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Locke Nider

Anybody here had friends who left SL without a word?

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  I had a buddy whom I met in SL months ago, and he stopped logging in sometime ago.  I don't expect people to stay in SL forever, but he left no notice or anything, and he doesn't even answer his emails anymore.  Obviously, this isn't like him, because he usually tells me if he's going to be offline for a while.  I have no RL info on him other than his home city.   I just get the feeling something bad happened to him in RL.  This sucks, because we were like BEST friends, and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to see him again.   sigh

Has this scenario happened to anyone else here?

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Unfortunately, it is a very common experience here.

People get tired of SL. Or they can't afford to keep paying for their land. Or they get a new job and can't access SL from work any more. Or they lose their job. Or they get married and are embarrassed to let the new wife know this is one of their forms of recreation.

One person I knew, ( I finally found out what happened to them years later ), had been extremely active in SL, had lots of land (multiple sims) and suddenly vanished, losing all her land and inventory. She had ended up on a mission to China, and spent more than 6 months in a rural area with no Internet access. 

The only real advice I can offer is that if you really like someone, and they feel the same, find a secondary means of contact, like ICQ Chat, AOL, e-mail, or even exchanging hand-written letters by postal mail. Because if they do vanish and you have no alternate contact info, odds are you'll never be able to find them again.

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It's happened to me and I've been that person. Some friends returned and some did not.

I hope you get to see your friend again.

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Over the 4.5 years I have had a few do that.. Hope nothing happened to any of them But you never know what went thru their real lives..

One friend came back a year later. Said her real life marriage ended in a nasty divorce so she didn't log in for ever..

I didn't ask LOL but I think Sl was the catalyst..

It always makes you wonder. And hoping to god nothing tragic happened to them personally.

Good Luck, I hope you hear something soon

 

Also with the economy the way it is. Maybe a loss of job Or something caused them to not be able to use the internet

 

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most of my 'friends' don't log in anymore they seem to have left with out saying anything or they were someone's alt or due to RL commitments/time zones don't log in when i'm logged in 
out of the people i would consider an actual friend who doesn't log in anymore i am aware RL circumstances mean they can't get online or justify keeping land 

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It has happened a lot in the 4 yrs I've been here.  The recommendation about a secondary form of contact e.g. Aim or similar is a very good one.  I have done that.  PC problems and lack of money, house moves, that sort of thing, are reasons I get for spells away but some never return.  I try to tell people if I'm going to be away personally but sometimes things are just more complicated than we know.  Sometimes I wonder if they retire their avatar and start afresh as a new alt, but that could be the cynic in me...

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It happened to me with at least 4 of my best friends in the past 4 years. Two of them were my partners and the first one told me the reason of leaving, but the 2nd one disappeared suddenly without any notice to anyone, and i still don't know what happened, i never did get any responds to my emails.

From the other 2 i found out later on what the reason was. One of them came back after almost 2 years and had left again after 3 months. But she told me she had gotten a severe illness, so i know why she has left again.

I am still very sad about these good friends i've lost this way, but i am more prepared and more careful with my friendships now.

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On behalf of Tammy Caxton, Dan Lastchance, Shota Shackleton and myself, I'd like to say goodbye to all our friends in Second Life. I won't violate forum guidelines by discussing the status of our accounts, but suffice it to say that I am speaking to you from beyond the Pale (I typed this thinking of  "beyond the veil," but both metaphors are apt). May all of you enjoy Second Life as much as we did. And yes, there is life after Second Death - see you on the next Grid :)

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i've been in SL nearly three years now and i have had tihs happen a lot. my sire in bloodlines went MIA from SL for awhile and him and i kept in contact through facebook (my sl facebook) and i think yahoo.

i know another person that rarely logs in and i tihnk she's just quietly slipped out of SL for good... its a shame though she was a lot of fun.

the person that brought me to second life ironically has been MIA for some time too, but i keep up with her out of world (i've known her longer than i've been in SL lol)

 

unforunately i had have friends who just don't ever sign back on again, or they move accounts. some people wonder where i go when i'm not on this account, but i have alts but i don't plan on leaving this account any time soon. lol

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Locke Nider wrote:

Has this scenario happened to anyone else here?

It has not happened to me, but it has happened to people I know. And it was tough. One person's partner of a year or more had RL issues and was forced to leave SL forever. Closed emails, everything. One day here, next day 'Sorry, I must go'. The partner left behind had a very difficult time.

I know of another instance which was also terribly tough but at the same time kind of uplifting, to me anyway. A partner  of someone I know fell quickly and seriously, terminally, ill in RL; was hospitalized and did not have any way to get inworld even to say goodbye. The hospitalized partner contacted a (previously estranged) family member and gave that person the whole story. Asked the family member to please start an SL account and contact the SL partner. That happened. The two of them stayed in touch until the end, thanks to the good-heartedness of the living relative.

