add having lots of enemies to your list of characteristics.

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Velk Kerang wrote:

How do you politely tell someone they are boring you? lol Serious question. I am a blunt person and trying to work this out without exactly being mean even though I should be given what I been threw with this person. I was asked to come back and play SL and basically the person who asked me back decided not to play anymore. That's fine and all, but really we don't play anything else together really. We tried and it didn't really work out for me. It just wasn't a fun experiance. So I am sitting with her on skype and I am expected to lead the conversatiion. She hardly says anything unless I ask direct questions. Yet if a friend calls male or female she's quick to hop on the phone and it's a gab feast from then on out, but when it goes back to talking to me I feel like I am pulling teeth. So I am left sitting there bored out of my mind. I have in the best way I know possible tried to relate the differance on how she is and even sugested contributing to the conversation would not hurt any. If I try to discuss anything serious or that I feel important to me it doesnt go well and yet I am expected to listen to all her bs though and be all understanding like. I even flat out asked why do you insist on having me on skype if your hardly talk? That conversation really went no where at all. So I am now trying to work out a nice way of saying hey I don't mind talking on skype spending time with ya and all, but if something don't give don't expect me to sit here bored out of my mind all day with your behind listening to you holding actual real conversations with everyone, but me. lol I mean it's funny, but it's not because I am already thinking of ways or reasons to not like be around at all. lmao So all that being said anyone have any sugestions by chance?

This is quite boring in itself.  I can't be certain though because I couldn't be bothered to read it all.

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Burper Tilling wrote:


Velk Kerang wrote:

How do you politely tell someone they are boring you? lol Serious question. I am a blunt person and trying to work this out without exactly being mean even though I should be given what I been threw with this person. I was asked to come back and play SL and basically the person who asked me back decided not to play anymore. That's fine and all, but really we don't play anything else together really. We tried and it didn't really work out for me. It just wasn't a fun experiance. So I am sitting with her on skype and I am expected to lead the conversatiion. She hardly says anything unless I ask direct questions. Yet if a friend calls male or female she's quick to hop on the phone and it's a gab feast from then on out, but when it goes back to talking to me I feel like I am pulling teeth. So I am left sitting there bored out of my mind. I have in the best way I know possible tried to relate the differance on how she is and even sugested contributing to the conversation would not hurt any. If I try to discuss anything serious or that I feel important to me it doesnt go well and yet I am expected to listen to all her bs though and be all understanding like. I even flat out asked why do you insist on having me on skype if your hardly talk? That conversation really went no where at all. So I am now trying to work out a nice way of saying hey I don't mind talking on skype spending time with ya and all, but if something don't give don't expect me to sit here bored out of my mind all day with your behind listening to you holding actual real conversations with everyone, but me. lol I mean it's funny, but it's not because I am already thinking of ways or reasons to not like be around at all. lmao So all that being said anyone have any sugestions by chance?

This is quite boring in itself.  I can't be certain though because I couldn't be bothered to read it all.

You were obviously dumb enough to be bothered to comment on it though. lmao :P

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Velk, are you an introvert? I'm just asking because what I've learned as an introvert myself is that it's difficult to conduct what I consider 'inane conversation' which is essentially talking with people on shallow, broad, safe and boring topics. These spoken conversations are quite different from how we communicate here on the forums. Unfortunately, it is the way things have to be done when speaking with people.

My advice is to listen to that person. I mean really listen to them and converse with them on the topics they bring up however boring it may be to you. Why? Because that is how you engage with people and that is how that other person is trying to engage with you. Start with small talk and eventually transition to a deeper, narrow, and more interesting topic. It's tit for tat, quid pro quo, you have to show that you are listening to them and then they will listen to you. 

Being blunt is useful to get a point across but it's hardly the way to carry on a conversation.

 

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How do you politely tell someone they are boring you?

"Velk, I'm sorry that you're boring me."

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Velk Kerang wrote:

Now this part of my reply is to those who ask or said did I think it might be me that was boring? Absolutely not. I do stuff. I have zero problems with keeping things interesting. People including the one I am having my issues with hit me up for ideas on things to do. The problem I think is she expects me to always be there because I am a ride or die type of person. 


Hmmm...Okay, but then it seems like, if you are not in the mood for ideas of what to do, or you suggest new activities, she just stops concentrating about you.........................and then find you boring :matte-motes-wink:

I think you need to realize, that you are not a priority for her - but only an option.

