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Vick Forcella

Advise for a Dominant

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Ok, so here I am going to live out my Dominant character. I'm just a month in the making of it. Did have a D/s class a few years ago and I know some etiquette from both D/s and Gor.

It took some trying out but now I have some nice girls at my service. Though Internet, RL and Timezones make then not available all the time. I don't have a crowd of girls, just a few.

Now here are a few question.

  • What to let them do, allow them to do, while me being off-line?
  • How to keep them occupied all the time. I mean playing every day in the dungeon will get boring for them and for me. Not all the girls have building/ texturing competencies and some have a really really slow connection.
  • What sort of daily rituals can you advise?

I want to give the best care I can for the girls, have them feel I am in control.

Oh, some good LM's for good public playgrounds (with visitors from CET) are also welcome.

 

 

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Hi, an exciting time for you.

I was with my Dominant for a year before he left SL because of rl so can only advise from mine, as a sub's, point of view. My Master really only had 1 rule for me when he was not online. (1) That I didn't play with others in his absence.  He pretty much had the view that this was as much my sl as I was his property and he didn't want to restrict my movements but expected me to show good judgement, respect for him and restraint. It was more little things, like dress..when I was with him he liked me to wear certain styles, but when out on my own I covered myself up. His view: I was his **bleep**, not SL's and he expected me to act and dress like a lady and was certainly not backward at telling me never to wear something. 

 

Its a very personal thing, the rules and restrictions for a sub/slave, and for the most part most of what I did stemmed from picking things up that he said. For eg: he loved motorbikes and loved to ride them in sl. However, I have 2 left feet for anything so when he wasn't here I bought myself a motorbike and practised for hours to at least be able to ride one in a straight line so we could go biking in world together. He loved to take me dancing so I would take myself off round the world to find new and exciting places to go dancing in.

 

As for daily rituals:  I had was that I tell him about my day, what I did, where I went, if I met anyone new and that no matter what I was doing or who I was with when he came online I went to him, which frankly went without saying lol

 

At the end of the day, he trusted me to behave correctly without having the need for formal rules and regulations but I always knew at any time he could.

 

All I would advise is set your rules/requirements to each sub individually. And sometimes, what a sub thinks she wants/needs is not always viable. One may say they like to be bound up and left there till you return, until it happens and they realise how much they actually hate that. As long as the lines of communication are always open between you and your girls you'll get there and end up with a bevvy of very happy and contented subs.

 

Ultimately though, you are the boss, and if it pleases you to know that when you log on, one or all of your girls is wearing bunny ears and chewing on carrots, then thats what you get. It's just always more of an achievement I think for a sub to do what their Dominant wants without having to be ordered to do it.

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Jazleen Raynier wrote:

[..]


 

Thank you Jazleen for your reply. I see some good suggestions there I will sure use. I like dancing too and I have some nice ships in my inventory I love to sail with. I already spoiled the girls with dancing and listening to music.

Since each girl has very different needs I do find specific rules for each of them.

One told she doesn't know her limits but I soon discovered one limitation, she hates to be caged. So I made a note of that and will not subject her to cages again.

It is exiting to discover and explore the girls, I find it just as interesting to discover myself in this role. I'm wondering where it will take me.

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*edited for harassment*


 

I am old school D/s and want to care for my girls. I will not be one of the many abusing sadists that roam the D/s scene.

You feel that asking for advice would make me a less Dom. I am widening my horizon and if that makes me a bad Dom, so be it. I have not lost my humanity.

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Vick Forcella wrote:

I am old school D/s and want to care for my girls. I will not be one of the many abusing sadists that roam the D/s scene.

You feel that asking for advice would make me a less Dom. I am widening my horizon and if that makes me a bad Dom, so be it. I have not lost my humanity.

*edited for harassment*

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*edited for harassment*


 

Yeah, I know. I had to reply since it reflects an immature look on the scene, but for that, it is a valid view.

I know how you work, and I know how many of my friends work. I hope, still do, to discover new insights, pick up new idea's.

I'm not dismissing the thread yet :)

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@Vick: I never suggested that you weren't a caring person - quite the contrary in fact, but a critical characteristic of a Dom is being assured and convincing in your behaviour. It is unfair on any girls (or boys) that you are supposed to be responsible for if they lose respect for you because you are clueless regarding your treatment of them.