And for those who don't think SL relationships are real--think again.

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Oh, yes, that has happened to me several times, and sadly, I've been the one that has disappeared a few times.  To me, RL takes precedence over everything else.  There is one person that I met in my first year in SL, and I'm happy to say that even when I disappeared, he and I stayed in touch via phone, text msgs, and playing in WoW together (he's my guild leader).  Another one of my friends, though, disappeared without a word, and I do wonder about him,  He was a very good friend; I attended his SL wedding and became good friends with his partner as well.  Her account totally disappeared, and he doesn't answer the email address I had for him.  I miss him sometimes, but as I said, RL takes precedence. 

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . . Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

Author Unknown

 

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Yes of course this happens, It's only a game. There are those who wish to pry into others personal real lives by proposing some form of extensions, interfaces or services, but if someone was truly dear to you, they would have provided you with real life information.

I suppose it would be dissapointing but real life is first and foremost.

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It happened to a close friend of mine. After several months of romance, he and his girlfriend got married in SL, they were madly in love with each other. Being the bridesmaid, this girl was talking to me a lot of how much she cared for my friend and that they were planning to live together in RL. And suddenly, just one week after the wedding (which was a huge event, big ceremony, awesome party in a well-known club...), poooffff ! She just vanished. Not a word, no more activity in SL or on her flickr... As she had been feeling badly sick for a few days, I guessed something have happened to her in RL. After all, we all feel immortals here in this virtual world, but in real life, we get ill, we get old, we drive real cars and have real accidents. ::smileysad:

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Definatly relate to this.. came back after about a month's leave from SL due to a move..

Blam. Half of my friends have vanished

It's definatly a shame to lose contact with people.. but it is just a game.

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Tark Hancroft wrote:

It's definatly a shame to lose contact with people.. but it is just a game.

It can be much more than just a game, Tark. For many of us, true friendships were born here (both inworld and sometimes in these forums, and even got to become RL friendships). Some losses can be just as painful as loosing RL friends. Maybe you did not find your friends after being away for one month just because they were not so close as you thought...

 

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Locke Nider wrote:

  I had a buddy whom I met in SL months ago, and he stopped logging in sometime ago.  I don't expect people to stay in SL forever, but he left no notice or anything, and he doesn't even answer his emails anymore.  Obviously, this isn't like him, because he usually tells me if he's going to be offline for a while.  I have no RL info on him other than his home city.   I just get the feeling something bad happened to him in RL.  This sucks, because we were like BEST friends, and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to see him again.   sigh

Has this scenario happened to anyone else here?

Ofcourse, I think everyone has experienced this and who didn't will experience it sooner or later. I never go down the real life route with sl friends because it is so easy to disappear here forever. It doesn't affect me if someone leaves, I find it a pity ofcourse, but I keep anyhow an old forum quote by Pep in my mind (think it was used in another context) : "I forgive, then I forget" *meows*

 

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Another reason for a sudden departure from SL, is the person will retreat to their alt (for whatever reason) having you no idea that they had an alt in the first place. 

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I was good friends with this girl, she even had one of her picks about me, as her best friend. Well her RL started to get busy, then one day she just stopped showing up, she didn't say anything, but she had mentioned that RL would be interfering. I just figured it was life in SL and moved on. 

Then a few months ago, I discover she came back, not as an alt, but as her old self, but this time without me on her friends list, or on her picks, and she removed herself from my group for people interested in my art. She was partnered before and her old partner and I remain friends, but she treated him pretty much the same way, she now has a new partner.

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I have an item called Last Will & Testament - don't remember when I got it (long time).  Anyway, after a certain amount of time has passed without me logging in, it will automatically send a notecard that I created to the person that I specified in the controls.  The default is 4 weeks of no login, but you can modify that.

Side note - someone is selling this for $990 in the MP, but I got it full perm for free from a friend of the creator.  They weren't charging for it, but giving it away as a courtesy item.  If you want a copy, just IM me - don't pay the reseller their outrageous price.  You do need to have a place inworld where you can rez it.

Edited by LittleMe Jewell
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Yep, sure have. It's not easy when someone just goes poof without a word, but eventually you learn to think of the good times shared, and move on. There are always new friends to make :) 

edited to add: just realised how old the original post was.. heh

Edited by Akane Nacht

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I had a dear friend who came over to SL at about the same time from the City of Heroes online game community (THAT dates me). We chattered back and forth on our CoH Guild and within SL and then one day he just stopped......

A mutual friend from that Guild forum lived a few doors down from him in Louisville and informed me that he'd suffered a massive heart-attack and passed a few days prior while coming home from his 50th birthday party.

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