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Do people need to be similar to be friends?


Suspiria Finucane
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I saw this quote on Twitter:

"It’s OK to be different. It’s fine to not ‘fit in’. The world was never changed by conformists."

 

This made me think about current discussions regarding friends in the forum. I have many friends here who do not agree with me on every topic and vice versa yet we are still very good friends.

Do you make friends with dissimilar people or are your friends like you in most regards?

Isn't variety the spice of life?

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I have several friends in real life and in SL that I don't agree with at all on politics or some other subjects. We simply agree to either avoid those topics when we interact, or state our opinions and then 'agree to disagree'. My best friend in real life is a fellow that disagrees completely with me on politics, and who adheres to a religion very different from my own. We still enjoy each other's company, and see each other pretty much every week to hang out and have fun with my family and his. Being friends with people who always agree with you on everything is boring, and greatly reduces the list of possible friends.

In SL, I have several people on my Friends list who I don't agree with at all, on many levels. For example, I'm a fox furry. (A Kitsune, to be precise.) My character is also a Lesbian. (Well, bisexual but leaning heavily to a rather dominant Lesbian). Yet one of my 'Friends' is a very macho Gorean Master. Goreans don't generally allow furries in their sims, and treat most women as chattel, there for the pleasure of males. In spite of that incompatibility, I'll still put on a Human female avatar and dress and address people according to their rules, as a free woman, and visit him in his Gorean sims, to discuss building and sim management issues. He and I both agree that I am there as a guest, and not to do Gorean role playing, and that if anyone tries to force that on me, I'll leave. Sure, he still flirts with me and makes sometimes crude comments. He is what he is, and can't help how he treats women. I try to take his comments as he means them, as a complement to my attractive appearance, even though he and I both know that there's no chance at all of his avatar and mine ever having a successful 'relationship'. Talk about oil and water not mixing...

It doesn't matter to me if someone else differs in opinion on religion, politics or sexual behaviors. If we have a common ground in some other area, we can still be friends.

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I have something in common with most of my friends.  There's one very dear person in RL who I adore, who is at odds with me in every possible way.  I am black, Christian, democrat; she's Jewish (but a non-believer by choice) Repub.  I'm tall she's short, she cusses like a sailor, (native New Yorker, she says she can't help it it's in her blood).  I never swear.  She's an avid social media type, FaceBook, Twitter, Former SL but it got too rich for her blood, all that stuff.  I don't do FB or Twitter.  We've both tried to figure out why we're friends.  We don't agree on a thing, but I love her to death and would miss her so much if she wasn't in my life.  So for me the answer to this question is no; although it's probably more usual to be somewhat similar. 

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No you dont have to be similar to someone to be their friend, though I am friends with my identical twin and he is just like me in everyway, except for the fact that he likes to threaten me whenever we dont agree.

Its good to be close to those with opposing beliefs, that allows you to have interesting conversations, by surrounding yourself with people who are just like you, things are bound to get dull. Thats with me atleast.

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I've made friends with people who were very different. Over time, as we shared interests, we became more similar. So we may not have started with much in common — and fascination to learn about "the other side" was part of our spark — but our divergent paths grew together.

I think that's true of many strong, longterm relationships, including romantic ones.

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Jenni Darkwatch wrote:

I don't think agreeing on everything is necessary for friendship. There has to be enough common ground to make it work I think, but agreeing on everying is probably impossible anyway.

That's right. But I'd like to say that there are matters over which it's difficult to disagree and still be "friend".

We can discuss the fact that I consider Blade runner more good than Matrix and so have an interesting talk and remain good friends.  If we deeply disagree on the matter "racism" we would have an interesting talk as well but the friendship probably will have a hit.

 

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I’ve noticed that people who are ‘together’ for a while and haven’t done anything mean, evil, or annoying to each other usually have little trouble becoming ‘friends’.  If there’s a wee bit of chemistry then occasionally they can ‘fall in love’.  ‘Together’ can be at school, the office, or in SL’s case IMs, favorite shops, special sims or events.

 

It’s a little harder for chemistry to take over in SL because you can’t tell if he smells good or has a frisky grin, but obviously that hasn’t stopped lots of folks from becoming a little closer.

 

So if I have a vote, being similar isn’t nearly as important to becoming friends as being ‘together’… and SL does a great job of bringing all sorts of interesting folks together.

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