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Vick,

I was thinking.. why don't you just send them for a grid wide hunts? The slave/sub who came with the most will have a prize of 2 days 1 night of undying attention from you. You must come up with a or THE coveted torture chair or cage or table that can only be used exclusively with the best slave/sub of the day.

 

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Cato Badger wrote:

a critical characteristic of a Dom is being assured and convincing in your behaviour.


That is true and that is how I address them. You however are not my sub, neither is anyone else that is active on the forums.

 

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Willow Danube wrote:

Vick,

I was thinking.. why don't you just send them for a grid wide hunts? The slave/sub who came with the most will have a prize of 2 days 1 night of undying attention from you. You must come up with a or THE coveted torture chair or cage or table that can only be used exclusively with the best slave/sub of the day.

 

Great idea :)

 

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I myself am - in both SL and RL - a switch. I lean Dom most of the time, however I do have my sub moments as well.

I have stated the above simply to get that out of the way, owing to the nature of many in SL to look at a profile and then find something to use as a straw man in an attempt to discredit others.

Vick, there is not much another can tell you concerning being a good Dom. To my mate and I (my mate being my sub as well) being a good Dom requires that you be yourself as well. Every Dom is different just as every sub is different. There is no shame in asking for advice either ... Any sub that would lose respect for you just for asking for advice.... is not worth your time.

The expectation that a Dom should "just know" these things is an unreasonable one. You're going to make mistakes and you're going to need advice every so often.

I speak from personal experience on that.

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Judging by the number of "*edited for harassment*" posts I see that the topic  has much the same reaction as before.

Vick, my one bit of advice is to tell them what you want.  Even if it is out of the blue, just say what you want.  If you ever start thinking "how do I get them to ..." the answer is to just say it.  Want them all to follow you around on hands and knees buffing the floor where you walk?  Just tell the.  Have a desire to suddenly throw one down for fling?  Do it.  No lead up.  No foreplay.  Jus do it.  This is not to take the place of crafted scenes, but it does help with the day day life.

I have my one Pet.  I have had 3 at once a few times before and I will not do that again.   One is all I want because as you can see, it takes a lot of time to keep multiple subs.  With 3 I can not give them the time they require.  Besides, when you find The One™ any more are just a distraction.  But that is something else all together.

If it helps, you can take a cue from Gor and assign a 1st Girl.  A pick one that is a switch because she will be in charge of the others when you are not there and is basically given free rein to play with the others when you are away. 

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Solar Legion wrote:

Vick, there is not much another can tell you concerning being a good Dom. To my mate and I (my mate being my sub as well) being a good Dom requires that you be yourself as well. Every Dom is different just as every sub is different.

You're going to make mistakes and you're going to need advice every so often.

I speak from personal experience on that.

 

Thank you Solar.

I take my personality always with me, I'm not changing my character. I do however address in a formal way to keep some distance and expect the same in return. To my friends I have always been an open book, not many secrets surround me. I am not much different towards "my" submissives. It is, must be, their choice to be with me.

To have an open conversation, without formality, I have given a Save Place where they can speak out free and without any limitations. There we can speak with the person behind the keyboard.

Even in the short time I'm now exploring my Dom nature deeper I have made mistakes. I am glad I have friends that I can lean on sometimes. :) Not that I'm always happy with the response, but it's 100% pure and honest. :)

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Rhonda Huntress wrote:

Judging by the number of "*edited for harassment*" posts I see that the topic  has much the same reaction as before.

Vick, my one bit of advice is to tell them what you want.  Even if it is out of the blue, just say what you want.  If you ever start thinking "how do I get them to ..." the answer is to just say it.  Want them all to follow you around on hands and knees buffing the floor where you walk?  Just tell the.  Have a desire to suddenly throw one down for fling?  Do it.  No lead up.  No foreplay.  Jus do it.  This is not to take the place of crafted scenes, but it does help with the day day life.

I have my one Pet.  I have had 3 at once a few times before and I will not do that again.   One is all I want because as you can see, it takes a lot of time to keep multiple subs.  With 3 I can not give them the time they require.  Besides, when you find The One™ any more are just a distraction.  But that is something else all together.

