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jacobmoss

RL married couples in SL

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I'm wondering if anyone knows about married couples who have joined SL to "spice up" their marriage and explore the incredible things this virtual world has to offer together. I have tried searching on dozens of different search terms through Google and all I can find are stories about couples who meet and marry (in RL) through SL or how SL "cheating" has wrecked RL marriages. But I can't find anything about RL married couples who come to SL together and create avatars to "play" together. And please don't flame me by saying SL isn't a game. I know that. But people can certainly "play" together in SL. And "playing" together is shown to be healthy for RL marriages.

So, what about it? Anyone know of situations like this? How did it work out? Did it help expand and invigorate the couple's relationship? I would like to think that it very well could!

Thoughts, anyone?

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While I can't honestly address your actual query, I may be able to provide you with some insight about couples who join SL together.  I say this because you specifically asked about married couples and I've no idea if the couples I've run across were actually married, since they were mostly same-sex couples and same-sex marriage hasn't always been as widely available as it is now.  But, with that in mind, I'll give it a shot.

I think it's understandable that you've found a lack of information about couples that do this sort of thing.  While I'm sure there are some couples who join SL together with the intent to conjoin their second lives as they did their first, I believe a good number of them do so in order to separate themselves from the constraints of their RL relationships.

I do believe that these types of couples would most likely be very private about exactly what they're doing and, therefore, would not publish such activities.  I base this only upon the few I've met and became close enough with that they felt safe sharing their situation with me.

As to how this may have had an effect on their real lives, I've no idea.  I never asked, because, frankly, I considered it none of my business.

The cynical side of me suggests that you're asking this specific line of questioning for some sort of dissertation or school project, in which case, you're going to have to do better than this.  But, if not, then my advice is don't worry about it... eventually you'll run across someone that you'll get to know well enough who will let you in on what exactly is going on.

I realize that there may very well be some people here who are either exactly as that of which you've described, or, perhaps just as cynically, so willing to reveal themselves that they may enthusiastically divulge their innermost secrets to some stranger on the internet in a public forum.  Either way, I wish you luck.

...Dres

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Can't speak on your original question, however; I did know an unhappily married couple who would sit at opposite ends of their couch, each one leading their own seperate Second Life. They both knew what the other was doing, each had an SL spouse. Occasionally they would run into each other inworld, where they were cordial to each other, (while glaring at each other from their respective end of the couch, lol)

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Aislin Ceawlin wrote:

Can't speak on your original question, however; I did know an unhappily married couple who would sit at opposite ends of their couch, each one leading their own seperate Second Life. They both knew what the other was doing, each had an SL spouse. Occasionally they would run into each other inworld, where they were cordial to each other, (while glaring at each other from their respective end of the couch, lol)

jejejje (:

they defo added spice to their marriage

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Call me cynical and my apologies if I'm mistaken but this reads like a set of questions for a "study".

 

Of course such couples exist, get inworld and you'll find them if you look in the obvious places.

 

(edit: I didn't spot that Dresden had the same thoughts)

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I wouldn't worry, whenever you think you reach a plateau of cynicism the world will never fail to give you more reasons to climb to the next. After all, there is always TV.

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Once years ago I tried to get my husband to come into Second Life to "play" (ahem).  He thought it was the most incomprehensibly stupid idea he ever heard of, but since he is generally an accomodatiing husband, did come inworld a few times, where his expectations were confirmed.

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Pamela Galli wrote:

Once years ago I tried to get my husband to come into Second Life to "play" (ahem).  He thought it was the most incomprehensibly stupid idea he ever heard of, but since he is generally an accomodatiing husband, did come inworld a few times, where his expectations were confirmed.

 

That made me smile. I have a friend with a somewhat similar experience. She had created an account for him with the same last name and everything, but she only managed to drag him inworld a few times, during which he'd mostly stand around. Unfortunately, he and her kids and her job have all dragged HER back to RL so we hardly ever see her these days :-(

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 I've known a few married couples here. One couple I met when I was new, they were roleplayers in a bloodlines clan. They played together here a lot, and had a lot of fun with it. The husband told me it definitely spiced up their marriage. I really enjoyed their company until they asked me to become their 'pet'. I had to ask what that meant, and once I found out, it kind of made it awkward to be around them, and the friendship died out lol.   Another couple claimed to be happily married, they both had seperate partners here, and were friends inworld, calling each other brother and sister. (I really try to keep a "to each their own" attitude, but that situation was one that just seemed odd to me)  The third couple was mostly just the wife that was on, her hubby had an account, but rarely logged in. 

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First, let me assure you and everyone else, that this is not for a school dissertation or any other kind of research. I am asking purely out of self-interest. ;)

 

Secondly, I can imagine that some men might find it silly. That's their loss, IMHO. I don't think there's anything silly about a RL couple, be they gay or straight, enjoying a virtual world together with almost limitless possibilities! :)

 

Let me pose the question a little differently. Say you are married in RL and you discover SL and really enjoy the experience and want to share it with your RL spouse. Would you? And how would you approach the idea?

