Stuff.....

[Richtea57]

A few years back I won a couple of bob on the horses and bought two hundred quids worth of premium bonds. Now, when I got them home I stuck them in an envelope and Blu-Takked it to the inside of a kitchen cupboard door. And there they have stayed for the past few years...and there they continued to stay as the housing association refitted my kitchen a couple of weeks ago...and there they continued to stay as all my cupboards were ripped out and thrown away.

In a landfill site, far, far away, hunched over a computer screen fashioned from Bacofoil and clingfilm and powered by potato peel, there is a family of seagulls checking my premium bond numbers.

The cable thingy that charges my laptopamajobby and sends electrical bits and pieces to the screen has stopped working. I think that the tiny workers who toil tirelessly, shovelling electricity into the giant,(for them), syringes before squirting it up the cable and into the machine, I think they're having problems. I held the box to my almost good ear and I heard the following exchange: "She cannae take it captain. One of the baked beans supporting the dilithium flux capacitor has fallen over".

I bought a new one....cable, that is, not baked bean.

It cost £28.

I went to Morrison's and bought stuff.

A couple of quids worth of black grapes...not red ones....properly black grapes....as big as tennis balls.

A large and ever so slightly burnt loaf of tiger bread....It's in the kitchen, wafting it's slightly burnt essence into the living room...I like ever so slightly burnt...

Four boxes of Cadbury's chocolate fingers...each at half price..so I've saved an absolute fortune...I may have to go back later, to save even more.

Two tubs of Ben and Jerry's 'Karamel Sutra'...a bit risque, but, hey, that's just the kind of guy I am. I like to live on the edge...to push the envelope...live life to the max...I don't wash and go...I just go....sometimes I don't even iron my pyjamas...

[LlewLlwyd]

Oh dear, you and Morrisons aren't so bright are you? Even a three year old girl can see that bread looks more like a giraffe!

PS This site will help with the Premium Bonds.

PPS You'd do better to cash them in though; the prize fund is linked to Bank Rate, which means that now - and for most of the last decade - there are just two £25 prizes each month. That is worse odds than the lottery, where if you buy a ticket on a Monday you stand more of a chance of dying by Saturday than winning the jackpot.

PPPS Sainsbury is doing two for one on 1L Latte flavoured ice cream tubs; pour a splash or two of Jamesons over a bowlful and you have a grown up summer version of an Irish Coffee.

[Richtea57]

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LlewLlwyd wrote:

Oh dear, you and Morrisons aren't so bright are you?

Even a three year old girl can see that bread looks more like a giraffe!

PS

This site

will help with the Premium Bonds.

PPS You'd do better to cash them in though; the prize fund is linked to Bank Rate, which means that now - and for most of the last decade - there are just two £25 prizes each month.

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The three year old girl is just wrong...very wrong indeed. If it resembles any animal at all, (which, being a loaf of bread, it doesn't), it would be a crocodile. Someone should give that three year old girl a bloody stern talking to, precocious little git.

 

I'm not fussed about the premium bonds, should I ever get anthing, they'll post it anyway.

[LlewLlwyd]

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Richtea57 wrote:

I'm not fussed about the premium bonds, should I ever get anthing, they'll post it anyway.

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By the time you win anything the stamp will cost more than the prize.

Oh and more dismal news; Top Gear will return, but on NetFlix...

Still, there is always Dave.

[DejaHo]

When I read your posts I feel like I am reading the (London) Times crossword puzzle trying my hardest to understand the slang - failing miserably.   But it's a fun read