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I think in alot of aspects you might have just hit the nail closer on the head right there Muletta. And Bree I wouldn't think. I don't have issues holding conversations with anyone else. I probably do fit the definition of an introvert in some ways, but when your able to hold a conversation with every other being on the planet no problems except just one person then that's a good indicator something just don't fit right in to the mix anymore. I think Muletta got it right though. At some point it stopped being a real friendship and turned in to me just being the option guy. So option guy told her to go kick rocks. Problem solved. lol And ZoeTick, lmao just lmao at your comment. Between you and some of the other funny comments I read if nothing else I have gotten a good laugh out of it all. So thanks for that. lol

 

There were alot of underlined issues with this friendship/relationship I didn't want to get into, but sufficet to say when someone makes you feel like you have to check in with them all the time and then when you do spend time with them they make it uncomfortable for you. That's a problem. When they log in to other gaming clients for the sole purpose of giving you grief because your not spending 110% of your time up thier behind that too is also a problem. Nobody likes a stalker. And honestly I was over looking alot of stuff, but I woke up the other day and it all just hit me wrong. So I basically exited myself out of that entire situation all together.  Again I wanna say thanks to everyone for the imput. It definaately helped me do what I already knew I needed to do. Happy gaming everyone. :)

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Velk Kerang wrote:

I think in alot of aspects you might have just hit the nail closer on the head right there Muletta. And Bree I wouldn't think. I don't have issues holding conversations with anyone else. I probably do fit the definition of an introvert in some ways, but when your able to hold a conversation with every other being on the planet no problems except just one person then that's a good indicator something just don't fit right in to the mix anymore. I think Muletta got it right though. At some point it stopped being a real friendship and turned in to me just being the option guy. So option guy told her to go kick rocks. Problem solved. lol And ZoeTick, lmao just lmao at your comment. Between you and some of the other funny comments I read if nothing else I have gotten a good laugh out of it all. So thanks for that. lol

 

There were alot of underlined issues with this friendship/relationship I didn't want to get into, but sufficet to say when someone makes you feel like you have to check in with them all the time and then when you do spend time with them they make it uncomfortable for you. That's a problem. When they log in to other gaming clients for the sole purpose of giving you grief because your not spending 110% of your time up thier behind that too is also a problem. Nobody likes a stalker. And honestly I was over looking alot of stuff, but I woke up the other day and it all just hit me wrong. So I basically exited myself out of that entire situation all together.  Again I wanna say thanks to everyone for the imput. It definaately helped me do what I already knew I needed to do. Happy gaming everyone.
:)

Congratulations! It sounds like you did the right thing: you said stop, and you kept your self respect...

Thumbs up!

                                                                                         Thumbs up.jpg

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Velk Kerang wrote:

 So I am sitting with her on skype and I am expected to lead the conversatiion. She hardly says anything unless I ask direct questions.

Why the hell are you on a call with someone that's boring?  No one forces you to accept a call.  If you're the one making the calls, then sheesh...stop doing it. 

 

You have free will.  Use it.

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Celestiall Nightfire wrote:

Why the hell are you on a call with someone that's boring?  No one forces you to accept a call.  If you're the one
making
the calls, then sheesh...stop doing it. 

 

You have free will.  Use it.

(Psttt....the OP has told us a couple of posts above yours, that he just has solved the problem  :matte-motes-wink: )

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Muletta wrote:


Celestiall Nightfire wrote:

Why the hell are you on a call with someone that's boring?  No one forces you to accept a call.  If you're the one
making
the calls, then sheesh...stop doing it. 

 

You have free will.  Use it.

(Psttt....the OP has told us a couple of posts above yours, that he just has solved the problem  
:matte-motes-wink: )

Ok.  I didn't read the thread.  

 

But, good news is, my comment stands good for ALL kinds of problems!  *laughing*

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Celestiall Nightfire wrote:

You have free will.  Use it.


I'm one who thinks we probably have the illusion of free will. Still, it's a pretty useful illusion. So yes... use it!

;-).

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:


Celestiall Nightfire wrote:

You have free will.  Use it.


I'm one who thinks we probably have the illusion of free will. Still, it's a pretty useful illusion. So yes... use it!

;-).

I'm going to start charging.   Nothing free in my world!  ; ) 

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Celestiall Nightfire wrote:


Madelaine McMasters wrote:


Celestiall Nightfire wrote:

You have free will.  Use it.


I'm one who thinks we probably have the illusion of free will. Still, it's a pretty useful illusion. So yes... use it!

;-).

I'm going to start charging.   Nothing free in my world!  ; ) 

Now you've done it. When things (particularly will) are free, Maddy has no instinct incentive to pilfer.

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