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Suspiria Finucane

Do people make friends by posting negative content?

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Good vs. Evil... It's an age old struggle. In my world positivity outshines negativity at all times. I would think the best way to make friends is by remaining positive and fill your circle of friends with positive people.

Making friends isn't about accentuating the negative and being abusive to others. I would think enemies are made that way.

I suppose there can't be good without evil. Fortunately for us, evil is easy to spot.

How do you feel about it? Does negative content belong in a forum for "Making Friends"?

 

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Suspiria Finucane wrote:

How do you feel about it? Does negative content belong in a forum for "Making Friends"?

 

 

It depends on your definition of "negative".

I'm a positive sort of person and, in general, I prefer positive attitudes. Contrary to what some might think of me though, I don't think all negative comments are bad.

For example, someone could say in a thread about making friends "I don't like making friends in SL. I prefer to be a loner as I find I don't get along with most people in SL". That's a negative comment, but it's still a valid opinion. 

Critical content could also be seen as negative. For example, we may often see comments in the forums such as "I don't like Viewer 2 and I think it has an ugly interface". A person has every right to make sure a comment (in a relevant thread) if they so wish. I may not agree with such a comment. I may give a counter opinion to such a comment. I'm not going to say that such a comment doesn't belong in the forums though. That really is extreme censorship. 

However, when comments (both positive and negative) become rude, disrespectful, harassing and, importantly, inciteful, I do think they are a problem that shouldn't have a place in the forums.

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It's simply not that easy is it? What's negative to one person may be just being realistic to another. One person's positive may seem twee and sickly sweet to someone else - or indeed come across as politically manipulative. 

I try not to think too much in terms of positives and negatives and try instead to see if there is value or substance involved.

Negative to me doesn't go hand in hand with abusive - I may think that the new profiles are awful (I do) but that's my opinion and I believe I'm entitled to air it  (I also know they're not going away). Now if I said the new profiles are awful and anyone who likes them is a... (insert various insults) - that's being abusive. It also works the other way round - I think V2.5 is terrific and anyone who uses a tPV is (insert same insult).

So positives are nice - negatives can be informative - the main thing is the intent - I think.

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I once had an art professor give a lecture on critiquing.  I am trying to adapt that towards posting.

Basically:

1.  Make sure your negatives are balanced by the positives whenever possible.  It reduces the chance that a person can take it as a personal attack. 

2.  Do not state personal opinion as fact.  Don't treat your opinion as the holy grail of all that is good.  Try to see the other side.

3.  Word your negatives in a supportive way.  The aim of a critique is to instruct, not distruct.  (No calling people names.  It's unnecessary to the discussion, period.)

4.  Learn to ignore those that offer nothing of value to the critque or conversation. And try not to respond in kind.

Example:  Viewer 2 is a great social based viewer, but I feel that for my style and use, it doesn't cut it.  The sidebar takes up more visual space than I like and I also am not fond of the fact that almost every basic action requires it.  However, I admit I adore the fact that they cleaned up the mess that was the top menu bar!  I can find everything and they cut the redundant stuff out!  The main thing I feel that would make Viewer 2 rock is making that side bar a completely optional feature, like in Windows.  (A built in AO would be great, but I'll settle for the sidebar being completely optional!)

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I think people who have their established posse in SL already should use offworld forums for reinforcing their posse, and not try to exploit the SL forums for this purpose, especially when their posses aren't open to recruit new members.

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Prokofy Neva wrote:

I think people who have their established posse in SL already should use offworld forums for reinforcing their posse, and not try to exploit the SL forums for this purpose, especially when their posses aren't open to recruit new members.

Which kind of proves my point to be honest.

 

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Mags Indigo wrote:

One person's positive may seem twee and sickly sweet to someone else - or indeed come across as politically manipulative. 

So true.

 

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There is quite a difference between debate and bullying.  One can easily have a debate expressing different opinions without reducing it to the level of personal attacks--the kind that you might find on a school playground (name calling, etc).  Unfortunately, I have seen some 'arguments' deteriorate when one party cannot control their anger.

I think 'people make friends' over time by being consistent, sharing values, and earning trust .  One who feigns friendliness to 'win' people over will be seen in the long run as who they really are--whatever form that takes..

 

ETA:  If you also include 'posting negative content' in one's profile, then, making friends inworld might be problematic.  For example, it does not sound very friendly  if one states in their profile that they 'hate 99.9% of furries even to those who are not a furry.

 

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"Twee" -- I love that word. So apt. I need to remember that word.

Meanwhile, Phil Collins is sick and going off the road -- Su-su-su...

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Prokofy Neva wrote:

<snip>  especially when their posses aren't open to recruit new members.

You are welcome to be a part of my posse.  It is very small as it is only you and I (if you decide to join.)  Think of what we can accomplish.

 

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Misery loves company, so even though you will see people who like to complain band together and go picking on others...I wouldn't thik that would necessarily make them friends.

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Monica Querrien wrote:

Misery loves company, so even though you will see people who like to complain band together and go picking on others...I wouldn't thik that would necessarily make them friends.

 

I do agree with this - I also think that 'friendships' forged in the forums based on mutual likes or dislikes of other people must be pretty tenuous in other circumstances - I mean what happens when they start disagreeing with each other inworld... eeek!

:smileyindifferent:

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Griffin Ceawlin wrote:

“Hear no evil, speak no evil - and you'll never be invited to a party” -
Oscar Wilde

 

See - there's that Irish thing again - we see two sides to everything. Sometimes more. 

Life can be confusing :smileysurprised:

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Suspiria Finucane wrote:

Fortunately for us, evil is easy to spot.

 It is very easy to spot indeed :) The problem is that everybody spots it in different places and different people.

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Prokofy Neva wrote:

I think people who have their established posse in SL already should use offworld forums for reinforcing their posse, and not try to exploit the SL forums for this purpose, especially when their posses aren't open to recruit new
residents,
members,
advisors, contributors, helpers, or VIPs.

FIFY :)

(Let's stay rank-inclusive, shall we? This is not India, where people are expected to socialize only within their own caste).

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Ishtara wrote:


Suspiria Finucane wrote:

Fortunately for us, evil is easy to spot.

 It is very easy to spot indeed
:)
The problem is that everybody spots it in different places and different people.

Yup there lies the nub - often the perception of who/what is evil depends on... perception

 

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