If it helps, you can take a cue from Gor and assign a 1st Girl.  A pick one that is a switch because she will be in charge of the others when you are not there and is basically given free rein to play with the others when you are away. 

The moderation is not harsh. The edits are the original and the repeats and replies inspired on it.

 

Yesterday I had them dress and redress, I had the posting of Jazleen in mind. In private, for me, they should look enough to excite me. Outside the castle or with guests another outfit.

I let them do what I want but I still hold back reserve and think, should I? I must quit that reserve and go ahead no matter what.

There is a reason for not having One Special . That would turn easy into a Vanilla relation and that is just what I must escape. Having more prevents a one on one.

I try and balance my attention not having a fav.

Thanks Rhonda!

 

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"There is a reason for not having One Special . That would turn easy into a Vanilla relation and that is just what I must escape. Having more prevents a one on one"

@Vick You could always look at having just one from a different angle. It is very common for a sub/slave to fall in love with their Dominant, I know I did, but rather than this turning our relationship into a vanilla one, it did the opposite. It drew out of me a level of submission I never knew I had, and for that I am and always will be extremely grateful, because there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him, no matter how hard it was for me to get my head behind, but no matter the time we would snuggle, and dance, and talk, laugh, I never, ever forgot my place, and when I did and he got mad at me, it would burn a hole in me that was so painful, but only succeeded in making me a better sub to him. The trust we had was immense, and I don't think we could have had that if there had been more girls, because we only got to that place because of the undivided time we had with each other.

I've found with more than 1 that a level of jealousy can and often does creep in, because all girls will aim to be 'no.1' that's just human nature, and sadly there are a lot of subs out there who use the 'sub' title because their aim is to be 'the girlfriend/wife' so bring in other girls and it can become competitive but not in a good way. Although it helps if your girls arent online at the same time, makes sharing yourself with them easier.

of course there are also a lot of so called 'Doms' out there who take on this ummm role (to me you are either are dominant or your not, its not or shouldnt be rp) because its better than their mum finding a stack of porn mags stuck together under their mattress lol

I think basically, you just need to relax, be who and what you are and don't be afraid to take what you want from your girls. I'm a great believer in being able to 'feel' a Dom/mme's power, without them even realising, and if I feel that they are holding back, or they sound a little apologetic, or nervous, it makes me nervous. I'm proud of what I am and expect my Dom to be too.

Don't be afraid to talk to other Doms inworld, either for advice or to help you clear wobbly thoughts up. You'd probably be quite suprised at how many new Doms have a more experienced mentor behind them.

 

 

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Completely agree.

 As a sub-female, i DO want to be the only one. But realizing that her time and mine don't always click in time, helps me keep it in check (as if i had choices in that)...i can't prevent her play, and am not happy about it but i adore her and have/ would do any and all she ever asked of me, happily, and so much so i may -as i have- tear up. SHE pleases me so by being confident and loving and strong; it's all i owe her to be all she wants.  i am sure that if you steady your hand, and don't over-firm your heart they will forever be devoted to you.

 

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Anika, this thing is well...the last post was from 2012...and even that was kind of a necro-post.

Damnit I just typed a long reply *sighs......... oh well :smileysad:

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Leia36 wrote:

Damnit I just typed a long reply


If you've got content, add content.

Thread's still open for comment, and only a tiny handful of users care about this necroposting thing (and the thread will carry on regardless :P). Most people with interest will still read what you say.

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OK then, Here we go

Hiya Vick *waves

Its wonderful that you have decided to experience the world of M/s and I wish you and yours the best of luck. I will walk you through a typical day of an SL slave.

The first considered act of my day is to message my Dom and talk about the day before, his expectations and what we will be doing alone and together that day. He also paces me and we discuss our relationship very often.

After that I usually do half an hour of slave paces which are floor movements combined with a meditative time followed by the paces themselves. Thinking of him, our love and how my service can be more beautiful and graceful.

Through out the day RL I will do whatever tasks he has set me as best I can and log in at my normal time to await him. When he is offline I may go where I please and talk to whom I like and dress as I like. There are a few sims I avoid, not because I am denied, rather that those sims are inappropriate.