 

I read the posts about the women who tried to get their husbands to come play. It's a shame they, the husbands, didn't give it a better shot. How 'bout the other way around?... A husband asking his wife to come play. I'd like to hear the ladies perspective on this. But I'd also like to hear from any guys that have any near-hand experience with it.

 

Thanks for all the replies!

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jacobmoss wrote:

First, let me assure you and everyone else, that this is not for a school dissertation or any other kind of research. I am asking purely out of self-interest.
;)

 

Secondly, I can imagine that some men might find it silly. That's their loss, IMHO. I don't think there's anything silly about a RL couple, be they gay or straight, enjoying a virtual world together with almost limitless possibilities!
:)

 

Let me pose the question a little differently. Say you are married in RL and you discover SL and really enjoy the experience and want to share it with your RL spouse. Would you? And how would you approach the idea?

 

I read the posts about the women who tried to get their husbands to come play. It's a shame they, the husbands, didn't give it a better shot. How 'bout the other way around?... A husband asking his wife to come play. I'd like to hear the ladies perspective on this. But I'd also like to hear from any guys that have any near-hand experience with it.

 

Thanks for all the replies!

OTOH I will watch football with him and pretend some interest ("Oh my, he went a long way!") no more than 3 min., and while it could be said I am missing out, well, we all miss out on a lot of things. 

I personally think SL is pretty silly but I am the kind of person who likes pretty silly things, and not everyone does. 

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I played with my ex husband and he ended up cheating on me with an sl person in rl. They met up. However I do have a couple of married irl friends who told me it enhanced their lived. One friend gushed to me that their intimate life got much better because in sl they could explore what they truly liked with put feeling like each other was judging. So they blossomed. Another had told me that it made their lives better because they could have affairs with our feeling like they were cheating. They felt free. However they set limits and respected them so no one got hurt.

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I know two RL married couples who come here to play.  They play with each other, and with others, and sometimes with others together.  One no longer signs in, the other just joined recently and are having a great time.

It's a great way to explore those kinks that you might not do in reality.

ETA - I have shown my RL, and he also thinks its ridiculous, and won't bother.

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Thanks to all who responded. I appreciate the food for thought. As you may have guessed, I'm considering asking my SO to come join me in SL to explore all it has to offer together. But I have been reluctant for many of the reasons already given. Hopefully, she won't find it too silly or a threat to our RL relationship. I guess we shall see. :)

 

Much obliged to all.

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Just remember to set up rules before she starts and respect how she feels. Don't alienate her with other woman. Don't break the rules you both set up or change it when you feel like it. Good luck ! I hope it works for you.

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Yes, I tried to interest my SO in joining SL.  Even made an avi for him, but he thinks it's all pointless and won't stay in game more than about 30 seconds after I beg and plead for him to join me for a while.  I have met a lot of others in the same situation.  It works for some, but there are people for whom it holds no interest at all and you can't force it.  Either they like it or they don't.  If they don't take to it, well, their loss I guess.

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Wifie and me joined about 7 years ago. After a few days we discovered that our interests are too different, so we went own ways - in SL.

It´s called "Second" Life so there where no rules what to do or not. Sometimes we worked together on building or clothes, but it´s separate lifes.

This did no harm or spice to our RL.

Monti

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I've tried to get my husband into it but not  his cup of tea. He plays many games though that are not my cup of tea. I live a pretty PG second life exploring and occasionally creating although between my rl husband and son and my work it's limited. Our real life relationship doesn't really need any spicing up. Some people go home from work and watch a little tv once their kids are in bed to unwind. We game instead. Occasionally my 4 year old son likes to play with me though.  He likes amusement parks and flying.

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The first time I encountered drama in SL was when a neighbor who enjoyed inviting gentleman cartoons over to her SL House to cycle XXX animations with out on the lawn...

Had her RL husband buy land on the same sim so he could be with her online.

She panicked, banned him, flipped her land through a couple lots on the sim, and then sold it all.

 

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My fiance and I have been together 4 1/2 years.  We both play sl, mostly not at the same time and have completely separate second lives.  I do - um- nothing really and he runs an airport and a SL airline.  We have a point of view of "what's the point" of us pretending to spice things up online when we are physically sitting two feet apart. I'd don't believe you can achieve true intimacy with your SO online like that.

Though I would like to RP more and am open to the possibility of a strictly RP relationship, it makes him uncomfortable and his own dabblings left him feeling with a sense of wrongness.  You see, we DID meet online in an MMO.  So neither of us delves into that area of sl at all.

To each his own though.  Do whatever you and your partner are comfortable with. 

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My RL husband and I joined together YEARS ago, and went through all sorts of incarnations together, from playing together, playing separately, barely, being in world, etc. we even participated in an actual study of RL couples in SL, going back to what Dres mentioned! It was fascinating! We have had fun with SL, but RL often gets in the way and it will be months before we are in world these days...what happens with 3 busy teens! It was good for us, but we were in a good place to begin with. I saw a friend's marriage crash and burn in SL when his wife met someone else.

 

Cailin

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I would think it would only be used if they were on business trips or people in the army so they could still see and talk to there partner as long as there open and honest but hideing things only bring games.

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