When he arrives I usually TP to our red room and assume the bracelets position while we exchange greetings. Then we may go dancing, or just chat, or have a scene dependent on his mood. We use a multi scene rezzer that keeps prims down yet allows for scenes to be quickly changed.

Towards the end of the evening we usually cuddle and chat in voice or just typing, dependent on RL circumstances. That's the part I love best, the bonding between Dom and sub, we share many mutual interests and our chats are lively and fun.

The foundations of M/s RL or SL are trust, love, respect and consent. Its your job as a Dom to build up your sub to a point where she is completely honest and serves your interests before all else except her health. When she comes to you and admits to wrong doing that you would never have found out on your own, then she is beginning to learn her collar. Mistakes, errors, bad judgment, and bad behavior will ultimately always happen, she needs to learn that she wears your collar and people make judgments about you based on her actions. Her job is simple, serve you with her very best, displaying the grace and beauty that you, her Dom, deserve. That's the part of M/s that so many have misconceived ideas about.This is about both of you making each other happy, sharing your time together and enjoying the journey together.

I have included my rules, RL and SL, I have obeyed them for a year now and I probably will for the rest of my life. You see, he made me write them, our expectations matched.

1. To keep her in perfect health for him
 
2. To always place Master's needs in front of all else, except her own health

3. To obey Master, in all things, unless it jeopardizes herself

4. Enjoy your slavery

5. To represent Master in all things. To hold his honour high, so that all may see His love and devotion

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This is pretty cool. I've always been interested in the constructions that people come up with inside a relationship, and the effect these rituals have on it. They're not exclusive to D/s of course, but D/s relationships do come up with the most colourful ways of celebrating their love.

I hope it brings you both fulfillment.

--

My own experience of course differs, I don't post it as a comparison or judgement against yours. Different strokes and all that. This is just a general reply to the thread, I guess?

Firstly, although exclusively submissive, I'm not monogamous. I have a wide constellation of partners (both sub and Dom/me) that is added to and removed from almost on a daily basis. They all mean a lot to me, and I'm grateful for the time we get to share (both individually and in groups). Everyone typically has their own dynamics and preferences, it's my place to work as neatly as I can, wherever I can to spread love wherever it starts to take root. Peoples' interactions with me vary widely, from utterly neutral, to very soft or very, very hard. I am free-form, and I can find the things that make me happy in many things. I'm just as happy be called upon to solve a scripting issue as I am to comfort someone regarding a divorce or spend an afternoon dangling from a chandelier.

The constellation is a complicated thing to describe. We work well together, even though some of us don't even know it exists. Some or many members are anonymous (or entirely unknown) amongst each other, while intimate with others. There's no fixed requirement for communication, sharing, truth, respect or many of the things that most D/s and non-D/s pairings consider to be the foundation of a working relationship. We all have secrets, favourites, inconsistancies and bad hair days.There's no formal joining or leaving process (there's not much of a formal anything), but acceptance or refusal is typically obvious. Some members have been a part of the group for years, others are new, and hoping they find a place inside the fold.

My daily activities don't revolve around anyone in particular, although I'm always around people. There are several who have the opportunity to restrict my actions, and change how I spend my time. Typically I respond to these according to the style of our entanglement; some are optional, some are less optional. I pride myself on being able to organise my time well, hoping that I can spend my time where I'm most wanted. I serve well despite frequently divided attention, and remain flexible as things move around me (things like people going AFK, drama, games with alts/money/relationships, sims that are closing down, all sorts of nonsense that might otherwise disrupt the 'good times'). Overall my day's are usually dramatically different, and although planning occurs after-the-fact to try to avoid collisions I tend to jump into them feet first.

There's a lot of things I don't deal with or are unimportant to me; I don't ask or expect anyone to look after me, I trust people in tiny degrees, and I require room for my mood to change. I don't follow or agree with much of the 'traditional view' of BDSM, and I'm not looking to be slowed down or trapped emotionally, I don't have the time or interest for commitment. Balancing all of this gets a little tricky, especially around people I don't know very well. I devote a fair amount of time to clearing up any bits of confusion/jealousy/etc, working to tune my relationships in order to make them better for everyone.

This might be the longest post I've ever written. I hope it's on-topic. >.>

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